You won't catch me unprepared this time! No bad narrating will happen, because I'm checking it over and over and I'm being careful from the start so there won't be any mistakes!
Um...right, there may be some...I'll try, okay?
Which means I need to start at the beginning and that sucks, because the short beginning is a little bit boring and you came here for the action, didn't you? But geez, you always wanted me to narrate chronologically, remember? So that's what I'm gonna do.
Once upon a time...
What?! I can hear your boo all the way from where you are! I thought we agreed on a boring start...
Okay, I won't torture you anymore. There are two things you need to know. Perry and I are together and - I'm straight. Huh, weird combination, but believe me, it works out somehow.
And don't let yourself fall under impression that being together means no more insults from Perry. I think the frequency might have even increased since he'd first reallykissed me. You don't want to know what I'm being called now.
According to Perry at most of the times I'm not even capable of tying my own shoes. Well, you get the point.
I said these first paragraphs would be boring, but stick with me, because it will be referenced later in the story - just thought I would let you know.
Anyhow, it all started with a very ordinary stakeout. Nothing serious, just tedious stuff you don't need or don't want to know. However, things got interesting when we wanted to go back home. Perry was bitching about my incompetence as usual.
"You are not able to even take a few shots!" He growled.
"I took some!"
"Yeah, but they contain only your left index and middle finger. Good thing you don't have the ring finger, otherwise it would have been there as well." He was angry.
Oookay, maybe I really destroyed a good piece of evidence, but no need to yell, right?
"Next time you are not getting your hands anywhere near the camera, understand?"
I nodded. It was better than the last time when he threatened to never take me with him again.
We continued in our banter and didn't notice a man following us, first probably just walking a few streets behind, then driving behind our car as well.
It might or might have not been my fault, but I don't want to blame myself in the first page of my story, got it?
Perry was exhausted, because it was his third work-night in a row so he let me drive. You know how good driver I am, so I concentrated on not getting us killed and not ruining Perry's shiny car, which meant I really didn't have time to check if some asshole is going after us.
Thinking back about it now, I guess it really was my fault, because Perry surely would have seen him if he had been awake.
"Hey! We are here. Time for real bed." I shook him slightly once we arrived.
That earned me a hateful glance and some combination of foul words which I don't want remember. Yeah, I really love the man, stop asking stupid questions.
Something seemed off when we stepped out, but I didn't react as I should have. Perry was still dead on his feet when we made our way towards the door.
"Hands up and don't move!" A voice told us - very unpleasant if you ask me.
We both stopped in our tracks and Perry jerked a little, snapping out of his slumber.
"What the fuck?" Was his immediate reaction and, truth to say, mine too, but I wasn't brave enough to actually say it aloud.
We stared at each other for a while.
"I said hands up! Now!!" The man commanded and I complied. No need to anger them more, believe me. I have some practice in this field. Perry on the other hand is not used to being ordered around - that's my job - so it took him a bit longer to comply.
"I won't repeat it!" The man hissed and we heard a weird rustling sound. As if someone had shot, but without the loud "bang". It took me a second, but then I realized that the psycho behind us had a gun. A gun with muffler.
Perry was quicker than me and turned already, his hands up just a little bit.
"Calm down." He said, but I could tell that the man wouldn't listen.
I turned as well, my hands above my head and my heart in my throat. Getting beaten up that I'm used to, but guns mean serious business and I really hate them.
"Right, listen to him and calm down, I'm sure--" I was cut off by another shot which missed my head by about ten inches. Great.
I could feel Perry startle slightly next to me when the guy fired.
"What do you want?" Perry's voice was dangerously low, but I got other concerns than to analyze it...like not getting myself or us both killed and how to get the fuck away.
"All in good time." The man snickered and pointed his toy at my face so I could enjoy the view. "Now you'll do what I say or this will end badly since I'm going to shoot again and I won't miss this time."
It was dark, but I swear I could see the slick grin plastered all over his face. Perry was quiet, probably considering all the possibilities, but judging from the lack of his action, there wasn't anything he could do to save us.
"Come closer. Slowly." The psycho barked.
He put the gun on my head and started searching my body for possible weapons. According to Perry I couldn't be trusted with any gun after the last Christmas (go, see the movie for details), so he found nothing and moved to Perry.
I was hoping that maybe his little faggot gun will save us at some point in the near future, but this guy apparently wasn't homophobe, so yeah - he checked even there.
"Nice touch." He grinned and threw the derringer far away. "Almost missed that."
Perry made a face. "You son of a bitch! What the hell is this all about?!" He was angry. Really angry, not like when he's yelling at me.
The gun was back at my temple in a second.
"Shut up or he's dead." Perry threw me a nervous glance and I gulped, because the gun butt was freakingly cold and something told me this wouldn't end well.
"That's it. I'm glad you are willing to co-operate. Let's make a small trip." He pointed to his huge dark car.
"And no games. One foul move and I'm shooting, clear?" His voice was still so cold and hissing that it sent a shiver down my spine.
We went back to his car two or three steps in front of him. Clever reader can notice that the psycho had even this distance problem covered. No way we could escape.
When we sat down inside the car, there was a driver and another man waiting. The car sped up very quickly and I wondered if it was possible for some cops to catch us. That could be the first time when seeing cops would make me smile. Sadly, no one seemed interested in this black Volvo.
I didn't pay attention to the man in the front seat, because the other one had his gun still pointed in mine or Perry's direction and that was making me nervous.
There was a long silence, but after few turns a voice good deal colder than I thought was even possible spoke from the passenger seat.
"Nice to meet you again Perry."
Thanks for reading!