I hate this. I hurt Edward and it's my fault Jacob killed himself, all I wanted to do was be safe and have my baby and be happy. Jacob made me happy… at first. Then he started hitting me and controlling me and making me not me… I don't know if that makes sense but I know what I'm talking about, then I met Edward and he saved me and then I upset and hurt him… how can he forgive me? I don't think he will forgive me
"Bella" I turned around and seen Edward looking at me and I smiled at him and he gave me a small one back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. It was just my hormones playing up on me… I really am sorry" he walked towards me and took my hand in his. "Don't worry about it"
How can he not be mad at me, I told him he was like Jacob… if someone told me that I would be hurt. I stood there and hugged him and he hugged me back. "I want to forget all about Jacob, I want to erase everything from my mind to do with him" I said and I hugged Edward tighter.
We ended up going back to the Cullen's, there was something I needed to speak to Carlisle. There was something I needed him to do, if he would do it. I knocked on his study door and waited for him to answer.
I then walked in the room. "Carlisle is there some-" I was cut off by Alice rushing into the room. "No Bella! You can't… please don't!" I was confused. "What?" she grabbed my arm, not to roughly, she pulled me out of the room and Edward was standing there. "I can see the future, when people's descions are made… I know what you were going to ask Carlisle" I then looked at Edward and he shook his head. "I can read minds… I read Alice's mind" I nodded and Carlisle came out…
Me, Alice, Edward and Carlisle went away from the house so that none of the an other Cullen's could hear. "What is it you want Bella?" Carlisle asked and I took a deep breath. "I know you save lives but I want an abortion… I understand if you won't do it" he looked down. "Bella are you sure this is what you want?" I nodded and then he nodded. I looked at Edward and he looked down and Alice just walked away. "Why Bella?" Edward asked. He was talking like it was his baby. "Because I want to forget everything to do with Jacob and I can't do that if I have his baby… besides I don't think I can do it, be a mum"
A few days later Carlisle had got the stuff needed for the abortion from the hospital and I was sitting in the kitchen waiting for him to come home, then I head the door close.
"This one detaches the cord and then tomorrow I will give you another that will abort the foetus" he gave me the pill, a small smile and left. Edward got me a glass of water and put in front of me. "It's what's Edward" he nodded. I took the pill… I detached my babies food source.
I went out to the cottage and sat on my bed and I started to cry. I don't know why. I wanted this… I didn't want my child to be put on this Earth, not in these circumstances. I heard the door open so I looked up and seen Esme, she came over and gave me a small smile "Ya know Bella, I think that what you did was best. Your child doesn't have to be brought into this… mess… I understand why did it"
"Esme did you have children before you changed?" I asked and sighed. "It was because of my son I was changed… I had just given birth to a little boy but he died in the womb, a still birth and I had grown attached. I threw myself off a cliff because my husband had left me, saying it was my fault and that our baby died and I dint see the point of living, Carlisle found me and he changed me"
I felt bad. She tried to kill herself because her baby had died and there was me killing my own child to make my life easier. She rubbed my shoulders in comfort, I realized I was crying.