The Other BBC Message Board Fic, a farscape fanfic

THE OTHER BBC MESSAGE BOARD FIC!
SUMMARY: A big ol' ball of bad karma gets loose on Moya… and everyone chases it. That's the plot. Nothing more.

RATING: PG, just to be safe.

DISCLAIMER: (In body of fic.)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Or rather, editor's notes. This is the first fic we did, written before the one posted by Ennixeve. The BBC cancelled 'scape again for the snooker, and in my infinite wisdom, I suggested we all write a fanfic. It was all going so well, and then the board closed, which is why this is cut slightly short. We no longer do fics like this, since certain members were getting very annoyed with us "taking up board space with stupid fanfic", or something along those lines. About four heated debates later, we agreed to disagree on the fanfic issue, and promised never to do it again.

Anyway… here's the first attempt, with each participant's name at the end of each section. This is but one version, and if I can ever find the others, I'll add to it. (As it was, posts kept randomly vanishing during the course of the evening and we only just managed to retrieve this one from our histories…) I've also left in all the grammatical and spelling errors, just to add authenticity, as well as the random comments we made along the way.

Enjoy!
The Other BBC Message Board Fic!

15 minutes late, but what the heck.

first line of a fic forthcoming! someone else has to make the next bit and we keep going for 45 minutes!

disclaimer: we are not doing this for profit. do not sue us. please.

"THE BBC FARSCAPE BOARD EPISODE WITHDRAWAL FIC"

John Crichton was bored. He wandered Moya's corridors aimlessly, looking for something, anything to do. Frell, he'd settle for yelling at Harvey. He was so damn bored...

Then, something caught his attention at the end of a corridor.

"Finally a little action around here," he thought, tilting his head and approaching the something...

next!

(T'eyla Minh)

A ball of pure, blue phospherence shimmered briefly before him, as if assessing him, then, with dizzying speed shot down the corrider behind him. John stood, dazed, a little confused, but happy also to finally have something to do.

"Now what in Elvis' name, was that?" he muttered to himself. As if in answer, Chiana came bundling around the corner straight into his arms. Her eyes were wide, but her smile wider still.

"Did ya see it, John?" she sung. "Where'd it go?"

"The ball thing? Yeah, I saw it. Nearly swallowed it. What the frell is it?"

(Chiana's Ex Boyfriend)

"Absolutely no frelling idea. Pilot might know."

"Yeah, or Aeryn."

"Why would Aeryn know?"

"She knows everything!"

The argument deteriorated from there...

"Pilot!"

"Aeryn!"

At which point, since their comms had been left on, the voices of both the accused filtered through, loud and clear, and somewhat irritated.

"WHAT?"....

pointless is my middle name, ya know :)

(T'eyla Minh)

"Hey, sweets," John began. "We've gotta blue, ball thingy floatin' around down here. You know anything about it?" Pilots voice came back, cracked and a little embarrassed.

"Er, Commander, I'm afraid that belongs to me."

"Is it a pet?" John inquired, smirking at Chiana.

"No, not exactly. Um-"

Aeryn interrupted with typical abruptness. "John, Pilot's people have a defense mechanism within their biology that prohibits the storage of negative attitudes and emotions. They are stored in something called the Everes sac and are expelled once every couple of Arn's."

John laughed. "So, we got a ball of bad karma down here? Is it dangerous?"

(Chiana's Ex Boyfriend)

"Bad what?"

"Nothing."

He could practically see the 'human nonsense' look.

"So... Pilot, how do we get rid of it?"

(T'eyla Minh)

"Get rid of it!" Pilot yelled, practically leaping from his seat. "You can't do that. It has to be reintergrated into me, cleansed and after a short ritual, everything will be well again."

John sighed. "So what you're saying is we have to capture it, bring it back to you and make you a whole pilot-man again. Sure this things not a woman?"

Chiana giggled, snuggling a little closer to John. "You sure it's not dangerous. I like a good adventure."

"No, Chiana," Aeryn intoned, sounding for all the world as if she were ready to start hurting people. "Get the others, catch it, and bring it here. I'll get Zhaan, so she can help with the ritual."

"So how exactly do you capture it?" John asked. "A psychotronic EM net, maybe?"

"No, John", Aeryn sighed. "A box will do."

John laughed. "Right, a box, stupid old me!"

"Just try not to have too much contact, it is pure negative energy. Don't want you getting too grumpy," Aeryn continued.

"Right," John agreed. "I'll keep D'Argo weel away from it."

(Chiana's Ex Boyfriend)

Thats all I can find, there was another bit wasn't there??

(Eve)

there was my bit!!! and it still fits!!!

Several minutes later...

"Frell!" Another small container flew across the cargo bay as Aeryn flung it over her shoulder. It just barely missed John's head.

"That one broken too?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Well, let's try something else."

"Yes. You clear this dren up and I'll go and find that thing."

"Whoa. Scratch that. I'll go, you stay here. I don't want you touching negative energy."

"Why the frell not?"

"Because..." * because... I lo- nah, that's cheesy * he thought. "Because... I feel like chasing something."

"Fine."

Before she could changer her mind, he'd run off. "And besides, PK PMS is bad enough already without adding negative energy..." he muttered...

see! it still fits!

(T'eyla Minh)

Pilot directed John now joined by D'argo and Rygel to one of old cells on Moya. D'Argo paused for a moment at the threshold of his old holding cell.

"Hey, you okay, buddy?" John asked softly. "You wanna go check another cell?"

"No, I'll be fine." D'Argo answered sounding less than convincing.

"Can we get on with this! I was eating." Rygel hovered a safe distance behind them, hies expression a cocktail of fear, boredom and hunger. Before D'Argo could reply the ball shot from underneath a bunk, arrowing straight towards D'Argo. His body was enveloped completely within the blue haze, for what seemd an eternity, before speeding off past the petrified Rygel.

"D'Argo?" John inquired nervouly of the Luxan warrior. In response D'Argo let rip with a guturral roar.

"FRELLING PEACEKEEPERS!!!"

"Uh-oh."

(Chiana's Ex-Boyfriend)

"John, get the frell out of there!!" shouted Aeryn over the comms. Crichton didn't need telling twice, he sprinted out of the cell and pausing to grab Rygel and his throne sled, ran for pilots den.....

Eve :-)

Is anyone else still playing??

(Eve)

*throws hand in the air* me me me me! i am!

but i can't think of anything else. someone else can have it :)

(T'eyla Minh)

John watched the tenacious Hynerian tear free from his grasp and speed away down a corrider. With the bellowing Luxan hot on his heel, John ran for all he was worth. He stumbled, panting heavily into Pilot's den to be greeted by a collection of bemused expression on the faces of Aeryn, Chiana, Zhaan and Pilot.

"John?" Zhann began, but was halted by the sight of the rampaging Luxan thrusting through the doorway behind John.

D'Argo, his eyes bloodshot and frenzied, dancing around the room from person to person, before settling on Aeryn with evil intensity.

"Peacekeeper!" he spat…

(Chiana's Ex-Boyfriend)

ack!

John immediately stood directly in front of her. She was half-amused and half-flattered.

"If you want Aeryn, you're gonna have to come through me first..."

"Gladly!" said D'Argo, marching forwards. His footsteps echoed around the room. He started to draw his blade. John stood his ground even as Aeryn tried to make him move.

Suddenly...

(T'eyla Minh)

Chiana ran forward and sprayed D'argo in the face with some freslin...

(Eve)

LOL!

D'Argo scrabbled at his eyes madly and let out an ear-piercing growl that seemed to emanate from his stomach.

Chiana's eyes went wide, then she was grabbed from behind by Zhaan as they all fled from the Den.

"Follow me!" yelled John.

"Oh yes, we'll all follow you and he'll just listen for you yelling!" countered Aeryn. "We might as well follow Rygel, for frell's sake!"

"I'm good at hiding, remember!"

"But-"

"Stop arguing!" said Zhaan with uncharacteristic annoyance. "We will all follow John."

John nodded gratefully, gestured for them to follow, and kept right on running...

Meanwhile...

D'Argo was still flailing wildly about, now roaring. Pilot was attempting to look unfazed by the emormous hulk of angry Luxan, but he couldn't stop one of his four arms from trembling.

D'Argo regained vision and slammed his hands on Pilot's console.

"WHERE DID THEY GO????!!!"

Pilot stammered something and pointed a trembling claw in the direction of the door. D'Argo uttered an expletive and ran off after them...

woo! action!

(T'eyla Minh)

(A/N: This is an alternative ending. We were running out of time, and I like both endings, so here you are!)

"Now come on big fella, we don't want anything stupid to happen do we now. You've had a session in the karma ball, that's all."

"Get...out...of...the...way...human," D'Argo snarled.

Unseen by D'Argo, Stark entered the den. In his hand he carried a lethal -looking piece of metal pipe. Putting his finger over his lips, he stealthily clouted D'Argo over the back of the head. D'Argo's eyes widened in surprise before rolling up into his head as he collapsed heavily onto the deck.

"Yay for me!" cried Stark, before being knocked out cold himself by the speeding throne of Rygel.

"Frelling slaves!" Rygel muttered, looking down at his prone form. "Always in the way." He glanced at D'Argo. "And as for Luxans...are you lot going to stand around here all day? I've found your ball, Pilot. I've done my bit, now one of you heroes go get it!"

John shook his head, wishing for all the world he was bored again. "Chi, look after D'Argo, Jabba Junior, you're with me."

(Chiana's Ex-Boyfriend)

(A/N: And, on discovering the board is about to shut in about 30 seconds, Dylan makes a valiant attempt to end the damn thing…)

It closes at 10.00????

Er, John and Rygel get ball. Zhaan cleanses it... Pilot is happy... D'Argo wakes up with nasty headache... has some aspirin... feels better... Chiana remembers her long lost love ME!!! And leaves Moya to make lots of whoopee!

The End...

(Chiana's Ex-Boyfriend)

(FINAL A/N: And that's it! We hope you enjoyed this one as much as we enjoyed writing it!)