My second post-5x16 drabble... This time no dialogue, just thought, but I kind of like it.
Enjoy! And I do not own Bones.
It's late, and you're at home, drinking wine and just thinking. You're willing yourself not to cry, but honestly, you think you have no more tears left after that quiet ride home.
You just feel raw, empty. Something does not feel right, and it can obviously be attributed to the night you've had, but it's not just that. There's something else – but you, with your logic and your brain, you cannot name it. Because it's emotions, not thoughts. It's how you feel, and feelings are in the brain – and yet, that same brain cannot identify those feelings.
So you'd taken the bottle of wine, a glass and sat down on your couch, not really doing anything. What is there to do? Tonight is not for anthropology or writing; tonight is not for you.
It is supposed to be for you and him.
And then you realize. You're not different from him.
Because you're in love with him, too.
And who knows what he is doing now – drinking, like you, sleeping, visiting his son.
Gambling? And for a moment fear grips your heart – after tonight's lost gamble, you think he may try to win something else. But then you realize he's smarter than that, and you are comfortable in that knowledge.
Still, you're not sure. In the back of your head, the nagging thought remains. How can you, after all, know what he thinks? What he does? Tonight has proven that maybe, you don't know him at all.
You will yourself not to see his eyes again, glassy with tears, but the image comes anyway, and your eyes well up in response – automatically, almost, like his pain is always yours, too.
To think you caused him so much pain is unbearable – you have seen him cry only once before, and that was different – this is different. Because this is you, you are the one who caused the pain, and suddenly you can't live with yourself.
Your whole adult life, you have chosen for yourself. You live your life the way you want it. But now you realize that maybe it's not about what you want.
And should this man, this wonderful, amazing man, suffer from your past and the effects of it in the future? Should he suffer because you're too afraid to open up, to … love?
And the answer is a resolute no.