Warnings: child abuse, homicide, slash-sex, bdsm, spanking, torture, lots of kinks and whatever else my depraved mind comes up with. *smirk*

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone (would be hot if I did – oh harry in a corset and draco in chains…*drools*) or anything, it's all the big Jo's. Lucky her huh?

Warnings this chap: child abuse(of a kind)

A/N: This is my first fic ever ! (though I have been a hardcore fanfiction reader for a looong time) and I know it's pretty ambitious to start out with a saga fic like this, but the bunny hunted me down and forced me… First chapter is this, and we'll see if anyone (but me) likes it

Behind Green Eyes


This is the story of a boy named Harry Potter.

Now you might think you've heard this story before, so let me just start by admitting that you're right. You have. It wasn't exactly this on though. The one you've heard is a fairytale compared to this one. And thisone is the real, the true story.

I don't even know how that other one was even published, but maybe it was the ministries desperate attempt to give the public a 'lighter' side of things, an attempt to keep the image of the savior. Or maybe it was just a witch going delusional and spreading her own little fantasies to the world, in form of an utterly ridiculous book series. And then publishing it with the muggles nonetheless. Really I don't know what they were thinking.

But it doesn't matter anyway, because the point is the story was wrong. And this is right. This is the truth, no matter if you want to believe it or not. And I'm only happy to be the one rubbing it in your faces.

So, you all know Harry Potter. And you know how he was orphaned as an infant by the big bad lord Voldemort, suddenly having the status of the Savior of the wizarding world. And surely you know of his miserable childhood with his relatives. Of course the other story jumps elegantly over the years, only briefly mentioning that he wasn't treated very nicely. Well talk about understating. The years with the Dursleys are not something to be ignored. Actually they might be the most important (though not the most interesting) part of this story. Because that was what made Harry who he was.

You are defined by your childhood, you know. It never really leaves you. You might think you're over it, but it hunts you all life, and suddenly when you are 50 you realize that the actions you've taken are directly related to that incident when you where 5.

Too bad that it's too late to take revenge on your parents now, huh? So then it's just up to you to fight the consequences of their mistakes.

Sorry I'm blabbing again now. This isn't about you and your miserable childhood. This is about Harry's. And more importantly the consequences of it.

As you know Dumbledore was the one to make the questionable decision of placing the boy in the care of his muggle relatives, the Dursleys. The Dursleys were the worst type of muggles. They were paranoid and cruel, with a fanatic belief in normality as the key to good life. Petunia – Harry´s aunt – was sister to his witch mother, and she had grown a fierce hatred for magic. Her husband just hated everything that didn't fit in to his perfect little world.

So Harry grew up believing that he was a freak, a monster, an abnormality and that he should be happy about living with the Dursleys. They told him that they were the only ones in the world that cared about him. Not a very happy thought when you consider what kind of care that was that he was abused and ignored on daily basis. The Dursleys used him as their own personal house elf and believed firmly that if he was old enough to walk, and old enough to speak, he sure as hell was old enough to work. And Harry did as he was told. He believed them, because he had not seen any proof of anything else. He was different, he knew it, and with the Dursleys, different was bad, more than bad, freakish. And he knew no one cared about him. But that was okay because Harry cared about no one. And as long as he followed the Rules things went smoothly. The definition of smoothly here being; without any injuries sever enough to bother him in his work.

The Rules were the ways of living in the house of the Dursleys. Harry learned them early on, though no one told him of them.

Rule nr. 1: Always do what you're told.

Rule nr. 2: Don't ask any questions.

Rule nr. 3: Be quit when not spoken to.

Rule nr. 4: Avoid anything but the most necessary contact with other people.

And Rule nr. 5, the most important one: Never show that you care. Never show your true emotions.

The last one he learned by force. Crying did not help against the Dursleys. If he cried it only served to annoy them. They would just ignore him, or maybe give him a slap to shut him up if it got too bad. Not to mention crying gave away his weaknesses, so that they could always use them against him on a later event. Also if he showed any happiness or just good mood he could be almost certain to lose whatever it was that brought it out. If he showed anger, the only thing he got was mocking and more punishment. Couldn't have him rebel against them. After all, as they reminded him, they were the only ones that would care about a freak like him.

Soon Harry Potter became very good at not caring. He showed no emotion, no reaction and never gave away his thoughts. He was in all ways passive on the outside. At first it frustrated the Dursleys, Vernon especially. But then he just stopped trying to hurt the boy emotionally. The freak was probably just very stupid, maybe brain damaged or something. Instead he did his punishments physically. That also gave him the satisfaction of seeing the results for a while after.


It was about age 4 that Harry began using magic consciously. Not in the way adult wizards do of course, but still with a very clear control of it. He had had a few cases of accidental magic before that – each of course resulting in beatings – and they had showed him that his abilities was, though not something to be spoken about, very useful in tight situations. He had levitated things, healed his injuries, blown things up and all around defended himself against Dudley's and Vernon's antics. All only in extreme situations though, when his fear over won his common sense. After all, any weird stuff happening would only anger his uncle more. So he found out to only use his magic when really necessary, and definitely never talk about it, or in any way show that he had a clue what was going on. That would be asking for it.

That didn't stop him from using it when by himself though. He would sit up in his cupboard at night, and practice little things with his magic, delighting in every little development. It became his private pleasure, and in a way, the proof he needed that he was indeed special. That maybe the Dursleys was right, he was a freak, but it didn't matter what they thought, because he wasn't like them anyway.

When Harry started muggle elementary school, he was already able to read and write floatingly, a skill learned from cooking books and out of necessity, levitate things around, summon things to him, recognize all the plants in petunias garden, heal small injuries, cook a brilliant soufflé, clean the entire house in 3 hours and cast notice-me-not charms and small glamours without thinking about it.

He didn't show any of this to the teachers though, as he had very clear instructions from his uncle to keep a low profile. And he didn't really need their approval anyway. He was quite bored in class, sitting in the back, silently watching the teacher and the students. When given assignments he always gave in answers just below average. Wouldn't do to look smarter than Dudley.

He also made sure to keep his distance to the other children. Dudley and his gang helped him there, threatening everyone with beatings if they talked to him, but really Harry didn't mind much. They were not like him anyways. They were childish and stupid; they couldn't talk about anything interesting. They were just like the Dursleys.

And Harry wasn't. He was special.


Harry began reading a lot. He didn't care that most of the children in his class, didn't even know the letters yet, it was the only thing interesting at school: the library. He had started by reading all the school books, finding them immensely boring. Then, when he asked the librarian (huge mistake), he read all the picture books, and children books. That almost made him give up on reading. But soon he started venturing out of the part of the library the librarian had pointed out to him, and found books, not only about little boys with their footballs, or little girls with their ponies, but about how the world actually were. About anything he could possible want to know, as a curious 6 year old boy. And that, was a lot of things.

Due to the fiasco with children's fiction, Harry didn't even bother to read anything but the non-fiction books for a long time. But when none of the books harry read offered even the tiniest bit of explanation for his… gift harry became increasingly frustrated. He ventured away from his usual spaces, and incidentally, ended up in the teenage fiction part of the library. There the flashy title on one of the books caught him. It said simply `magic` and the book's cover was nothing but a swirling of colors. Harry immediately picked it up. Magic. That was what they called it, the Dursleys. He opened the book on a random page and read a bit. Words caught his eyes, wizard, power, darkness, teleport. Hurriedly Harry closed the book again, feeling like he was doing something wrong. Which was absurd, because all he was really doing, was reading a fiction book, with completely made up stuff in it. Nothing to get so worked up about. At least that was what he told himself, as he forced his mask of indifference back on. Still, he was almost squirming when waiting for the librarian to check out the book, and the rest of the day seemed to pass in a fog.

Of course, as soon as Harry actually read the book, more questions were created than answered. And some things in the book just didn't fit. It seemed as if though, the guy who wrote it had the right idea, but nothing concrete to say. And the plot was just ridiculous. Couldn't they just write about magic without all the fancy stuff around it? It annoyed him, that when he finally found something that spoke of it, it had to be a fairytale setting and completely without anything useful, as actual guiding for Harry. Still, the next day, Harry borrowed 3 more books from the same department as the first one. And more the next day. And the next. Each night he would feverishly read through them, skimming the pages for ideas. There had to be something that spoke about how the wizards and witches in the story learned all their magic. How they went from someone like Harry, to someone who cast spells, and battled dragons and did all sorts of cool stuff. Just a small hint, enough that Harry could do the same. And then, when he was the fiercest wizard in the world, he could come back and use his nastiest spells on the Dursleys.

Then they could see just how freakish Harry was!

A/N So, what do you think? *poppy eyes* good, bad, horrible or wanting to ripe your eyes out at the sheer horror? Can you ignore the gramma? (I'm sure there is a lot of mistakes) And if the gramma is alright I'm sure it's all the courtesy of my lovely beta DiamondSkin. Thanx darling! The plot is laid down for the next 7 chapters, so I'll just have to type them from my notebook to the com. But first, all you lovely guys out there will have to review and tell me what you think!