*Sits tied to a chair with sharp objects on a cart next to me*
QOYW: HELP! HELP ME!
John: Quiet. Do you have any idea what you have done?
Miz: You forgot about us. You forgot about your readers. You forgot about this awesome story.
QOYW: I know it's just that I had so much going one.
Evan: *cries* You don't love me anymore?
QOYW: Of course I do. I love you all.
John: Then make it up to us.
In a world full of winners and losers, three men, have risen above, to bring you... The DIRT SHEET!
"Welcome to The Dirt Sheet. I'm John Morrison and I have a new game out called Morrisonary. It's an addictive game where fans and alike test their knowledge on all things Morrison. Game located at all participating retailers." Morrison takes a breath and then speaks really fast. "Player discretion advised. Parental Advisory: Explicit Content. There are hard and fast rules for what warrants the label and what doesn't; some f-bombs, sexual language, and a hot man taking his shirt off with no warning at all, while maintaining an edgy and hardcore style." John takes a breath and leans back.
Morrison nods and lets out one word. "Uh."
"Whatever. I'm The Miz and that…" Miz points to Evan. "…is my annoying virgin step-brother Evan."
"Haha, I forgot to laugh." Evan rolled his eyes. "As we promised today is THE DIRT SHEET Awards!" Evan presses a button for the audience clapping effect.
"Yeah. Let get started with the first category: Best New look." Morrison said taking an envelope. "And the winner is…CM PUNK! "
"We have him on the phone now." Miz, Morrison, and even press their ears.
(phone)"Yes. I knew I would win. You see, the people…they understand my meaning, my purpose. They don't let the moronic simpletons run their life. They look to those that pave the path of change and truth. I, CM PUNK, will not fall to the power of the 'officials' but show the world how great I really am. I…."
"OKAY! Nice to know, bye Phil!" Evan quickly hangs up.
"Moving on. Next is Biggest Suck Up." Miz takes the next envelope. "The winner is…KELLY KELLY!"
"Obviously. We know she is sucking something." Evan does a fist bump with Mike.
John shakes his head. "Well since I don't want to hear her voice we are going to skip her acceptance call. So it's time for…Biggest Virgin."
Evan looked over at Miz.
Miz sits there with his fingers crossed muttering low. "Please be Evan, please be Evan."
"And the winner is…Daniel Bryan."
Miz sulks. 'I voted for Evan over 50 million times. He should have one."
Evan rolled his eyes. "Let's check in with Daniel."
(phone) "You guys are asses. I am not a virgin. I had AJ and the Bella Twins. So what does that say to you?"
"That you managed to pay them enough money to kiss you and fake it in front of everyone back stage and on camera?" Mike asked.
(phone) "Wait until I find you, I'm going to beat your ass."
"Sorry man I don't swing that way. Good-bye." Mike hangs up.
Evan sighed. "Sad, sad little man."
(THIRTY MINUTES LATER)
"So to recap. Most Annoying went to Mike and Evan." John smirked which was later met with two sets of glares.
"Natalya won I Can't Believe I Just Saw That, for her on camera farts." Evan said through gritted teeth not being able to believe he was considered annoying.
"Shut Up Now, went to Michael Cole. And really, who could not see that one coming." Mike added.
John sat up. "So now it's time for the biggest award of the night. The Most Loved Award."
Evan is handed the envelope since he is sitting in the middle. Both Mike and John lean in to read it. "And the winner is…."
"Patrice….." The boys look confused. "Who is that? I depend to know who…" A camera guy walked over and speaks into a shouting Mike's ear. "What? The writer and producer?"
"That is messed up. Where the hell has she been then? I mean, we come up with our own material!" John exclaimed.
"Yeah, that I'm cute thing was my idea." Evan spoke up.
*theme music plays*
"Well this is one disappointing show. But Morrisonary won't let you down. So that's all for this week. I'm your Sharman of Sexy.
"I'm your Chick Magnet."
"I'm cute and came up with all my own jokes and material and I be damn to not have won that award!" Evan flips his chair and walks off as Mike and John watch.
"Um…b-be..jealous?" They say unsure of what just happened.
*music and image fades*
A/N: I'm sorry again guys. Life has been really crazy the last yeah. But hopefully some of you are still reading this story.