As promised, here is a chapter for my lovely, amazing readers that I just don't deserve. And, no, no one walks in on them love making. I've have that happen before, tis not a fun experience. Anyway, enough rambling. Please enjoy chapter 9 of Life's Light!
And I'm sorry, but I've decided to no longer add lyrics to my story. But if you like, I do have several songs I'd be happy to suggest.
Waking up the next morning was like waking after a trying to sleep with a boulder on my back. My lower back was stiff and uncomfortable, making me groan just to move. But it wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. I almost didn't want to move, burrowed under blankets and cuddled against Sasuke's chest, I was scared if I moved, it would be like shattering a perfect dream.
Sasuke's chest rose and fell in a calming way that made me smile, his face relaxed and peaceful. This was one of those weird moments that I wanted to call him 'cute', but the idea still didn't fit. Breathe taking maybe?
There I go again, sounding like a love struck girl…
But, even as the thought struck me, it was true. I really was love struck. I had become enthralled by this person, this raven haired, ebony eyed guy that I thought didn't have the capacity to show enough emotion to start a relationship to begin with.
But it would seem we had opened up to one another. And I couldn't understand why he would want a tousled haired, problematic blonde like me. Most people would have run, knowing what I would go through at the place I was supposed to call home. But he had stayed, embraced me despite all that.
I didn't know much about love, but I thought this was a very good interpretation of what it could be. This wasn't the love I saw between my mother and the man I thought was my father. If anything, this feeling was…pure.
I was scared though, as this particular thought struck me. What if it didn't stay pure, what if this, this affection between us became tainted? What if I was more in love with the thought of love then with him?
The thought made me shudder, burying myself deeper into the warm sheets.
Sasuke made a grumbling noise, followed by a deep, rather loud yawn that seemed to pull his entire body taught for a moment before relaxing with a sigh. He turned to me, deep smoky eyes glazed with sleep, a soft smile on his lips.
"'Mornin' dobe," he said gently, reaching over and stroking my cheek with tender fingers.
"Morning teme," I whispered back, smiling in a way I was pretty sure made me look bashful, because Sasuke's smile grew wider, his eyes focusing in on me as he escaped the clutches of drowsiness. His lips looked dry. Probably because he slept with his mouth slightly open, something I came to notice after staying with him for a few days.
"Merry Christmas," I whispered, laughing at his hazy eyed confusion before moving in for a quick kiss. "Did you forget after last night?" I asked breathlessly, talking against his lips, which we actually quit soft, like warm velvet.
"S'pose I did…Hard to remember something like that with someone like you by my side I guess. But yeah, Merry Christmas," he chuckled, pressing firmly against my lips. I could taste the smile there, and I suddenly felt giddy.
"So, do you want to actually go out today, or are you still intent on snuggling all day even though I'm close to jumping up and down?" Sasuke's face lit up with a laugh, raven hair falling over his eyes as he sat up, placing a hand on my head and ruffling my probably already terribly messy mop.
"Are you really that hyper then?" I knocked his hand away, clenching my teeth and hoping to appear serious.
"I'm all claustrophobic! I need to get out, stretch my legs. And I'd love to throw a few good snowballs, if it's still winter outside. Or am I your permanent prisoner?" I purred out the question, not minding at all as he stroked my hair again after a long stretch.
"Are you sure you can walk after last night?" He asked seriously, moving his hand from my head to my cheek, running his thumb under my eye. "I don't want you to overdo it and end up hurting yourself Naruto."
"You worry way too much. Doesn't hurt anyway. A little sore, but I'm content to deal with that, thank you. I am a big boy." I closed my eyes, wiggling my shoulders and puffing out my chest, only to deflate as Sasuke laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my naval.
This simple banter between us, the intimate, innocent touches, these were the things I loved so much. The way his face would light up in a smile when I sarcastically yelled at him for silly things, the way his eyes danced when I would steal kisses. It was addicting.
"I suppose I can allow you a moment to breath today. How about I take you to the café again?" I watched, entranced and shivering as his lips moved against my stomach as he spoke, tickling my skin and washing my abdomen with warm breath. "You really seemed to like the sweets they had there. I wouldn't mind fighting over strawberries again."
"But is that what you want to do, Sasuke?" I murmured his name breathlessly as I stroked fingers through his messy raven hair, gently tugging the strands, twirling black ribbons of silk around my pinkie and humming contently.
He chuckled against my belly button, kissing again and nuzzling into my relaxed tummy. "I'd be more than happy to stay like this actually. It's warm here in bed and you're not dressed. I like it."
Sasuke broke into a fit of laughter as I started tugging his hair hard, away from my body. "You pervert! You just want me for my body don't you?" I trilled, trying to crawl away, only to have my rear grabbed and squeezed tightly.
"Not entirely, but I'm not complaining," Sasuke sang, nibbling my side, making me roar with false anger.
"I knew it, you fiend! I've given myself away to a perverted man!" My cries were met with evil cackles and kisses up my torso.
"Yes, and I plan to eat you alive!" He bellowed, catching my mouth in a heated kiss, breath mingled with chortles and pants.
It was the playful teasing like this that made this arrangement so intoxicating. It was emotional, contact, not just sex and lust.
"Sasuke?" My voice was winded, soft and timid, even by my standards. We were calming down, settling back on the bed in a tangle of limbs and kisses.
"Hmm?" His face was flushed from laughter, his smile sincere. He was watching me with dark eyes that I could see myself in. Why where his eyes so deep I wonder…
"Do you…" Love me? Do you really and truly love me? "No…never mind, it's nothing." I just couldn't bring myself to say it. There was no way I could risk shattering…all this because of my selfishness.
"No, seriously, it was silly. You know we should leave before your mom wakes up. I'll take a shower first if…"
"Naruto are you alright?" The question was not uncommon. Just a simple inquisition that anyone could have asked me. But for some reason, hearing him ask it made my stomach clench.
"Why wouldn't I be?" I scoffed, running a hand through my hair, cringing. Greasy hair, ugh.
"Because you always say what's on your mind, no matter what people think. So it couldn't possibly be nothing." I let my gaze be captured by Sasuke's knowing stare. Those eyes were so warm and open. Everyone else was used to his cold gaze. Was I that privileged, that trusted, maybe even that loved to be able to receive such a gaze?
The random thoughts just kept coming, didn't they?
I couldn't stop myself from swallowing, breaking our eye contact. "I…guess I'm just nervous. About….about being in a relationship. I'm…I've never even in a healthy one. I guess I'm just scared that I might ruin this one too."
The soft hand on my neck was reassuring, cool and familiar. I didn't look up, simply listened as there was movement, the rustle of sheets as he moved.
"Naruto, I'm going to promise you something, alright? I want you to listen close." Sasuke's voice was firm, solid, leaving no room for arguments. I still didn't look up, even as the hand moved from my neck into my hair. My greasy hair that I needed to wash.
"I'm listening Sasuke," I murmured, closing my eyes and memorizing the feel of his fingers against my scalp.
"I won't leave you."
I instantly felt my heart drop, my stomach clench. Like I was nauseous. I finally looked up at him, feeling pained.
"Don't say that," I pleaded, feeling like my world was going to crash around me again.
His expression was one of confusion. He was startled. I'm sure that was the last thing he expected me to say.
"What do you mean? Naruto, I wouldn't say it if it wasn't something I meant. You should know me well enough to know I mean what I say." He then took on a pained expression, making my heart twist in my chest. "You do know that don't you?"
I could have cried, seeing that look of utter hopelessness on his pale face. I immediately wanted to kiss it away, tell him everything was alright. But I was so scared. Scared of being abandoned, lied to, betrayed, all over again.
"You won't say that in a few years, maybe even months or days. You can't know that anymore than I can. If you d-don't say it, if you change your mind, I can't e heartbroken. I can't get my hopes up and only have them crushed! Do you have any idea how it feels when someone promises you forever and only gives you a little bit of a year? I…I don't want that with you! I want you, now, for as long as I can keep you, but if you say forever, I'll expect it, and then I'll just be crushed! I don't want that with you!"
By the end, I could feel tears stinging my eyes, my throat burned and my mouth was dry. And Sasuke, God, Sasuke looked like he had just been shot in the chest. And I was the one with the smoking gun.
"Do you….do you really feel that way? That I'd lie to you like that? That I of all people would change my mind about something so drastic?" His voice was surprisingly even, but the hurt was tangible.
"No! I..I mean…S-Sasuke I…" I couldn't respond. I had nothing. Sasuke had to be the most honest person I knew. I hurt me to see him so distraught.
I expected him to pull away that hand that still rested in my hair. To pull away and tell me to leave for not trusting him. It hurt to have such expectations, but it was the only plausible thing he could do.
But Sasuke, ever the man to do the unexpected, pulled me close, my face to his chest, where I could hear his heart, feel it pounding. Strong arms around my shoulders held me firm and I stayed there, silent.
"Then at least trust that I'm here. And I don't plan on leaving. Not now, and for as long as I can. Can you trust that, Naruto?"
I don't remember much of what I said after that. I do believe I cried and clung to him. Ever the masculine man, am I right? Needless to say, we stayed in bed all Christmas day, which I didn't mind in the slightest.
Sasuke was there, with me. For the moment, that was all I was asking for.
So, I do believe there will only be maybe one or two more chapters. I really have lost interest in this particular fanfiction, but I can't leave it so open ended. I plan on maybe writing a few Harry Potter ones if I can. Anyway, please R&R and I will finish this hopefully by Christmas. Thank you all again for sticking with me!