mxpw's A/N: When this Cabal was first created, way back when, this was not what I imagined the result would be. Apparently, I forgot who I was partnering with. Credit for this brilliant, but thoroughly twisted, series of one-shots detailing coitus interruptus, deservedly, goes toward Wep and Liam.

Wepdiggy's A/N: So our leadoff hitter is a man that adores the show "Millennium." Yeah, I know. But despite that, he's actually a very talented writer, and honestly, I can think of no one better suited to get this big ball of win rolling than Liam2. So, yeah, I will admit that I sometimes feel out of place in this group. Like I'm the affirmative action case in The Cabal. Like the lone shit writer amongst so many talented authors. But nonetheless, I enjoy being a part of this wonderful group of people (Frea and Crystal), and pervs (I'm looking at you, Liam and MXPW).

crystalelement's A/N: So here we were, all minding our own business one day, when suddenly Liam was all like, "Hey, let's think up more ways to cockblock Chuck and Sarah!" Y'know, as if it hadn't happened enough this season. And we were all, "…Okay, sure, why not." So here's what you get: The Cabal's humorous takes on what could've happened following the events of The Other Guy, starting with Liam's ever-hilarious "Almost A Patriot." Hopefully you'll all laugh your asses off. Also, please don't shoot us for keeping them apart. Again. Sort of.

Frea's A/N: I don't know what I'm doing here, I think the others just read "Fates," decided that I was shiny, tranqued me, and suddenly I'm part of this Cabal business and Crystal is cracking the whip, all "Write more, $%#*!" It started with THIS section, so really, it's all Liam's fault. I just hope you enjoy it!

Liam's A/N: I'm fucking epic, what more is there to say? Dammit Crystal stop it! I don't wanna say more! Ow ow ow! Okay, in all seriousness, the four people with A/N's above me are four of the most incredible people I've ever known. I look at the collective works of each and every one and marvel at their brilliance. And the fact any of them have anything to do with me surprises me to no end. To each of you, mxpw, Wep, Crystal, and Frea, thank you all for your friendship and indulgence in this project. It means so much. As for you lot, the readers, enjoy these absolutely hilarious stories from four incredible writers and two slightly disappointing entries from me.


Almost A Patriot

By Liam


She hadn't spoken in five minutes. Five long, chilly minutes. She just sat there, leaning against the headboard, smoking her second cigarette. The look upon her face was... Well, there was really no singular word to describe it. But he recalled a similar expression on Amanda Witmer's face back in 8th grade biology when Mr. Stevens told her she had to dissect the frog if she intended to pass the course. That look was made incredibly discomforting by the fact Chuck suddenly felt very froggy.

Ribbit.

"Sarah, there are really no words..."

Without even glancing his way, Sarah held up a hand to silence him. She shook her head slightly. No, dude. Don't.

She took a final drag off her cigarette and snuffed it out. With her hand already in the neigborhood, she grabbed her cell phone. Scrolling through her contact list, she tapped a number, flipped her hair aside, and placed the phone to her ear.

"Carina, hi!"..."Yeah, this is THAT phone call."...Sarah finally turned to face him. With perfect annunciation, she said, "Thirty-two seconds."

From his own sitting position, Chuck slid down, trying to disappear into the mattress.

"Well, at least there wasn't much of a mess to clean up."

Chuck lifted the sheets and disappeared beneath them.

"Yeah, well, Chuck's difficulty with trigger control seems to extend beyond firearms."

Chuck groaned as the phone conversation continued for another couple minutes. Chuck finally heard Sarah disconnect the call, followed a moment later by another cigarette being lit. He chanced pulling down the sheet below his eyes.

Sarah quietly puffed away, her head cocked down and eyes fixed upon him. She took a deep drag and exhaled smoke as she critically eyed him. "Three years," she finally said. "That's how long astronauts wait for their shuttle mission. Three years waiting for blast off. And your freaking space shuttle explodes on the platform."

"Wanna snuggle?" Chuck asked, hoping to placate his still-not-quite lover.

Sarah's only answer was to press out the cigarette on his chest. Chuck howled in pain, but Sarah immediately shushed him with, "Quiet, bitch!"

"Yes'm."


Coming Up Next: Frea O'Scanlin pits Sarah and Chuck against the entire government of the United States in Bam-Tanka-Wow-Wow.