Author's note. Every costume contest skit mentioned here except, "The PTA Party Pooper" which I made up, as well as the elevator encounters are ones that I actually saw at various conventions or had told to me by amused Eyewitnesses. I don't remember the name of the Participants so those are made up.
Cupid/K-PAX: Star Trek Shenanigans.
Many Psychiatrists and other Mental Health Workers have had the problem of persuading Psychotic Delusional Mental Patients to accept being someone they don't want to be. Dr Benjamin Leo was having that problem with Trevor Pierce now.
Trevor was getting a little disturbed about it actually. He was very insistent! "But I don't WANT to be a Klingon! I'm a good guy and I want to play a good guy!"
But Dr Benjamin Leo was quite firm."Well Commander Cupid, Klingons can be Good Guys. It's not their fault they are at odds with the Federation. They have just as much right to expand their Empire as we have to expand our Federation. They do have a rigid code of honor and they go to extreme lengths to follow it!"
"Commander Cupid" was insistent. "I want to be Captain Kirk! He's one of my heroes! I have studied him. I have all his movements down pat! My Grandfather even met one of him far in the Future. Its not just us gods you Mortals give life to for real you know!"
Some of the other Members of their little Star Trek club exchanged puzzled and worried glances at that last statement but that did not perturb Dr Benjamin Leo one bit. He stuck to the main subject. "Now, now Commander Cupid you are too tall to be Captain Kirk. And our skit doesn't need two Captain Kirks. It does need several more Klingons, more than we have Actors actually. We will have to make do with what we have. And you are tall enough to be a Klingon!"
Trevor made an exasperated face."But Penny is a GIRL!"
"A Woman." Dr Leo gently but firmly corrected his friend, Star Trek club secretary and rarely, his mental patient when Claire needed a break, "She looks more like Captain Kirk than you do! She has his body type. Her internal plumbing won't matter because she's willing to get her hair cut like his and she doesn't have much up front. And she has his gestures down pat too just as much as you do! And her hair is blonde."
Trevor sighed. He realized he was losing the argument but was not ready to give up. "I can dye my hair a lot easier than I can wear a Turtle prosthesis on my forehead!"
"You can wear a Turtle prosthesis as easily as Penny can and she's too short to be a Klingon!"
Trevor frowned and said peevishly. 'Who says Klingons have to all be tall and big?"
"Well Kirk does have to not be so tall as you are!"
Trevor sighed and nodded admitting defeat with his hands in a very Greek gesture. "Arrrrrg! That comes I suspect from really being the god of speed's little squirt not really the god of war's! At least I'm not nine feet tall like he is!"
Again more puzzled and dubious glances from some of the other Members which both Trevor and Dr Leo ignored. They both knew Trevor was solid, Greek god or not!
Penny giggled, " Trevor thinks he's Cupid but he WANTS to be Captain Kirk! In real life too! I can tell! Not just in this skit! But you want him to play a Klingon! This reminds me of Uncle Teddy in Arsenic and Old Lace. He thought he was Teddy Roosevelt. His Sisters thought he ought to try being Abraham Lincoln for a while just for the change. But he didn't want to be Abraham Lincoln so he hid under his bed for a week and wouldn't be anybody!"
Trevor gave her a dirty look. So did Dr Leo. Trevor turned back to Dr Leo and asked, "By the way who did we get to play the PTA Party Pooper? You said you were only saying the lines here to fill in for the real Person so we could rehearse."
Dr Leo grinned impishly. "Its going to be a surprise!'
That night Cupid's Boss, Felix stared in the mirror in Cupid's room next to his friend, roommate, bartender, janitor, and best bar promoter. He laughed gently. "I'll say this for you, Trevor. It's a new look for you!"
Trevor frowned, "I don't like it! If I didn't love Dr Leo so much I'd never put up with it! There is no way I can make match ups looking like this and even if he is paying me a days salary to make up for what I'm not able to make working for you tomorrow and you don't mind that I'm taking the day off I don't like missing work for this reason. This isn't Cupiding! And it's hot and it's uncomfortable and it's very very embarrassing!"
Felix shrugged, "Why didn't he make you up closer to the time of the actual convention?'
Cupid explained, "it takes four hours to put on and he has to work himself."
Felix smiled, "I suggest you stay out of sight until you absolutely have to not. You have a reputation for being strange as it is!"
Trevor frowned ruefully, "I plan to!"
But the best laid plans of Mice and gods gang aft agley!
It had been an extra long, hard day. Dr Charles Greeley walked out the door of Sachs-Gordon Hospital and glanced across the street and did a double take, Was that a Klingon leaving Tres Equis? He looked a little closer and realized, oh my god! Only it wasn't HIS God. HIS God did sensible things like make furniture and teach People to forgive one another! HIS god didn't dress up like a Klingon! What in the World had possessed Trevor Pierce now!? It wasn't Cupid. That was for sure!
His heart afire on a mission from Freud if not the above mentioned God, Dr Greeley firmly marched crossed the street. "Trevor Pierce I want a moment with you!"
Ah oh! His worst nightmare! He had tried to sneak out of Tres Equis at a time when Dr Greeley usually didn't leave Sachs-Gordon across the street but it had to happen! Trevor sighed and stood absolutely still trying to look as nonthreatening as possible so as not to scare the uptight Doctor into re-committing him which wasn't easy dressed and made up as a Klingon! "Yes? I was on my way to a Star Trek convention. I'm in a skit. I am playing a Klingon, obviously."
Dr Greeley came to a stand still a good twenty feet away which he hoped gave him room to escape if necessary! "Well that explains that. I suspected there was at least a semi-rational explanation for the way you look. You think you are Cupid not Ming the Merciless!"
Trevor sighed and corrected him. "Ming the Merciless was not a Klingon, sir."
"Oh. What was he? A Romulun?"
"No." Trevor tried to keep a straight face. "He was Flash Gordon's nemesis."
"Oh. That Disney Toon Rabbit."
Huh? Trevor had to bite his tongue to keep from giggling! It would have been a perfectly normal thing to giggle but he didn't dare because Dr Greeley probably wouldn't think so! "May I go now sir?"
"Yes. But if you continue to dress like that I really think even more than I did before that you ought to get way more psychiatric care and therapy than you are getting!"
Trevor somehow still managed to keep a straight face. "I will be sure to mention that to Dr Benjamin Leo. He's picking me up in a few minutes in the Convenience store parking lot up the block. You will be able to recognize him. He's made up as a Klingon too. Good day sir!"
Trevor took off with a bit more haste than was dignified for a Klingon leaving Dr Greeley to stare after him and scratch his head in confusion!
Dr Leo had rented a room so they would have a place to keep their stuff safe. Cupid got on the elevator and calmly road up to the fifth floor. His fellow Passengers were a Vulcan Princess, a very short Knight wearing gold plated chain-mail, a Lady dressed like a Tom Baker era Doctor Who and a seventy something year old Couple from Minnesota who had come to New York on vacation.
Cupid commented, "Sir I am a lot older than I look. So I recognize good craftsmanship when I see it. That chain mail is absolutely exquisite! Did you make it yourself?"
The little Man nodded, "I did indeed! It is just the thing to do to keep your hands busy while you watch TV. I did this while I watched all five seasons of Babylon Five, all of Stargate SG1 and most of Atlantis."
Cupid smiled, "Did you also do the electroplating?"
Proudly the man nodded, "With batteries I made using the same process used in ancient Egypt."
"How much gold did you use?''
The little Man shrugged, "I don't know. I scraped it all off of old circuit boards. I work for a computer repair business."
"How long did it take you?"
Just then they reached the 4th floor. A Man got on wearing a loin cloth, a Dog collar, and a chain. Nothing else. The chain was being held by a beautiful young Lady in an African Explorer's costume.
The little old Couple who up to then had been pretty much holding their own beat a quick exit!
After they had stashed their stuff Trevor's little group got back on the elevator to go back down again. This time they shared the elevator with five Guys dressed up as foreign Aviators. Penny commented to them, "Nice costumes." But they didn't seem to speak English. Trevor bit his lip again to keep from laughing and refrained from revealing what he knew. They were speaking French and were not with the convention. They were real French Air Force Pilots and had decided they had stumbled into a nest full of American Lunatics! Cupid of course understood every word and inwardly howled with laughter. Sacre bleu! indeed!
The hotel of course was not reserved exclusively just for the Science Fiction convention. It was a big hotel and there were several other conventions going on at the same time. There was a Firemen's convention just winding down and a Baptist convention just getting good and started. Dr Benjamin Leo commented wryly, "Well! It seems rather it's Hellfire, Conventional fire or Nuclear fire this is your weekend to learn not to burn!"
Trevor nodded wryly in total agreement!
He felt a bit sorry for the formal wedding sharing the hallway with the science fiction convention. But the Bridesmaids in their formal white dresses trimmed in pink did look kind of nice with the X Men who decided to congregate in the same area of the hotel!
A Blind Lady walked by on her way to who knows where. The look on the face of her Seeing Eye Dog was indescribable! If that Dog could have talked what she would have told her Human would have been priceless because the Lady no idea she had just walked past an intelligent Dinosaur wearing full battle armor, two Klingons, an overweight Superman, a generic Martian of some type, Darth Vader and someone carrying a towel and wearing a bathrobe in public emulating Arthur Dent from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!
They lined up for the costume contest and it was a motley collection indeed. Cupid suspected they were going to have some heavy competition if they were going to win in the comedy category.
Their first Competitor gave them a run for their efforts right from the very start.
The Announcer read from his clipboard, "And now we have, James Sanders as 'Grumpy Old Man in Black.'"
James Sanders had sprinkled his hair with chalk dust to make himself look old. He had on formal clothes and sunglasses. He was using a cane and pretended to hobble across the stage until he came to the center of it. There he turned to the Audience and said "Inspiration for costumes can come from various places. Mine came from a movie marquee!" Then he went into character speaking in a creaky voice. "You young Whippersnappers of Men in Black today don't know how easy you have it! It wasn't this easy in my day and age! Oh no! In my day and age you wanted someone to forget something you didn't have those blinky red light thingys. You had to hit them over the head! Well it worked! And we didn't have the weapons you have. No little chirping Crickets that could take down half a building. I once took down a half ton Rigelian Spider with a billiard stick. I did! The budget was so horrid back then that was all they could afford to issue me! And we had really great Aliens to fight. Not the ridiculous, pitiful Critters you have to put up with. No Ferengi! Romuluns! Cardasians! And," (pregnant pause) "Klingons!"
Trevor was not the only fan at the convention dressed as a Klingon. There were actually entire clubs of them present, Fans who were spending the whole weekend dressed up, made up and ACTING as if they were Klingons. There was a whole Troop of them standing at the back of the room. It was all in good fun of course and they were really the "little Miss Mary Sunshines of the convention adding lots of color and fun to the precedings.
They reacted now as if on cue just as James had expected them to by showing their "contempt" for what had just been said by turning and facing the back of the room indicating as Klingons do that James had just been 'dishonored.'
The Audience roared!
James went on, "Ah! But at my age I have a certain begrudging respect for the Klingons. Any Species who likes prune juice can't be all bad!"
Then he hobbled off the stage.
The Announcer managed finally to stop laughing and announced the next Contestant. "next up we have William Brian. 'The Gay Borg.'"
The Audience started laughing at that one even before the Character could put in an appearance. But when it did they were not disappointed. A Gay Borg apparently looks exactly like a regular Borg except various parts of it are pink and there is a little pink bow glued to its head. It came out walking as robots do except there was something of a swish to it. It turned to the Audience and said, "Resistance is futile?" Oh come now! Resistance is half the fun!"
Then he sort of half swished and sort of half robot-walked off the stage leaving the Audience to think about THAT!
Cupid grinned and thought, If that had been longer we wouldn't have had a chance of winning!
Next up was somebodies very well done robotic Audry two. Trevor smiled recognizing technology and ingenuity that in a few billion years would evolve into what would make his own family possible.
There were a few serious entries of scenes acted out from various versions of Star Trek and Star Wars. They were well done and only no threat to them because they were not in the category of humor.
Then the Announcer said, "Now here is an interesting entry. It just says, 'prot The Real Alien.'"
A little guy walked out on the stage. He was wearing a t shirt, a pair of corduroy pants and sun glasses. He turned to the Audience and smiled. He said. "I am a real extraterrestrial. I am using a human as a host. It's OK. He's a friend of mine. He doesn't mind. I made a bet with another human friend of mine I could go to a science fiction convention and tell everyone the truth and no one would believe me!"
The Audience started laughing but it was scornful laughing.
The man smiled. "And my point is proved. Goodbye." He sauntered off the stage.
The Announcer said, "Well. That really was weird! Next up..."
But Cupid recognized the little alien and was no longer paying attention to the costume contest. He went over to prot. He smiled at him, "Fancy that! A real Alien at a Star Trek convention and he doesn't' win anything in the costume contest!"
Prot grinned, "That was my whole point of entering the contest; that I wouldn't win. My host, robert porter can function again and my shrink, dr gene brewer now knows that I am a real alien. But he still thinks it is best that robert and I remain confined at mpi when rob and I are back on EARTH to conduct the occasional business that robert porter has to conduct sometimes. We do not like this. Much as we enjoy seeing all our dear friends who live or work at mpi we think we ought to be able to walk out the door just as free as any other normal beings without me having to mirror beam us out of there. So I made a bet with gene I could go to a science fiction convention and tell everything there the absolute truth all weekend long and act exactly as I always do and that no one would even think rob or I were a mental patient even when we switched back and forth in front of folks and neither would they even suspect I was a real alien but just think I was staying in character. So that would prove my behavior really is not that different from anyone elses even when I don't try to hide who I really am. We are hoping this would prove to gene that robin and I really don't need that much supervision!"
Cupid asked, "Why not just go elsewhere instead of living at MPI?"
Prot said, " Because robin and I enjoy using mpi as our base of operations. The wall around it gives us privacy and security. They know us there and know how to feed us. And we deeply enjoy seeing gene and roman and betty and the others again. But as I said we shouldn't have to have to use my mirror beaming to escape every time we want to go somewhere else on EARTH! Rob and I should be able to walk out the door when we want to and hail a cab or take a bus or be picked up by folks instead just like anyone else."
Cupid asked. "Why does your Shrink object to you doing that since he knows you and your Host aren't crazy now?"
Prot sighed. "Gene knows I really am an alien, yes. But he doesn't think I can pass for a human if I had to. And he thinks that rob has been infected with me so long he's forgotten normal human behavior also! But rob and I have passed for normal all weekend! In two more hours this gig is over and I win a whole bunch of bananas."
Cupid smiled. "What if you'd lost?"
Prot explained, "Then I would have had to beam dr brewer and his wife, karen to hawaii for a week. I had the option of going with them." Prot frowned. I wouldn't mind losing except I would have lost my point. Coconuts are in season right now."
Cupid grinned. "I would think with a trip to Hawaii riding on it he really wants you to lose your bet!"
Prot nodded. "True."
Cupid grinned some more. "And you just did! I will go tell Dr Gene Brewer that I know you are a real alien! Or think you are a real alien! Your choice."
Prot frowned, "That's no fair! Somehow you know me."
Cupid nodded, "Indeed I do. "I am Cupid, god of erotic love and I've mentally visited your world with my selective omnipresence out of curiosity. I certainly wouldn't want to live there! You guys don't fall in love! You out-vulcan the Vulcans in that you breed for logical reasons only. I never saw a place in the Universe where I am so unneeded and unwanted!"
Prot frowned. "You can't possibly be a god! There are no gods!"
Cupid grinned."On your PLANET, Library Number 5 has a jagged crack in the marble on the front of it where a lightning bolt hit it about one billion years ago. The ap, pooty has brown hair with a white star on her forehead. Yorts have pink blossums everywhere but in the jinermost part of the PLANET. There a few of them have bright red blossoms."
Prot stared at him, "You HAVE been to my PLANET!"
Cupid grinned and bounced on his heels. As I said I may look like a Klingon but I'm really Cupid, Greco-Roman god of love!"
Prot grinned broadly and suddenly Robert Porter was on top giggling furiously at that!
It was several minutes before the Human Host settled down and cheerfully and willingly let prot go on top again!
And then it was prot again and he frowned, "I take it you 'gods' are living in some kind of library too and using 'mortals' as hosts as I am using my friend, robert porter?"
Cupid nodded. "We call it a, 'keep.' It was built far in the Future by the Mortals themselves and survived the Big Crunch/Big Bang. They built us too. We are sort of AI's actually but based on their own template, that and several other interesting Earth Beings."
Prot sighed, "That explains a lot. I take it you were made to fulfill the Human's irrational need for the supernatural to be real?"
Cupid said, "the supernatural is real and yes, that's why. Humans evolved into their own Omega Point and Time/Space curves of course. So this has already happened. Kind of a good thing too. Due to circling time the Gai Hypothesis and the Strong Anthropic Principle are the same. Life keeps the entire Universe life bearing."
Prot said "Ah oh! The Universe is ran by carnivores?!"
Cupid smiled. "Don't sweat it. Dremers are still with Humans too to help gentle them down. New Jerusalem is cube shaped you know. Humans network that library system of yours right into John's Cube and go right through the Big Crunch/Big Bang with it into the next cycle of the Universe forever and ever.'
Prot sighed, "Cube shaped you say? So resistance really was futile?
Cupid laughed, "No. Illogical. They network you in. They don't absorb you. You stay you so you had the sense not to fight it. But that they feel the need is the result of them being Carnivores. They no longer have to kill but they still have to hunt! So they seek out all life, all civilizations and preserve all that forever!"
Prot sighed, "So predators end up ruling the UNIVERSE?!"
Cupid grinned, "Yes. But no sweat! At least its not the Sliterenians. And you guys are Predators too!"
"Are too! You suck the fructose right out of your Hosts!'
"Well they don't mind! On my WORLD our hosts come running to us. We love them so much they want us very, very much!"
"Doesn't negate that you are feeding off of them!"
"Oh poo! What are YOU doing?"
Suddenly they both started laughing.
Then Prot shrugged, "Is your host a voluntary?" Prot looked very worried about that!
Cupid nodded, "Yes, voluntary. Same as you guys. But he's voluntarily incapacitated too. I wish he wasn't! Speaking of Star Trek we used to watch it together before he turned things completely over to me and my folks used that as an excuse to imprison me here, powerless!"
Prot frowned in sympathy. "Been there, had that happen. I know the feeling! Miserable! Lonely! That is as close as we dremers come to a concept of hell; a host who will not function and do his or her part! Humans do all these science fiction shows where they fight like the dickens to throw off alien control, so what do they do when they actually have some? Lay back and enjoy it and make us aliens do all the work! Whoda thunk it!" Prot sighed. "Maybe your therapist can get your host back. Mine did mine. Robert can function now. When he wants to. Its not gene's fault he just prefers me to be on top most of the time."
Cupid shrugged. "Mine isn't disturbed at all, just lazy. He is enjoying completely sitting out his life and letting me do all the work! I can feel him inside of me laughing sometimes at the predicaments I get into but that is the sum total of his participation. He certainly isn't fighting my controlling him. So I don't know how Claire Bear can possibly cure that! It's not like she or I can use the argument he neglected his responsibilities because the way he did things he wrapped up his leaving where he was living perfectly without harming or traumatizing anyone. Unlike Claire thinks he did not leave under any kind of disgrace so no one is looking for him. He left only to give me a clean break. So Claire's attempts to trace my so called past will always be futile! By the way I won't tell anyone how I really knew but I just helped you lose your bet so you get to feast on pineapples and coconuts this weekend instead of just bananas."
Prot smiled. "Ah, thanks. But since you definitely don't dare explain how you knew how do you plan to explain how you could tell I wasn't just another fan in character?"
Cupid smiled, "Elementary my dear alien. I will tell your Doctor you smell like you've been living in an institution. You do. Your clothes are washed in the same hospital issue brand soap my hospital gowns they made me wear were washed in. I could tell that way."
Prot stared at Cupid in amazement. "I do?!"
Cupid nodded, "You really do."
"Amazing! My sense of smell is acute and yet I never realized that!"
Cupid smiled. "You've been living at MPI so long it smells to you like shit smells to Worms. (Forgive the too close to home analogy, dremer!). You don't realize that odor clings to you. (But not that its unpleasant or anything, prot.) But to another mental patient who was an inpatient for a while it gave you away. So I don't have to tell your Doctor anything else you did gave you away. You DO act perfectly normal! So you lose your bet but not in a way that you lose the point you were trying to make. You passed for a normal Human just fine with everyone but someone who could recognize the smell of that brand of laundry soap which is something beyond your power to change."
Prot nodded, "I see that too."
Cupid smiled, "No. You smell it!'
Prot grinned broadly which for him was the same as laughing.
Trevor smiled and rapidly and repeatedly stabbed the air. "Win! Win! Win! Win! Win!"
Prot asked, amused. "How come so many wins?"
"Trevor pointed at prot twice, then at the sky and then twice at himself. "You won, prot. You won, Robert Porter. Gene Won. I win and my Host wins because you are going to send us something nice from Hawaii and we both will enjoy it even if he is choosing to sit out his life. Now aren't you?" Cupid grinned one one of his own sunny grins.
Prot laughed. "Robert and I will see. We don't have that much money."
"Just point out to Dr Brewer he'd either be paying for plane tickets himself or not going to Hawaii at all without my nose knowing and noticing! So have him pay for it."
Prot nodded, "I know he will see that point, (or smell it), 'Cupid!' I'm going to tell him you think you are Cupid without enlightening him that you really are some kind of artificially created deity. Serves you right you know! After all you have to admit you were a locked up mental patient to make this work and gene may want to know why!"
Trevor nodded and grinned.
Inward side of him prot could feel robert porter doing the same.
And inside of Cupid he could feel RT doing the same.
Suddenly the Announcer announced, "And coming up next from Starship New York the Klingon's worst nightmare, Censors gone wild! The Party Pooper from the PTA!"
Trevor gestured, "Bye." and rushed on stage. "Several other Klingons rushed on stage from one end their disruptors drawn. "Captain Kirk" and two Federation members rushed on stage from the other end their phasers drawn. They glared at one another. Penny/Kirk exclaimed, "Commander Konja I have you now! The Federation owns this planet fair and square! We saw it first! We planted a crop of Quadrotriticale here and you obliterated it from Space! That crop would have saved thousands from starvation!"
Trevor/Konja snarled, "We Klingons have the right to defend the encroach of you Federation Dogs upon our rightful territory! And you shot my Brother!'
"You killed my Uncle!"
"You kicked my Torg!"
"You weren't very nice to my Tribbles!"
The Audience was starting to titter realizing this was a comedy skit.
Trevor held out his blaster pretending to be about to fire knowing it was time for their mystery Actor or Actress to show up.
She did. The look on his face for a few seconds was most unKlingon but he caught himself and went back to the proper snarl. It was Claire Bear!
She came in looking just as sexy as anyone could in a tight, little, Female Federation Counselor's uniform which was VERY. And she was carrying a clipboard and looking all business. She had that same 'Doctor! Patient! Don't you DARE sexually harass me!' look on her face she'd had during their first session together that let him know SHE was the Boss! But this time of course she was only play acting. She marched up to Penny/Kirk and said, "Now now, Mr. Kirk we've talked about this before. Remember your anger management training. Then she spun around and looked up at Trevor/Konja, "And you sir must learn more peaceful ways of settling conflicts. The PTA has demanded we tone down the violence. I recommend tiddlywinks! They take real skill!"
Trying to stay in character he snarled at Claire, "But Federation scum! Where would we find tiddlys in this sector of the alpha quadrant?" To himself he thought, I never thought I'd call Claire Bear, 'Federation scum' in all my 3006 years of existence!'
From right stage in strolled a Ferengi dressed in overalls. In Mr Haney's voice from Green acres he drawled, "I just happen to have a set of exTREMEly high quality, gen NU rine, Eu RO Pean Tiddlywinks in my pocket. I got them out of the back of my spaceship. I will sell them to you for just three bars of gold pressed la TI num!"
The Audience roared!
So Captain Kirk/Penny and Commander Konja/Trevor/Cupid crouched down and commenced to fight for the fate of the planet over a fierce game of tiddlywinks glaring furiously at one another!
Trevor made appropriate Klingon snarls in appropriate places and commenced to cream the Captain!
Dr Leo had originally written the script so Kirk was winning but it soon became apparent there was a problem with that. Penny only had normal abilities to play tiddlywinks but Trevor of course never missed and couldn't even make himself miss even though he really tried. It was just too psychologically traumatic for him to miss hitting any non-live target he fired anything at. So Dr Leo had smiled and rewrote the script so the Klingons won. He was amazed at Trevor's accuracy! That was something he had not realized about Trevor before! He'd heard Claire mention that Trevor never missed hitting any non-live target he aimed at no matter what "weapon" he used. But he'd thought Claire was exaggerating until he saw it for himself!
Trevor/Konja snarled, "I shall be victorious for the Empire and it shall reign forever! No one ever defeats Konja the unconquered in a game of Tiddly's!"
We shall see about that, Klingon!" Penny/Kirk snarled right back.
The other Klingons started chanting "sink that tiddly by the blood of Kayless or die!"
Claire says sweetly, "Now we can't say 'die.' That implies violence."
Trevor suddenly ad libbed his role and caught Claire off guard. He got up and pranced around her like a very gay Klingon. "How do you know it isn't with cloth dye sweety?" He fingered the cloth on his gold tunic." Don't you think this little number would look just so ADORABLE in princess pink?"
The Audience roared again!
Claire was used to disciplining Trevor. It came in handy now. His gay act and ad lib did catch her off guard but only for a moment. With almost a straight face she growled, "back to the tiddys and keep it civilized, Mr!" Then she added her own little ad lib, "and rated G!"
Trevor slouched like a scolded little boy as if doing his usual 'Doctor! Patient!' response, said, "Yes Maim!" And continued to play, winning the game of course.
Kirk then had to be sedated by Dr McCoy and carried out on a stretcher. Penny was hamming it up just as much as the real William Shatner would have.
Trevor raised his fist on the air and brought it to his chest in the Klingon salute and snarled, "By the blood of Kayless and the tiddlys I have triumphed and the planet is ours!"
Then Trevor reached in his pocket and pulled out fifty more tiddlywinks, sat down on the stage and fired them all at Claire. This wasn't in the script. He had planned it to be a surprise which was made even more amusing to him by the PTA Party Pooper turning out to be Claire! Every single one of the little round plastic disks hit Claire in the rump is she tried to scurry of the stage even when she was over twenty feet away! It did not hurt but of course it was embarrassing to be so tiddlyed by a Klingon and Trevor at that, and in public!
The audience didn't know rather to laugh or be amazed and puzzled. How could this guy be so accurate and fire them so far?!
Trevor finally had tiddlyed enough to satisfy his need to show Mortals what he could do, curtsied with his index finger under his chin and did a silly walk off the stage.
The Audience clapped in deep appreciation but more puzzled now than amused. They couldn't figure out how he had done that!
Trevor's jubilant mood lasted only long enough to rejoin the rest of his gang off the stage. They were glaring at him! Dr Leo said quietly, "That was magnificent accuracy Trevor, but it kind of spoiled the mood of the skit turning it from funny to puzzling. Maybe you should have done a second skit and showed off what you could do and kept to the script with our group effort."
Trevor frowned and his face turned red in embarrassment, realizing his hogging the limelight had wrecked it for the others!
Then the next skit was up. They heard the music from jaws. Trevor looked but nothing was happening on stage. Then he realized all the action was happening in the aisle.
As the PA system played the theme song from Jaws, "Da dump! DA dump! Da Dump!" A Person wearing a blue and red jumpsuit with a Styrofoam Romulun war bird attached to his back was skate boarding on his tummy up the aisle!
As the music started going "Da dump! DA DUMP! Da Dump!" faster and louder a Person in a white jump suit with a Styrofoam starship Enterprise attached to his back started skate boarding on his tummy up the aisle from the other direction!
As the cello music reached its menacing crescendo the two "starships" met in the middle of the aisle and started to wrestle one another!
The Audience roared!
Cupid doubled over with laughter. He actually felt the happy presence of his official Father, Mars the god of war because Star Trek was one of the rare things they saw eye to eye about! By Jove! His Father and grandfather were enjoying this too!
The rest of his Star Trek club were also laughing furiously right along with everyone else in the room.
Dr Benjamin Leo was thinking to himself, Trevor, you are off the hook!
After that all the other skits were anticlimactic and soon it was time for the announcement of prizes.
The Announcer said,"first off I want to announce a special prize to the group who had the most realistic Alien."
Trevor wondered who that would be. By all rights that reward ought to go to prot. After all he was a REAL alien! But an ordinary looking guy wearing sunglasses, and dressed in an ordinary shirt and pants just didn't look like an Alien. So he was not surprised they didn't even consider prot.
But what did surprise him was their choice!
"The prize for having the most realistic Alien goes to Starship New York, 'Commander Konja of the Klingon Empire,' I guess the Audience can pretty much figure out it's not his costume that got him this prize but his impossible performance. Only a REAL Alien could do what we just saw! Starship New York come back up on the stage!"
Trevor did so with the rest of his gang and was pleased and very relieved to notice his group was not as mad at him any more.
The Announcer stuck his microphone under Trevor's nose, "I would like to know how you did that!"
Trevor shrugged, "Practice, practice and more practice. You would not believe how many years it took me to get that good."
The Announcer said, "I am actually a Neurologist in real life. I might! Tell me, ah what is your real name?"
Cupid was so used to lying about it he had no trouble saying, "Trevor Pierce" instead of Cupid.
But Claire was beginning to get very worried!
Sure enough her heart went in her throat when the Announcer's next question was, "Tell me, Mr Pierce. That was truly impossible what we just saw. Can you say with all sincerely that you are from Earth?"
Clarie thought, Thank the real God he didn't ask 'are you Human?' Because Trevor vacillates on rather his family counts as Human or not. But he might answer this one ….
Trevor nodded, "I would say I am a definitely an Earthling. My family has been living on Earth longer than you can possibly imagine. We certainly have a right to be here."
Claire held her breath. That was getting way too close to revealing his delusions in public in front of hundreds of People! And the contest was videotaped for sale later too!"
"Ah, Mr Pierce what part of Earth is your family from?" Claire was horrified to realize the Man was actually nervous!
Without hesitation Trevor said, "Thessaly, Greece."
Mount Olympus of course was in that part of Greece. But putting it that way certainly sounded more normal and Claire started to breath normally again. He had learned! She no longer had to worry about him making a fool of himself unless he wanted to! For instance he had done You Tube videos claiming to be Cupid but done them inviting folks to come to Tres Equis and most who saw them probably thought he was simply doing an advertising character and that even at the bar he was staying in character. But if he'd claimed to be Cupid here all sorts of bad things might happen! Including real X Files types taking note of his accuracy and starting to think insane things like "what if?" And showing up at Tres Equis with warrants for his arrest so he could be examined at Area 51 or whatever was the real equivalent!
Sometimes the World was crazier than most of her Patients!
The Announcer looked up at Trevor suspiciously. Cupid realized the guy was one of those rare Mortals who did not have the psychic veil/mental force field completely pulled over his eyes. He was sensing what Cupid really was to some extent and it was a darn shame not to let him in on the truth but with all these other Mortals watching...plus Claire Bear would kill him! Trevor gave the Man his sunniest and most reassuring smile and that did it. Even in his Klingon make up that smile would disarm the suspicions of a paranoid CIA Agent even if he caught Trevor carrying radiative material into an airplane!
The Announcer relaxed and laughed a little at himself, "Well! You put on a most convincing performance. Starship New York definitely deserves this award, don't they Folks?"
The Audience clapped very enthusiastically. Trevor could tell it wasn't just polite clapping.
Then the Announcer announced, "And now the award for the funniest skit goes to the wrestling starships by Benny and Todd Johnson!"
Benny and Todd came out to collect their award still wearing their ships on their backs and Trevor couldn't help chuckling at the remembrance.
Dr Leo put his hand on his shoulder, "Commander Cupid we would never have won funnest anyway. We couldn't win against wrestling starships!"
Everyone else nodded their agreement including Claire.
Dr Leo smiled, "So you at least won us a prize when we would have won nothing without you. So don't feel too bad. You did sort of hog all the attention and you shouldn't have. But I suspect you won't make that mistake again, and it worked out OK anyway."
Trevor nodded relieved his social goof hadn't made things much worse.
Prot came up to them then, his sun glassed face grinning broadly. "Congratulations fellow alien!" He said to Trevor impishly.
"Congratulations fellow Mental Patient" Trevor said right back."
They both grinned at one another. Trevor asked, "Can we give you a lift back to MPI?"
Prot shook his head, "Nope. Don't need one. Then he walked out on the stage in front of everyone before the Security Guard could stop him even though he wasn't supposed to be up there. He took his mirror out of his pocket, looked at it, shown his flashlight on it and just like that he was gone!
The Audience gasped and the Announcer almost dropped his microphone!
Trevor looked at the Announcer and giggled, "I'm no Alien. I'm just a god and I was born on Earth. My entire family was. We are very loyal Earthlings. Most of them were born on Earth before Earth was Earth! You should have given PROT the prize for being the most realistic Alien!"
Claire grabbed him by the arm and said, "Come on Trevor its time to take you home now!"
Grinning playfully and love be-smitten Trevor said, "Yes Doctor! To everyone else he called out, "Absolutely breathtaking isn't she?! She's my Shrink! Don't you wish the government would issue YOU a gorgeous Blonde to talk to?"
Claire dragged him out of the room being able to do so only because he was letting her. "I mean it! Time for you to go home! Your chameleon talent for fitting in could cost you big time here! Because you are starting to let all the strange behavior here make you act strange too and with your diagnoses and history you can't afford any more damage to your already damaged reputation! I won't let you undo in one night all I've managed to accomplish with you after several years of therapy and heavy advocating for you! Come!"
Trevor nodded sheepishly and meekly followed behind his Claire Bear out to lobby and then out to the parking garage.
Without one word of protest he got in her car and she was able to leave the hotel. In fact he looked happy to be riding in the car next to her as if they were a normal Couple out on a date. Then he said, "Transactional analysis, Claire Bear. Kid mode. Take me to a Steak and Shake's and get me a dark chocolate shake!" He demanded this like a little child.
Well he had come without a fuss and it was her own fault he knew Transactional analysis terminology. "Keep your eyes out for one. I don't know this section of the city well."
A half an hour later they both had shakes and were headed back to Queens. Claire smiled. She was relaxing now that the "danger" was past. She laughed a little. "So! That Announcer thought you were a REAL Alien and not just one from Greece!"
Trevor giggled, "I can't began to imagine where he ever could have gotten that idea! I'm a perfectly normal god not some strange, weird Extraterrestrial! How could anyone ever mistake moi for an ET? He finished his shake, saw a trash can twenty feet away from the car as it was driving down the road about thirty miles an hour and hurled the empty cup at the can. It went right in of course. And Trevor was still in his Klingon make up.
Five People noticed the "Alien" in the car and the impossible toss. One fainted.
Neither Claire nor Trevor even noticed.
Claire laughed some more as she drove on their way back to Tres Equis. "I hope you are taking that make up off right away!"
Trevor nodded, "I promise! And I don't have to promise like it's something I'm doing just to humor my Therapist! I hate it! It's hot and it's itchy and it smells like chemicals and how am I supposed to match Mortals in True Love looking like this? No one is going to believe a Klingon Cupid!"
Claire smiled. "But you expect Folks to believe a Twenty-First Century one?"
Trevor shrugged, "Well Claire, duh! We're immortal remember? We'll still be here when the real starships fly!"
Claire laughed relieved that statement was just some of his 'normal nuttiness.' She wasn't going to have to look at him looking like a Klingon any time soon again. "Fine then. We are both in agreement this was just an adventure for you not something I have to worry about as your Therapist." She smiled. "In fact I'm going to have fun with it! I'm never going to let you live this one down, 'Commander Cupid!'"