Hello my fans (if I actually have any)! To all of you who voted the poll in my profile: thanks for your oppinion. To those who are started to read my fics: hello and welcome to my comedy fic!
Now, before we begin, this fic might have some romance and action in it, but the focus will remain on the comedy, so don't worry. Also, for those who might find some resemblance, yes, I read "Red, Blue and That Other Guy Inc." and got inspired by the idea, BUT this fic in no way, or shape a copy from that fic and not because it uses Brawl characters. I have my own ideas for funny situations here, so no flames about it, otherwise you will be bluntly ignored!
Thanks for your attention and let the story begin! Oh and also, if someone want to volunteer for beta-reading it, just PM me.
Steel 'n' Blade Co.
Part 1: Starting a new Business
"... And you hammer this nail and... done.", Samus instructed Link, who did as he was told.
"Phew... never thought setting up a table was so difficult.", the Hylian warrior said, dropping the hammer he had been using on the table and going to sit on his couch.
In the case you're wondering and you certainly are, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, the two were on Link's room setting some things up... no, not that kind of things, you bunch of perverts.
"C'mon, stop complaining already. Real men know how to fix and set up the houses' furniture.", Samus said, putting her hand on her armored hip.
"But I did, didn't I?", Link said, mentioning the table they just got in order. "And can you explain again why we're setting everything in my room?"
"Simple.", the bounty huntress started. "Because we're not going to use my room. I don't want people messing with my things and using my bathroom."
"Oh, and I certainly don't have the right to keep my privacy.", Link said in a sly tone, narrowing his eyes at Samus.
"Not if you want me in this."
"But it was you who came with the idea of this joint in the first place!"
The previous day, Samus came to Link, one of the few people in the entire mansion that didn't get intimidated by her presence or tried to hit on her (which rendered these people weekly visits to the infirmary). She had an idea to start a business for them to get more money and thought Link could help her on that. At first, the Hylian swordsman found the idea a rather strange and asked why she wanted more money than what they earned in the tournament.
"Did you ever calculate how many discounts Master Hand puts on our salaries?", Samus inquired her friend.
"No. Math bothers the hell out of me.", Link said.
"Just because you can't calculate probabilities to save your own life.", Samus murmured. Link heard her and let out an "hey!", but the galactic warrior started talking again. "He doesn't value our hard work and put discounts and taxes on our contracts to get more money for himself."
"And what so? It's not like we need that much money."
"Well, I don't know about you, mister 'I use the same clothes for years'...", Link glared the armor-clad woman, but got ignored again. "but I have to keep a spaceship, a one of a kind, high-tech armor, which costs me more when I have to send it to polish, and buy missiles and bombs."
"Ok, I got your point. But why do you want to include me?"
"You're the only guy that I can ask this. Snake, Ike and Falcon: they wouldn't stop to gaze, drool and hit on me, not necessarily in that order. The princesses and Marth: they are already rich, so they would probably offer me their money and I don't want to sound like a beggar. The villains: I don't even want to get there. The rest is just a bunch of kids, an angel and a pile of creatures that either can't talk or are plain annoying."
Link asked about Mario and Luigi, Samus said they already had their own jobs and pretty much didn't need so much money, since Mario was Nintendo's mascot and Luigi had his own mansion. She also couldn't leave the planet to get her bounties due to the Tournament, so she was in a dead end.
The Hero considered all of that and ended up agreeing. After all, he helped his friends, not mattering how bratty or annoying they were. Samus' idea was to open a joint which provided several kinds of services, from investigations, to rescues and other "heroic" deeds. At least that was what she said to Link. The green clad swordsman found that interesting, thinking they could help people and such.
Hehe, heroes... so predictable., Samus thought.
Ok. that explained, let's go back to the scene in the beginning:
"Details, details...", Samus said, wriggling her hand in the air. Link grumbled from his couch.
The room of the swordsman wasn't luxurious, but was as big as any other in the mansion, with a couch, a king-sized bed (which was given to all Smashers, since they didn't complaining about the size of theirs when they wanted to... well, I think you might guess from here), a wardrobe, a bookshelf and a bathroom. Each Smasher could decorate the room they way he wanted, so Link put some photos of his friends from Hyrule and a big chest at the foot of his bed where he guarded all the gadgets he used during his journey, because you never know when you might need an Iron Boot or an iron ball.
The Hero had seen the rooms of some other Smashers. However, he had never been to Samus' room, just like the rest of the fighters of the Super Smash Brothers. It was told that the last guy who tried to enter her room, ceased to be a guy... or at least that was what they implied about Marth's almost feminine constitution (which resulted in more people going to the infirmary when the blue haired noble heard that).
"Now, for more important matters...", Samus went to a corner of Link's room, where she left two piles of pamphlets. The bounty huntress took one and left it on the couch, next to Link, who looked at her in confusion. Samus then explained:
"We're going to distribute those and not just for the people in the mansion. I thought on getting to the city too."
"You do know Master Hand is strict about visits, don't you?", Link asked, taking a pamphlet while looking to Samus.
"Don't worry. I've got that covered."
"Let's just say I had to sacrifice something for a greater good...", Samus said, cryptically. Link just looked at her, wondering what it was.
----- Meanwhile, at Master Hand's office -----
"Oh, yeah. They're already offering ten thousand dollars for it!", Master Hand said, looking to the big screen of his personal computer, in an internet page that displayed an item he put on sale in E-bay.
"Don't you think it's strange Samus gave us one of Link's spare hats and told us he said he wanted to get rid of it in exchange for letting unknown people visit the mansion for the new business they're opening?", Crazy Hand inquired.
"I don't really care. And since when have you started making sense?", Master said, turning to his brother.
"I spoke too soon..."
------ Back to Link's Room -----
The Hero read the pamphlets and looked to Samus as he saw the name of their joint.
"Steel 'n' Blade?", the Hylian asked.
"Yeah. Why not? You use a blade and I have an armor.", she said, in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Is your armor made of steel?", Link asked again. He never could tell of which metal Samus' armor was made of.
"Actually it is... hum? ... look, are you going to stay there asking questions all day or are we going to distribute these?!", the bounty huntress said, changing the subject.
Link suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and let the subject drop. This is, until he saw something written on a footnote. While Samus picked the other pile, the swordsman or read it aloud:
"'We don't accept sexual favors'? Samus, what... ?", Link asked, turning to his companion.
"It's just to make sure we won't have perverts getting any bright ideas.", she said, going to the door.
"Who do you think would take advantage of something like this?"
"One word for you: fangirls.", Link gulped and didn't question anything more after that.
- - - - -
After some minutes, Link and Samus had distributed most of the pamphlets to the residents of the mansion. Some seemed a little interested, others had a look of "what kind of losers they are to do something like this", but since it was Samus and Link, none of them voiced those thoughts. A wise decision.
Then it was time to go to the city and distribute the pamphlets there.
"Ok, time to go to the city and distribute the pamphlets there.", Samus repeated what I just said... but since I'm just the narrator she probably don't care about this. I mean, no character really cares about what I speak. Nobody pay attention to me. You're all a band of jerks, do ya know?!
... Hum, sorry. Anyway, since the duo was near Captain Falcon, Snake and Ike, they heard what the tall, blond woman said and Ike just couldn't resist and speak what no person in his right mind would say near the bounty huntress:
"Hey, if you want my opinion, it would call people's attention if you did it in your Zero Suit.", the Crimean mercenary said, rising his eyebrows several times and making Snake chuckle and Captain Falcon laugh.
"Link, can you hold these for me?", Samus asked, already handing her pile of pamphlets to the Hero, who seemed to be the only male in the vicinity smart enough to not discuss with her when she used that voice tone.
"Sure thing.", he said, turning around and going to the door.
After giving Falcon and Ike another ticket to the mansion's infirmary (Snake was clever enough to escape while Samus handed the pamphlets to Link), Samus joined Link and the two of them went to the city. As the duo walked through the streets, trying to distribute the pamphlets, they noticed not many people seemed interested. In fact, some took one of the pamphlets and threw in the streets right after, in an almost automatic gesture, without even bothering to look.
"HEY! Do you know how much it cost me to print these?! Come back here and I'll... !", Samus yelled to a bystander, who didn't even seem to have listened to her and just kept walking, going to wherever people go at that hour.
"Samus, please. We're trying to get these people to listen, not to have them fleeing in fear.", Link said, from behind his pile, as he successfully distributed it to a young man passing by. "And we're in the city. You can break anyone's arm in the mansion, but here we have to worry about the law."
"And isn't there a law saying something about throw papers in the middle of the street?", Samus asked, turning to Link, still with angry.
"Well, yeah... I suppose...", Link said. If he wasn't holding a pile of pamphlets, he would have scratched his head now.
The bounty huntress considered grabbing the ones that were throwing their pamphlets away by the collar and shout at their faces "stop throwing things in the streets, you assholes!", but reprimanded the urge to do so. Passed some time, Samus noticed one thing: she and Link were famous videogame characters in the middle of a crowded city, yet there wasn't a legion of fans around them or people looking in awe.
Strange. How come none of them are crowding around us like they use to do in the events we go? Surely they would recognize us. I mean, who more would wear a futuristic armor and a green tunic?, Samus wondered.
Looking to her right, Samus saw a comic store and a good reason for her armor and Link's clothing not be calling the attention of people around. Workers and cosplayers were inside the store, wearing costumes that resembled Star Wars, Transformers and even Lord of the Rings. Some workers had pamphlets on their hands, probably announcing some promotion, or whatever they announce in comic stores.
Ok... that's a good reason., Samus thought again.
The bounty huntress then started to think: how could they assert their identity between a bunch of look-alikes? Well, the answer was quite obvious: showing their faces. But she wasn't much inclined in having a bunch of men looking and whistling at her, to not talk about some fans. She cringed at the thought. Some of them were even okay guys, but others... let's just say it's the same thing you throw an hamburger in the middle of a reunion of a group of hungry hyenas.
So she looked to Link and an idea came to her head once she focused her gaze on her companion's ridiculous hat. The armor clad woman spoke:
"Link, take off your hat.", the Hylian looked to her letting out an "huh?". "Take off your hat."
"Why do you want me to do that?", Link asked, a little suspicious as to what Samus was planning.
"Are you saying you never take this thing off? Man, talking about bad taste.", the bounty huntress said, launching the bait.
Link pouted and, while holding the pile of pamphlets in one hand, swiftly took off his hat, revealing his dirty-blond locks. He then spoke to his partner:
"Here, happy now?! And for your knowledge, I use this because there isn't anything more that matches with this tunic."
Suddenly, the Hero felt a strange sensation, like there were eyes watching him. Turning around, he saw many people had stopped whatever they were doing and looked at him, whispering between themselves. Some girls nearby were giggling almost without control.
Link found that a rather interesting, if not strange, and put his hat back. Like in those cartoons in TV, people immediately dispersed and started to walk around again. Link then took his hat off and eyes turned to him again and groups of girls started to whisper between themselves. He put it back and the crowd was walking again. When took it off for the third time, Samus grew impatient and snatched the green hat from his hands.
"Ok, you already saw it works! Now go and hand these pamphlets to those girls there!", the bounty huntress said, pointing to the small group of giggling girls that started to gather.
"I... don't know if it's a good idea, Samus.", Link said, casting an uneasy look to the girls.
"What? Don't tell me you never used your charm on a girl before.", the bounty huntress said in an amused tone. Link nodded. "Well, there's a first for everything, so go there and use your fame to our advantage, sir Hero."
Samus shoved Link forward with her arm cannon. The Hylian swordsman almost lost his equilibrium and glared at his "friend", but went to the group of giggling girls anyway. Now, do you know that sensation like when you're walking to a stand just to make a fool of yourself in the front of thousands of people? If you know, then you might have an idea of how nervous Link was. If not... well, don't worry, someday you will feel it.
Ahem. Anyway, Link arrived in the front of the girls. He gulped; feeling like his throat had turned drier than the Gerudo Desert.
How come I can face enemies seven or ten times my size without break a sweat and when it comes to talk with a group of girls my legs feel like jelly?, Link thought. And that, my friends, is one of the biggest ironies in the entire universe.
"Uh... hum... he-hello there...", Link started. The girls answered with more giggling and looking to one another, like trading silent messages. Link swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to calm himself. "I-I'm Link... you know... the Link of the Super Smash Brothers Tournament and..."
"See?", one of the girls said to the others. "I told you it was him."
"Oh, he's as cute as in the games.", other girl said, squealing. Link felt the temperature around his cheeks raise considerably.
"Hey, back off! I saw him first!", another girl said, in an angry voice.
"No, it was me!", another said.
Link already knew where that was going and decided to slowly back off. However, fangirls sometimes are much like predators: they feel when their prey is about to escape. Then one of them saw Link backing away and ran to him, starting a chain reaction and several groups of girls lunged for him, much like lions to a deer.
"Oh s...!", Link said, eyes wide and having his line censored by the rating sensor of this fic.
From her position, Samus saw Link being pretty much attacked by the fangirls and sighed, going to the other side of the street. She then started to gather the pamphlets in the ground, leaving her pile in a bench nearby, mumbling:
"Honestly, I didn't spend thirty dollars having these things imprinted for them to end as street garbage.", the bounty huntress said. She then reunited the ones she picked up with the ones in her pile. "Hum, why am I feeling like I forgot something?", Samus mused, putting her hand on the base of her helmet, where was her chin.
"SAMUS! HELP!!!", Link's voice sounded, amidst the mob of fangirls that seemed to be stomping him.
"Oh, yeah.", Samus said.
She then turned to the crowd and tapped her helmet, using her highly advanced visor to locate her target. Then, like the professional she was, the bounty huntress threw her Grapple Beam and caught something. She pulled Link out of the mob like a fish from a lake. The Hero fell on her feet and had several bruises and parts of his clothes ripped, but nothing too grave.
"There you are. Can't you do something without causing some kind of trouble?", Samus spoke. If looks could harm people, she would have been stabbed several times by the look Link gave to her. "Forget it. Let's just go before they realize you escaped."
Link stood at once and caught the pamphlets Samus gave him, pouting the entire way. The two companions then arrived in a junction, near to a bus stop and tried to distribute the pamphlets to the drivers. Link just agreed to not use his hat as long as they went to some place people wouldn't be able to crowd around him, so here they are.
Passed some minutes, Samus sat on the bench near the bus stop. Her pile was still almost intact, since most people felt "intimidated" when they saw her in her armor and drove off like they had just saw a notorious assassin. Yes, she had that power over people.
Link had just three or four pamphlets left in his hands and was already smiling, seeing that they could finally end that boring work and go back to the mansion, away of rabid fangirls and people wanting a piece of him. He then saw Samus was still with her pile almost intact and grumbled. If she didn't distribute hers, they couldn't leave.
An idea then came to the green clad swordsman as he sat near Samus. He then turned to her and asked:
"Well, let's say I'm the kind of person people often get the wrong impression about.", she said.
"Then take off your armor.", Link said.
"Take off your armor.", Link repeated.
"Uhu... and to what hospital would you like to be sent?", Samus asked, reading her arm cannon.
"I-It's not what you're thinking!", Link quickly corrected himself, waving his hands on his front for her to stop. "It's just, since using my image worked, we could very well use yours too.", the Hero said, trying to point out the logic on his plan and praying Samus would understand that.
The bounty huntress stopped and considered that. He was right (for once), using his popularity proved to be effective, so hers could also work. However, there was one little problem to considerate there...
"I... don't think that would work.", Samus said.
"Why not? What's the problem?", Link asked, confused.
"Let's just say when I'm walking in the middle of the public without my armor, in a city like this, something bad tends to happen. It's the price for coming from a futuristic galaxy."
"Oh, c'mon. It can't be that bad.", Samus, looked to him behind her visor. "Trust me. Nothing bad will happen. I'm here to help you.", Link said, in an assertive voice and using his best encouraging tone.
Samus didn't know why she listened to him, but she did. Link just had that ability to make people feel a little more confident and secure. Maybe it was because of that aura of protection he emanated around his friends or the way he was always trying to help them. Thinking again, this was one of the motives that made Samus look for him to start this business in the first place.
The bounty huntress pressed the round button on the back of her left hand and lights involved her figure. Soon she was on her Zero Suit. Link smiled at seeing she had trusted him, making the galactic warrior smile back to him.
It was in that moment, a whistle sounded nearby. A guard appeared almost out of thin air near Link and Samus and started writing something in a paper, making the two Smasher look at him. The guard then handed the paper to Samus and gave a brief gesture of "good day to you", by inclining the edge of his cap.
"Ok, that was strange...", Link said, looking the guard walk away. He then looked to the paper that was given to Samus. "What is it?", the bounty huntress just handed him the paper in a quick and energetic motion. The Hylian took it and read. "'A fine for being naked in public'?"
The Hylian then swallowed another lump that formed on his throat when the reality of what just happened was processed on his mind. He slowly looked to Samus, with a nervous smile on his face. If Link's look would be able to stab people, then the one Samus was giving him that moment would certainly have blasted him off.
"I-I... I'm going to distribute these.", he said, quickly taking Samus' pile of pamphlets and taking distance between him and his more than pissed off friend.
Samus sighed in annoyance. Deep down, she knew Link just wanted to help her finish that boring task. Thinking now, it was almost funny the way he tried and achieved to convince her. Perhaps, this whole business with Link wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps it would even be the chance for the two of them to strength their friendship. Perhaps...
"SAMUS! HELP ME!!!"
Perhaps she was hopping too much from this... the bounty huntress sighed and stood, preparing her Grapple Beam and going for a new crowd of fangirls that were fighting to get a piece of the famous Hero, who was frantically waving his hands, trying to get out of the sea of bodies, just to be pulled back.