"How did we get here?" Quinn's voice was totally devoid of emotion when she asked the question to break the suffocating silence that had lain over them for the last five minutes as they'd watched their children play together on the playground.
Rachel watched her son; Lexie had just dropped a handful of sand into his mass of dark curls. She was dreading the conversation that she was about to have with Quinn, it was a conversation that she owed her best friend – that didn't make it any easier. She took one last moment to watch Nicky shake the sand out of his hair, his father's goofy grin on his face as he chased after his best friend. She couldn't help the guilt and envy that spread through her body as she watched him – so blissfully ignorant that the selfish decisions the adults in his life had made had destroyed his perfect little world.
Rachel took a deep breath and turned to face Quinn who still watched her daughters like a hawk; she was always the cautious mother, but Rachel knew today it meant more. "You should know that it was never about you. I know that sounds insane and I know it sounds clichéd, it is clichéd but we never meant to hurt you."
Quinn sighed at this and finally turned to face Rachel, her expression was almost passive like this day was no different the million other play dates they'd had over the years. Rachel knew better. She'd been friends with Quinn long enough o see the way the circles under her eyes were expertly, but not perfectly, covered with make-up. She knew Quinn well enough to know that the way her lips were pressed together was not out of anger but because it was the only defense she had to hide a trembling lip. She knew all of this because even if she had stabbed her in the back by sleeping with her husband, Quinn was still her best friend: the girl who had picked her up off the floor when she didn't think she could go on anymore and she deserved an explanation.
"I know this doesn't make things right and there's not anything I can say to right the wrongs in my part of the mess we've all made out of our lives." Quinn raised an eyebrow at the 'we' but Rachel didn't take it back or correct herself, because when all the cards were laid on the table Quinn had slept with Rachel's husband too. It wasn't a point she wanted to fight about, not now, probably not ever, because what was the point? Two wrongs don't make a right but it made it harder to cast stones.
"I owe you an explanation. It doesn't excuse what I, we, did but maybe you'll see where I was coming from." She took a deep breath; she'd rehearsed this speech a million times in her head over the last year. She knew that one day she was going to have to lay it all out on the line, but despite all of the rehearsing the words weren't coming to her as easily as she'd thought they would.
"One day I woke up and realized that I was drowning in a life I hated and as every day passed the walls just kept closing in and I just couldn't take it anymore." She doesn't add that that specific day was when they were all away and childless for Kurt's graduation in Chicago. She needed to hear the truth but not the details that would hurt even more. "I couldn't take it anymore; I just thought I was going to run away and never come back – abandon my son and husband and never look back. And then Puck happened. I knew right then that I had a choice to make: to be a good wife and a good friend or to be a good mother; and I chose my son." She gestured at Nicky on the playground, who returned the gesture with a wave and a verbal greeting that didn't carry across the park.
"I'm so sorry that the one person in the world who I thought could save me was your husband."
A.N. Hey everyone, this is a future fic co-written by myself, EllaBella18, and Miranda Quick. We're really excited about it and we'd love to hear what you think! So read and review and look for the next chapter soon! And of course, we don't own anything except for Nicky, Audrey, Lexie and Avery - whom we love...a lot. Again please review we can't wait to hear what you think!!