I've never written a story before- but I've read many- and I know that something very important goes here: I do not own Twilight.
As Bella Cullen studied her reflection in the mirror, she remembered doing a similar survey the first night Edward stayed with her- looking for physical changes that would give away the permanent and dramatic change in her heart. Now she was curious to see if the state of being married had changed her, or if there was any sign that she had lost her virginity. She frowned slightly at the sight of the black lace panties and corset she wore, thinking how foolish it was to believe Edward would be enticed by her in this silly lingerie. She saw the same brown hair, the same fair skin- nothing new that she could notice. She noted with disappointment her sad eyes and rounded shoulders... she was defeated. She had no expectations going into her honeymoon with Edward, as who could know what to expect when honeymooning with your vampire sweetheart? She did have hopes though, hopes that had been thoroughly dashed by her husband in the past three days...
She remembered the delicious tension between them as they had approached the island... Edward carrying her to the house and showing her the beautiful rooms. He had left her to take care of her human needs and gone for a swim in the warm ocean. When she joined him, she could tell he was nervous, but she tried to calm him with her words.
"We belong together." He nodded, acknowledging her truth, and scooped her up into his arms. He carried her slowly into the room with the big white bed, kissing the bare skin of her neck and shoulders. The warm air had dried the water from their bodies, and Edward laid Bella on the satiny sheets, locking his eyes with hers.
"You're a vision, Bella Cullen. I love you." He caressed her cheek, his fingers chilling her warm skin.
"I love you, too, husband. Lie down with me." She scooted to the middle of the bed. He hesitated, and she reached out for him. "Please, Edward? I want you to make love with me."
"I want to give you everything, Bella, you know that. But I'm afraid I'm still.. apprehensive about hurting you." Bella's mouthed the last two words along with Edward. She crossed her arms over her bare chest in frustration.
"We've been over this, Edward. Over and over it again. I love you, I need you. You won't hurt me. Please just trust me, Edward, and trust yourself." She held her arms out for him, waiting.
"Of course I trust you, love." He ignored her last request. He slid onto the bed with her, pulling her close and kissing her gently. Bella responded fiercely as she always did, and Edward pulled away.
"NO! Edward, don't do this to me. Please. I need you to love me, I need you to stop being afraid of hurting me." She attacked his lips and felt him give in to her kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist and stroking her lower back.
As they kissed and explored each others bodies, she could see him analyzing every sound she made, trying to decide if it was caused by pain or pleasure. She stopped moaning altogether, biting her lip to keep the sounds inside and Edward's mind focused on their lovemaking.
He needed constant affirmation from Bella that she was alright, and it distracted her from any arousal she was feeling. When he crawled between her legs and entered her as gently as he could, she felt no more pain than she had expected to. She knew that it wasn't easy for any girl, whether a vampire was involved or not, and she was prepared for the pinch and accompanying ache she felt. Unfortunately, it distracted her enough that she let the tiniest sound escape from her mouth- a hiss of pain, no more intense than one would expect from someone with a stubbed toe or a papercut. Edward panicked, not knowing if he should stay still or try to move.
Bella found herself trying to soothe him, trying to talk her husband into continuing to have sex with her. She kissed him, begged him to keep going and to move inside of her. Edward's distress took her focus away from the act itself. When she got him to move with her, and it started to feel good, Bella began to relax again. She was making love with Edward! She let slip another sound, a happy sigh this time, realizing that her dreams were coming true.
"Bella, are you alright? Is this okay? Too hard? Am I hurting you?" And that's how the evening went-- Bella and Edward's first time was full of stops and starts. Hesitation on his part, frustration on hers. Every time she would start to relax and feel good, he would stop to check that she was okay.
"Love, I want you to... I want to make you... feel... but I don't think I can..." he struggled to get the words out as he moved faster, his loss of control sparking Bella's excitement. She gasped as Edward growled against her neck and bit the pillow behind her head. It would have been enough to make her come, if she had been relaxed and ready.
He collapsed onto the other side of the bed, and Bella curled up against his chest. He stroked her hair lovingly, kissing her forehead and murmuring his tender words of affection. Just like they had done so many nights at home... so many chaste nights. Bella closed her eyes and went to sleep quickly, hoping to find fulfillment in her dreams.
The next day she awoke with a fresh outlook, hoping that sex with Edward would get better now that the dreaded first time was over. He only seemed to be more cautious now- disturbed by his compulsion to bite as he climaxed. She tried all the tricks she had learned from reading, movies, and late night talks with Alice. She paraded around in the skimpiest lingerie Alice had included in her trousseau. The second night, she attempted to kiss her way down to Edward's manhood, hoping he would allow her to pleasure him. He stopped her as she kissed his belly button, pulling her up and locking her arms against her in a tight embrace.
"Bella, I can't let you do that..." he hid his face in her hair. She wasn't sure if it was his paranoid concern for her safety or his own embarrassment, but he wouldn't let her go any further and he made no move to pleasure Bella in a similar fashion.
On the third day she had excused herself to take a human moment, and that is when she found herself distracted by her reflection and the forlorn expression in the mirror. Tears began to well up in those sad eyes, and she made no move to hide them as they fell down her cheeks. The weight of her frustration was crushing, and she needed to release it the only way she knew how. She turned on the faucet full blast, hoping the water would hide the sounds from Edward's vampire hearing, and let herself cry. She sank to the floor and curled her knees against her chest, burying her face in her hands and sobbing in earnest. She had locked the door but fully expected Edward to burst in as soon as he realized-
"Bella? Love? What's wrong? Why is the door locked?" the pitch of his voice growing higher in fear. She heard the lock break as Edward forced his way in, moving quickly to her side and scooping her up into his lap. "Where do you hurt? Can you show me? What's wrong?"
It was the last straw- Bella couldn't take it anymore. She fought him to get free from his iron embrace and stood up quickly, leaning over so her face was inches from Edward's.
"I. AM. FINE. How could you have hurt me? You've barely touched me!" His eyes widened at her ferocity. He opened his mouth to respond, but Bella's emotions poured out like a tidal wave flooding the small bathroom. "Actually, Edward, you have hurt me. You promised me you'd give yourself to me once we were married- that you would make love to me. Is that what you call what we've done here? Because I don't. You are so afraid of hurting me that you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't think of anything but all of the possible scenarios in which I could end up broken or drained."
He flinched at her words, knowing them to be true. She straightened up and he rose to his knees, begging her. "Bella, my Bella, calm down. I may have been cautious with you but you are so, so breakable. You still don't grasp the danger you're in whenever we're close like that."
"I don't grasp the danger? Of all the humans in the world, Edward, no one could possibly understand the danger more than I do. I know you, I know your strength, and I know that you are constantly aware of my physical well being. But Edward, you've placed all of the responsibility for our emotional well being on me. I can't fucking take it anymore!" The tears were flowing freely, and Bella's voice was hoarse with feeling. "I know you love me, Edward, but you're not letting me breathe here. I want to relax and make love to you without worrying that every movement, every sound will set off your Bella danger alarm. You're not enjoying yourself, you're just going through the motions because I made you promise to try. I know you love me, but I don't feel like you want me. That's what hurts me, Edward. After all this time that I've been wanting you, waiting for the day that we could be together, I find that you don't want me the same way, not at all."
He was shaking his head no as she spoke, his nose brushing against the black lace of her corset, his hands gently holding her hips. "Bella. Of course I want you. I'm your husband, and it's my duty to tend to your needs, physical and emotional. I'm sorry if I've..." at this she stepped backwards, moving out of his grasp.
"Stop apologizing. Show me, Edward. Your job as my husband is to take care of my needs? I need only one thing- to lose myself in you. I need you to make love to me and let me experience the pleasure, the pain, whatever happens without worrying about your overreaction. If you ever did seriously hurt me, I'd tell you, so can't you please let go and stop asking me every 10 seconds? For me?" His eyes had moved to the floor and he couldn't raise them to meet hers. "Please, Edward? Just take control."
He rose from his kneeling position on the floor, gracefully standing and moving close to Bella. He noted her heavy breathing and her flushed cheeks, stained with the salt of her tears. He understood now exactly what she needed and how he had failed her. He bowed his head to kiss her forehead tenderly, and then he whispered roughly, "You want me to take control?" He heard the hitch in her breath and her heartbeat increase, but before she had a chance to respond he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. He moved with vampire speed to the big white bed, calculating quickly how much force he could use before dropping her on the bed.
He hovered over her at the foot of the bed, taking in her body and really allowing himself to linger on the soft curves for the first time. He hadn't wanted to embarrass Bella, but he knew now that she needed to see just how much he appreciated her, wanted her. He leaned forward and placed soft kisses on the tops of her feet, letting his tongue slip out to taste her there. Edward decided he would honor her request and do everything he'd been fantasizing about- as long as he was conscious enough not to hurt her.
"I'm going to take care of you, Bella. You will never again doubt how much I want you... how much I want to please you." He crawled up onto the bed, slowly kissing his way up the tops of her legs. He paid special attention to her knees, slowing down to give himself time to adjust to the scent of her arousal. He had smelled it before, certainly, and it never failed to make him hard; this time was different though. It had never been so intense, nor had it come on so quickly.
As he moved his soft wet kisses up her trembling thighs, his fingers curled in the sides of her panties. "These are very nice, Bella. Do you know how sexy you look prancing around in this skimpy
little outfit?" He looked up at her from his position hovering over her lower body, his hands pulling the lace tight against her skin. "Do these delicate lacy things make you feel sexy, Bella?" Her eyes widened and she felt her cheeks flush. She nodded slightly, unable to look away from Edward's gaze.
"Answer me." His fingers pulled the lace tighter against her, she could feel the fabric straining.
"Yes, they make me feel sexy." Her voice squeaked.
"I'll have to buy you a new set, then." His calm reply sent a shudder through her body, and he ripped the panties at both sides, pulling the fabric away from her. He held it up for her to see, then caressed her face with the fabric before tossing it aside. He made short work of her corset, too, ripping it open and letting it fall to the floor. She was naked now, her heartbeat thudding frantically as she closed her eyes and licked her lips.
Edward's face ducked back down to her thighs, resuming his gentle kisses. He moved up slowly, skipping her sex and kissing her flat belly instead. She opened her eyes and looked down to see him staring up at her, his tongue sweeping out to taste her, his messy bronze hair tickling the underside of her breasts. It was a sight she had imagined in her fantasies countless times, but she never thought she would be seeing in real life. She couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips. Instinctively she wound her fingers in his hair to hold him against her stomach, afraid he would take that moment to stop or slow down the proceedings.
He ignored her grip, removing her hands and sitting up to straddle her hips. He was still wearing cotton boxer shorts but she could see him straining against them. "Now, Isabella, you said you wanted me to be in control. You'd better remember who's in charge and watch your hands." He gathered her wrists in his hands, kissed them softly, and moved them up to the headboard behind her. She grabbed the slats and he let go of her wrists. He leaned over her, bringing his mouth to her ear and whispered "Keep them there. If you don't, I'll have to find something to tie them with."
She gasped and wiggled her hips, her arousal overwhelming her. She relished ceding all responsibility to Edward and wanted to make sure he knew how much she was enjoying herself- to reassure him proactively so he wouldn't worry.
"Yes, Sir." she breathed, the words turning her on even more as she said them out loud.
His eyes darkened and narrowed. "Say it again."
"Say what again?" she played innocent. "Yes, Sir?" she lifted her hips, struggling against him just a little, and felt his weight holding her to the bed.
He moved to her side, exposing her naked body and lowering his mouth to her chest. He kissed the underside of each breast and traced small circles with his tongue. He kissed her, short firm kisses and long sucking kisses, all over her breasts. He avoided her nipples, saving them for last, but Bella was aching.
"Please!" she cried, holding firm to the slats of the headboard but arching her back against Edward's face. He turned his head and his eyes were blazing, staring up at her from her chest. He arched one eyebrow, drawing small circles around her nipple with his finger, and held her gaze. "Please, Edward!" He shook his head no, his eyes narrowing and she felt a delicious shiver run down her spine. "Please, Sir?"
Edward grinned and immediately moved to flick her nipple with his tongue. She cried out in pleasure as he enveloped it in his mouth. His lips were wrapped around his dangerous teeth but he bit down as firmly as he could, rewarded with another loud moan and the bucking of her hips. He paused just for a moment- not long enough for Bella to notice, but long enough for his brain to analyze the sound and dismiss the possibility of danger. He moved to the other nipple, repeating his kisses, hungrily licking and nipping at her and listening to her response. He was learning to pay attention to all of his senses- he could pleasure Bella and measure her response by the sound of her heart, the sounds she made, and the smell of her arousal.
"Bella. Tell me what you fantasize about." Her eyes had been closed as she focused on the sensations, but they snapped open upon hearing his request.
"You." She whispered. The hastily added "Sir." brought a smile to his face.
"I know you fantasize about me, Bella. I know that you used to go your room every night after I left and touch yourself before I came back." She looked away, blushing, mortified, and felt the urge to move her hands and wrap them around her torso. He sensed her small movement and wrapped his hands around hers, making sure she held firm to the headboard. "Don't hide yourself. I'm in control, Bella, and I asked you a question. Did you think I wouldn't know? That I wouldn't be able to smell and sense the changes in you from just two hours before?"
"I want to know specifically, Bella. Tell me what I did to you in those fantasies." He kissed her neck as he questioned her, his hands still wrapped around hers and his entire body stretched over hers. He licked the hollow at the base of her neck and blew cool air across the wet flesh, making Bella shiver again.
"Edward... I... you..." tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, remembering those nights she yearned for him. Remembered the shame she felt when she realized he probably didn't share the same desires. Even though she was confident in his love for her, she carried so much doubt, never sure if he would accept her or want her in the ways she dreamed about.
He felt her hesitation and kissed her cheeks, her eyelids and the corners of her mouth. He pressed his body tightly against her and moved his hips so they were cradled in hers.
"Can you feel it Bella? How much I want you? You're mine, now, and I'm asking because I want to make your fantasies come true. Do you want to know what I would fantasize about, Bella?" He kissed her throat and nipped at her earlobes as he spoke. She moaned something between a "yes" and a "mmm".
"You weren't the only one with two hours to kill every night. I touched myself, too, Bella, and pictured all the ways I could make you come. The fantasies were different, but the constant was your face twisted in pleasure, screaming my name." He flexed his hips against hers as he said it, and he was rewarded with a low moan from Bella. She pushed against his hips with her own, desperate for more.
"I'm sorry I haven't made you come yet, my Bella," he kissed her lips roughly, tracing them with his tongue, "but I plan to make up for that." He kissed her again, not giving her a chance to respond. His weight pressing against her provided an exquisite pressure, and his hands tightened around hers. She couldn't move against him but wanted to give something back, let him know how much she was enjoying this. She kissed him back with all the passion that had been bottled up inside her.
He rocked his hips against hers and felt her legs open further. Her heels dragged up the backs of his legs to wrap around him, pulling him closer. When his lips moved back to her neck, she began to cry out with each thrust of his hips. He hadn't realized how much it was affecting her, but he had never heard her moan like this. Never heard anyone moan like this in a hundred years.
"Don't stop! Edward, please!" she cried, desperately moving against him. He stilled, arching an eyebrow at her again, reminding her that she put him in control. "Oh fuck! I mean Sir, please Sir, I'm sorry but please! Please, Sir!" she whimpered as she thrashed her head from side to side.
"I like it when you beg me, Bella. Tell me what you want." He brought his hand down to cup her chin, holding it firmly so that she couldn't escape his eyes.
"I want you inside me, Sir." she gasped. "I want to come with you inside me. Please," she whispered, pleading with her eyes and struggling to move her hips against his.
She heard the sound of fabric ripping again and felt his cool flesh pressing against her center- he had torn off his own underwear and was right where she needed him. He slid inside her slowly, knowing he would ruin this pleasure for her if he had to ask if she was okay. He watched her face and listened for any sign that she was hurting. The only sounds he heard were Bella's soft whimper as he entered her, and the delicious sound of him parting her wet sex.
"Is that what you want, Bella?" he thrust further into her, his voice wavering only slightly as he felt himself enveloped in her warmth.
"Yes! Sir... please... hard..." she begged, knowing he would never be able to let himself go completely but needed to feel him moving against her faster.
He almost lost it and came prematurely as he pulled out and thrust into her all at once. He forced himself to focus on the necessary calculations; exactly how much force he could use without hurting Bella. He moved faster, feeling her tighten around him, and watched as her eyes became wild with passion and she bit her lip, throwing her head back and exposing her throat to him. He licked her from the base of her neck to her jaw and claimed her mouth in another hungry kiss.
She took his bottom lip into her mouth and bit down hard, letting go of the headboard and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as her body let go and she convulsed in orgasm. He sped up his rhythm, pushing against her harder to milk all the pleasure from her body.
"Oh Bella, fuck. You're so fucking sexy."
Sweet old-fashioned Edward saying "fuck" turned her on even more. She wanted nothing more in that moment than for him to lose himself and come like she had. She pulled him close and bit down on his earlobe.
"Do you want to know my fantasies, Edward? I used to touch myself thinking about you fucking me ruthlessly, bending me over with my hands on the bed and my ass in the air, snarling and growling at me while you slammed into me." She had only heard him growl before when they were in danger, but the primal sound stayed with her and was central to her darkest fantasies. "I can't wait until I'm changed, Edward, and you can give it to me the way I need it. Rough, Edward."
He growled at her then, baring his teeth and approaching his release. Bella grabbed the other pillow from the bed with one hand and held it in offering to him- he bit down into it and stilled, and she felt him pulsing inside of her with his climax. He stayed like that for a few minutes, still, his face buried in the pillow.
He moved back, slowly, sliding out of her, blowing the loose feathers away and throwing the destroyed pillow on the floor. Bella's face was flushed, her eyes closed and serene smile on her face. He wanted so desperately to ask if he had hurt her, if he had pressed into her too hard at the end- but he remembered her words. He trusted her to tell him if it was too much.
"That was perfect, Edward. I love you." She grinned, kissing his cheeks and then his perfect ruby lips.
"Bella, never in the thousand times I fantasized about you did I ever come close to imagining how beautiful you really are when you come. I will make you come over and over again, for the rest of eternity, just to see that look."
"Yes, Sir." She grinned, snuggling against his chest.