Disclaimer: I don't own Sam or Castiel or anything in the Supernatural universe.
A.N: Yeah, this came to me, yesterday night. Sorta a minor spoiler for the 100th eppie. More like a line that alludes to something in the next eppie but if you don't know, probably won't hurt ya. And sorta a set-up for next eppie. If you watched the preview clips you'd get it, if not, probably not. Dunno why I even typed this out, but, I did have some of the preview clips in mind when I wrote certain things. Lol
Summary: Tag to 5x17- 99 problems. He was out of reach, just like most things in his life, it seemed. But after a talk……he found he wasn't ready to abandon him to being out of reach. Bonus: Some SadMiserySam
I run to you
(run away from this hell)
Call out your name
(giving up, giving in)
I see you there farther away
(still you are, farther away!)
------Evanescence: Farther Away
"Dean!!" Sam cried as he tore out of the motel room, hearing the engine start up. He knew he shouldn't have let Dean walk out the door. He knew it! He chased after the Impala but no matter how fast he ran it seemed to go faster.
Out of reach.
Always out of reach.
Just like his life.
Just like being normal….
Being accepted by his father….
Doing the right thing…..
Measuring up to Dean…..
Always out of reach.
The Impala seemed to gain speed, although Sam shouted for Dean to stop. The Impala was taking his brother far, far away.
Taking his brother away from him.
Somewhere out of his reach.
Always out of his reach.
Adrenaline fled from Sam, making him slow down. He panted, took heaving breaths as he watched the lights of the Impala get further and further away from him, until there were only dots, and then.... nothing.
His brother had left.
Out of his reach.
Sam slid to the ground, his knees hitting the concrete. He didn't feel the jolt to his knees. He heaved a breath before pounding the ground with both hands once in anguish. He didn't feel the pain then either. How could he when pain was already consuming his very being?
How could he have messed up so bad?
His brother was gone.
Not that he felt that he deserved Dean to stay.
After what happened in heaven……he was surprised that Dean remained as long as he did.
"I need you. Please come back…." He murmured though he knew it was futile.
Dean was gone.
He was out of reach.
Was Sam destined to lose the last of his family like he lost everything else?
Was he destined to lose everything?
Sam didn't know how long he sat in that spot, staring in the direction of the disappearing dot, hoping and praying it would come back.
Yet, knowing it wouldn't.
Sam was unaware that tears were flowing down his cheeks. How could he help save the world, when he couldn't save the one person that truly matters to him?
Was it right to even try anymore?
"Dean", Sam murmured fornly.
A soft touch graced his shoulder. Sam didn't turn to see who it was. It could have been an enemy for all he knew. A moment later that someone plopped down next to him. Silence graced the duo for awhile.
Sam seemed to finally broke down and let out a small undignified squeak. His slightly scarred hands came to his face to bury in it. Sobs came from his body.
Why was it this way?
Why couldn't it be better?
Why did they suffer so much?
Why couldn't they see a light at the end of this tunnel?
Why did Dean suffer so much?
Why had he been an idiot most of his life?
So many whys and not enough answers.
"I don't know, Sam…." Came a familiar voice. "I wish I had the answers."
Sam must have sobbed the questions out loud.
"He has left, Cas. He has given up. He's hopeless. He'll say yes and then we are all screwed." Sam muttered through his tears , his hands still covering his face.
"Then……it's up to us to stop him", Castiel answered.
"He's out of my reach", Sam muttered, tears still staining his hands.
That's all it seemed like lately.
Each other is out of reach from the other.
Out of touch.......
Out of reach......
"Then you must start dragging him back into your reach", Castiel said. Leave it to Cas to think of the obvious solution to the problem.
"It isn't that simple", Sam murmured with a small snort, "Nothing is that simple anymore." He said sadly after a moment.
"No, it is not that simple. Easier said than done, is the phrase I believe." Castiel agreed.
Silence graced them for awhile. Until finally, Sam looked up, lowering his hands, through red-shot, tear blurred eyes. He looked at the angel next to him. "Even you lost your faith Castiel", Sam couldn't help but to accuse.
Castiel nodded accepting of that as he looked at Sam who was peeking at him through his long hair. "Yes, I did. I still don't know what to think about my Father, but……that does not stop me from helping Dean…..and you. I just…..had a little side-trip I suppose."
"Me?" Sam choked out looking skyward. A short laugh of hysteria came from him, "I'm an abomination, remember?"
"To the world, yes, that is your status." Castiel said, "But you are a friend to me. Family friend to Bobby and a little brother to Dean."
"A little brother he wants to be rid of. After what he saw in heaven, my so-called greatest hits, I'm sure he has lost what little faith he had retained in me." Sam closed his eyes tightly, though stray tears still leaked though, running down his tear track cheeks.
"So……start giving him reasons to rebuild that faith in you." Again with the obvious solution to the problem.
"It's not that simple." Sam muttered dejectedly
"I believe the saying goes something like….baby steps, Sam, baby steps." Castiel half cooed.
Sam let out a huff of amusement as he opened his eyes, letting more stray tears fall from them. He lowered his face, his hair covering his expression. He did not say anything.
How could he give Dean reasons to rebuild that faith in him when Dean was gone?
Away from him.
And out of his reach.
Castiel looked at Sam, his eyes thoughtful. He accepted that it seemed that Sam was going to be the glue that held them together in these coming days. At least, until Dean came back to reclaim that rightful place. He would believe in Dean and Sam. If they had even an ounce of hope to get out of this, he would place it on the Winchesters.
He had learned much of the stubbornness of Winchesters.
Dean lost sight of that.
Dean lost sight of a lot of things.
He was out of reach to them, but Castiel was determined to put Dean back into reach. He'd beat it into him if necessary.
Now though, he had to make Sam regain that stubbornness he had learn to appreciate.
It was wrong of him to walk out of the brothers, but he needed to get out. After he sobered up, he believed it was called, his clarity came back to him and he regretted leaving the Winchesters. They needed him and he was somewhere drinking a liquor store.
Sam needed his help to get through Dean, that was plain to see, rather Sam admitted it or not. Trying to get through Dean, Sam would need all the help he could get.
The stubbornness of Winchesters could be a positive thing but also equally an negative thing.
Castiel cocked his head. Ugh, he probably shouldn't have done that at the moment, he thought as he reached up to massage his head once. "We have to start somewhere. You said you wouldn't give up. Are you going to back out now?" he asked.
And if he was correct, that stubbornness should appear out of Sam.
Perhaps need a bit more prodding. That he could do.
"Besides if you give up then there truly is no hope to save your brother and we really will be screwed", Castiel added. Then he added softly, "We can pull Dean back into reach, but it will take much. It won't be easy, but…we owe it to him to try. For his own good. If Dean was like he was even a year ago, that Dean would want us to help him, even if this Dean does not. We won't abandon him to his own hopelessness. Hopelessness does not become truly that until it is festered by nothing. As long as something, someone is around, it is not true hopelessness."
Sam snapped his head up and looked at Castiel. His hazel eyes wide and wet yet relayed some shock. It was such a profound statement and coming from Cas. Sam opened his mouth then shut it. What could he say behind that?
Castiel could see the wheels inside Sam's head churning. Good, he thought. It seemed to be working to bring back that stubbornness of the Winchesters.
Tears sprung out of Sam's eyes the more he thought about the statement. "Yeah", he shakily laughed out once trying to hold back the tears but failing. He tried to compose himself, but was failing. His voice cracked as he brought his hands back to his face, "You're right, Cas. You are absolutely right."
Sam's body shook, as he began to cry all over again. He felt a soft touch rub his back. "Thank you , Cas", he sobbed, "We'll try our hardest and we won't give up. Cause if we do…..then it truly will be hopeless."
As long as he, Cas and Bobby still had but an ounce of hope, then they would find a way.
Find a way or die trying.
So he wouldn't give up.
Not any night.
Dean was out of reach, yes.
But Sam was determined to put him back into reach.
He wouldn't abandon him to his own hopelessness.
For, hopelessness does not become truly that until it is festered by nothing.
So as long as he, Cas and Bobby were around, there won't be any nothing to be festered.
And as for Dean…..Sam would pull him back from his hopelessness.
And put him back into reach.
A.N: For some reason I felt the need to make someone cry after all the depressing things we've seen in the eppies lately. Sam just happened to be it. lol And also some rare Sam and Castiel friendship.
Sidenote: I love Castiel in these later eppies but who here thinks he's been hanging out with Dean way too much, picking up his habits. lol Also, the song choice came later. I might actually make a music vid with the song. It seems to fits.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed!