Chapter Title: No Such Thing
Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie, just as my stories belong to me!
N/B: This is my fourth Fanfic, but my first Twilight story. Takes place in New Moon time. Please, tell me if anything is wrong or off with Edward or Alice or even Bella. Sorry if it's too short. Please read and review, it's the only way I get better.
3 months earlier:
This is for her, I remind myself. Her big, brown eyes glaze at me, hurt, no, crushed, but I can not give her what she wants. She doesn't know what she's asking for, truly. This is the only way. This is for her.
"If…if that's what you want." She utters, her eyes closing for the shortest moment. No, I want to say. It is what I never wanted.
"Yes, yes it is." She looks up at me again and starts to speak, but decides against it, her soft, pink lips blocking the words from leaving. I can tell that she absolutely believes the (there is no other word for it) shit that is coming out of my mouth. And this just barely pains me more than actually leaving her. After the many times I had held her close to me, stroked her curly auburn hair, kissed her warm, vital skin; the numerous times I had told her I loved her. None of this mattered now.
"Just promise me this one thing." I detect a flicker of hope in her answer of 'Anything!', and can't help but chuckle inwardly, despite the serious nature of the conversation.
"Please, take care of yourself. Don't do anything rash or stupid. For Charlie, of course, he needs you." She nods solemnly, her eyes wide, and I know its time to go. She knows this too, as she is one word away from breaking down in tears. I remind myself yet again that I am doing this for her, so she has a chance at safety, happiness, and the ability to lead a normal, human life without me.
I give into my own wishes though, and touch her one more time, pressing my mouth to her forehead. I soak the feeling of her, so that I can remember this moment, this feeling, for the rest of my awful existence.
To anyone else, this view would be a beautiful one; atop a snow capped mountain, wind gently blowing, watching the sun rise into a cerulean sky. Alas, this view does not console me. There is only one view in this entire world that offers me any comfort, and she is gone.
Why, oh, why did I have to be a monster? Why did she have to be so sweet and beautiful and loving and perfect for me in every way possible? I miss her every moment of every day I suffer through, and I will never stop missing her for as long as I live.
I do have a little comfort in the fact that she is safe and, maybe, even happy. Maybe she has found someone else to rely on, someone she can trust. Hopefully she has forgotten all about my family and me and moved on with her life, something I can not bring myself to do.
I slowly rise and stretch, sighing softly and running my hand through my now damp hair. Perhaps, one day, this pain won't sting so badly. Maybe I will one day return to being a semi-functioning member of society.
I run back down the mountain, so fast any straggling hiker would believe I was the wind. I sit in my darkened pueblo hut, listening to the sounds of children splashing in the water and women begging their husbands to put on more sunscreen. I conjure up memories of being with her (it hurts far too much to think of her name), the way she touched me, the way she smiled. What I would give to see that smile again…
After a few hours I remember that I am supposed to visit Alice today. She likes to keep tabs on me, to make sure I'm not suicidal enough to do something stupid, like visit the Volturi. When dusk approaches, and the sounds of joyful children fade, I leave my oceanside dwelling and head into the jungle.
I decide to hunt first, hoping the new blood rushing through my veins will help me appear a little better than I actually am. I've been eating different animals than I did in Forks, and I have welcomed the change. After killing and feeding off a jaguar I head for the tourist welcome center on the edge of the island and wait for Alice. After a few moments she enters, stepping lightly on the concrete floor with her purple flats. The building is closed, of course, but it is only closed to humans. And, last I checked, I was not human.
"Alice," I nod in greeting.
"Edward," she replies. Her high, musical voice is not as high as it used to be. Is she really that concerned for my well being?
I try to joke with her. "You're late, although I'm sure you already saw this coming." She simply nods, her lips tight. I give up (I am not in the best of moods either), and try to dissect her mind for the reason she is so unhappy. But she pushes back, allowing me to only see pictures of my family.
"They are well?" She nods again. This whole conversation is so formal, so…distant. I want the old Alice back, the one that would come up and hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay.
"How are you?" I'm sure she already knows the answer to this question, but I tell her anyways.
"The same." The same being in total desolation, and having no reason to stay on this God-forsaken Earth except for the fact that she is still alive and well.
Alice shifts, obviously uncomfortable in my presence, and I just can't take it anymore. I walk up to her and confront her, closing the gap between us.
"Alice, what is wrong? Is it Carlisle? Esme? Jasper, Rose, Em, tell me?" I demand, listing off the names of my loved ones.
She shakes her head. "No, it's not them."
I'm confused; she's not making any possible sense. I try digging through her head again but, again, come up with nothing.
"It's her." Oh no, oh no, oh no, please God, not her. My hands fly up to cover my face as I sink to the floor.
"No, no Edward, it's not that bad. At least, not yet." I look up to see her kneeling down towards me, her hand outstretched.
"What is it?," I whisper. I don't know if I can take this. If something has happened to her, I would just…I couldn't…
Alice finally opens her mind to me, and a flood of images she has been holding back come rushing into my mind.
And then I can see her, I see Bel…ah…
I watch her as she puts bags into her truck, writes a note for her father, makes a phone call to her mother. I see her at the bank, withdrawing money. I see her driving, driving for a long time. She's in a city somewhere, and then she's somewhere else, another city, a larger city.
But I see her! Her heart-shaped face, her pink cheeks that turn red when she gets nervous or embarrassed, her soft fingers, so warm in my frigid hands. I can even smell her sweet, floral smell, the smell of her blood, calling me to her.
The empty feeling that usually rages my chest recedes, and I feel as if I can breathe for a moment before I remember that this is only a vision, and that I can not hold her in my arms. Even still, the sight of her makes me feel the slightest bit better.
Something is wrong though, very wrong. These are not positive visions of her. As they go on it gets worse and worse. Her clothes are ragged and ripped, she has lost weight and looks even paler than normal, almost comparable to me. She is…dear God, she's sleeping outside, in a makeshift home of cardboard and blankets, in the freezing cold. She is shivering and crying, and I had no idea, no feelings whatsoever, that this was happening.
I release myself of the visualizations and lay my head down on the wooden floor. What the hell was that?
"She ran away from home. She took all her money from the bank and left Forks. I don't know where she is, other than the fact that she's in a city. Which city? Heaven only knows. She got a job somewhere, despite the fact that she dropped out of high school. She even had an apartment. But then the landlord spiked the rates, I believe, and she lost her housing. Then she lost her job. It's not looking good for her Edward."
"What do you mean by that?!" My tone is accusatory, and I work to calm it. This is not Alice's fault, it's mine and mine alone.
"She's dying on those streets Edward, she wasn't made to live there." Alice sits down on the ground next to me and rubs my hand in slow circles, like I used to do with Be-
"Uh," I grimace in pain. I nearly said it.
"Why didn't you come get me earlier?" Maybe I could have stopped her, prevented this whole scenario.
She shrugs. "Edward, I didn't really understand what she was doing or why. Unless I have something substantial, then I don't feel the need to come to you."
"Why hasn't she phoned home, tried to get help?," I demand. There has to be a reason for all of this.
Alice exhales noisily. "Edward, I don't know! The real question is, what are you going to do?"
I ponder for a moment. Well, there is really is only one thing I can do. I have to find her and help her. I realize I told her I'd never come in contact with her again, but I can't stand by and let her waste away on some urban American street where no one gives a damn. I won't let her be the evening news. Not her.
"We are going to find her."