~ die verwandlung ~
Up in his loft crowded together with a sprawling, sleeping Daisuke, Ken sat up, because he himself couldn't sleep, and he just couldn't stop looking.
Daisuke was naked. It was getting to be morning, so the light in the room was now a kind of dim grey with pre-dawn gloaming, which meant that Ken could see Daisuke's body clearly, could see every part including those parts that used to hurt him to think about.
He wanted so desperately to touch, but he also didn't want to wake him.
Daisuke. Was. So. Beautiful.
Ken just couldn't get over it. It was oppressive even thinking about it, but he also couldn't stop, so all that meant that there was a pleasant heaviness in his chest, a fullness of being as if he were going to explode. The last time he'd seen Daisuke's naked body had been years before last night, and had been a completely non-sexual context so it hardly counted. Ken had trained himself back then to strictly suppress his natural reaction by a combination of misdirected thought and secretly induced physical pain (usually by pinching himself).
That last time it had been too hard, or rather too difficult, and Ken's arousal had nearly been discovered. So from then on Ken had to be strict not with his reactions, but by not allowing himself to get into such situations in the first place.
Minomon, unfortunately, was also awake, and bouncing (quietly, it should be said) on Ken's pillow, all agitated because he obviously wanted to ask Ken what was going on but was sensitive to the fact that Ken wanted to let Daisuke sleep. Ken smiled at his Digimon partner fondly, petting the top of his tiny green head. If asked which of Wormmon's forms was his favorite, he'd say he liked them all equally, but the truth was that this form was his favorite since he was so cute and... bouncy. It was very unlike Wormmon in any other iteration of self.
It didn't bother him that he was naked in front of Minomon, because on the scale from pet to sentient creature, Minomon was simply not human enough for it to feel sexual. Maybe it would feel weird if Wormmon were in Stingmon mode.
Ken held up one finger in front of his lips. Shh, the gesture said. He'd had to make that gesture at least a dozen times already, but he had endless patience for Minomon's bounciness and didn't get irritated at all.
The bouncing didn't stop but it became slightly more decorous; Minomon compensated by flailing his tiny arms wildly. Ken picked him up; obviously he wanted to say something and it would be cruel to deprive him altogether. Holding his partner up to his face, Ken whispered "what?" very gently.
"Where is Chibimon????" was Minomon's important query, made in very quiet, cute tones.
Of course. "Home, I think," Ken whispered back.
"All alone????????" The agitation was palpable.
Hm. Ken really didn't know. Daisuke was possibly thoughtless enough to have done that, but it had been a rather eventful night after all, and in any case it was only one night. Still, Minomon had a point. If Daisuke had been planning on going home after spying on Ken's date with Hikari, then Chibimon would not know that he'd be gone all night, and might be worried. Ken looked down at Daisuke thoughtfully, and then nodded to his partner. It would be okay to wake him for this.
Still, he wanted to do it slowly. Placing a now placated Minomon back on his pillow, Ken reached for Daisuke's body, hesitating because there were so many parts he wanted to touch and it was hard to decide where to start. Having kicked off the sheets far earlier, Daisuke was on his back, arms up above his head, snoring gently. Daisuke sleeping wasn't quite the same Daisuke as Daisuke awake, and Ken had never before allowed himself this pleasure, being afraid both of the risk and of his own possible reaction.
If all went well, from this day forth there would no risk. None at all.
If all went well.
He chose Daisuke's side to begin petting, going for the brown skin on his flank between his ribs and hip, brushing fingertips over the smooth skin as cautiously as if drawing calligraphy with a brush. This induced a tiny flutter of response, Daisuke clenching his belly a little as if that were a bit ticklish. It probably was.
But it didn't wake Daisuke, and Ken hadn't intended it to... Chibimon surely didn't need to be informed this very minute, so it was okay to go slow and take his time and basically indulge himself. He had so many possessive fantasies regarding Daisuke, a few which were frankly creepy and disturbing, but even setting those aside, the truth was that he just wanted to touch him. Over and over. He never wanted to stop.
Why are you so beautiful, his fingers seemed to ask, a mute question for which there would never be a satisfactory answer.
He slid his palm over that same area, not wanting to feel the smoothness so much as the substance this time. It was as if he could sense Daisuke's heft, or rather his lightness, since Daisuke was so small, so perfectly proportioned and joyous that it occasionally made Ken feel ungainly and clumsy in comparison. Daisuke was short for a boy his age, although not so short as to be considered stunted. It made him seem eternally youthful and energized. It was one of the secrets of his appeal to all the girls who flocked to him, although mostly those girls had been tiny too, of a size more or less equal to his if not even significantly shorter.
Obviously, like most men, Daisuke preferred to date people shorter than himself, even if in many other respects they were female replicants of Ken. The fact that Daisuke could make an exception for him made Ken so grateful, all the more grateful because the truth was that he preferred shorter partners too, and Daisuke was just the perfect size for him.
"Is this really okay for you?" Ken whispered, sharing some of his last lingering doubts to a Daisuke who would never hear them. "Am I really okay?"
It probably was. Daisuke had always cast himself in the role as the protected one in their friendship, the one who was cared for and watched over, giving Ken pride of place as the tacit leader (never mind the fact that Daisuke was the one who actually led the Chosen Children even to this day). Even during those times when Daisuke was indubitably the one watching out for him, defending Ken from bullying and attacks, he never did so in a way that seemed possessive, but rather acted almost deferential... almost worshipful. Ken had to admit to himself, secretly, that this was also one of the reasons he held so much appeal.
Oh, Ken was just so terminally fucked up. He decided not to linger on these thoughts, since it was not fruitful to examine his own perversions too closely, lest he find them too inviting and become seduced down dark paths of the mind from which he might not recover. Daisuke... Daisuke was his shield. Daisuke didn't serve him so much as he stood before him, protecting him from both the world and the darkness inside of himself.
His fingers drifted down to Daisuke's penis, now flaccid and soft against his leg, his reddish brown pubic hairs scant and finely textured. The delicate skin down there was warmer than his belly, and a little bit moist even now. Ken wanted to put his mouth on it, like he had the night before, wanted to tease it into erection and wake it up as a prelude to waking up Daisuke. He really wanted to try that someday, but he wasn't going to do it today, because he had already decided that the only proper way to wake Daisuke after their first night together was with a kiss, and Ken was committed to doing things the right way.
Ken looked up at Minomon then, and for the first time he blushed.
Having Minomon see him naked was one thing, but having Minomon watch him as he fondled an unconscious Daisuke was another thing altogether. Minomon was looking on with a ferocious level of concentration and adoring curiosity, which was pretty much what Ken expected to see, and all that did was make him blush even harder. He and Daisuke were going to have to have a talk with their Digimon about sex and voyeurism, and how although it was okay if they watched (since where else were they going to go?) they might be encouraged not to watch quite so hard.
Such a talk would have to wait, however. Ken forced himself to give Minomon a comforting, bland smile before he carefully removed his hand from Daisuke's genitals and brought it up to a far more discrete and acceptable region: his nearest arm. Daisuke had one arm curled up over his head, and the other down by his side, palm up, and it was the latter which Ken touched now, a skittering skipping touch from shoulder to elbow down to fingertips, and back up again. Daisuke twitched a little in his sleep; he noticed that. Ken reached back down to interlace his fingers with Daisuke's, gripping his hand and then gently tugging Daisuke's arm upwards, so that it was up nearer to his head.
"Daisuke..." Ken whispered, a note of regret sublimated in his voice. "Wake up..." And then he kissed him on the mouth.
Regret quickly became anticipation. He wanted to see how Daisuke looked when he woke up, too, wanted to watch that moment of transition become realization. Wanting to fetch important data about how Daisuke truly felt about him, because in such a waking there would be an unguarded honesty in Daisuke's reaction to seeing Ken and realizing that Ken was holding him. He wanted to see it.
Ken backed off, hovering nearby after rendering the best wake-up kiss he could offer. Daisuke made a small little noise at the back of his throat, a sound of annoyance almost, but when Daisuke opened his mouth with his eyes still closed, it was clear that his annoyance was in being cheated of further kisses. Ken complied, sort of, dropping another light kiss on Daisuke's lips, and then backing off once more. "Come on…" Daisuke murmured sleepily. "Don't make me come and get you…"
Ken brought his lips near Daisuke's ear. "Daisuke." Slowly he brushed his lips over the upper earlobe, wanting to take it in his mouth but not feeling quite ready to do something like that yet. "Come and get me."
"Ken?" Daisuke's voice became a bit confused, and so Ken backed off yet again, watching Daisuke's face very carefully now.
Daisuke's face scrunched up and then lightened, a beatific smile coming over it. "Ken." He no longer sounded confused, and after a moment opened his eyes.
A romantic look passed between them, and Ken literally thought he could get lost in Daisuke's eyes, a thought that struck him as unforgivably sappy and yet also completely true. Fortunately for his self respect, Minomon broke in before Ken could say something about Daisuke's eyes, although it occurred to him that someday he'd have to take care of his aversion to schmaltz. Daisuke clearly liked that sort of thing and Ken wanted nothing more than to make Daisuke happy.
"Dai-chan!!!!!" Minomon had absolutely no problems with being sappy. "Where is Chibimon!!!!!!"
Minomon hopped over and began bouncing on top of Daisuke's face, which of course caused Daisuke to laugh (and close his eyes) and then grab Ken's tiny partner in mid air, holding him up and staring at him in delight.
"With Miyako, and Poromon." Daisuke shifted his gaze over to Ken, becoming sly. "Is that why you woke me up?"
"Well, yes." Ken blushed, feeling his nakedness even more now that he was sober and Daisuke was awake.
But Daisuke's attention was back with Ken's tiny Digimon. "You were worried, eh?" He started to tickle Minomon right at the pinecone junction on his body, which caused Minomon to break into giggles. "Never fear, I wouldn't ever leave Chibimon alone without letting him know." There was not a single bit of rebuke in his voice, just earnest reassurance, as if he were simply touched that Minomon was being so thoughtful. Which was probably exactly what Daisuke thought.
It made Ken feel mixed shame and pride, shame at himself for ever doubting Daisuke, and pride in Daisuke for… well, for just being himself.
Pushing back the hair from his face, Ken looked away, feeling pretty self-conscious. It had been very helpful, being drunk. Now that he wasn't any more, he realized that it would be all to easy to slip into old ways, and in fact he kind of wanted to, wanting to climb down out of bed and get dressed before Daisuke could look down and see Ken's erection, which was back. It felt like he should be humiliated for being so insatiable, even though such a thought was not logical now that he knew that Daisuke wanted him too.
"Ken." Daisuke was addressing him, so Ken forced himself to look at him again. "I think Miyako knows. I figured it out last night. She's probably known all along!"
Uh. "Yeah, she does."
"What?" Daisuke sat up, still holding Minomon in his arms, cuddling him to his chest. "You told her before you told me?"
"I didn't have much of a choice. You remember back when she liked me?"
"She liked you?"
Oh goodness. "Yes, she was in love with me."
"You're shitting me!"
"Unfortunately, I am not." Ken realized that he was smiling, his self-consciousness nearly obliterated. Daisuke might not even see Ken's erect cock even if he looked right at it. Not if he was in "gossip about Miyako" mode, anyway. "I broke her heart, you know. I had to tell her. If I weren't gay..."
"Do not say the words!" Daisuke's face became red. "I know what you are saying but don't say it." Daisuke didn't sound angry, he was just pleading. Ken reached out and ruffled Daisuke's hair, touching him until he calmed down. Ken wouldn't say the words.
"Oh, Daisuke, I love you," Ken said, helpless to resist the impulse. "Come here." Ken then took Minomon away from Daisuke, holding him up to his face. "May we have some privacy, please?" He didn't ask as if he expected the answer to be "yes," because Minomon had the right to say no.
But now that Minomon's concerns about Chibimon had been appeased, it seemed that he was more than happy to leave the two of them. "'Kay, Ken-chan." Minomon then bounced off the bed all the way to the floor, going over to Daisuke's D-3 and D-Terminal on Ken's desk, and snuggling up next to them.
Daisuke leaned over the edge of the bed, watching this with delight. "If only I'd known we were going to fall in love, I would have brought Chibimon with me!"
Yeah, that was the spirit. Ken pulled Daisuke back from the edge, and then reached over to grab his own D-Terminal, which he always kept near him in bed. "Send Miyako an email and tell her that you're not dead."
"Oooh, good plan!" Daisuke held it up, and immediately began to type out a message. Ken took this opportunity to lay his head down in Daisuke's lap, lying on his side so that he could press his cheek against Daisuke's (still not aroused) penis. Daisuke was absolutely precious and pure, and Ken loved him so much.
Ken listened to Daisuke plink around, and after a couple minutes went on with Daisuke still typing, Ken turned a bit to look up. "What, are you writing a novel?"
"No, but I had to tell Takeru too!"
"I see." Ken paused. "Takeru knew about your plan to spy on me?" he asked, a bit too casually.
"Yes, but he didn't approve." Daisuke continued to type. "Oh good, Miyako is up! She says hi."
If Miyako were up, she'd be demanding that Daisuke dish out all of the dirt, which Daisuke would probably do without any hesitation. So this emailing would probably take a while. "Tell her I say hi too," Ken said, rolling over a bit and rubbing his face into Daisuke's groin. Briefly, he'd entertained the idea of being annoyed that the emailing would force him to have to wait for more intimacy, but then he had a genius flash of insight: just because Daisuke was typing, it didn't mean Ken had to wait.
"K-Ken?" Daisuke asked, his voice husky and strangled.
"Keep talking to her," Ken said, smiling as another idea occurred to him. "But uncross your legs."
"Are you serious?" Daisuke said that in an almost horrified whisper, but he also uncrossed his legs posthaste.
Somehow, having Daisuke at his mercy while Daisuke was semi-distracted with emails with Miyako made Ken lose all of his residual embarrassment. The focus wasn't on him, or at least he could pretend Daisuke wasn't looking, and Ken could do a little judicious experimentation, testing out his comfort levels. After all, Daisuke had a lot more experience with sex then he did, and Ken had to catch up somehow. Ken intended to be at expert level by the afternoon.
Settling in, lying down on his belly with his legs stretched out towards the end of the bed, Ken just took a minute to admire Daisuke's now-twitching penis. He stroked it experimentally with one finger along one side, and then on the other, moving it around while it was still mostly soft, enjoying the way he could feel it respond, becoming firmer or softer depending on if he was touching it or just leaving it alone. Yes, Ken was absolutely gay, because he found this intensely fascinating. "Are you going to tell Miyako that we did it?" Ken asked, almost indifferently but with a little edge to his voice, one of smirking delight.
"Should I?" Daisuke's voice came out almost like a squeak. So precious.
"You can if you want."
Daisuke didn't respond, but he did start typing again, and there was an agitated quality to his typing which was very pleasing to the ear. Even though he was being kind of wicked, being in this position also made Ken feel strangely submissive, as if he were pleasuring a master instead of his… boyfriend.
Yes, Daisuke was his boyfriend now. Ken felt a flush climb into his cheeks yet again, the truth giving him a semblance of being stricken. It was an audacious, impossible truth, after all. Finding courage, Ken very carefully took the head of Daisuke's cock into his mouth, licking it all around the tip. Oh, so wanton. Ken closed his eyes, and decided to be as wanton as he wanted.
"Okay, I'm done," Daisuke announced, flipping closed the D-Terminal with a decisive click. "Miyako knows enough."
But Ken kept doing what he was doing, finding it easier to continue on with what he started than it had been to start it in the first place. Daisuke tasted so good, after all, and it wasn't so bothersome as he thought to realize that Daisuke was staring down at him, watching Ken play with his body as he looked on in quivering silence. Daisuke was completely hard now.
Right now Ken was playing at being Daisuke's toy, and it was a very sexy thing to think about. He himself was hard now, and squirmed a bit against his bed sheets, as if he were humping his bed. No, not "as if." He actually was. And still he continued to give Daisuke oral, thinking back on all of the things he'd researched online about superior technique. Ken had been looking into this for years. Someday, maybe he'd get Daisuke to be the one playing this role, and Ken would be the one looking down and admiring. There might be some danger down that road if Ken let himself get carried away, but it probably would be okay so long as Ken never asked of Daisuke anything he wasn't willing to do himself.
It didn't take long for Daisuke to come, all "ah ah ah!" and it was done. Improving Daisuke's staying power was a goal for another day, however. For now, Ken just allowed himself to enjoy the degradation of swallowing every last drop of Daisuke's come that he could manage. Some dripped from the corner of his mouth anyway, and Ken kept his tongue going until it was clear that Daisuke was entirely spent.
Girls had done this for Daisuke in the past. Ken intended to outstrip every last one of them.
"I love you, Daisuke," Ken said, looking up at last, admiring the overwhelmed look in Daisuke's eyes as he stared down at him, hand held out twitching to hover just over Ken's head. Ken was propped up on his forearms, and if he was still smirking it was not without a certain breathlessness of his own. "Go ahead," he said, looking pointedly at Daisuke's reaching hand. "Touch me."
Maybe a part of why it was easier was because Ken's own erection was neatly tucked away, hidden from sight. It felt so good when Daisuke petted him, touching the top of his head and smoothing down his hair. Ken closed his eyes, groaning some because he was intensely aroused. He… he really wanted to get off, too, but wasn't sure what to ask for, or how to ask for it, and there was something just perversely delightful on waiting for a clueless Daisuke to get things together and remember that Ken had needs, too.
At least now Ken didn't need to hide anything. There was no need to pull away or stiffen up, to pretend that he wasn't as turned on as he was. Daisuke wasn't disgusted with him, not at all. Knowing this kind of changed everything. Who cared if he was different, so long as he had one person who loved him for exactly what he was?
"Look at me," Daisuke said after a while of playing with his hair and exploring his face. "K-Ken…"
Opening his eyes, Ken gave Daisuke a level look.
"Roll over. On… on your back."
Swallowing, feeling a return of flustered self-consciousness, Ken complied, placing his head back down between Daisuke's spread-apart legs. It made him warm all over, and he swallowed again, when Daisuke stopped looking down at his face and instead cast his attention down the length of Ken's body, seeing his entire nakedness and his erection. A ridiculous grin broke out on Daisuke's face, and Daisuke scrambled to his knees, crawling over Ken, giving Ken a really lovely view of his thighs and cock as he went down to look more closely at Ken's arousal. "Miyako was always trying to get me to imagine sucking some other guy's dick," Daisuke said. "I always told her she was stupid, but maybe she wasn't so stupid after all."
It was a little surprising that Miyako would end up championing Ken's preferences for Daisuke, and it bothered Ken some because it reminded him of the fact that her feelings had never been trivial. Miyako had really loved him, and had cried so hard when Ken ended up turning her down after she'd worked up the courage to finally ask him. Ken couldn't wish that things had turned out differently, because Daisuke just needed him so much more than Miyako ever could, and Ken wanted to be needed even more than he wanted to be desired. And… Ken needed Daisuke, too, in a way that was just beyond regretting. It felt like he and Daisuke were made for each other, but Miyako… there had to be someone like that for her, too.
"I guess that makes me in her debt," Ken said lightly. He didn't mean it lightly, however. He really owed her.
"Can I?" Daisuke was asking, and all thoughts about Miyako and debts fled when something warm and wet touched his cock. Daisuke's… tongue.
Ken groaned piteously. Could he? Come on, Daisuke, that wasn't even fair. "Be my guest," he said in a choked, hoarse voice.
"Forgive me if I suck."
"… I won't forgive you if you don't suck."
"Eh? Oh." Daisuke laughed, but unsteadily, because it was clear he was feeling nervous about what he was about to do. Ken's heart was pounding so hard. "Good one, Ichijouji."
In this, Daisuke was as much of a virgin as Ken, and that made them equals. Daisuke was going at him from an upside-down angle, but Ken could see how there were advantages to that approach, because the curve of his erection was angled in a better way for Daisuke to just slide his mouth around it. Not that Daisuke did that right off… at first all he did was lick experimentally along the lower ridge, going back and forth with tiny kittenish swipes of the tongue. Ken gripped the bed sheets, hard, twisting them in his hands and arching backwards. Daisuke might not have staying power, but he had genius teasing power.
It wasn't even intentional, that's how good Daisuke was.
"Daisuke… yes, mmm, yes, there. There! Stop, keep going right there. Dai…" Oh god. He almost called Daisuke "Dai-chan." Ken gulped. A close call. "Motomiya…"
"Ken-chan… mmm!" Daisuke had never shared Ken's sense of reserve. "You know, this is lots of fun!"
Ken usually would have had a dry, amused little comeback, but it was hard to be amused when he was pretty much occupied with writhing and moaning and calling out Daisuke's name. This was everything he wanted out of life, right here. "Fun" was hardly the word for it, but that didn't mean it wasn't fun… it was just that, plus so much more. Daisuke started sucking Ken off properly, catching his stride and wiggling as he got the hang of things, obviously delighted with his own personal awesomeness as well as enjoying the kind of reactions he was getting out of Ken.
Ken… didn't have a lot of staying power, either, and it wasn't long before he too was ready to come.
And Daisuke tried to swallow it, Ken could tell he tried, but maybe it was just too surprising or he wasn't ready but in any case, most of Ken's come ended up on his belly instead of in Daisuke's mouth, making a real mess. The next minute was a distracted blur, Daisuke laughing as he proceeded to clean up Ken's body using his own tongue, while Ken just kind of decompressed into a deflated little bundle of pleasure and contentment.
Curling up on his side, Ken waited for Daisuke to finish up. He knew that turning over would make Daisuke's job a little tougher, but that was okay because it was just too adorable the way that Daisuke rose to the challenge, industrious as he rearranged himself. He took care of the last of Ken's mess, wiping everything dry with Ken's blanket and then crawling back up to lie down, facing him forehead-to-forehead.
Ken was so glad his parents were gone for the weekend. So glad. He didn't think he would have been able to reign in his desperate groans over what Daisuke had just been doing, not without some serious practice.
They'd have to find ways after this weekend to sneak off and have sex so that they could be as loud as they wanted. Probably off to the Digital World, although Ken had some qualms about doing it outdoors in a world where dangerous monsters still occasionally roamed. He had a brief vision of Stingmon carrying he and Daisuke off, naked, while ExVeemon fought some viral Digimon, and that was just… no. He wasn't ready for that.
Well, they'd think of something. For now…
"So you think we'll get to do this lots and lots?" Daisuke asked, putting a hand over Ken's cheek, thumbing his jaw and lips.
"I hope so."
"Can we do it all day today?"
Hm. Heh. "We can try." Ken reached up and mirrored Daisuke's action, touching Daisuke's face in much the same manner that his own face was being touched. "But we'll have to take a break eventually to go get Chibimon, because Minomon might not forgive me otherwise."
As if from afar, a tiny little voice cut in. "I always forgive you, Ken-chan!!!! But let's get Chibimon anyway!!!!"
"I think those two are even more in love than we are," Daisuke whispered to Ken loudly.
"Perhaps." Little giggles of agreement could be heard in the distance. "We'll also need to go get some food, since I don't have any of the things you like. But besides that, yeah, I'm yours for the rest of the day."
"It's like a honeymoon!"
"… I suppose." Ken was blushing again. Trust Daisuke to jump from one night of romance to talking as if they were married. "Soo… what next?"
"Well, we lie here for a while and just keep talking until one or the other of us gets horny again, which is when we'll start messing around and then…"
"I mean, are there any other kind of things you want to try?"
For his part, Ken wanted to try everything. But he didn't want to push Daisuke into doing anything he wasn't ready for, and already… oral was a huge step. It would be fine if they just stuck to that for now.
"Oh, obviously we need to start having real sex eventually," Daisuke said airily. "I just have no idea how."
Ken debated pointing out that oral was actually real sex, but decided against after he saw the greedy, eager look in Daisuke's eyes. Daisuke obviously really wanted to try "real" sex. "I know how," Ken said, voice low.
"Seriously?" Daisuke sat up, looking down. "Hey. I thought you were a virgin!"
"I was… er, am." Based on Daisuke's definition, anyway. "I just mean I know how it works."
"I guess that means I get to go first," Ken said, sounding smug, but feeling a bit breathless.
Daisuke rubbed his index finger under his nose, looking kind of abashed. "Yeah. I think that sounds right," he said, furthermore sounding shy and young. The picture of adorableness. "You've been gay lots longer than me, it's only fair."
Oh Daisuke. Ken smiled. "You're not gay just because you want to sleep with me, you know."
"I know that," Daisuke said, hesitating and becoming temporarily sullen. "I'm not stupid. It's just…"
"I've decided to be gay."
Could you just "decide" that? Ken had tried many times to "decide" to be straight, but it never took. Still, Ken waited patiently, knowing that there was something more to what Daisuke was saying than brazen ignorance, and not wanting to offend him by assuming otherwise. Despite what some people thought, Daisuke really wasn't stupid, even though he was often thoughtless. Smiling his encouragement, after a few moments Ken gestured for Daisuke to continue. "Go on."
"Um. What I mean is that I want to be the same thing you are." Daisuke put his hands down in his lap, and his face grew red. "And I want to be with you forever, so there's no point in saying I'm anything else."
"That makes sense." Ken felt his own cheeks becoming warm. He'd never heard anything so disarmingly tender and sweet which at the same time didn't make him want to hurl.
It wasn't just Daisuke's sincerity. It was the fact that deep down, Ken felt exactly the same.
Daisuke looked up, perking up once he realized Ken wasn't going to say anything snide. "Yeah. See? Although technically I suppose this makes me bisexual, I don't see why I should go with that because there is never going to be a girl I want more than you."
"I'm glad." Ken reached out, and took Daisuke's hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss Daisuke's rough knuckles. No, Daisuke wasn't gay, no matter what he claimed. But Ken was never going to tell him he was wrong. He wasn't wrong.
"If we're gonna get Chibi, let's go do that now," Daisuke said. "Miyako has to work this morning so we can make it a two-for-one trip if we arrange to meet her there."
Oh yeah. Getting Chibimon meant running into Miyako. That might be... awkward. "O-okay."
"I want to go!!!!" Minomon, right in Ken's ear. Apparently Minomon was done with offering them privacy, now that he knew an outing was in the works. "Please, Ken-chan!!!!"
"Absolutely." Ken turned his head to smile at Minomon. He wanted to be lazy and lie in bed some more, though, so he didn't make any move to get up. "Daisuke, would you like to bathe first?"
"No, I want to bathe together."
"Don't 'damn' me, I will not accept your laziness. Come on, get up."
"Maybe I want to wait until after we've done it again, after all..."
"Ken-chan!!!!!" Minomon started bouncing on his chest, sounding as anguished as something with his limited capacity for sorrow and angst could possibly sound.
"Two to one, I win," Daisuke said, gloating. "Get up." Daisuke tightened the hand Ken was holding into a grip, and started to pull on him. "Up, up, up!"
"I seem to remember you saying that to me last night." Ken fought the insistent tugs, refusing to give Daisuke any quarter, making him fight for it. "Can't we wait just a few more minutes? I just want to lie here."
"And I'll keep saying it until it takes! The decision has been made, there's no point in procrastinating. Besides..." Daisuke leaned in, giving Ken slack for a moment so he could get in his face while still continuing to hold his hand tightly. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can have an uninterrupted day of screwing around..."
"More than tempting! It will be the best day of our lives!"
"After this, it's all downhill?"
"The best day until now."
All right. Ken smiled. "Okay. You've convinced me. So is there anything else you want to do while we're out?" Maybe if he got Daisuke talking, he'd get his few more minutes of resting anyway.
"Let's stop by and see Takeru! I want to brag."
Yes, another person it would a bit awkward to talk to. Perfect. Although maybe Daisuke was right: these were their friends, and so it was only a matter of time before Ken would have to look them in the eyes in his new role as Daisuke's boyfriend. No more hiding, or pretending, so best not to put that off. "What do you want to brag about, exactly?"
"Oh, how awesome you are and how you're all mine." Daisuke became thoughtful, and then grinned some more. "He's going to be so shocked to discover we're gay now."
"He might be shocked about you. I've always been gay, remember?"
"Yeah, but he doesn't know that!"
Daisuke looked up at the ceiling, whistling happily, no doubt imagining all the ways he was going to show off. Even if Daisuke no longer loved Hikari, something about that old rivalry lingered on. Ken took a deep breath. He never liked shattering Daisuke's illusions, but it would be worse to let him believe something that wasn't true, knowing he'd end up being embarrassed later to find out he was wrong. "Uh... yes he does," Ken said, breaking it as gently as he could.
Daisuke whipped his head around. "Him too?"
Obviously, that was disappointing to Daisuke. But Ken was kind of surprised to see how disappointing: Daisuke's face became blank, displaying a rare degree of deep introspection. Ken could see why this would bother Daisuke, since Daisuke wanted to be first in everything, especially in relation to Takeru, but as Daisuke's quiet lingered on, Ken felt more and more perplexed. It really shouldn't be that big of a deal...
"Oh," Daisuke said, finally. "I guess I should have thought of that." He let go of Ken's hand, and sat back.
"Daisuke?" Ken lifted his head.
"You liked him first, didn't you?"
Ken blinked. What. This got him to sit up, at last. "No?" he said, voice flat but also confused.
"But you told Miyako because she liked you! Why else would you tell Takeru before me?"
"That is... some deductive process you've got there," Ken said weakly. "No, I never liked him. He never liked me either."
"Are you sure?" Daisuke perked up a little, but also looked vaguely skeptical. "Isn't he super hot, and funny, and awesome?"
"I'm sure." Ken allowed himself the luxury of a small smile. Sure, this was a serious topic, but the way Daisuke argued himself into-- and out of-- preposterous ideas always made him smile, a little. He couldn't help it.
"... and he's great at basketball, and all the girls adore him, and he gets good grades, and his brother fronts a famous band, and, and..." Daisuke continued, overriding Ken's soft reassurance as if Ken had said nothing at all. Belatedly he paused, as Ken's words sunk in. "You're sure?"
"I mean it. Although I'm starting to wonder about you..."
At least Daisuke had the grace to blush, and look abashed. This made him even cuter. "Uh... he's my rival and stuff. I've always needed to know his stats, for, um, reasons."
Reaching for Daisuke, Ken smiled wryly even as he pulled him close, pressing Daisuke's head to his chest. Ken had presumed that Daisuke had gotten over his inferiority complex regarding Takeru a long time ago, but maybe not. "I see," Ken said. "Well, I like you best. I always have."
"You'd better." Daisuke sniffed, at first a tiny little noise of superiority and appeasement, but he sniffed again, and that sounded more like he was sniffing for something. Daisuke pressed his nose into Ken's chest. "Why don't you smell like anything?"
"W-what do you mean?" Ken ran his fingers through Daisuke's hair, looking over at Minomon, who had resumed his anxious bouncing. What an embarrassing question.
"You should smell like sake!" Daisuke sniffed a few more times. "Nope, still nothing."
"I didn't spill any..."
"But it should come through your skin!" Daisuke complained. "I always smell like alcohol after I've been drinking. Here, see?" He sat back, and held out his arm towards Ken. Hesitantly, Ken leaned forward and smelled the proffered forearm. It smelled like... skin. Nothing especially noteworthy, in any case.
Ken looked up. "Okay?" It was nice that Daisuke had neatly distracted himself from the Takeru question, but this was kind of weird, even for him.
"And you're not even hungover! You drank so much! Why don't you have a hangover?"
Now Ken decided to frown. Daisuke was practically babbling. Ken never got hangovers, which was the answer, but it was such a trivial and unrelated question that Ken had to wonder what was motivating it. "What's wrong?"
For a moment there was a frantic look in Daisuke's eyes, as if he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but it was followed by a look of resignation as he looked down, wringing his hands guiltily. "I'm kind of an idiot," Daisuke said after some time.
"No, you're not." Now he really wished Daisuke had Chibimon; Chibimon was better at reassuring Daisuke at times like this. For some reason, or perhaps many reasons, Daisuke never believed Ken when Ken told him he wasn't stupid. "What's bothering you?" He became more insistent.
"It's not fair of me, though. I can't just not notice things, and then turn around and make wrong assumptions."
"I mean..." Daisuke rubbed the side of his head, becoming awkward. "I called you a monk."
Oh. This wasn't just about Takeru, then. It was about the whole gay question, and how Daisuke never figured it out.
Ken flushed. Yeah, he hadn't really liked being called a monk, had he? But could he really blame Daisuke for that? Takeru might have figured it all out on his own, but Takeru was unusually perceptive. "Forget about it," he said after a bit of a pause, feeling awkward in turn.
Daisuke nodded, but Ken could tell he wasn't buying it. Ken gestured for Minomon to come over, pointing at Daisuke. Minomon, no slouch when it came to being cuddlesome, was right on it, snuggling himself up next to Daisuke's thigh without caring a single bit that Daisuke was naked. Absently, Daisuke reached down and petted him, but he was still looking down, frowning in deep concentration. Thinking about things.
"I should have told you a long time ago." Ken said. "It's my fault. I should have been more clear..."
Again, Daisuke nodded.
"I was afraid." It was so mortifying to have to admit this, but it was true. It just wasn't fair for Daisuke to blame himself for not noticing the things that Ken had struggled so hard not to share. "I should have been more clear," Ken added stubbornly, reiterating.
Both of them descended into a protracted silence. Ken felt guilty.
What was Daisuke thinking now?
When Daisuke finally spoke up, it was with a voice that was quiet but no longer upset. "What happened with Hikari?"
Hikari. Ken reached forward, stroking the sides of Daisuke's cheek. Daisuke really was a caring person. "I told her, after we kissed. I told her I was gay." Ken then outlined the entire experience, starting from when he asked her out, going through the planning period, and the date, and then finishing with a brief account of what had happened following Ken's confession to Daisuke. These were all things Daisuke deserved to know. Ken was weak, and selfish, and cowardly. He shouldn't hide these things. "I feel bad that I kissed her," Ken said, wrapping up. "I feel bad that I let her kiss me without first letting her know... what I am."
Again, Daisuke waited before saying anything. It seemed like Daisuke was determined to give extra care to anything he said, and Ken remembered how Daisuke had become non-responsive after hearing Ken's confession of both gayness and love the night before. I see, he thought to himself. He always takes time to think through things that are important to him. Ken smiled. He should probably be flattered that Daisuke took so long to process his gayness, then.
"I don't know why she's like that," Daisuke said finally.
"What do you mean?"
"She did that with Takeru too, you know. He kissed her once, or tried to. A long time ago."
Ken didn't know, but wasn't surprised. That must have happened before he and Takeru had really become friends, since he'd never heard about it. It was interesting that Daisuke knew about it, however. "It's because she loves Takeru," Ken explained, and then hesitated. Daisuke knew that, too, but Ken wasn't sure if he'd guessed the extent of her feelings, or how long they'd been going on. "She... always has."
Daisuke nodded. Seemed he knew both things quite well on his own. "But... why? Why is she like that? I don't understand."
To Ken, it had always been rather obvious. "She is as bad at being sexual as I am at being homosexual."
"Um..." Daisuke shook his head. "I still don't get it."
"I think..." Ken coughed. As a preventative measure, he got up onto his knees, going up next to Daisuke so he could put his arm around him. "I think it's because she shares a bedroom, and a bunk bed, with Tai." As expected, Daisuke winced, so Ken continued quickly. "I don't mean there's anything weird between them. But-- there's no safe place for her. How can she allow herself to fantasize about anything when her brother is right there?" No response from Daisuke, which Ken took to be a good thing in this case. "You see?"
"You..." Ken swallowed. "No, we... we should tell Miyako, about what happened with Hikari. When we see her."
Surprisingly, or maybe not, Daisuke yawned. "She probably already knows."
"I bet she called Hikari right after hearing from me. Hell, I bet she got the run down last night, after the date was over. Like she'd leave Hikari alone after a date with you. Be serious."
This time it was Ken's turn to say "oh."
Every now and then, Daisuke surprised him by pointing out something Ken had never thought of, mostly because Daisuke's habit of missing things didn't mean that he couldn't sometimes cut right through to the heart of them. Unlike Ken, Daisuke was direct.
As was Miyako. Of course she would have called Hikari.
Ken's debt to Miyako just kept growing.
Just as Ken was thinking of loosening his grip on Daisuke, giving him the option to get out of it if he wanted, Daisuke surprised him even further by his next comment. Putting his arms around Ken and then lifting his head, Daisuke placed his chin on Ken's shoulder, and spoke. "Did you have the same problem with Osamu?"
It was as if his blood turned to ice. Daisuke never brought up Osamu around him, not even indirectly. No one did, except his parents sometimes. Ken had assumed that Daisuke just never was all that curious, and that had always sat well with Ken, because he didn't invite curiosity when it came to his brother, and in fact dreaded it. But to realize that perhaps Daisuke had nurtured questions all along, had wondered about this while somehow managing to keep all of his questions locked up inside... well, that was surprising. More than surprising.
It was disarming.
"I was pretty young when he died," Ken said softly. "I think I was too young to worry about those kinds of things."
"I don't think I can believe you were ever too young. For anything."
Ken flinched. Daisuke didn't notice.
Instead, Daisuke continued. "So... am I right? Or just really wrong, like usual?"
It was so hard to say. Ken had never thought to connect his insights about Hikari's predicament to his own. Sometimes it was difficult to unpick the meandering threads of Daisuke's thought... it was like trying to backtrack the progress of a single ant after it wended its way through a teeming colony. But in this case the connections were obvious.
After all, Ken had said that he should have been more clear.
Apparently Daisuke intended to take Ken at his word.
"You're not... I don't think you're wrong."
He would have to think on it.
It was strange, but wonderful, how being together with Daisuke like this ended up causing them to blend, as if transforming one into the other. Ken brought out a level of thoughtfulness in Daisuke that he probably never could achieve on his own. And for Ken... well, Daisuke brought out all of his uncertainties, causing him to be more open in a way that was somehow both vulnerable and secure. A metamorphosis of self, joint progressive evolution towards some common goal.
Now Daisuke pulled back, disengaging from Ken's now slack embrace, looking him in the eye. "We don't need to talk about Osamu today. Or ever, I guess. But I've always wanted to know."
"All right." Ken nodded, looking down on his own naked body, and then glancing over at Daisuke's. "You pick the time."
Daisuke reached out, placing a hand on top of Ken's head, pressing down hard. "Not now," he said, smiling. "First we have to go bathe, together."
"Damn." But Ken also smiled. "Okay."
Daisuke's smile went crooked, became impertinent. "Are you getting up any time in the next century?"
Ken leaned in. Hmm. Daisuke kept saying, "let's go," but he hardly was setting any example to follow. Time to call his bluff. "You first," Ken said, countering impertinence with smugness.
"Oh no. After you, Ken-chan." Daisuke closed his eyes and made the corresponding "after you" gesture.
There was a brief pause.
"No, I insist, Dai-chan."
Daisuke's eyes flew back open, his face became beet red in a matter of moments, and he became instantly discombobulated. "W-what did you just call me?!"
Aha. This was perfect. Apparently holding back on the gooey lovey-dovey stuff was equivalent to withholding a trump. Ken nodded to himself, and then leaned in further, putting his hands down on the bed as if planning to crawl towards Daisuke, perhaps to get in his lap. "What's wrong, Dai-chan?" Ken practically cooed, his voice lilting and filled with loving concern and utter rapaciousness. "You're my guest. You must go first."
It felt good to be so predatorial.
Jerking his head to look from one side of the room to the other, it looked like Daisuke was trying to find an escape route. Fool. The only escape for him was down the ladder. "Please?" Ken said, pleading. "For me?"
"Oh god. You win. Just-- stop that."
Ken paused, waiting expectantly. After a moment of staring at Ken as if he'd grown five heads, Daisuke scrambled down the ladder with all the fleetness of... a boy who had no idea how to cope with having the tables turned when it came to adorableness.
Virtuously, Ken moved towards the edge of the bed, and ignoring the side ladder altogether, swung himself right off, dropping lightly to the floor. It was a move engendered by years of having sole custody of the top bunk.
"I want a bath too!!!!" Ecstatic that things were finally being set in motion so that he could reunite with his beloved Chibimon, Minomon jumped at Ken, all confident that Ken would catch him.
Which of course, Ken did.
"Objection to cute pet name: noted." Ken said, becoming wry even as he held up Minomon to snuggle against his cheek.
"Uh... " Daisuke came near, hesitantly. "I, uh, don't hate it." He was still blushing. "I- I kind of like it. But. That was totally unfair."
Oh, it was. "I see."
"So..." Daisuke got up on his toes, kissing Ken on the cheek after Ken moved Minomon into a cradled position in his arms. The kiss was clumsy and strangely nervous. "You can call me that again, if you want."
"I'll consider it," Ken said. Now that the teasing aspect was passed, Ken was feeling self conscious. On the plus side, it was clear that the nickname was some kind of nuclear-grade aphrodisiac for Daisuke. On the negative side, it required Ken to mouth the words "Dai-chan."
Which... made him feel very keyed up and embarrassed, too. Kinda zero-sum.
"So..." Daisuke gently took Minomon from Ken's hands, kissing the squirming Digimon on its cheek, a loud bussing kiss. He then tucked Minomon under the crook of his arm, holding him the way he'd hold a log or something. Carelessly. Minomon apparently loved that, because he starting making all sorts of approving noises. Daisuke then took Ken's hand. "Come on, you filthy bastard."
"Look who's talking."
As they left the bedroom, all three of them, Ken looked over at his computer, which was currently in screen saver mode.
From this day forward, they would be together.
Ken could choose to qualify this thought, but Daisuke wouldn't. So he didn't.
Ken closed the door behind them.