Title: You're the Father!
Featuring: Shawn Michaels/Rebbecca, with appearances by 'Taker and Hunter, of course. (laugh)
Disclaimer: Nothing too bad...Just silliness.
Summary: Shawn Michaels has been successfully resting in retirement and enjoying his family for the past few weeks when he suddenly receives some very interesting news...One-shot. Crack fic.
A/N: This is basically me poking fun at myself...And having fun. This is another one of my pure crack fics... I apologize in advance, and blame it entirely on my semi-ill state. And also Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series. (laughing)
Shawn Michaels lay in his warm, comfortable bed, just drifting off to sleep, thinking about how wonderful it felt to be in a bed that he could rightfully call his, with his wife Rebbecca beside him, with his wonderful children just down the hall... And to think that this was be how things would be from now on!
Life truly, truly, was good.
With a contented sigh, Shawn turned over onto his side, wanting to hug his wife (being so caught up in the moment), but noticed that she wasn't there. Sitting up slowly, Shawn's blue eyes blinked a few times before he noticed the bathroom light on, and heard the noise of the handle turning.
"Shawn!" Rebbecca said happily, coming quickly out of the bathroom and sitting by Shawn on the bed, a large smile on her face. "Shawn...I'm pregnant! We're having another baby!"
The man formerly known as the Heartbreak Kid was silent with shock for a moment before embracing the love of his life with a gasp of pure joy. "Really?!" he asked, kissing her once and looking down at her covered middle, which of course had not yet begun to grow.
Rebbecca nodded, all smiles, and touched her abdomen. "I had a suspicion...but I wanted to make sure before I said anything..." She broke off into laughter. "I can't believe we're having another one!"
Shawn laughed as well, shaking his head, loose blond locks catching the lamp light. "I can't believe it either! This is wonderful!" His smile, already brilliant, only grew as Rebbecca embraced him tightly and buried her face in his chest. He kissed her once on the forehead, and started to say something about how much he loved her, when his cell phone—sitting on the dresser across the room—began to ring. Not wanting to let it ring too much and wake up their children, Shawn slid out of his wife's arms as she lay back down, and picked up his phone.
"Hello?" he asked softly, somewhat surprised that someone would be calling him at this time of night.
"Shawn, it's me!" It was Triple H's voice, and he sounded like he was whispering as well.
"Hey, Hunt, what's up!" Shawn asked, brightening even more. Before the younger man could answer, though, Shawn interrupted with, "Rebbecca's pregnant! We're going to have another baby!"
Over the phone, Shawn could hear Hunter's gasp. "What?! That's amazing! Congratulations!" the Game said eagerly. "It's really funny, though, because I have similar news!"
Slightly confused, Shawn's head tilted to the side. "Huh? Hunt, I already know about you and Steph's baby--"
"No, no," Triple H interrupted, voice becoming more of an excited whisper than before. "I'm not talking about Steph and my baby, I'm talking about yours and mine."
"Shawn..." Dramatic pause. "I'm pregnant, and you're the father!"
"WHAT?!" Shawn Michaels felt his head spin. "What do you mean you're pregnant?!" He shook his head hard, hoping to clear it. "And what do you mean, I'm the father?!"
Triple H's voice lowered even more. "Keep your voice down, Shawn, Steph will hear you yelling..." Another long pause. "C'mon man, don't act like you don't know... Remember...the night you retired..."
"Yeah, I remember!" Shawn half-yelled, not wanting to be too loud either. "I went right home after the show!"
"But what did you do before that?"
The Heartbreak Kid felt a blush coming to his face, and he didn't know why. "I gave a goodbye to the fans..."
"I walked to the back, you came out and gave me a hug..."
Shawn scratched his head. "And what?"
"C'mon, Shawn," Triple H said matter-of-factly on the other end. "Remember! You gave me a kiss too! I mean, the whole world saw it."
If Shawn Michaels had been wearing boots, he would have fallen out of them. "I did kiss you, but...So what if I kissed you?! That doesn't mean...It was on the cheek anyway, you can't get pregnant from..."
"Shawn?" Rebbecca called, immediately grabbing the Heartbreak Kid's attention. He turned to her somewhat guiltily, trying to hide his blush.
"The phone in the hallway was ringing...It's for you."
Sighing with relief, Shawn turned his attention back to his best friend, who apparently had been speaking the entire time and continued to do so.
"...So, I was thinking if it was a boy we could name him Shawn Paul, because Paul Shawn sounds stupid. And, no offense, but Hickenbottom is the worst last name ever, so if we could just stick with Levesque or Helmsley...Maybe Michaels-Helmsley..."
"No, we're not thinking of any names yet!" Shawn whispered into the phone. "We'll talk about this later, okay, Hunter!"
Triple H laughed on the other end. "Alright, Shawn, but don't go trying to weasel out of this... This baby is definitely yours." Another light laugh. "Goodnight, Sexy Boy."
"Please don't call me that anymore," Shawn groaned as he said his good-nights and slipped the cell into his pocket, dashing past Rebbecca and into the hallway where the other phone waited. Something about the whole situation didn't sit right with him, but he couldn't place his finger on it at the moment...
And how was he going to tell Rebbecca?
What was he going to tell Rebbecca?!
Shawn's voice was somewhat breathless as he picked up the home phone. "Hello?
Shawn raised an eyebrow at the deep voice. The Undertaker?
"Hey, Mark," he answered somewhat hesitantly, wondering why he was getting yet another call at this time of night. Was the world going crazy? "What's up?"
There was a long silence before the Undertaker spoke again. "Shawn, I don't exactly know how to say this but..." Another pause. "I'm pretty sure you got me pregnant."
This time, Shawn did fall over, because the next thing he knew, he was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, as he clutched the phone to his head.
The Deadman's voice was as steady as always, but definitely subdued, tinged with something Shawn could only identify as embarrassment. "I, uh...I checked today at the doctor, because, you know, I've been a little sick lately, which is why I haven't been on SmackDown..." Shawn nodded, forgetting that it wouldn't be seen. "Well, the doctor said that I was a few weeks along..."
"Wait, but what does that have to do with me?!" Shawn cried into the phone, utterly confused at this point. "I never..."
"Shawn, after our match, we..." And now Shawn could definitely hear the embarrassment in the Deadman's voice, although, for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why! "You know, we... And the dates coincide..."
Again, Shawn shook his head. "But we didn't do anything after our match! I went one way, you went the other the way I remember it! We didn't do anything inappropriate together!"
"But Shawn...You hugged me after our match, remember?"
The Heartbreak Kid's jaw dropped, and since he was already sitting on the floor, it didn't have far to go. "You're kidding me... Mark, a hug can't--"
"Look, Shawn, " 'Taker began, voice taking on a air of finality. "This is as unexpected for me as it is for you, but..." Again, that trailing off of a sentence. "But I'd like for you to be in her life..."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a girl, even though it's too early to tell. I'm thinking of giving her a tough name... How does 'Liddell' sound to you?"
"That's a terrible name...But what am I saying? I didn't make you pregnant, I only hugged you!"
"That's all it takes!" the Undertaker answered angrily. "That's why I don't hug that many people!"
"You and Hunter are both nuts!"
On the other end, the Deadman went quiet. "Hunter? Hey... You knocked him up too, didn't you?!"
"What does it matter to you?" Shawn said defensively, and then smacked himself in the face. "No, I did not impregnate him, and I didn't impregnate you either! I only hugged you, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek..."
The Undertaker laughed on the other end. "And you're surprised that we're both pregnant? Shawn, how many other people did you 'hug' or 'kiss' on the night you retired?"
Shawn started to reply, but then went quiet and thought about Mark's words. How many people had he hugged and kissed? Besides Hunter and 'Taker, he only really remembered two distinct hugs...
"Oh my God," Shawn whispered, the phone trembling in his hand.
"What's wrong?" 'Taker asked on the other end, voice oddly concerned.
"I...I..." HBK felt himself becoming faint. In fact, if he wasn't already down, he was certain that he would have fallen. With a great act of will, he forced himself to refocus on the conversation he was having now.
"Look, Mark, I'll call you back when I've sorted it all out in my head, okay?"
"Sure, but don't try to get out of this! I really want her Dad to be there..."
"I will, Baby," Shawn said automatically before hanging up, instantly and deeply regretting his choice of endearments. With trembling hands, he reached into his pocket and looked at his cell phone. As he had feared, there were two messages: one text, and one voice. Blue eyes going wide with horror, he read the two names attached to the messages.
Voice mail message from: Vince McMahon
Message from: Bret Hart
Subject line: None
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shawn Michaels screamed, dropping his phone and raising his fists to the ceiling as he closed his eyes, trying to block out the world. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
He heard Rebbecca's voice, and assumed that she had come out into the hallway after hearing all of the noise he was making. Slowly, feeling a guilt like he had never felt before, Shawn opened his eyes.
And saw that he was lying in his bed.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Rebbecca asked, pretty eyes wide with concern. "You started yelling in your sleep... Was it a bad dream?"
Shawn sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. "What...?" He looked around. His phone was still on the dresser. "A dream?" He turned to his wife and put his hands on her shoulders. "You're not pregnant, are you?"
Rebbecca's concerned expression melted into a hearty laugh. "No, Shawn, why do you ask?"
"Oh, thank God," was Shawn's answer as he hugged his wife tightly before moving back to arm's length. "It's impossible for Hunter to be pregnant from me kissing him, right?"
Shawn blushed deeply and shook his head. "Sorry, let me rephrase that. People can't have babies by hugging each other, right? I mean, I hugged, like, a hundred people a few weeks ago, and I can't remember all the--"
"Baby," Rebbecca gently interrupted. "Baby, guys can't get pregnant anyway." She stroked his golden hair as his face reflected only confusion. "And, no, you can't have a baby just from hugging."
For a long moment, Shawn was silent, and then he brightened up. "Oh, that's what I wanted to tell Hunter and 'Taker! They're guys, so they can't be pregnant!" He kissed his wife gratefully. "Thanks, honey! Now I know what to tell them..."
Shaking her head, Rebbecca gave her husband a pat before lying back down on the bed, looking over once to see him fall asleep with a content smile, as though some great thought had just changed his life.
She loved him to death, but sometimes, she just didn't understand that wonderful man.
The End. (smiles)
I'm so weird... Review?