I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. They belong to Hideaki Anno and Gainax Studios.

Author Notes:

As the summary states, this is a small fic that deals with what could happen if Asuka went a little too far with the stoic First Child. This story is made to cause some laughs and not to be taken as a serious dramatic piece. It's just some fun. I hope you enjoy it.


Red Eyed Clone

Rei Ayanami got in her apartment, slamming the door behind her. She was angry.

Now, allow me to explain that Rei Ayanami didn't get angry. Normal people did. But Rei Ayanami would simply stare at you, stare at you a bit more, then a bit more and then perhaps slap you if you said something really stupid. Getting her angry was a feat that no one had ever achieved.

Until now.

Because Asuka Langley Soryu had done the unthinkable.

It had not been something of the moment. No, the redhead had been bothering Rei since day one, after Rei politely informed her that she wasn't about to become her friend if she wasn't ordered to. From there on, the bothersome redhead would keep nagging her, calling her 'wondergirl' - despite how many times Rei had told her to stop and how much it irked her to be called that way, since she had always been a fan of catwoman - or saying nasty things either in her presence or behind her back, calling her a freak and putting her down all the time. That was irritating in itself, but in the end it had been the redhead's actions with Shinji what had been the final straw.

Letting out an angry sigh, Rei recalled what had happened today in school.

Shinji Ikari entered the class room with a bruise in his left cheek. Looking crestfallen, the boy tried to get to his seat without getting unwanted attention. Yet at least one person had taken notice of him. Rei had been looking at Shinji since he got to the classroom, wondering about the cause of the bruise in the youngest of the Ikaris.

Asuka Langley Soryu arrived then, as usual talking loudly to the class representative and overall getting a lot of attention.

Rei, that had been watching the scene with calm focus, saw that Shinji flinched at the sight of Asuka and put his hand in his left cheek. The boy was obviously trying to avoid catching Soryu's eye - as was marked by his attempts not to look at her - and intending to prevent people from asking about the cause of his bruise.

Of course, his attempts didn't go as planned.

"Hey Shinji, Ayanami is staring at you!" the class jock, Touji Suzuhara, said loudly with a grin in his face.

Shinji turned to look and saw that Rei was indeed looking at him. The boy blushed intently - something that made his bruise even more notorious - and made a few choked sounds. Rei blinked.

Asuka reacted more violently than was normal, even in her case. She threw her bag at Shinji - and hit him straight in the face - and then started talking non stop about that morning's incident.

"Can you believe this pervert here?" she was saying "I came into his room this morning to wake him up - since he is a lazy ass - and then I find that the baka had... had... you know, a rise!" she concluded loudly, obviously pleased with how the attention had shifted back at her.

Several girls made 'ohhhhhhhh's and 'ahhhhhhhhh's. Shinji was making a great act as a fish out of the water, with his mouth opening and closing and his face growing redder than Asuka's hair.

"Was it big?" one of the girls asked, the other making funny noses at their mate's audacity.

"Big?" Asuka snarled, enjoying Shinji's utter shock and embarrassment "It was hardly the size of a peanut!"

Loud laughter came after Asuka's comment, the boys compassionately patting Shinji on the back and the girls crying tears of laughter. But Asuka wasn't done.

"It was so disgusting that I had to know who was the cause of the baka's minimal rise, so I stood at his side and heard what he was saying in his dreams" The redhead went on and on mercilessly, even though this part of the story wasn't entirely true "And the baka kept saying: oh Asuka... Asuka!"

That had gone on for several minutes until the teacher arrived. Rei looked at Shinji and saw his downcast expression at the constant giggling of the girls in the class.

Now the constant teasing and humiliation from Asuka was angering in itself, but what upset Rei the most was the story itself. Rei knew that Asuka couldn't be the cause of Shinji's erection - even Ritsuko had to be higher on the candidates list - so she realized that the redhead was using the circumstances to get even more attention, misusing Ikari's name. Rei blinked.

The day had went on, with Asuka constantly harassing Shinji in public and sometimes stopping to insult Rei as well, just to give her rants a breath of fresh air. She even got several girls to name Shinji "Peanut Rise", which pretty much ended up in the entire school knowing about that morning's incident.

The big nuisance had come during lunch. Shinji had finally decided to ignore Asuka and her fan club, going to eat with Suzuhara and Aida at the roof; Rei knew that because she had decided to go there as well. But it seemed that being ignored by Shinji didn't exactly fit into Asuka's plans. Furious at the blatant show of disrespect, the redhead followed Shinji to the roof accompanied by her classmates, again harassing and humiliating him for everyone to laugh.

This wouldn't have been a very big deviation of what school life was on Tokyo 3. But there was something that irked Rei.

"Peanut rise!"

Rei blinked.

"Peanut rise!"

Rei blinked.

"Peanut rise!"

Rei blinked.

"The baka was pathetic! It was so small!"

And Rei stood up.

Now, there is something about Rei Ayanami that screams 'Get the hell out of the way'. Some technicians at NERV have theorized that it comes from being raised by Gendo Ikari, and that everyone that get that education would have the same aura. Some others have claimed that it comes from Rei herself, and that in fact Gendo was a loving man before learning from her. The former disagree. The latter call the former idiots and Soryus - an inside name the technicians have to refer to bitchy people. Of course, this debate quickly turned into something similar as which one came first, the egg or the chicken. In NERV it's called which one came first, the Rei or the Gendo. As of now, the Gendo is winning by two percent.

Needless to say, which theory was correct didn't matter at all for the girls laughing at Shinji. They got very quiet as soon as they saw Rei coming their way. Asuka kept talking and laughing for a while before realizing that her court of leech-girls had gone silent. She quickly turned around to see what was the cause of the problem, only to find herself face to face with the always stoic Rei Ayanami.

Silence ensued.

"What do you want, Wondergirl?" Asuka asked, showing her always confident face but silently wondering what the hell was Rei doing.

Rei was furious, which means that she stood as stoic as ever. Very tense moments passed, and all present took a step backwards without realizing it. Finally Rei spoke.

"Stop lying. Ikari is very well endowed."

If the previous silence had been tense, this was dead tense. Rei's comment didn't cross the line. Rei's comment fucked the line and made it get an abortion before fucking the line's mom - which is the rule. But what really drove everyone over the edge was the fact that a faint blush appeared in Asuka's face.

"I see you too know of this fact," Rei said, ignoring the gasp of all present girls, Asuka's stutters and Shinji's beet red face "I am not surprised, since you always manage to catch a glimpse of him when he changes in NERV. I am surprised he still hasn't seen through your lousy excuse of not understanding the Kanji and getting in the male lockers accidentally."

There was a loud 'Ohhhhh!' after Rei's words. Asuka went beet red, and for once she was left without a response. She knew she couldn't talk her way out of this one; people's stupidity was grand but it only went so far. They were already suspecting her claims to have a degree in physics after she spectacularly failed her thermal expansion test. So, not knowing what to say, Asuka decided to act. And there was only one person to be made responsible for things that weren't his fault when Asuka didn't get her way. The only one that wouldn't fight back due to a severe case of extreme spinelessness.

The baka.


Contrary to popular belief, Shinji was rather athletic. He had developed good senses and a good body meant to run as fast and as long as possible after meeting Asuka. His mind was attuned to every little thing in the air that spoke of the redhead's erratic moods, and it was due to said awareness that he had been able to survive in the past. By the time Asuka had started her 'Third!' cry, Shinji was already running downstairs, planning to get to the sewers - the smell would dissuade Asuka from following - and overall run away for a couple of days.

Touji Suzuhara was a man of honor. He regarded his friend Shinji as a hero for piloting, and he always knew there would be a day when he would have the chance to repay him. Sitting on the roof with Kensuke at his side and having seen the entire scene, Touji knew the day had come.

It was time to fight. He would get Shinji some time to escape. It was the least he could do.

"Damn, Asuka looks pissed!" Kensuke said. Despite all his wishes of becoming a war hero, the otaku was rather cowardly when it came down to facing threats. But Touji knew he would stand fast under his strong leadership. Together they would face the threat, and their friend would get some time in peace.

"Yeah, I know," Touji said coolly "But whatever she does, we will survive if we work together."

Touji turned his head only to see that Kensuke had ran away as fast as he could, saying something that sounded suspiciously similar to 'You are on your own, man!'. Resigned to fight alone, Touji readied himself and faced Asuka.

The redhead found the tall jock blocking the path downstairs, and no one dared to move.

"Out of the way, stooge."

"You shall not pass."

It was a direct challenge, one that required to be addressed. But Asuka had a wimp to torture for now.

"I said, out of the way!"

"You shall not pass!"

"Get the hell out of my way, stooge!" Asuka said as she attempted to get past the jock.

"Go back to the shadows, flame of Berlin!" and with a supreme battle cry that shook everyone present to the core and that actually made Unit 01 awed, Touji stood his ground and pushed Asuka back, making the redhead land on her butt.


Asuka rubbed her sore rear and stood up with fire in her eyes. No one dared to move.

"That's it, stooge, my fists have just made an appointment with your face!"



Let it be said that Touji Suzuhara gained Rei Ayanami's respect that day. The climatic battle that ensued to his challenge would not be forgotten for seven generations of Tokyo 3's school students. The steaming crater that lay where the school lab used to be was kept as a reminder of why students weren't allowed to fight during class time, even if people was unsure as if it had been caused by one of Asuka's laser beams of fury or Kensuke being thrown at speeds that exceeded Mach 3 for his cowardice.

It was then that Rei Ayanami made up her mind. Soryu had crossed the line. This would not go unpunished.

There were times which Sub Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki wondered if his former pupil and present Commander Gendo Ikari was a brilliant genius or a complete madman. Sometimes he would think he was a genius, some other times he would think he was a madman, and usually he thought he was a mixture of both.

But that belief was being strongly tested lately.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure I didn't hear that well enough," Doctor Ritsuko Akagi said with a stony face.

Both the Commander and the Sub Commander were in the former's grand office, interviewing a completely stunned Doctor Akagi. Well, Fuyutsuki was stunned too, but he was rather experienced in keeping a stony face, he had proven it during that damned hot day when the power was out. Although his stoic mask started to slip as he heard Gendo's next words.

"You heard me just fine, Doctor Akagi," Commander Ikari said with that very same voice he used while talking about sending his son to die "I want you to make me a Jet Pack that will allow me to fly around."

'Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have taken Misato's offer to smoke that crap!' Ritsuko thought furiously, wondering what the hell she could do to pretend not being affected by hallucinations. But the funny thing was that Fuyutsuki looked as shocked as her. If this was some sort of hallucination, then the Sub Commander should look as calm as ever. But if he was surprised, then that meant that Gendo did ask her... that he really did ask her for a Jet P...




He had asked that. He had done so in real life, and not some sort of weed induced dream. Ritsuko decided to use her analytical mind, and figured that while his petition was completely ridiculous, Gendo always knew better. She was sure he had a plan. Yes, it would surely have to do something with fooling SEELE in a crazy but brilliant scheme that would put strategists to shame! It had to be! Foolish of her to doubt him, this was THE Gendo she was talking about, not some other idiotic man with childish dreams...


Was that a fart?

"Fuyutsuki?" Gendo said, completely still.

"Y-Yes si-sir?" the Sub Commander said, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud at his superior's farting. Ritsuko started coughing with poorly concealed laughs.

"Please go to the bathroom to take care of your business."

'Who is he kidding?' Ritsuko had never felt so compelled to speak her mind in all her life, but her ass was on the line. You just didn't mock Gendo Ikari. After all, things had gone south for Naoko Akagi when she told Gendo that he really wasn't that much of a lover. Ritsuko took good care to yell as loud as she could during their 'meetings', lest she too 'went insane' and killed herself.

"Yes-s sir."

Asuka Langley Soryu was upset. She had received a call from Wondergirl today while having breakfast, telling her that she had been ordered to go to the doll's apartment to get some important papers from NERV. The thing had seemed suspicious, but Wondergirl had said that Asuka had been ordered to come to her home right now by Commander Ikari himself, and that she would not take responsibility if the redhead refused to do it. Knowing about Rei's closeness with the Commander and not wanting to defy the man - the last man to do so had ended up in the 'Angel early warning' position, which meant waving a red flag in front of the Angel to announce the creature's presence to NERV -, Asuka punched Shinji to make the morning complete and left to Wondergirl's home.

The building where Rei lived was a dump. Asuka was disgusted; she had heard from Shinji that Rei lived in a rundown building, but this was too much. She couldn't believe that a member of NERV and a pilot no less could live in such precarious conditions.

Asuka climbed the stairs - like hell she would dare to use the elevator - and got to Wondergirl's floor. She was surprised when she saw the doll standing outside of her apartment, waiting for her.

"Pilot Soryu," Rei said simply, waiting for the redhead to come near her.

"Why did you call me here, Wondergirl?" Asuka asked with her classical annoyed and derogatory tone. Rei had to suppress the urge to beat her to a pulp right there.

"There is a matter I feel we need to discuss," Rei said in her usual monotone voice, wich pissed Asuka off in turn.

"What is it then, little doll? Are you still mad at me for yesterday? Is the Commander's puppet going to complain with daddy?" Asuka couldn't keep her voice steady as she started to laugh out loud "What a freak! HAHAHAHAHA! Will you take revenge on little ol' me for making fun of you!?"

"Actually, yes."

Asuka's laughing kept her from reacting on time. Rei had spoken in a really low tone, and the redhead had very little time to realize what the silent pilot had said before actually facing her.


This time, Asuka did feel something, that something being a tazer hitting her right at her belly. Rei was in front of her, holding the hand tazer with calmness, seeing the redhead twitch for a few seconds with electricity going all over her body and her nervous system before finally retracting the tazer and letting her go. Asuka fell flat to the ground, her body still twitching a bit, moaning softly.

"I hope you can forgive this rudeness of mine, Pilot Soryu," Rei said, getting the tazer back in one of her school uniform's pockets "But it will be better if we have our conversation in a more... appropriate setting. Do not worry: the tazer has merely paralyzed your nervous system without causing any lasting damage."

And with that Rei tied the slightly trembling Asuka and carried her out of the dark corridor, getting her into her apartment.

Asuka woke up with some very ungirly groans. Her head spinning and her vision cloudy, the redhead had a long time before realizing where she was.

A fact caught her attention in less than one second: she couldn't move. She found herself tied to a chair, her bindings tight and expertly placed; there was no way for her to break them and get free.

Looking around, Asuka found that she was in a very dark and dirty apartment. Logic would have told her that she had been kidnapped by a pervert, but she remembered what Shinji had said once about Rei's apartment and the condition of the building said apartment was in. This had to be Rei's home.

But there was one thing that surprised Asuka. There was a big TV right in front of her, maybe about seven feet away. She wouldn't have thought that Rei would be the type to watch TV.

Asuka's mind snapped out of its stupor. What did it matter if the little doll watched TV? She had been kidnapped! But the biggest issue here was who had been stupid enough to kidnap her.

Asuka didn't have much time to wonder. Her captor entered her field of vision with calmness.


Asuka was angry, so angry that her voice had failed her. Because standing in front of her was one Rei Ayanami, looking as calm as ever.

"I see you are awake. Finally."

"You goddamn freak... What did you do to me..." Asuka said, still feeling dizzy.

"I merely paralyzed you in order to get you more... receptive to my words," Rei said, her eyes showing a small glint of malice.

"What the hell are you going to do, you sick bitch!? Are you going to rape me!?"

"I find you far too undesirable rape you," Rei countered softly, eyeing her nails calmly "But as for the subject of what I am going to do, well, that's a more interesting question."

Asuka noticed that there was something strange with Rei even in her precarious state. The quiet pilot of Unit 00 had actually spoken with some - and some was still some and not all, but it was still far better than nothing - some life in her words. Even if the tone she had used had been sarcastic and downright evil.

But Rei wasn't paying attention to Asuka's findings. Instead, the red eyed girl seemed thoughtful.

"You see," Rei started, her voice low and almost as dead as ever "ever since our first meeting you have annoyed me. Your public display of your hatred of mine is of no consequence, as are your childish tantrums for constant attention from others. Nevertheless, I have recently found that I have an intense dislike for your persona, Pilot Soryu." And Rei was now very close to Asuka, looking at her straight at the eye, talking even lowlier, her voice almost becoming a hiss that sent shivers down Asuka's spine "It is not something in particular, it is the hole of your being. At first, I decided not to pay any attention to my feelings, but the more you nagged me and Pilot Ikari the more I realized that I needed to take matters into my own hands."

Rei grabbed her tazer and played with it in her hands, while Asuka could only stare in fear. She did not want to be tazered again. But Rei put it away seconds later.

"It was then when I decided that it was time to take my revenge on you, Pilot Soryu. I'm sure you are wondering what that revenge could be. I had the same problem: should I beat you up? Should I reveal that you have almost no hair between your legs? Should I reveal that despite all your claiming of expertise in the 'adults world' you have never been kissed? Or that your college degree was in marketing and not physics as you claim? Should I reveal that you are blond and not red haired? Or maybe deceiving you into wearing that ridiculous 'heat resistant' plugsuit again, much like Doctor Akagi did when you insulted one of her cats. All the more I thought of it, I realized that in the end those were all void, meaningless actions. The kind of lame attempts at getting attention you make all the time. I knew that I had to devise something better, something bigger, something deeper."

Asuka was growing more and more into shock. She couldn't believe what she was hearing: Rei talking about revenge - hell, Rei talking more than two sentences in a row - Rei talking about her dark secrets as if they were common knowledge, and Rei revealing that in the end there was no need to wear that balloon-like plugsuit, as that had been revenge on Akagi's part. But the blue haired girl wasn't done.

"It was then when I devised several scenarios and plans as to what to do with you, Pilot Soryu. I was going to give you one last chance: you were going to be spared, should you improve your attitude towards Ikari and me. But after yesterday I realized that you didn't, and that you won't. So it is time to put 'Scenario 3.1' in motion, Pilot Soryu."

Rei went to a small nightstand at the side of her bed and started rummaging through the drawers. Asuka couldn't see what the quiet girl was doing, but she was scared as hell. If Rei could talk about so many bad things to do to her and find them void, then the real deal would be hell. Maybe she would torture her? 'It is always the quiet ones you have to watch for' that phrase had never been so meaningful to Asuka.

"What are you going to do to me?" Asuka asked a little squeakier than intended.

"To you? Nothing, Pilot Soryu" Rei said, her back still turned to Asuka "I have already stated that it would be meaningless of mine to hurt you in such a conventional way," And now Rei was pulling some objects out of the drawers, things Asuka could not see "No... what I find especially amusing..."

Rei turned to face Asuka.

"Is what you are going to do today."

Asuka screamed.

She was facing a perfect duplicate of herself!

Rei was wearing contacts in her eyes, them now being the exact same tone of bright blue than Asuka's. She had a red wig that emulated Asuka's hair with incredible accuracy, being as soft as the original was. But the most terrifying thing was the face: Rei was wearing some sort of mask that looked like skin, duplicating Asuka's features as if Rei were now Asuka's twin sister (Note: think of the mask as those the characters of Mission Impossible wear from time to time)

"No, it can't be..." Asuka managed to stutter while watching Rei with eyes as big as balloons.

"I see my disguise works correctly," Rei said with her soft voice, even though there was an underlying tone of satisfaction in it "You might be interested in this mask I am wearing; It is one of Section 2's gadgets to follow and impersonate civilians with no danger of being recognized. I believe Doctor Akagi wore one of them when she impersonated Captain Katsuragi, the night she decided to have intercourse with Ryouji Kaji. And Maya Ibuki wears a mask of Doctor Akagi every night."

Even in her shocked state - realizing that the only thing she needed to have Kaji was to get a Misato mask had been hard on her - Asuka saw the flaw in Rei's plan. No one would ever think Rei was her due to one simple reason.

"Even if you look like me, everyone will hear your freaking voice and realize that you are not me! Shit, you can't even drop that doll-like attitude even while impersonating me!" The truth was that seeing herself act like the emotionless Rei was a very unsettling thing to watch for Asuka, as it reminded her of the accursed doll her mother had.

"What are you, stupid!?" Rei countered "Baka Shinji! Stupid Three Stooges! Monkey Boy! I'm the great Asuka Langley Soryu!"



"As you can see, impersonating you is quite simple."

Asuka was open mouthed. Not only Rei had performed an exact replica of her demeanour - even the postures Asuka used - but her voice had changed as well! She had even mimicked Asuka's German accent! Had Asuka watched a tape of this impostor without prior knowledge, she would have been convinced it was herself.

"It can't... you can't... why..." Asuka stuttered, not having regained her ability to speak yet. Rei waited patiently, but the (real) redhead merely watched her with big eyes and an open mouth.

"I believe you now realize what my intentions are," Rei said calmly "And it is rather obvious that no one will be able to notice that I am not you."

"And what are you going to do now?" Asuka hissed, feeling the most intense hatred she had experienced in her whole life.

"I thank you for reminding me of that part, as it is rather important," Rei smiled happily "Halfway trough my planning I realized that this would not make sense if you couldn't watch what I was doing during my time as 'you', so I installed the Television screen you see in front of you. The next step was to get a small hidden camera to carry with me all the time" Rei showed Asuka a small cigar-shaped camera hidden in her wig of red hair "This television will receive the signal my camera sends, displaying my actions for you to see at all times. That way, you will know exactly what I do while impersonating you. Not only that, I have installed a small codec device in it: it will allow me to communicate with you and you with me without anyone noticing it. That will help me hear your cries of anguish as you see me tear apart your life today."

Rei's words incredible wickedness stunned Asuka. Rei had planned everything calmly, thinking of how to cause harm in the most painful and deeper of ways. And she had been right: it would be torture for Asuka to watch 'herself' do stupid things and destroy her reputation. Asuka had never been this angry.

"Shinji, Misato, someone at NERV or the school will notice this," Asuka said, her anger so intense that her voice sounded hoarse.

"You are mistaken" Rei countered calmly "The only thing everyone will know..."

Rei went to the door, leaving Asuka behind. The television screen in front of Asuka sprang to life, displaying the view from Rei's hidden camera in the impostor's head.

"...Is that Asuka Langley Soryu is behaving rather eccentrically today."

The door closed. And the apartment was filled with silence.



Author Notes 2:

And so chapter one comes to a close. What will Rei do now that she is a living duplicate of the Second Child? And what is Gendo thinking, ordering weird things and secretly farting in his office? Stay tuned and find out!