Dear Diary,

I went to another of Magnus Bane's parties today. It was fun. I met four cute guys and three cute girls, but for some reason none of them would give me their number. It made me sad, so I went to the smoothie shop across the street. Smoothies have always cheered me up, ever since my ex-girlfriend left me when she realized that I wasn't actually a six-foot-six Hawaiian surfer, as I'd insinuated on eHarmony, and I discovered the magic of cold whipped fruit.