Beta: myimm0rtal on Twilighted - Thank you!
***All characters, settings, and concepts are the property of Stephenie Meyer.
THIS STORY MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
The Blue Room
Edward coaxed my neck back and kissed it like a man being brought to life. He tensed himself for just a moment, like he might change his mind again. I was so afraid that he was going to pull away from me at any second that I couldn't trust to settle into his touch. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy as I pulled back from him. I just couldn't bear the thought of him rejecting me again.
Not this man that I ached for.
That thought was all it took. Deep sadness found me yet again and I felt almost ill with desolation. I was sobbing inconsolably, shaking in a heave.
"No, don't cry, my love. No, please don't cry." Edward's voice was strained, feeling unable to comfort me. He softly swept the hair out of my face.
"Then don't push me away." My skin was burning red, so I turned away from him.
"Bella, I didn't…"
I looked at him, his voice resonating with the truth of his words. My eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, moonlight sprinkling in. His face looked so confused about what exactly I wanted, since I was apparently crying, whether he relented or not. I could see then that he had no intention of stopping, that he really and truly had allowed himself to give in.
What did I just do?!
Poor Edward, the women folk are crazy.
"Bella, don't you want to… should we not...?" Right before my eyes, Edward's face fell, veiled into locked-down self control. I could see I'd lost him. A sigh escaped.
"Bella, perhaps we really should just wait. What was I even thinking?" Even worse, he was now making little damage-control jokes. "Goodness, the effect you have on me, Bella. You are dangerous."
Fresh sobs broke out. I was now burning with the remorse of having caused my own defeat in the face of palpable victory.
I was bawling in a way that sounded almost comedic, even to me. To Edward's credit, he didn't laugh or even look like he was fighting a smirk. His face looked so helpless.
The look on Edward's face would have been priceless if I wasn't so upset. It was an everyman face that said, I love my little lunatic so very much, but I have no clue of how to help. Yeah, I'd seen that face many times before on Charlie and Phil… and Emmett… and Jasper… and Jacob, poor Jacob. Perhaps men should start a support group or something. Yep, the women folk are crazy. I'm just saying.
"Please don't cry, Bella. Tell me what I can do. Tell me what you need."
"Edward please… kiss me again… and don't say no."
Without hesitation, Edward rushed to my side of the bed and kissed me. Immediately. Intensely. And this time I let him. And he let himself. Willingly. Completely.
Edward sighed a softened compromise, kissing the stain of tears on my face while his fingertips traced the ones his lips were not attending to. An icy cold mouth on my neck and ears began to ease my mind.
Edward trailed kisses ardently down my shoulder. I rubbed his ribs and raked my fingers up his sides. He sighed and kissed me all the more. This gorgeous man was finally going to give me what I had been needing, and my need was so great. I widened my legs.
Still kissing my neck, I heard him chuckle darkly in acknowledgement of my action. He slid one of his hands down to possessively caress my calf and lower thigh, as he hummed into my neck before lifting his head.
"Did you… need something, Mrs. Cullen?" His voice was low, adoring, playful, sexy. He came up to my face, kissed my lips, and hovered, waiting to hear my response. His beautiful smile was boyish and desirous. His eyes were sparkling.
I blushed intensely and had to look away. He stroked my face, pausing to hold on the warmth of my cheek. He kissed my jaw and breathed deeply just under my ear.
"Let's see what we can do to make your blush bloom stronger, my love." His voice was deep and soft.
Edward placed a trail of icy-hot sensations across my skin. My heart leaped. His cool fingers wrote love notes on my arms and shoulders; a soft moan drizzled down my throat. Goosebumps raised as his cold marble hands continued their advance across me.
Extending out my shiver, Edward's fingers slinked the tiny, delicate straps off my shoulders. He stole looks at me, gauging if I was ready for him to pull it down further. I sat up and wordlessly voiced my consent by slowly sliding my arm out of one of the straps, allowing the top to fall unevenly. The dusting sensation of the fabric was very exciting on my skin, but the gaze we held was even more so.
I brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed it, then I brought it down to my chest. Edward made the most sublime sound. He paused to take in my gesture. I inhaled sharply, and bucked my chin up a little, tilting my neck as an invitation. He traced my clavicle with his index finger, and then traced me lower, lighting a blaze on my skin where he would go. He leaned in and kissed me.
"My beautiful wife," he sighed. I sighed. In an overcome instant, his mouth rushed to the newly revealed parts of me. I fell back in a swoon.
All at once, he was hungrily, needfully, soulfully upon me. His hands were now allowing themselves to touch me like the first night - when he touched me like only he ever would. Like I would only ever want.
The sensuous timbre of his voice, his extraordinary lips, his anxious breathing, his velvet steel hands – they were all over me, screaming up my spine. My voice heralded my body's pleasure. How I'd missed this. I rubbed my leg along his like a cricket and dragged my fingers across his back, moving them up to tangle them in his wild, beautiful hair.
His eyes flashed furiously across me, consuming me as potently as his passionate touch. I fumbled for his waistband. He had too many clothes on, and we needed to fix that. Quickly. As soon as I touched them, I knew that his body fervently agreed with me. Fever shot through me to my core. My hands became too jittery to be precise.
I found myself anxious to rub my hand against him. And I did. And Edward let me. His breathing was shaky. He turned his body in closer to me, his hands on top of mine in conflict about whether his purpose was to get me to stop or show me how he wanted me to stay.
"Ahhh… Bella..." His eyes glowed with urgent passion. His face slumped into my shoulder, yielding his will to my discretion. It was clear he wasn't asking me to stop. Edward's hips started to move, reminding me of what it felt like when he rocked into me the last time…
I channeled my wants into an all-consuming focus upon him. I felt almost possessed with lust. Edward's growl was darker than I was used to. It startled me, but it was exciting. Apparently, it startled him too, because he shook his head as if shaking off a fog. He made himself perfectly still. Then gently, he redirected my hands back to his chest, and closed his eyes, regrouping. I sighed.
He spoke, drunken and uneven. "Bella, I'm too… excited, right now. It'd be too difficult to continue to control my strength for now. I have to compose myself, before I could go… further. Do you understand? I'm sorry."
I nodded, trying not to look disappointed. Well, at least he didn't say we had to stop for good. I didn't want to make him feel bad, especially when he was trying again, so I took one more heavy kiss, carefully trying to hide my frustration and attempting to bury my feelings on his lips.
"It's okay, Edward. I understand." I tried to keep my tone light, but I had to get up; I couldn't bear to be in the bed anymore right then. My heart really felt for the hell my beautiful husband was in, and I didn't want to cause him anymore pain.
I turned the lamp on, and then pulled the straps back up on my nightie, feeling suddenly exposed. He pursed his lips like he really hated to see them go back up. My ego took some comfort in that.
His composure was still uneven as he spoke again. "No, Bella, you misunderstand me. I didn't mean we'd have to stop altogether."
I furrowed my brow in confusion.
"I just meant… you… first." He was silent, staring at me as he let that thought hang in the air. My knees understood his meaning a half a second before the rest of me.
Edward rushed to me and caught my balance. "Come here," he smiled. He seemed a little easier now.
Edward opened his arms to envelop me. I threw myself at him into a tight hug. This was good for us. I was sure he must have remembered this, as I had, as the way we began in the water last week. He kissed the top of my head. I inhaled deeply into his chest. I was home. This is where I was free. This is where I belonged.
"Are you calmer now, Edward?"
"Somewhat, but still not enough." As soon as I asked, I could hear his still-shaky breath. He brought two fingers under my chin and tilted my head up.
"But I am calm enough to focus on my lovely wife, and give her what she deserves to have."
I closed my eyes and smoldered quietly in that statement. He kissed my eyelids.
Edward dipped me back like a ballroom dancer and planted one singularly magical kiss upon my lips. It was good he was still holding me, as I'd have fallen again. I brought my hand up to caress his cheek.
"Love, I will never grow tired of hearing you speak my name like that." He flipped my hair behind my shoulder and kissed me again before tilting me back upright.
"Should I turn this light off, love?" His question affected me. I could tell by his sensual tone that Edward wasn't asking if he should proceed with his plan for satisfying me. He was asking me if I wanted tosee it happen. My brain shattered, my heart raced, and of course, I blushed. He smiled.
"Okay, love, I'll turn it off."
Edward raised an intrigued eyebrow. I was as surprised by my answer as he was.
"As you wish, my love."
No I'm not the man I used to be lately / See you met me at an interesting time / And if my past is any sign of your future / You should be warned before I let you inside / Hold on to whatever you find, baby / Hold on to whatever will get you through / Hold on to whatever you find, baby / I don't trust myself with loving you
- I Don't Trust Myself, John Mayer
Edward's strong hands rounded my elbows and stroked my arms.
"Lay down, love." He couldn't resist running his fingers across my cheeks before guiding me to lie near the foot of the bed.
This time, he took no restriction upon himself in undoing my top… and my nerves. His lips found me exactly where he wanted, and as much as he wanted. Everywhere. At any time, for any reason. He owned my body, and never needed to give it back, as far as I was concerned.
And his hands. His magnificent hands. Edward was a genius at loving me.
Lower. Slower. Everywhere. Nowhere. Painfully, deliberately. Taking tangents and detours that drove my desire to recklessness.
Finally, the palm of his hand gently coaxed me to open my legs. I shuddered. And complied.
He made quick work of my fastenings. I wished the lights were off then, but Edward was so good about keeping me comfortable.
"Bella… look into my eyes. You are beautiful." His hands painted with broad strokes. He kept them gentle, sparse, and patient. So wonderful.
"Bella, look into my eyes. I love you." Tickles and caresses of a nature unfathomably blissful met me.
I was in conflict with the still-shy parts of me that felt so displayed, and the not-so-shy parts that wanted to rub myself against whatever part of Edward I could get in contact with first. I wanted to jump out of my skin. His hands seemed to want to help me. I felt decadent and wild, spread wide open like that.
"Bella, look into my eyes. You are beautiful, so beautiful. You are the splendor in my life, in every single way." His touch became so tantalizing, more difficult to bear, but also more incredible because I was in this experience with my husband, offering all of myself so freely to his care.
There was no longer self-consciousness in me, no, none at all. Edward had seen to that in the respectful way he was bringing me to this freedom. Of course my husband would bring this out of me.
I realized it was more about me giving myself the permission to escape into this pleasure unimaginable. I arched my back and pulled my legs even wider than he had already parted me. He noticed this, but there was no teasing from him now. He wasn't going to ask what Mrs. Cullen needed this time; he was just going to give her the answer he already had in mind.
"Bella, look into my eyes. I adore you." Edward kissed my mouth and sank his finger into me. With deliberate pace and accuracy, he elicited great pleasure from the very depths of me.
Edward immediately experienced my body's reaction to his presence, and prepared for more. He inhaled deeply, his voice hoarse, his eyes burning embers. I watched him steel himself, scared for the monster and for me. But I wasn't scared at all.
"Oh, Bella, your flower… so sweet… so ready."
He broke away from my face, his mouth parted slightly, disclosing his tongue, peeking out of carefully postured lips. I closed my eyes, barely conscious, debatably sane.
"This is what I think about every time my wife pleads with me to give her more affection." His mouth moved forward to avidly join the location of his hand.
Heaven help me.
His tongue and fingers become the harmony, and I was the instrument being played. And they played the blazes out of that song - again and again. And again.
Over the course of this virtuoso performance, the arrangement and the tempo crossed many genres and styles. But the melody, oh the melody, Edward kept it in perfect pitch. I was sure people from the mainland could hear me when I leant my singing. His agile hands were thrilling the audience.
Time stopped. Atoms split. The Earth spun in retrograde around the Sun. And I burst from the inside, thrashing about wildly.
I felt like a supernova imploding, and yet, he didn't stop. Had he just decided to go ahead and kill me after all?
"Oh my God! Edward!" Not only did he not stop, he got more intense. Who knew it was possible for the Sun to get hotter?
I grabbed his hair again. I was kind of surprised he had any left, the way I'd been pulling on it since he began. I tried pushing him off, moving my hips away, but he had an undefeatable lock on me. I knew if I really wanted him to, he'd stop. But I didn't.
Then, without changing what he was doing, his eyes shot up to me, looking more through my eyes than into them. He and my soul were having a conversation that I was not in on.
And that was it… a roaring rushing tide washed away any last lingering semblance of a mind I ever had. State Capitols fell right out. The Periodic Table of Elements dissipated. Passwords, user IDs… gone. My own name even escaped me, but his most assuredly did not. I began chanting it like a prayer.
"Edward. Edward. Oh, Edward." He growled directly into me, sending vibrations through me, and kept going, until I broke the final time.
Finally, he stopped, finding much audacity to kiss me softly and sweetly, in genuflection upon exiting the temple.
Oh. My. God! He should get an award. Or a pint of blood. Hell, he can have mine, all of it. I don't need it.
If I didn't understand before, I certainly could understand then how the Incubus prey could be so happily willing. What a way to go.
If the rest of my love life after the change was going to be more intense than that, I was in serious, serious trouble. My mind flashed back to his little veiled threat, from our first time when I'd gotten a little too carried away...
"Thank you for the sample, Mrs. Cullen. I must say I shall enjoy meeting you on the field when you can fight fairly. Or more accurately, when I can reciprocate."
Yep, BIG trouble. But what a lovely way to burn.
"Bella?" Edward was lightly tapping my arm.
"Hmm? What? Oh, sorry." I didn't even realize I had passed clean out and was having this little monologue from a place far, far away.
"No worries, love. I would have let you sleep. I just couldn't hear your breathing very well, and your heart had slowed way down. I was just worried."
He was all grins, even a little smug. "So, how are we now, love?"
"Edward, I don't even know what to say. Whoo!" I punched my fists straight up into the air.
"So, feeling a little better, then?" Definitely smug.
I rolled my eyes. "Don't be an ass, Edward… and stop looking like that cat that ate the canary."
Drat. As soon as it left my lips, I realized what I'd said. I grimaced. His face was tickled and mischievous; he raised one eyebrow.
"Well, actually, love…"
"Edward Cullen, I swear to God…."
He flashed one great big smile, then dropped the act. "No, sincerely, I'm delighted that you enjoyed yourself so much. It was a great pleasure for me too, to experience you that way. You were veryuninhibited, completely surrendered to your passion. Your faces were… extraordinary. It was incredible to be able to do that for you. With you."
"So where did you learn to… how did you… when did you…"
"Honestly, I didn't know how it would be. I've never done that before. Plus I was so nervous about keeping you away from my teeth."
Flashbacks screamed through my head of his talented ice-cold tongue.
"Are you serious?"
"We were both chaste when we married, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. I guess I'd just forgotten in this context. So, what… did they teach you that at Incubus Camp?"
He rolled his eyes and growled a little just for effect, but wasn't really angry; then he flashed a wide beautiful smile. He had to laugh himself.
"Well, since I read minds and I've been alive for over a hundred years, there isn't too much I haven't seen or heard at this point. I've also had the benefit of seeing what common, shall we say, aspects were universally enjoyable - through the mind's eye, at least."
"So you just kept that stored up in your little noggin for the right time, did ya?"
"No, not really. I just sort of picked it up, like language immersion. You forget that my want to be physically intimate with someone is all new to me, too. Before you, I didn't have much of any interest in mating with another woman. And besides, some of it is just instinct taking over. Remember how you… ahem… moved… last time, love?"
"No one taught you how to do that; it was just your instincts. So natural, so beautiful, SO good."
"I was good?" I asked eagerly, aware of the wide-eyed tone with which I inquired about my sexual prowess.
"Bella, you made a vampire weak..." he paused longingly and caught my eyes, "...or had you forgotten?"
"You're not just saying that?" I chirped, wanting him to confirm I was a saucy vampire maven.
"Bella, honestly, I'd expected our physical loving to be powerful because of the newness and how much we love each other. I had not been prepared for you to be so… formidable as well." He kissed me with grave intensity.
"And, it usually doesn't work that way between mortals and immortals. Very often it's a one-sided affair. But somehow… leave it to you... I have no advantages with you."
Now I was gloating with a grin.
"I've created a monster." He shook his head and rolled his eyes again, pleased with my bolstered confidence.
"Okay… your turn!" Eager to attempt to repay him in-kind, hoping my 'instincts' would be as good to him as they had been the last time, I began to easily unfasten his pants. My husband had worked out every last twitching nerve in my body. Plus I was feeling all sexy vixen-y now.
He caught my hands at his waist. "Bella, my goodness!" He smiled, surprised and a little exasperated. "Have you not had enough? Did you want more?" He looked slightly defeated, and then shrugged his shoulders, tilted his head and smiled, as if to say, 'Okay, well I've got more work to do.'
God help me, I almost let him. I paused to let the warmth run through me. My body still had a vertigo of sorts from the last round.
"No, Edward. That wasn't exactly what I meant… well… hmm."
I smiled, still considering it, even though I was still utterly unhinged.
"I meant, for you, it's time to focus on you."
"Bella, I don't think that's possible until you're changed."
Aha! J'accuse! So that was his new strategy… to keep me slap happy, so I wouldn't even remember what day of the week it was, let alone miss making love with him. Yet another "tire Bella out" strategy. Admittedly, this one sure was super awesome.
"So you really still aren't going to…"
He looked down and shook his head quickly and discretely, like that might help me not to react badly.
"And you're going to deny yourself for another two or three years until my blood lust settles down?"
"Can it not be enough that I attend to your needs? I think that this could really be the perfect solution. Besides, I get a great deal of pleasure touching you like that." His voice dropped and softened. "I mean, it's really, really something… to see you like that, Bella."
His eyes lasered into my eyes. He was so dazzling I almost forgot my argument. Almost. I shook his spell off of me.
"No, it is not a perfect solution, Edward!"
"Hmm, I beg to differ with you. And your behavior earlier would also indicate otherwise…"
He really looked sheepish and adorable. Impossible, sexy vampire!
"Don't be cute right now. Please. Hear me out."
"Alright, love, I'm listening." He focused, sincerely and intently.
"Thank you. It's not that I don't LOVE what you just did. If I could bottle that up, I could effectively bring about world peace tomorrow."
He looked down, laughed a soft chuckle through his nose, and nodded slowly, flattered.
"But that's just it… it was only for me. It's important for me to share pleasure with you too. And honestly, even as brilliant as tonight has been, I still just really long to be reunited with you again, in our beautiful way.
"Edward, don't you want that too? Even though tonight was amazing, it's not us… together, you know? Now, I'm not saying you should never do that to me again, because by all means you should! And often!"
I smiled coyly, as if to say 'take notes.'
"But the physical is not the most compelling reason of why I need to be with you. The physical knows nothing of my spiritual craving for you. Can you understand that?"
His face grayed with sadness and he nodded. "Of course I do, Bella. You have no idea how much it pains me that I can't lay with my beautiful new bride… because I hurt her." He looked agonized.
I tried to interrupt to tell him again he hadn't really hurt me last time, but he just kept talking, shooting me a look pleading for his sanity that I not continue.
"You have no idea how much you excite me, and what danger you're in when that happens. You have no idea of the power your body holds over me, and the sheer miraculous will of love it's taken to keep you alive. You really overestimate my self control and underestimate my want for you. Everyone does." His voice had hardened.
"This is so unfair. Clearly you don't want me that much." I didn't mean it; I regretted saying it as soon as I'd said it.
"Bella…" He looked horrified and hurt. I felt ashamed and looked down. "Why do you say things like that? Do you want to hurt me? Or is that what you really think of me? Do you assume that it's easy for me to be near you when you're so… oh, help me… so very willing…" his eyes were furious "…knowing the only thing keeping you alive is my tattered resolve?
"And fair? You want to talk of fair, Bella? You've been sexually mature for what, seven or eight years? I've been seventeen for one hundred and one. And I'd managed to live perfectly disconnected from my desires, until you – because no one ever sang to my soul like you before. Now I'm unbalanced all of the time.
"Unfair is lying awake every night knowing your beloved wants you as much as you want her, and that you can't really do anything about it unless you're willing to take her natural life away.
"Unfair is eighty years of feeling desperately alone on the inside while your family is happily coupled with their soul mates.
"Unfair is not being able to trust myself to not accidently or intentionally murder you. Not only do I love you, but I crave you in every way possible. Your good heart, your beauty, your fascinating mind, your smell. You are the most addictive, incensing, alluring treasure there could ever be for me. So don't talk to me about what's fair, Bella."
He turned his back to me.
"Edward, I'm so very sorry. Please find a way to forgive me."
His anger had not yet receded. "Would you feel better if I treated you cheaply and violated you with disregard - putting your life at risk in order to sate my carnal appetites?"
I was heavy with remorse, trying to keep welling tears inside. I did not want him to comfort me, which I knew he would. He deserved his anger. It was righteous. I was wrong.
But he heard me anyway- damn vampire hearing- and true to form, he softened, coming to my rescue, now only feigning anger.
"And just look at you. How could I not want you? And you make it even worse, wearing these maddening… things… designed to torture me. Don't we have enough problems without you and Alice conspiring to bring about my demise?"
I wasn't prepared to let myself off the hook as easy as he was making it for me. I focused in, waiting for his present eye contact.
"Edward, sincerely, I'm sorry."
"Thank you, love. Of course you are forgiven. I am also sorry to have spoken so. I know you didn't mean it; I was just hurting. You're just so full of love and aliveness for me. What a lucky man I am to have such a woman. Besides, you're giving up so much to be with me. I do realize that, sweetheart, and I am very grateful; I only wish I could give you more."
I smiled and nodded. "Your love has already given me everything I need. I'm so happy just to be with you. And from here on, I won't bug you and harass you anymore. I will wait until after I am changed."
He looked overjoyed with relief and simultaneously disappointed. "And you would really do that? Can you really accept the waiting?"
"Yes. I'd never fully thought about it from your perspective before. I always just chalked it up to your overprotective nature and your lack of faith in yourself. But you've always borne the brunt of the self-control. I want to help you with that now. You shouldn't have to do it all yourself."
"Thank you, so much, love." He kissed me tenderly. "I truly am a lucky man."
"So, okay, let's talk boundaries, and this time, I'll actually listen." He put his arm around me. "Is kissing very hard on you?"
"No, not most of the time now."
"So, okay, we can still kiss?"
"Okay, that's good. And caressing?"
"And what about your hair, can I still touch your hair?"
"I would be offended if you didn't. You know, Bella, we can carry on doing most of what are doing now, except the physical act itself, or you… touching me similarly." His eyes rolled back a little. "I also think I could be strong enough to continue on... bringing you world peace-" he grinned and eyed me sensuously for the sheer torment of the effect "-provided you keep your hands to yourself."
"Now, see, you can't say things like that!"
"So what, my exquisite, young wife will just shut down, like her grumpy vampire husband! Oh no, no, no… that will never do…"
"So what do we do then? Do you want to talk about it?"
"I fear I know how this conversation must end, sadly. But I am willing to talk."
"Maybe if I didn't… move around… as much…"
"Maybe, but even if you could be that disciplined, how much fun would you have? Bella, it's a terrible feeling to have to hold back when you love someone so much. I know what a price that is to pay. I would never want to ask that of you."
"Edward, you do it every day, and that's exactly my point. And if it would mean bringing more into your life, then it would be worth it. Plus, it would mean we could be together as a team, making our lives work on our own terms."
"Bella, it is nearly impossible to not give in to the feelings, and knowing how I am about you, I will make sure that you are pleased. You going out of control means me going swiftly the same. Bella, if I ever lost you…"
"You can't say that for sure. Neither can you say with that you would be able to stay in control."
"But, Edward, that's just it. I am strong enough, I know I am. I can handle it, if it means I get to be with you again. I just know we can handle it together. You ask me to trust you all the time. I'm asking you to trust me.
And if something goes wrong… I was going to be changed anyway. You yourself said there are few things in life that venom can't fix. You said Emmett was nearly in pieces when Rosalie brought him home."
"You can't say that for certain it will work like that."
"Nothing is certain in this life except our love for each other. We can make this work. But Edward, if you're not sure, I am willing to wait. Because I'm strong enough for that too… now."
Impressed, he nodded in acknowledgement that he knew it to be so.
"So what do you think? Where does this leave us?"
He smiled and shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea, love. I need some time to think, but I promise you, I am keeping an open mind. I am really hearing you, hearing this conversation far better tonight. And thank you. Enough negotiations for tonight? Are you hungry? Sleepy?
"Well, I don't know about you, but I would love a bath… care to join me?"
"I'd be delighted. Would you do the honors?" He gestured at the now mythically-affixed pajama bottoms.
He dropped his arms to his sides, indicating he would give me no struggle for his waistband now.
I recited from our agreement, "...and no touching you similarly…"
He looked up, smiling, searching for a little compromise in the language.
"Well… maybe just a little touching might be okay," he said with an eager smile.
I flashed a cheesy grin. "As you wish…" I said while my hands were loosening his pants.
His bottoms dropped down and he stepped out, naked and bold, enjoying my eyes upon him.
"Finally!" I said snarkily and entitled, like I wasn't actually blushing and hypnotized, again. I bit my lip, and continued to let myself enjoy the view. What a view it was. I bit my lower lip again. Edward grumbled.
"Oh, come here, you." He feigned annoyance while pulling me closer.
I literally leapt at him, trying to climb him to get to his lips. And he felt the same way. It was not nearly enough for him to run his hands over me while his lips gave their impassioned testimony; he had to get me closer. So he took me up into his arms, wrapping my legs around him.
I locked my ankles together behind him and hooked my fingers together at his neck. We continued to share very slow, hot, lingering kisses. I could have stayed like this forever.
Before long, Edward shifted me around so that he could hold me with one hand, leaving his other hand free to explore. He looked adoringly into my eyes while rubbing my outer thigh with a firm, velvety caress. His hand next visited my spine and then my face, stopping for long and proper visits wherever he went.
What were we doing? This was not helpful. I pulled back from his mouth, having no idea how I found the strength to do it. I looked into his eyes apologetically.
He just shook his head slowly and smiled adoringly. I looked up at the ceiling as if to say, What? I know nothing. I really hadn't planned this, but now the heat was again upon my body and my mind, and certainly upon him.
"Absolute death of me," he said, smiling, and continued to look on me fondly.
Somehow this experience was precious and new after our talk. I really had a renewed admiration for how strong Edward had been. My respect and gratitude for him had my heart swelling. I stopped to beam gazing admiration on him.
"Should we stop? Is this too much for you?"
He looked so pleased and grateful for my asking the question.
"No, I'm alright, we can keep going a little more. Actually..." he paused and sat us down on the bed, with me still squarely upon his lap.
"Bella, I was wondering if we should just try again. After our talk, I feel… it might be okay. I want to make this work with you. And I do trust you, so much. What do you think?" He rubbed my sides, noting the texture of the fine silk and French lace on his fingers.
"Edward, are you sure? I think you may be unduly influenced right now."
He nodded. "You know, I probably am, but I've got a good partner, and she has my confidence completely.
"Bella, I trust you. Just, please, let's go slowly."
I nodded. "Slowly." Kiss.
"Would you get the light?"
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now / And all the roads we have to walk are winding / And all the lights that lead us there are blinding / There are many things that I would like to say to you / But I don't know how / Because maybe / You're gonna be the one that saves me / And after all / You're my wonderwall
Shortly after the room returned to darkness, devouring kisses met my mouth, and moonlight filtered onto our skin once again.
I discovered cool wondrous hands ambling under me on an obvious and welcome path back to my earlier joy.
I hoped that he might be open to me reciprocating, despite our embargo pact. I let my hand come down between us.
He nodded, perhaps unwilling or unable to say no. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, love… just…"
"Slowly, yes… okay." I smiled and repeated back in demonstration of my understanding of this imperative.
"Thank you," he said, smiling. A whisper was all he could muster; my hand was already upon him.
Sitting in his lap like this was a sweetly indulgent experience. It allowed me to feel completely wrapped in Edward's body temperature, and most of all, his love.
Soon, we both laid back, stretching out. Side by side, we were propped on our arms and elbows - this was much better suited to our mutual pursuits.
I threw my leg over him and he scooted me in closer. It was very erotic for me, making eye contact with my man while our hands sought out our mutual delight. It was like two different conversations going on at the same time, and each was so terribly interesting.
Apparently finished tantalizing me with the promise of more, Edward upped the ante, reintroducing his fingers into me. Unable to manage enough focus to hold myself up, I went flat on my back, but I did not let go of him. Edward came up in a perfect parallel along my side, half covering me. His cool, strong, hands delivered pleasure, while mine kept time on him.
The eye contact was exciting, intense. Fire receiving ice, ice wrapped in warmth. Neither of us looked down at the stirring of our hands. We both stayed lost in the each other's eyes, and their secret confessions.
Just feeling his arm move in painstaking consideration of my fragility, and pleasure, was enough to raise my temperature, and do me in. And he knew it before I did, smiling at me, kissing me. Groaning a little bit in eager anticipation of the faces I would surely make, his beautiful eyes sparkled as he half hovered over me. But I fought to stay conscious. I'd just now had my first sample of what Edward had to fight with.
"Bella, how do you… resist it?" He looked astonished.
"For you, I can do anything with you." He looked touched, then his faced morphed.
His voice was low and sexy as fire. "Then let go for me, and look in my eyes when you do."
I almost crashed, but I held on. The heat wrapped back into me instead, trying to reabsorb, but there was so much there already. Edward's plan backfired as he drove himself to distraction by making me hotter.
"Oh… love…" Shudders and sighs came fast from him, so I slowed my rubbing a bit, remembering my promise to help him.
"Should I stop?"
He nodded. "Yes… please."
"Okay," I said, a little weakly, disappointed, but wanting to help.
But that was not at all how he meant it. Edward meant I should stop because he was coming over to properly put out that fire he started.
"May I, Bella?"
I tipped his chin up and changed his focus back into my eyes.
"You never have to ask me, Edward. It's yours, all yours."
He kissed me and moaned. He reached down.
I brought my hand down and moved his out of the way. He looked very confused.
I mustered a very sexy voice, looking into his eyes. "No, that is yours. This is mine." He shuddered and moaned. I'd nearly ended him right then and there.
"Ohhh… God." He shuddered. I pushed my hips up to meet his and welcomed him home.
Edward grasped my leg under the bend of my knee, pulling me closer, arching his back and articulating his hips into me. Oh, so good, it was just as I had remembered, so very good. Maybe better even. He made love to me so slow. Again. And again. Again…
With a soft growl, Edward pawed at the naked skin on my belly. Huh… I could have sworn I was still, partially at least, wearing my little nightie. Oh well, maybe he took it off of me when we started… who knows… who cares.
Edward's movements continued exquisitely. But even more than the first time, I could really appreciate all of the love and conflict going on within him. I kissed him admiringly, compassionately. I understood him even better now.
"Edward, look at me. I love you."
"Bella," he whispered like a prayer.
He knew immediately that I was trying to give him the same nurturing encouragement he'd given me earlier when I was having trouble allowing my pleasure. He stroked a little deeper. I threw my head back and clung to his neck. He caressed my haunches in soothingly cool, deliberate motions.
"Edward, look at me. I adore you."
"Oh, Bella." He rolled his hips and wiggled in a way I couldn't begin explain. I shrieked and writhed. Understanding how he had affected me, he did the move again. I cried out. And he did it again. I whimpered. And he did it again.
"Edward, look at me. You are beautiful." He knew I didn't mean in the physical, which of course, he was.
"Bella…" He clasped both sides of my face and pulled me in to kiss me.
"Beautiful, just beautiful," I said, beaming proudly at my husband. I wanted to figure out a way to live inside this man. My love for him was unbearable in that moment. "Beautiful soul."
"Edward, look at me. I trust you."
"Thank you, my angel." He held my left hand, kissing my wedding ring. Then he guided it to his chest. "This is where you are to me. You are my life. You are my whole life now, Isabella Cullen."
We kissed like people renewing vows, while he continued to bring us closer to heaven.
Asking a silent question with his eyes, I answered it with a nod. Edward was asking me if I was close, because that's where he was.
"Edward, don't be scared, just let go. It's just you and me."
With passion burning stunningly beneath in my veins, I gave in to the power of the moment, but then so did Edward, like he had just been waiting for me. Apparently his chivalry extended even into this.
Lightning flashed inside our bodies. Then came the thunder. Then came the rain.
We shook and trembled until we had nothing left to offer.
"Bella… there are no words for me to explain…"
"Then don't try. I don't need them. I already live with your love in my heart."
He kissed my mouth perfectly. "Thank you."
I laid my head down on his chest and drifted fast asleep.