Integra's Batty Vacation

Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

Chapter 1: Exiled

AN: Please, don't take too seriously. Thanks. ;)


Angrily she stuffed an armful of clothes into her suitcase, as a few other stacks sat there, cowarding, awaiting their turn. "It's not right!" she complained to what she thought was empty air… only to have her servant's velvety voice break into her thoughts.

'What's not right, my master?'

Integra turned to her left, to find Alucard stepping through the wall and entering the room.

"I don't recall giving you permission to enter my chamber, Vampire."

He grinned at her. "I'll leave if that's what you really want, but it looks like you could use someone to talk to."

"Oh, and is that your role now? To just stand there and listen to me rant?"

"My role, is to satisfy the desires of my master – whatever they may be. That includes offering a listening ear… when the situation calls for such." The vampire paused for a second as he watched Integra's shoulder's lower and her stance shift into a less tense one. "Of course, normally, I'd simply offer to find the person responsible for causing you such distress and skin them alive."

"Assuming, of course, you weren't the person trying to drive me up the walls," Integra cut in.

"Master, that goes without saying. Really, how could I skin myself? Besides, it's a servant's prerogative to test his master's resolve."

Integra laughed lightly. "Testing my resolve, is that what you call it?"

"Yes, someone's got to keep you on your toes. If life's too easy, you'll lose that razor edge of yours and get all soft and compliant. And then what would I do?"

"I don't think there's much chance of my life getting too easy," the lady knight mused aloud.

"Oh? I wouldn't be so sure about that. An entire week away from England, relaxing in the lap of luxury in some fancy hotel? I just may have to step up my game when you return from this vacation."

"This is not a vacation," Integra growled. "It's a royally decreed exile!"

"Master," Alucard replied, his voice taking on the kind of tone an uncle might use when trying to assure his spirited niece that things weren't nearly as bad as she was making them out to be. "I know a little something about being exiled, and trust me, an order to take a week off and relax is hardly the same thing as an exile."

"I'm being forced to leave my duty and country. It's an exile as far as I'm concerned."

"Well, maybe if you hadn't pulled a gun on that doctor during your last psyche eval…." The vampire commented.

"He had it coming!" the knight was quick to defend. "We lose an entire unit to rogue vampires, I'm up all night writing letters to their families – letters where I can't even tell them how their loved ones died or explain just how many others their sacrifice saved – and then this wimpy, little pencil pusher with a psychology degree comes in and thinks he has a right to evaluate my emotional state?!" Alucard just kept quiet and let his master continue to vent. "And then, AND THEN he asks me how I 'feel' about the men we lost. The sniveling, little weasel got what he deserved. He should consider himself lucky that I didn't pull the trigger!"

"I could rectify that if you're having regrets, Master," Alucard offered up.

And Integra actually looked as though she was considering it for a moment. "No, no. As much as I hate to admit it, we do what we do so that fools like him can live such happily oblivious lives. Sending you off to kill him would only undermine what we work for." She sighed. "Besides, a week is not that long. And at least it'll give me some time away from you," she half joked.

"Oh? And here I was thinking I might join you on your vacation," Alucard replied mischievously. "Just think of all the trouble we could get into in another country."

"I… don't think so," Integra replied with the slightest trace of playful smugness. "No, you will stay here, and you'll be a good pet and obey your 'sitter' while I'm gone. Oh, and do be careful about 'testing' the Police Girl's 'resolve' while I'm away. She's not as… 'use to' your stunts as I am."

Alucard chuckled. "Nervous, Master? Worried that you'll return to find I've perverted your mansion into an unholy den of depravity and put in motion a new set of plans to conquer your beloved England?"

"Alucard," the lady knight warned.

And the monster chuckled again. "Don't worry, Master. I'll be good while you're away… well, good enough anyway. And I'll take it easy on 'Master' Seras."

Integra's arms paused midway to her suitcase. "I'm surprised to hear you call her master?"

"Why? You've given her the task of… 'managing' me while you're away. For the next week she will be my master; what else would I call her?"

Integra shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I just expected you to be more… ah, 'resistant' to the idea of your fledgling being in charge while I'm gone."

Alucard grinned. "If you were trying to set it up as a permanent thing, I would be – very resistant. She's my fledgling after all, and having her in charge of me flies in the face of all vampiric tradition. But since it's only for a week, well… Do you know what the problem is with living for centuries?" he asked. "You get bored. You've already seen most all life has to offer, and there's very little left to hold your interest. I'll never be displeased with a temporary change that helps break up the monotony of day to day life."

"Good then the two of you shouldn't have any problems while I'm away."

"Really, Master, don't you know me any better than that? Of course we'll have problems," Alucard assured as his lips pulled into a wolfish grin. "But," he then continued, his expression returning to normal, "I'll keep them to a manageable level."

And the corner of Integra's own lip curled. Her servant was an incorrigible one, wasn't he? She almost wished that she could stay, just to see what 'problems' he had planned for the poor Police Girl. Of course, by the Queen's orders Integra had to be out of England before the sun rose the next morning, and she wasn't allowed to return until it set seven days later. Besides, if she could've stayed, there was no way she'd have let someone – anyone -- else run her organization. So she would've missed out on seeing Alucard 'play' with a new master anyway.

"See that you do, Vampire," the lady knight replied as she zipped up her suitcase and headed for the bedroom door.


It was busy at the airport. Traveling business men and women rushed by, cell phones in their ears or their hands a blaze with texting and email, as they sprinted to and fro. And they said that she needed to relax? Happy tourists, both from other countries and English citizens heading to other countries, stood in long lines, their clothes bright, colorful… ridiculous. Didn't they realize how idiotic they looked?

Integra sighed at the hullabaloo. And then some young, freckle-faced kid ran into her. The top popped off of the large orange soda he was carrying and spilt all over Integra's suit. And suddenly she was as 'colorful' as all the other vacationers. "Oh, ah, sorry," the boy apologized, and Integra just shook her head before walking past him.

Yes, clearly sending her out of country was the perfect way to remove her from stressful elements. The lady knight scanned the lines, picked the shortest one and headed for it. She wasn't concerned with where she was going – wherever it was it was away from her organization, her duty, her calling. So, just so long as she could get past this stage of the trip, just so long as she could remove herself from the rank and file idiots who filled the airport and get… somewhere where she could enjoy the sanctity of solitude she'd be… well, not happy, but satisfied.

And so Integra waited in the shortest line. She purchased herself a first class ticket. And then, only as she was checking the ticket to see which plane she'd be taking and at what time it departed, did the lady knight discover that she'd be spending the next week in some American city called Gotham.

Gotham? She'd never heard of it. 'Probably some small, middle of no-where town out in America's Midwest,' Integra thought to herself as she went and took a seat and waited for her plane to begin loading passengers.

Just over a half hour later, Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing stepped foot on the plane that would take her away from the country of her birth and plunge her into a whole new world. The lady knight presented her ticket to one of the stewardesses, and was soon led to two empty seats. Integra chose the one closest to the window.

Having seen Integra to her seat, the stewardess smiled and moved onto the next passenger. And Integra was left to herself once more, which was how she liked it. The lady knight opened up a small carry-on bag and pulled out a novel she'd been working her way through in what little spare time she could find.

She didn't have long to enjoy her reading, however, as a chatty, overly nervous girl was soon seated beside her. "I-I can't believe I'm going to Gotham!" the girl suddenly exclaimed, without any external prompting. Then she looked over at Integra and seemed shocked that the other woman was so calm. "How can you just sit there reading? Don't you know what they've got in Gotham? Vampires!"

At the mention of that word Integra's concentration suddenly shifted from her book. "Pardon? Did you say that they have vampires in Gotham?"

"Yes, that's right, vampires! And not those sparkly, romance novel kinds either. No, I'm talking real night stalking, suck the blood out of you vampires! Oh, why did my company have to send me to Gotham! They'll get me for sure! Oh, why did my parents have to name me Mina of all things… and then my company sends me to Gotham to handle a merger! I'm as good as dead!"

"Um, how do you know they have vampires in Gotham?" Integra asked, doing her best to reel the other woman in and find out if she really knew anything or was just the unstable, petrified looney she appeared to be.

"How? Why I researched the city, of course. As soon as I found out that I was being sent there I did a web search for any instances of vampire sightings in the city?"

Integra cocked an eyebrow. "Ah, why?"

"Because, my name is Mina; haven't you been listening?! Why did my parents have to name me that, it's like painting a big, fat 'bite me' sign on my neck! I always knew they'd get me in the end, and now it's going to happen. I'm being sent to a city with vampires. They'll find out my name and then some ghoul with a Dracula complex will come after me and kill me!"

Integra was beginning to wonder why this woman hadn't been locked up. The existence of vampires wasn't common knowledge, most people considering them nothing more than legends. So, as bizarre as the woman's near paralyzing fear that her name would attract the attention of vampires seemed to Integra, it should've been even stranger to those who thought the creatures mere myths. Why was this woman flying off to handle business mergers instead of in a padded room, getting the help… and pills she needed?

Integra reasoned that perhaps the lady wasn't considered a threat to herself or others and thus her paranoia was seen as a harmless quirk. Maybe she wasn't even usually this bad? Maybe it was the fruits of her internet search that finally tipped the scales and sent her into looney land? Integra didn't know, and what was more, she really didn't care. The woman was an obvious nut job, and as soon as the plane leveled off Integra was going to find an excuse to switch seats.

Really, believing the results of an internet search for vampire haunts? How utterly ridiculous. Anyone could put anything they wanted on the internet. It was worse than the rag sheets. What would her organization have been like if they followed such unsubstantiated rumors? Why the internet claims could be the result of nothing more than some psycho running around in a giant bat costume – assuming they were based on anything at all.

Too bad too; the lady knight had been starting to get excited about this trip for the first time since she discovered she'd be taking it. If there was a nest of vampires to hunt and slay at least she'd have something to occupy her time. 'Should've known better,' Integra thought as she chided herself for getting her hopes up.


Well, that was silly, huh? Sorry, but like I said this one isn't meant to be taken seriously. Well, hope you guys and gals got a laugh or a chuckle out of it at least. Still deciding whether I'll continue this one or not.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.