Dear Diary,

Today I tried to join the book of face, but first I needed a computer. I went to Staples and Best Buy, but nobody would treat me seriously due to my short stature. They seemed to think I was a crippled child and instead of showing me their laptops, they ushered me into a room, gave me a bag of what looked like "alphabet pills" (They were covered with m's. I suspect attempted mind control. Too smart for those imbeciles, I poured the pills into my pockets and told them that I'd eaten them.), and asked me what my parents' names were. "How should I know, you cretin?" I shrieked back at them. "Bring me to the computing devices!" They never let me go, and eventually I had to escape by chewing one of their arms off (or it may have been one of my own- I'm having trouble with memory and I'm beginning to think that one of those miscreants may have slipped me one of those "m" pills.) And so, I do not have a book of face. It's a pity, I really wanted to play Farmville.