Fun With Your Clothes On One-Shot Contest
Title: Undisclosed Desires
Your pen name: -EnjoyyourJacob-
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.
The original characters and plot are the property of the author.
The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.
No copyright infringement is intended.
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Takes place after the battle with Victoria and her army of newborn vampires.
Now Bella goes to visit the wounded Jacob. She is worrying, since everything is not as it was before. Meeting Jake again, Bella realizes what she really feels for him. Things are getting steamy…
In the end it's Bella and Jacob.
A/N: Story title is inspired by the song "Undisclosed desires" from Muse.
Thanks to Sab for your honest thoughts and inspirations, and to the awesome betas of Project Team Beta – KCerena and Kayla Cullen – who were so brave to deal (again) with my stupid comma, tense and punctuation around dialogues errors.
Alice saw me to the door, telling me once again to keep up the charade in front of Charlie, that it would be better if I made a stop at my house before going to visit Jacob. Being a Cullen meant being responsible. Since I wanted to become a Cullen, I had to behave like a Cullen. Yada, yada, yada. Honestly, I loved Alice, but right now the only thing that mattered was Jake's well-being.
I couldn't concentrate on what Alice was saying, no matter how hard I tried. My thoughts drifted off to Jacob almost all of the time. I needed to know how severe his injuries were. I had to see him with my own eyes. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something felt different. It almost was as if I didn't belong here anymore, but I was drawn to La Push and Jacob.
Alice took my hand and stroked my cheek. "He will be okay again, Bella. Carlisle said no permanent injuries are to be expected."
I nodded cautiously, but winced when Alice's eyes glazed over and she drew in a shocked breath.
"What is it?" I asked anxiously.
"You will make a decision tonight," Alice answered in a low gravely voice when she focused back on me. She pressed her lips into a hard line. "Know that, whatever you decide, it will be the right decision. Never doubt it, Bella." Alice hugged me and told me goodbye. I hugged her back and headed for my car.
I was confused. I didn't plan on making any decisions tonight. I just knew in my heart that I had to drive to La Push as soon as possible. I yanked the door to my truck open and shrieked when Edward suddenly appeared by my side.
"Bella," he said, pulling me into a kiss. He smirked, teasing me. "You're jumpy."
"You scared me," I complained as he pulled me against his hard, cold body. Edward kissed me, guardedly first, but then he deepened the kiss. It felt somehow strange to me. Edward kissing me so agitatedly was something I usually took advantage of, since it barely happened, but right here, right now, I literally couldn't. His hands slid over my back and grabbed my hips, pulling me closer into him. Then they moved up again, brushing the sides of my breasts. My heart skipped a beat before it started beating faster. I had wanted this so badly before, but now it somehow felt wrong to me.
Edward stepped back and looked at me strangely. He helped me into my seat and closed the door for me. "I'll meet you at your house when you're back from La Push," he said, giving me a light kiss on my lips.
"Sure." I turned the ignition and let the truck sputter to life. Edward knitted his eyebrows together as he seemed to listen to someone's thoughts inside the house. His look darkened even more, and I didn't understand a thing.
There is no need for Edward to be grumpy, I thought. I only wanted to see Jacob – I didn't plan for another kiss to happen. Apart from that, Jacob couldn't do anything inappropriate right now anyway. Not when he was so badly injured. Maybe the kiss I had shared with Jacob had rattled Edward's confidence far more than he wanted to admit, but I was far from feeling like I should apologize again. After all it was partly Edwards fault. If he hadn't brought up our engagement, knowing that Jacob was listening, then Jacob wouldn't have reacted dramatically and threatened to end his life, and I – I would never have asked Jacob to kiss me and come back.
Liar, a voice in my head mocked me. I winced and shook my head, feeling uncomfortable.
"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered, pulling me out of my reverie. He leaned through my open window, kissed me once more, and stepped away from my truck. For me it was as if the gesture had a final edge.
"I love you, too," I answered mechanically. For some reason, it hurt to say the familiar words tonight. As I drove off, my thoughts started to wander again.
Only this morning I learned that I – in fact – loved Jacob. My feelings for him were much deeper than friendly concern, and I couldn't hide that from myself any longer. I snorted, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. Sharing this kiss with Jacob had changed something within me, or - to be more accurate - it had opened doors I never thought existed before.
When I arrived at the Blacks' house, Seth and Embry were sitting on the front steps. They looked troubled, and when I got out of my truck they glared at me. I felt uncomfortable, but I could understand why they looked that way. I knew that I was constantly hurting Jacob. I knew that I was selfish and a bad person.
I knocked. Not even waiting for Billy to ask me in, I entered the house. Billy nodded at me, nothing more than being polite. I could tell he was upset about his son's condition, that he had done the math, and that he held me responsible.
Fortunately, Carlisle coming out of Jake's room spared me from having an awkward conversation with Billy. He gave me an encouraging smile. "Jacob is going to be fine before long, Bella."
If he only knew what was going on in my mind, Carlisle wouldn't be this understanding.
Carlisle said goodbye, and I walked into Jake's room, cautiously pushing the door open. What would I do if Jake didn't want to see me? What if he kicked me out, telling me to never come back? Nervously, I smoothed down imaginary wrinkles on the dress I was wearing, the one that Alice had put me in to make Charlie believe we had been on a shopping trip together.
Jacob lay on his bed looking strangely frail. He was dressed in a pair of boxers and he didn't bother with a blanket. There were braces on his right arm and leg and a tight bandage around his chest. The bruises on his beautiful face were fading but still very prominent. He stared at the ceiling and avoided meeting my gaze. His face was blank and emotionless.
"Can I come in?" I asked self-consciously.
Jake's voice was as flat as his face was blank. "You're half way in already. So come on in fully."
Hesitantly, I took a step forward. I entered his room and quietly closed the door behind me.
He looked different. His vibes were different. He had never seemed that lifeless before. Jacob seemed altered, and I knew that the fight with the newborns was not really the reason for it. I'd done that to him. I'd broken Jake's heart – again – but nevertheless he had gone into battle, risking his life for me. After denying my true feelings for Jacob and turning away from him after sharing this kiss, I had finally broken his spirit. The blank expression on his face, the lifelessness in his eyes – it all was my fault. My hand flew to my mouth, hiding a budding sob.
When Jacob left this morning, he was convinced that I would be marrying Edward, despite the kiss Jacob and I had shared, despite how amazing it had been, and despite that I was finally admitting to him that I loved him too.
I should have told him earlier, but I was realizing the sheer magnitude of my feelings just now. I could only hope that I was not too late, that I could fix what I had broken.
"Why did you come?" Jacob asked gruffly.
"I had to see you. I needed to know that you're all right," I whispered, conscience stricken.
Jacob closed his eyes, shifting on the bed to find a more comfortable position. His face contorted in pain. "Why?"
"Because I was worried about you," I answered, feeling a little self-conscious, but something just made me advance and I moved closer to his bed.
Jacob opened his eyes and stared at me. I couldn't quite decipher the way he looked at me. He glared at me, his gaze predatory. I suddenly found it difficult to breathe, being stunned by his sheer presence. Jacob buzzed with virile energy, even when he was just lying in his bed, barely able to move without causing himself pain.
When I sat down on the edge of his bed, cautiously - I didn't want to jostle against him - the feeling of self consciousness amplified. Sitting so close to him was familiar and yet new and sort of awkward. I should have been used to having him bare-chested near to me, but I was more affected than ever. My heart rate increased and I felt my palms go sweaty.
Jacob huffed and turned his face to the wall. "You've made the wrong decision, Bella," he declared, still looking at the wall and crumpling the bed sheets with his good hand.
I winced at his words, and I fought my tears back. I didn't want to cry. "I'm sorry, Jake," I croaked, and instinctively leaned closer to him. "I' wish I would have told you myself. I really hate that you had to find out the way you did." I realized that I was very disappointed with myself and angry with Edward. I was disappointed that I hadn't told Jacob myself that I intended to marry Edward, and it really bothered me that Edward had mentioned the marriage when he knew Jacob was listening, using the promises I had made him as a weapon in their little war.
Jacob swung his head around, fixing his gaze on my face. His brown eyes burned with the intensity of his feelings. He furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. My heart broke at the sight of him. I didn't want him to hurt. Not because of me. Not because― not at all.
"And you truly believe that he would make you happy?" he spat, working his teeth and clenching his jaw.
I said, "yes, I do," but suddenly I didn't feel so sure about it at all anymore. Did I really think that we could continue our relationship where we had left off? Did I seriously never consider the possibility that things wouldn't work out between Edward and me? Why had I refused to accept the possibility that Jacob could be more than just my friend?
I had been desperate when I learned that Jacob was severely injured. In fact, I had been afraid I would lose my mind with worry about him. The fear that I might lose him was devastating, but also told me how much I actually loved him. Losing him would mean losing the light, the air, the sun – would mean losing MY light, MY air, MY SUN.
Suddenly I knew. I knew why I had been so desperate when Jake walked away from me. I knew why I had been so grumpy around Edward, and I understood what Alice had wanted to tell me. Deep inside of me I came to realize that I had more feelings for Jake than I had thought. I looked at Jake. His presence was so strong and powerful even when he was vulnerable like this.
"No…" I eventually whispered with a shaking voice, wiping away a stray tear that fell from my eyes.
"No what?" Jake asked hoarsely. With effort he rolled over and groaned when the move caused him pain.
Not even thinking, I put my hands flat on his chest and tried to push him onto his back. As soon as I touched him the atmosphere changed. Sparks were flying. Being so close to him made me feel like I had millions of butterflies flying through my stomach. I recoiled, and my breath gushed out of me. Jake's facial expression told me he felt it too; in that moment our feelings were one. We looked each other in the eyes for a while, neither one of us able to break the contact.
"You didn't answer my question, Bella." He grabbed my wrist and repeated his question. "No. what?"
I gasped as I felt his searing heat against my skin. "I don't know. Somehow I'm not so sure anymore―" my voice broke. I looked at his huge hand as it enclosed my rather small wrist, and bit down on my bottom lip. Dammit! Did I seriously never feel the sexual attraction, the pull towards him before?
"You have made the wrong decision, Bella," Jake said again, emphasizing every single word. "And your feelings for your leech are not the same anymore, are they, Bella?"
I wanted to jerk my hand out of his grasp, but he wouldn't let me go.
"When we kissed, something changed. Bells, I can see it in your eyes. You feel it, too, Bella. Let yourself feel it." Deliberately he caressed the tender skin of my wrist with his thumb.
My eyes fluttered closed. I nervously chewed my bottom lip. I wanted to distract Jacob, hoping for a little bit more time to over think what I was doing here. His voice eased its way into my thoughts, enticing, stimulating, and soothing me all at once.
"I could help you find out, though," he offered, his voice barely a whisper.
"It has been a rough fight for you," I said through my gritted teeth, meaning the battle with the newborns.
"I'm still fighting," he replied and looked me deeply in the eyes. He loosened the grip on my wrist, and suddenly I felt his hand on my knee and moving up my thigh. My body knew the answer already. It automatically responded to his touch, and I scooted closer. I wanted nothing more than to lay my hands on his chest again and explore each and every muscle and inch of his skin.
When I opened my eyes, I found him staring at my legs. I noticed that my dress had ridden up my thighs, exposing my legs almost completely. I didn't mind. Under his stare, I felt beautiful and sexy. For the first time in my life I liked being so pale since it contrasted so wonderfully with his russet skin.
My eyes wandered from his face to his chest, down to his stomach and the rippling muscles there. I didn't dare to look any further, though I was longing to size him up down… there. My gaze returned quickly to his face. I decided to ignore the furious blush on my cheeks. I couldn't help it anyway.
He smirked at me, asking straight-out, "Like what you see?"
I nodded honestly, but was also deeply embarrassed. I loved Edward and I was supposed to marry him. I shouldn't feel attracted to Jacob. I shouldn't like being so close to him. I came to realize I had never felt good enough for Edward. I always had my moments of feeling insecure and not worthy of his love, something I never felt around Jacob. I was far more comfortable and self secure around Jacob - equal in a way. Also there was one thing which until now I never had admitted to myself; Edward's self-restraint and fear to express his feelings through bodily contact were slowly wearing me out.
As I considered this, marrying Edward suddenly felt scary in that we were doing it for different reasons. I was a normal modern teen who wanted to explore her sexuality, while Edward believed in a slough of moral standards that were not part of my own worldview. Our marriage would be a transaction in which we each had to give something up. What if we would want different things our whole lives, always compromising and never truly satisfied? Sitting here, I finally asked myself whether I had already come to the limits of what I was willing to give to be with Edward and if I really, truly, absolutely wanted to become a vampire like him.
I looked up and found Jacob staring at me intently. My stomach twisted painfully as I tried to read his face, but he kept his emotions in check and didn't give away his feelings.
Suddenly feeling all churned up inside, I flung myself forward, wrapped my arms around Jacob's shoulders, and I pressed my face into his chest. "I don't want to lose you, Jake," I mumbled, and I also started to grasp that there were more things I didn't want to give up; I didn't want to say good-bye to my life, to my parents, to my friends. I finally saw how much Jacob meant to me. Not only was he my best friend, but I also I had fallen completely and utterly in love with him.
"I hate that Edward hurt you. I never imagined he would do that. I'm sorry." I stroked Jacob's shoulder down to the brace on his arm to show him my affection. He remained restrained and guarded. I couldn't blame him.
"You're apologizing for what he did? Why would you do that?" Jacob asked me, bewildered. I could almost hear him roll his eyes as he slowly wrapped his arms around me, giving up his defense.
"He didn't play fair and―" I stopped. My heart was pounding against my ribcage. "Jake, I know now that I made a mistake." I pushed myself up into a sitting position and rumbled, "I agreed to marry the wrong man."
In that moment something else hit me as well. While making mistakes made you human, the ability to move on and put things right made you human further more. All the decisions and moments that were life itself – even when it was insecurities and failures - suddenly felt so precious. Edward would understand and accept it, wouldn't he? He wouldn't stand in the way?
"It's not too late yet, Bella," Jake said, unwittingly answering the thoughts that were running through my head. Determination and hope were now sparkling in his eyes. "I'm not ever giving up. Something happened in that field with us, and you know it, Bella. We belong together. You can't deny that anymore." His voice was rough, the emotions more than obvious on his face.
I had underestimated Jacob. There was little that could actually break him. He was a fighter, in every way possible. He wouldn't give up on me so easily. I should have known. Jacob was strong-willed, fiercely determined to keep me alive, and most of all, he was hopeful, absolutely positive that he could convince me that I belonged to him – and he was right.
Our kiss had been so different from the kisses I shared with Edward, and had awakened a desire in me I didn't know I possessed. My tongue slid over my lips unwittingly. Suddenly, I craved his lips on mine again. Giving into my feelings for Jake felt far easier and far more natural than anything I had ever felt for Edward.
Jacob's good hand closed around my wrist again as he slightly tugged at my arm and said my name, "Bells."
"I want you to kiss me, Jake." I said to him. My stomach twisted in positive anticipation.
Jake groaned and brought his good arm up to my neck. He buried his hand in my hair, putting a little pressure on the back of my head and pulled me down. Our lips met, and it was like coming home. His soft lips welcomed my mouth in a tender kiss that quickly became more intense, and I got caught up in the spell of his passion. I could feel the love pouring from his lips as he deepened the kiss. His tongue trailed over my bottom lip. I sighed longingly and opened my mouth to let him in.
His tongue entered my mouth, and now that I finally knew what I felt for Jake and what I truly wanted, it felt overwhelming. It was so much better than the kisses we shared before. Now that I was opening up, kissing him was a revelation, a rollercoaster of love and passion. I whimpered into his mouth, and with my good hand I grabbed his shoulder. "This just feels right."
I sighed. He smelled and tasted so good - warm, woodsy with a little hint of fresh mint, and a little bit of salt like the ocean. The tension between us was building up very quickly.
"I told you so," he confirmed and pulled out of the kiss. My heart galloped, when he brushed my hair out of my face.
I cupped his cheek, and my breathing hitched when his body heat rocketed. I bit down on my lip, and I wanted him so badly. I didn't know what had gotten into me.
"Thank you, Jake. You know, for being there for me all the time, for saving my life, for risking your own life to keep me safe." I concentrated on detangling his hair. It was thick and silky, and I just wanted to bury my hands in it and pull him close to me. I picked some grass and dirt out of his hair, feeling upset that obviously no one had bothered to help him clean up. Suddenly, I just needed to take care of him and clear away the marks the fight had left. I didn't mind that his face was dirty and stained with dried blood, but I wanted him to feel fresh and comfortable.
I examined his cheekbones and the bruises on the left side of his face. "Will you let me take care of you? I want to clean your face," I told him, and when he nodded, I darted out of his room. In the bathroom I found a washcloth, made it wet, and walked back into his room. I carefully wiped off the dried blood and dirt from his face.
Jake closed his eyes. His lips opened a bit, and I could hear a low growl vibrating in his chest. I stopped and stared at his lips. I wanted to kiss him again so badly. I bit the bottom of my lip as I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Eventually he opened his eyes again and found me staring.
"Jake," I whispered almost inaudibly. He could hear me, though. I longed to be close to him.
"Come here," he said with yearning in his voice and extended his arm in a welcoming gesture. I crawled over to him and straddled his lap. Jake wrapped his good arm around my waist and let the hurt one rest on my leg. My breathing hitched when I felt his muscular thighs flex under me. I hoped that I wouldn't hurt his broken leg but he wasn't complaining.
[…Deleted scene due to graphic content. Find entire one-shot on Jacob Black N Pack…]
He held me close until my shuddering and shaking calmed down. "I love you, Bells," he whispered into my ear, and kissed my neck, my throat, my chin, and my lips.
"Jake, I love you so much," I answered and kissed him back.
"When dry humping you is so awesome already, I can't wait for the real thing," Jacob muttered tiredly, and grinned his signature smile.
I giggled in response, my fingers drawing circles on his chest. I felt cheerful and light-headed, but it soon started to drift off, and I snuggled tightly against Jacob's chest.
Suddenly, Jacob's body tensed.
"What's wrong?" I mumbled sleepily. I literally could feel his hackles rising under my hands.
"We've got a visitor," he growled. "Cullen is here."
I gasped in surprise and closed the dress over my breasts spontaneously. How did Edward find out already? Had he been sneaking after me?
Jacob hoisted himself into a sitting position and swung his legs out of bed. He grunted when he reached out for a pair of sweats that lay on the floor.
"No, Jake," I croaked, and clutched his hand, desperate. I didn't want him to meet with Edward. Not when he was in this condition.
"You bet!" Jake said, his face showing off grim determination, and in his eyes I could see that he didn't trust me fully. "You can tell him right now, Bella." He reached out and touched my neck.
I winced, feeling the tenderness, and my hand moved to the sore spot. He had marked me, claimed me. I closed my eyes for the shortest moment in reverie of the moment. As I fingered the swollen flesh, a new wave of lust slammed into me.
Jacob smiled – knowingly and satisfied.
Then I heard Edward calling. "Come out, Jacob Black. We need to talk."
I was panicky, my heart rate spiked and sweat broke out all over my body. I wasn't ready for the confrontation yet. I couldn't go out to Edward like this – I smelled like sex and Jacob. I had a bite mark on my neck, and Edward would see. I didn't want to hurt Edward, not after everything that he had done for me. I huffed angrily. Somehow I had managed to put me into the same situation again – only roles were reversed now. I was confused.
I hadn't planned on making any decisions tonight.
Edward called again. He called my name this time.
Looking at Jake, waiting and full of hope, everything fell in place. I stood up and took his hand. I wouldn't back out. I would follow through with it.
I straightened myself.
I had made a decision tonight.
~ The End ~
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