Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach.
The air was a morose thickness, filled with the chocking cigarette smoke of the bar patrons. There was no asking if someone might, or might not bother to smoke, as it went without saying, that the place was an anti-no-smoke place. You came, you expected to get your dose of nicotine poisoning, whether you had happened to quit or not.
Isshin, or course, had quit, when he had learned that he would be a father, and his wife insisted that smoking was bad for babies. Actually, as a doctor, he knew that, but he liked acting dumb, and letting her have her way. Moreover, she had thought he had looked cool smoking, which in more modern times… ten to twenty years, it wasn't such a cool thing to do.
He actually had his personal doubts, that she would have forced him to quit. It was something that she had come to expect of him. Truth was though, he had been looking for an excuse to quit, due to the fact, he knew it was a bad habit, which specifically helped him calm his nerves. There were better habits one could have, to release the stress.
His friend Tomo Atsuo though, hadn't quit smoking, which was one of the reasons that the group had selected this particular bar to haunt, on their one night a week that they got away from the kids. There had been some talk of inviting the vizards to join them, however that had been tossed down to the fact Hiyori had a major growth problem, and they didn't want questions asked about her age. More of, they didn't want her throwing a fit, when they tried to card her.
Atsuo though… Uncle Atsuo, as the kids called them, hadn't a clue about most of the stuff that went on. However, they let that slide, in hopes that his memories, would eventually come back on their own. Truth of the matter was, forcing him, ran the chance of breaking his mind. They were at this bar, enjoying a few drinks, and the fact that Tomo actually was able to get the night off for once.
"I can't believe that some of those kids thought I was smoking heroine because of the fact that I had a pipe. The current head of the Shiba clan, doesn't have that problem, when she does it," Yourichi bemoaned. "And I only smoke once every so often."
There came a chuckle from Isshin. "Yes, well… she also would punch any guy who told her off. No, her glare alone would be enough."
"Keep in mind, this is one of those friends I've never met," Tomo commented, taking a deep swig of his cigarette. "So, don't mind me."
"I should try hooking the two of you up," Yourichi teased, leaning on her elbow.
"I personally don't think that the two of them are suited for each other, other than possibly being friends," Tessai stated, shaking his head.
"I wish you guys would stop harping on me, because I don't happen to have a girl friend," the man stated, taking a drink. "I am busy with work."
"We harp on you, because you have never had a girlfriend," came Urahara's laugh.
"Don't go into that… you never rag on Tessai, do you?" the man sighed.
"I think Tessai…" Yourichi paused. "Isn't he older then all of us here?"
"I am not sure… you should know, as you guys have known him a lot longer," Isshin suddenly burped. Tomo Atsuo suddenly waved a hand in front of his face at this, while Yourichi laughed.
"I think we are too drunk to respond, and if I was someone else, I would start a burping contest," the candy striped hat man stated, causing Tomo to roll his eyes.
"Seriously… why do I even bother to hang out with the four of you," the man came out and said.
"Because you love us and feel connected to us on a spiritual level," Yourichi laughed, tapping her fingers. Her eyebrows suddenly raised up, as she saw a slim figure, dressed in provocative female clothing. Her mouth narrowed, and her aura turned dangerous.
"Oh, come on," Urahara suddenly laughed. "You don't need to get into a cat fight because of a pretty female, Ichi-chan."
"Ichi-chan is my son, thank you very much," Isshin suddenly sighed. Tomo Atsuo though, tensed up when he saw the person. Tessai simply ignored what was going on.
"I was wondering if Officer Tomo would care to take a break from his friends and have a drink with me," the person suddenly stated.
Before Isshin or Urahara spoke up, the police officer beat them to the punch. "I'm not gay."
"Where exactly did that come from?" Isshin stated, shaking his head, as the werecat let out a snort, as if she knew something that he didn't.
"Let me rephrase what I said. I have no interest in men, even if they dress like women," Tomo suddenly stated, rather irritated. "I don't want to go into the fact, I know you from work, and not in a positive light. If you proceed to stalk me, I will not hesitate to call out charges on you. Do you understand?"
This caused Urahara and Isshin to suddenly blink, and look at the person. Yourichi took a drink. "You two hadn't figured out. How wasted are you? How wasted am I for that matter. Someone tell the sick perv to leave. I get enough of this trouble from one of my former students. Love the kid, but she just doesn't get it. I wonder how much is actually volunteering… voluntary."
"Meanie… how dare you call me a sick perv," the person stated out loud.
"Considering you have harassed me, I would say it is warranted," Tomo muttered, flipping out his phone. It rang for a bit, then he spoke to the person over the phone. "Superintendant… yes… it is that problem again. No… I'm off duty, enjoying a drink with my friends…"
The man suddenly took off, and Atsuo continued. "He's just left… I'll be sure to file a report in the morning, though you may have to remind me, as I want to forget this… again."
"Shit… that was," Urahara took a drink. "What dumb luck."
"Dumb is right," the police officer muttered. "He's been doing it for a couple of weeks now. Completely freaky."
"I find it freaky that Isshin and Urahara didn't realize that it was a guy," Tessai suddenly stated, causing Yourichi to laugh.
"And that Urahara assumed that I was wanting to have a cat fight," the female patted her best friend on the head, causing his hat to go askew.
"Don't ever tell my kids that I mistook a guy for a woman," Isshin muttered into his drink.
"Oh, I won't. Especially since it involved the guy hitting on me," Tomo muttered.
Author's note – Some people might think, oh… you're parodying your dislike of slash fics. I say, far from it. So long as the slash fanfic is respectful to the original creator, I have no problem. It's a matter of choice to which I have no right to comment on, other than the fact, I don't think it is right. (Though some people think that slash is in fact, disrespectful to the original creators, but that is another story.
What it is parodying, is this. I happened to be going through the Bleach fanfic archives, when I found a sequel for a rather well known fanfic. I thought at first that it was by the original author of the fanfic, however, when I read the summary, I found that it was actually written by another author, without going to the original author for consent, and claimed to be a sequel, yet changed some of the aspects of the original story… and not just the intended pairing.
I have no problem, with people borrowing my stuff. However, I would like to be asked first, for one thing. I also shudder, at the idea of an OC of mine being placed into a slash pairing, which is where this sprung up from.