DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (regrettably) or anything related to it.

The first thing I saw upon waking up in what I assumed to be the new world was Haruhi's face. One thing was wrong and I didn't realise what until she opened her mouth to speak: it was too young. With that in the mind, the clothing seemed familiar as well. Somehow, I had ended up in the same room as the Haruhi from that fateful night four years earlier.

"So you finally decided to wake up? Now I know why Haruhi is always frustrated that you're later. You're too lazy, Kyon." The young Haruhi whined.

"Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? It may be very cute but it doesn't suit you." I asked whilst looking around at our surroundings. It was the clubroom, as bland as the day Haruhi had decided to occupy it. The blackness outside the window was even more alarming than the regression into a functional clubroom with light but no discernible light-source.

"Moron, I'm not Haruhi. I'm the physical representation of her powers placed in this tiny world to keep you company whilst the next world is created. Haruhi is with everyone from the old world, having her memory erased. It wouldn't be good if she knew of my existence, after all."

Like any of that was even remotely apparent except for the last point.

"I suppose it doesn't matter what I tell you, you won't remember anything from this afternoon to the start of the new world. The first thing that I'm going to tell you is that Haruhi merely knows of my existence. She hasn't the skill to control me, only to influence my actions. That's why things won't go back to how they were before, that would be boring for me to watch. Secondly, get used to having dissonant thoughts. You're going to be left with all of your old memories and a brand new set but no indication of whether the old ones are real."

I have often wondered whether Haruhi is a sadist but I never considered that her powers might be.

"If I send you to the new world now your body will be altered a little. Hmm… I think I'll do that. Bye, Kyon!" Haruhi's powers (if that's what they were) declared, clicking their fingers for whatever reason. For an instant my head felt like someone had dropped a building on it. "Say hi to Tsuruya-san for me."

Then there was nothing but blue light.

"Kyon-chan, wake up! You'll be late for school!"

Huh? Why is everything so blurry?

"You fell asleep at your desk again, onee-chan. Your glasses fell on the floor."

Glasses? Since when have I worn glasses? Since when have I not worn glasses? On the one hand I can remember having 20-20 vision my whole life' on the other I can remember needing glasses since I was small. This is too confusing and having a headache isn't helping!

Someone pushed the aforementioned glasses into my hand. With their help everything became a lot clearer – literally and mentally. Whilst it didn't explain why I had two contradictory sets of memories, it did make it clear which could be trusted.

"Nice joke, Koizumi. Late for school? They'll be pleased if we even show up." I replied.

After a few minutes of looking around the cesspool I called my room for cleaner clothes and half an hour to prepare, I was ready to go to school or whatever else we'd be doing that day. Well, almost ready.

"Alright, whose turn is it to feed Kyon?"

I still think that's a bad way to phrase it, it makes me sound like your pet.

"Aren't you?" My twin joked.

"Yours." Nagato answered.

"Fine, just don't overdo it." Our almighty leader said as he rolled up his sleeve, still refusing to let me anywhere near his neck.

"You know you said they'd be pleased if we show up, Kyon? Want to be on it? If they are, I'll return that pack of cards you bet the other night; if not you have to give me your lighter."

Why do we always bet for such small pieces of junk? I accept.

We were attracting a lot of attention on the way to school (Haruki had declared that we were going for once) which wasn't surprising. Five teenagers dressed in casual clothing, two of whom were smoking, walking along a busy road shortly after school had started was bound to be treated as suspicious.

"Remind me why we picked a school at the top of a steep hill, Haruki-kun." Ryou complained after we started climbing. I could never understand why he complained but the seemingly-incorrect memories explained it: it was a lot harder for humans to climb.

"Because a girl calling herself John Smith told me that interesting things happen here."

I never said that. Don't warp what random strangers say and use it to pick your school! Maybe I should have picked a more likely name so Haruki wasn't interested.

"We normally have more fun out of school, though. Besides, can you even remember which classes we're in?"

"Does it matter? We just find the first class with familiar-looking people in it and walk in."

There's a flaw with that plan. Namely that we're likely to be thrown out and we might walk into Tsuruya-san's class. Things would be a lot more difficult if he was associated with us, the police might actually be able to trace some of the things we've done back to us!

"Are you being serious or do you just want to avoid being embarrassed in front of a whole class, onee-chan? Everyone knows you have a crush on her."

"Kyon, I can remember which floor our classrooms are on, unless they've rearranged everything so there's no chance of meeting her. I think Ryou is right, though, you just want to avoid meeting your knight in shining armour."

Tsuruya-san is not my knight in shining armour!

"So how do you explain what you've written in your diary?"

Koizumi, you promised not to mention that!

"I think we should be as quiet as possible, now…" Haruhi whispered before leading the way into North High. The need for stealth meant something was bound to go wrong. It always did.

AN: Full genre listing: Supernatural/Mystery/Crime/Romance. Putting general is too general, though.

All complaints, queries, suggestions, and wild guesses should be submitted by review. =P

I haven't forgotten my other fics, I just can't concentrate on them right now.