The Hell With It
A/N: Ok, first of all, this tag was written at the request of JacksBoonie. I've never done a request before, mainly because my muse is a defiant piece of work that does whatever it wants to and not what it's told, but this time it agreed to work with me. Hope you like it, Je-B, and I'll catch you on the flip side. ;)
Second, the phrase 'Shit Cunt' is used here in NZ (at least by my group of friends) to describe someone who's, well, being a dick basically. You can be a 'Good Cunt' like, if you let a mate crash on your couch or shout them the next bong, etc (lol). You're a 'Shit Cunt' if you tell your mate to find somewhere else to sleep or keep all your weed to yourself. Just to use that as an example.
Um, swearing. Be warned – but there's probably more in this AN than in the story. Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, on with the show.
About twenty minutes out Dean realizes that he probably should have left Sam the Impala.
That was a bit of a shit cunt thing to do, taking off with Sam's only wheels, even if the kid can hotwire a car in under 20 seconds. It's not like he's even going to need the old girl.
He should have left Sam the Impala.
It takes Dean twenty minutes to realize this because that time has been spent trying to forget the look on his little brother's face as he drove away, the frantic undercurrent in Sam's voice as he yelled his name, trying to forget all the other ways he's been a shit cunt, like taking off less that 24 hours after Sam begged him to stay.
He really should have left Sam the Impala.
He can't turn around though. No way can he turn around, because this is it. He's heading for the grand finale.
They've lost. Dean can see that even if Sam refuses to. Hell, even Castiel can see it. There's no more fools hope to cling to. No secret weapon up their sleeves. No one's coming to help them, and two mere humans – even with an angel at their side – can't save the whole damn world.
But Dean can. He can save Sam from Lucifer, save Lisa and Ben from what's coming. He has a few provisos to go along with his yes.
Dean's no stranger to sacrifice, of course. It's all about giving up something you want for something you want more. And more than anything – more than Sam and Castiel, Bobby and free will and defiance – Dean just wants this to be over.
Okay, so he's not the biggest fan of the idea of Michael wearing him to the prom, but having this finished? Dean's tired, and when it really comes down to it, he really just wants this all to stop.
He's thirty years old but he's lived seventy. He's decades older than he looks, in more ways than one. He's watched his whole family die, Jo and Ellen and countless others. He's seen Sam die too many times, seen things that would send normal people screaming to the Psych. Ward, or reaching for a gun to blow the images out of their heads. He's seen Heaven and Hell and watched the world begin to burn.
And through all of this horror, Dean has known that it's him who is to blame.
Sure, Sam thinks that it's his fault, believes that the end of the world is entirely on his shoulders, but Dean knows exactly what he did when he got off that rack and turned on the next soul in line.
Dean wants lots of things that he knows he can never have, but this? This he can do. He can save the whole damn world with a single word and really, Dean thinks it's about damn time he finished what he started.