I can't believe the news today
Oh, I can't close my eyes and make it go away
- Paramore, Sunday Bloody Sunday
She's too young.
And he has Blair. Perfect Blair with her doe eyes and red lips and spunk.
She's too young with her blonde curls and blue eyes.
Just like a younger Serena before the drugs and sex and booze.
She listens to him talk about expectations, parents and girlfriends.
And how he wishes to run away.
Because he's young too.
And she listens and listens.
So naïve about it all but still listens.
Sweet, innocent and young.
He kisses her with masks and gowns and mistaken identities.
He lets her go.
He's not enough.
And she wants too much. She wants to become famous and rich and successful way before she's ready.
She wants the world, she wants it all.
But he can't give it to her.
She's just like Serena. Free-spirited Serena who did what she wanted no matter what.
She's like Blair now after Marcus, Yale and mean school girls.
Just like Blair with her tears for old films and things they once had.
Manipulative, lost and beautifully broken.
She hates him.
He can't hate her.
He kisses her with frustration and anger and passion in the dark streets of New York.
And he lets her go.
She cares too much.
And he only wants her. Only cares for her.
But she cares and loves too much for everyone. She cares for Vanessa more than him.
And he's hurt but he doesn't love her. Not yet.
But he knows he could with her wide smile and blue eyes.
Serena's eyes, Serena's smile.
With her passion and caring and wrong decisions.
Blair's words. Blair's fire.
He can love her.
He will love her.
And she'll love him in return.
She already does.
He kisses her with panic and sweetness in a room filled with strangers.
He has to let her go again.
She has less.
And he has everything he's ever wanted.
Or at least he thought so.
Because nothing's made him happier than blowing out a small candle in a café while everyone clapped and she laughed.
So pretty, so smart, everything he's ever known.
Like Blair, Blair, Blair.
So sweet, so bright, so full of life.
Just Serena, Serena, Serena.
She's got nothing.
With her sad blue eyes and sighs.
He has everything.
With Serena and kisses and handcuffs.
He has it all.
He should be happy.
But she kisses him and it all fades away.
Because she's all smiles and laughs and mischief.
And she's everything he'll ever need.
He'll always hate himself for letting her go.
Just something I wrote to pass the time. My first N/J fic. Hope it's not too bad.