Title: My Dearest Yoh
Genre: Romance /Angst/Drama
Warnings: hm, don't know if I want to spoil the story…
Rating: PG (K+)
Word Count: 961
Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King nor the characters.
Summary: A letter from Anna. Post-series. Yohna. Manga-based. May be considered AU.
A/N: One day I wondered why would Anna make Yoh do all those household chores. Was it only a part of Anna's training? Or was it her b*tchy side? Clearly she loves him much. And thanks to her Yoh is so prepared to live alone and take care of himself like hardly anyone. He doesn't actually needs a wife. It always bugged me as well why would Anna leave her son behind? IS she a bad mother? Didn'tshe learn anything from her own suffering when she was left alone? As I was mussing over those questions, this popped into my head. What if-?
This one is dedicated to Keitorin Asthore because she has inspired me to write once more.
My Dearest Yoh
My dearest Yoh.
There. You've probably read it a few times before continuing with my letter, didn't you? Of course you did. I know you. And I've never called you dearest aloud. It was… it was just too hard for me to admit how much you mean to me. But you do. You are my dearest, my one and only…
Oh, Yoh… I'm so sorry…
If you are reading this letter, then it means I'm gone.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…
I'm sorry I still didn't have the courage to tell you the truth. I'm sorry that once more I've hidden my true feelings behind the cold mask of indifference, of pretending…
I'm sorry I didn't have to courage to tell you that I'm dying, that I don't have much time.
You know, I was so honored when Kino-sensei has decided to pick me up as your future wife. I was even more excited when I first met you. I… I fell in love with you during that fateful meeting when we were ten… when Matamune has sacrificed himself. Actually, when you decided to sacrifice him in order to save me. Me! The lone and hateful child that you have accepted with your big and compassionate heart… You showed me that I matter.
Yoh, you have no idea how many times you have saved me from myself since then…
I could never be grateful enough for that to you. I don't say it much and I even now know it won't be enough, but I want you to know it.
I am grateful.
I'm forever indebted in you. And you, you like always don't want anything in return. It's so like you, Yoh…
…for accepting me …for taking care of me …for choosing me...
…for loving me.
My dearest Yoh…
I want to hold you right now. I want to hold you so much! I know you're hurting. I wish I was able to prevent it. To be able to save myself, so you are not left alone…
But I could not.
All I could do was to make sure you'll be able to live without me when I'm gone. It pains me to think we're no longer together. I miss you already thinking about the separation we'll have to undertake…
Yoh… I want to make sure you'll be able to live without me. That's why I made sure you could cook and clean and take care of yourself. That's why I kept you at arms' length never allowing you to get too close. I hope you understand. I wanted to shield you from hurting…
Despite my cold attitude you've fallen for me. I know this. I know you love me the same as I love you. I feel it every time you gaze at me, every time you touch me, every time you smile… Gosh, it kills me even more now, knowing you'll hurt! Knowing you are hurting. I could not live without you myself, and if you feel at least the half of my feelings… Oh, Kami, what I'd do to lessen up your sorrow right now!
Please forgive me.
Forgive me for not being able to live with you forever.
My dearest Yoh…
I want you to never forget this.
I love you.
I've always loved you. And I'll always love you. Your smile and lazy attitude, your kind heart and determination to live an easygoing life. Your gentle arms that held me and your strong will to befriend anyone.
My dearest Yoh…
Please, take care of yourself. Live the life we were meant to live. For yourself, for me. For us.
Hana… I wish I was there to see him grow up. Oh, Kami…
He seems to love you already. I'm glad. I'm glad he took into you so much. At least, the two of you have still each other.
I just… wish…
I wish I was there too.
Oh, Yoh… it hurts so much!
Yoh… I decided to keep the distance with my own son even if it killed me inside. I… I wanted to stay with him forever. To stay with both of you forever. I wanted to be the Mother he needed and deserved, to be the wife you need and deserved...
But I knew I had to make sure you are alive, because I knew there will be a time when I'm gone. And what would Hana do if neither of us was there for him?
So I decided to go with you around the world. To make sure you'll stay alive. And it all turned out like I hoped... Hana did not got used to me that much, and I made sure you're alive. Once more I was able to prepare you for my absence.
It killed me inside.
My own son…
I wish I hadn't had to. I really wish I hadn't have to do it.
Oh, my dearest Yoh…
How much it hurts to know I'll leave you all one day…
Please… Please! Never forget I'm always near you. Even if you don't see me I'm always there. Keep strong, I know you can do it. I know you can live through my death. I know you are strong enough. You are so much stronger than me… Yoh, you have to be strong! That's an order! You hear! You have to. You have to be strong…
Hana needs you.
Keep strong for him. And never forget that you need him, too. You two have each other now. Neither of you is alone. And for that I'm glad. Please, take care of each other. I love you both. With all my heart. And forever.
I love you, My Dearest Yoh.
So, I don't exactly how it has turned out, but…
Feedback is appreciated. XD