Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.
There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.
Hello! I'm here with my very first attepmt at FanFic! I've been mainly reading many FF's so I know my story could have some possible similarities with some other stories, but i can assure you i am not copying anything!!!
Please, follow me on my way through this story, even though you don't know much about it yet! The punch line of my story will be revealed around the third chap (rough guess).
Here you go, i hope you'll like it!
My Life Within Yours
Chapter 1 - Breakdown
I sat on the couch, rocking back and forth, trying to block out the annoying sounds of sirens around the house. It wasn't working. I couldn't bring myself to think how had this all happened, what I had done wrong. What had I done to deserve this?
I heard voices somewhere nearby, but I didn't hear what they were saying. I couldn't focus on anything. Suddenly I felt a hand against my forehead, and then I realized I'd closed my teary eyes. One certain voice was now louder than the others, so I assumed the person was talking to me. I couldn't compose myself enough to listen to them though. It wasn't even any of the familiar voices, it had to be some cop or parademic or something, and I wasn't concerned about any of them one bit.
Out of nowhere two big hands curled up under me and lifted me off the couch. I stiffed and screamed blood murder the second I stopped feeling the couch underneath me. In an instant I started to fight him. I realized it was a cop from dad's guard, which he'd used to have always when he'd got to the town from time to time.
I just wanted them to let me alone. I needed to feel a spray of cold water against my body. I needed to wake up from this nightmare. I had to get out of here.
The police officer tried to hug me closer to his body so trying to soothe me, which just made me fight more. I slipped from his arms, falling onto the hard floor back forward. Unfortunately, the floor was too hard and my breath caught back in my throat. I couldn't breathe as I lied there, struggling for the required oxygen. My vision blurred with tears again and I knew there were too many people when I started to feel an odd burning in my chest. And then everything went black.
Maybe I'd die. If I die I wouldn't have to deal with any of the grief that was awaiting me if I wake up. When you don't have anything in the world that you want to live for, why would you ever wanted to live? I wasn't stupid. I knew that if ever wake up, there would be so much of the mess everywhere around. Explaining of what had happened, why it had happened and plus I didn't have anywhere to go. I had nothing, everyone that I loved, the only two people in the world I loved, had died and I was left alone.
Ouch, it burns. It hurts.
Stop it, please. What is this thing? Where am I? Why does it hurt so much? Every inch of my body hurts!
I woke up to the beeping sounds surrounding me, my head instantly starting to hurt some more. I kept my eyes closed planning to get a bit more rest, when I felt someone touched my forehead.
My eyes fluttered open, my head starting to pound forcefully when I saw a mid-aged woman checking my vitals. Her clothes were white, so I could only assume she was a doctor. Of mine.
"Bella? Do you hear me honey?" she was being sweet, great. I needed that right away. Why just couldn't they let me be? Oh yeah, they care.
I nodded my head at her and a smile spread across her face. She patted my arm and talked."Listen, when you passed out, we had to bring you here because we weren't sure if you were harmed in any way," she stopped talking and looked around uncomfortably. I knew what was coming. "Did he touch you in a way you didn't want him to, Bella?" I closed my eyes again. This was the last thing I wanted to talk or hear about right now. To feel that pain. To think back about what had happened. I shuddered.
"Bella, I know you are not exactly comfy whit that topic, not yet anyway, or even ever. But I need to know. If it weren't important I wouldn't bother you right now, trust me," she seemed too relaxed to feel like really talking about such a thing.
"Yes," I whispered clutching my eyes together tightly, already feeling the tears. My whole body was tense and I felt the need to punch something, or shout, or for crying out loud just to relieve the tension that was rolling off of me in waves.
"I found bruises on your thighs Bella, I know what he did, I just needed the confirmation from you so he could be sued." I couldn't believe it was possible but my body tensed some more.
"He's free?" I asked in a very small voice.
"Yes, he ran off," she said in a low tone. "But I believe it won't be hard to find him, don't worry about it now," she was calm again, which alone worried me. Nothing to worry about? Yeah, right.
I shuffled on the uncomfortable bed, willing for the pain to go away.
"Do you want some painkiller, honey?" she asked noticing my movements.
"Yes, I would appreciate that," I admitted. She turned around then, walking from the room, only to be back again with a needle in her hand.
If I wasn't in such a pain I would have definitely refused it. I hated needles. But now, I could only think about the sleep I would get from that little thing. It was worth it at the moment.
I felt my eyes getting too heavy, and I closed them more than willingly. I drifted away in a matter of seconds, entering a temporary heaven of the dreamless slumber.
When I woke up again, I was downright confused. The room was dark and outside probably likewise. I was scared, I was trembling, and I wanted to go home.
Home. I wanted to go home, but I didn't have one. My home had left a few days ago, when …… the…… horrific things …h-h-happened. I had tears in my eyes yet again. I knew I had to make many important decisions now. I didn't have any strength left, but I needed to do at least one decision. I needed to decide whether I wanted to go on living, or not.
I didn't have a reason to continue living, I was ashamed of myself. I could have fought him, I could have done something so he wouldn't have gone that far. I should have been quiet, if I didn't scream him would never find me.
It was my fault.
Two streams of tears were descending my cheeks as I reached for the needle that was in my wrist, deep in my vien. My breathing sped on, I heard my pulse in my ears as I fingered the needle carefully. I wanted to do this, I had to. There was no chance left now.
Here we go.
Please forgive me for everything I've done wrong. Love you mom and dad. Forgive me. Goodbye.
The door cracked open, lightening the room slightly. There was a human's frame on the threshold, obviously not knowing if she or he could come in. My heart was running fifty miles per hour, as I didn't know who the person was. The light came from the hallway, so I didn't see them, but they could see me perfectly fine.
I held the cover in my left fist so tightly, that my knuckles had to be white. My right hand was now frozen on the needle on the my hand, my whole body shaking violently with fear.
"W-w-who –re you-u," I stuttered breathlessly. The person groaned, although I didn't know why.
"I'm sorry I scared you, don't be afraid," the male voice said soothingly, even though there wasn't much, that could soothe me at the moment. "My dad sent me to give you some meds," now I was confused. Whose dad? "Uh, I, my dad is Carlisle Cullen, I suppose he's one of your doctors," Cullen? Dr. Cullen? Yeah, finally a familiar name, though I'd never met the doctor personally.
"W-why t-the meds," my words were barely audible but I just didn't get it.
"He said your heartbeat accelerates too much and you need to rest, so I should give you some meds," he explained. He stood still in the doorway, probably waiting for me to let him in. But I didn't see his face and I was too afraid. "I'm not an employee here, but you don't have to be afraid of me," he laughed and sounded nervous, "I'm sure it won't hurt you," he seemed to notice the hint of curiousness behind all that fear and added ", all nurses were elsewhere, so my dad sent me."
He was in the doorway for a few more seconds, before slowly walking over to me. He lit up the light on the nightstand so we could see each one better.
And then I saw the most beautiful face I'd ever seen.
The green eyes were the first thing I noticed. They were so deep and so nice! He had his hair everywhere, and it had a beautiful shade of browny-bonze color. That two colors seemed so fitting to his handsome features. He was like as if he just stepped out from a cover of a magazine. I was so stunned that I wasn't able to talk. I knew if I wouldn't say something soon, he would probably think I was retarded.
"Are you okay?" he asked me gently, breaking the silence. I wanted to nod my head yes, but I couldn't, because I wasn't okay. I wasn't okay one bit. I was such a mess.
He reached out and touched my hand, where it still had a hold on the needle. "You'd better let go of this, you don't want to hurt yourself, do you?" He looked deep down into my eyes, into my soul. Then he frowned and tugged on my unmoving hand. I finally let go of the needle, and he obviously relaxed next to me.
It was until I gasped at the realization, that he'd touched me and I was totally okay with it. I wasn't screaming, and god, I didn't even flinch away.
He held his hand out for me, handing me my meds and I took them, rolling them over in my palm."Could you bring me a glass of water, please?" I asked, as I wasn't used to swallow any pills without water.
"Sure, I'll be right back," he said and swiftly turned and disappeared. A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and he came in again, this time with a glass of water.
"Thank you," I said as I reached for the glass. I popped the pills into my mouth and drank some water to splash them down.
"No, it's okay. I should be thanking you that you took the pills so willingly," he said casually. "Dad told me you're a stubborn little one," he smirked at his words. My brow creased. Little one?
"Who are you," I had to ask.
"Yeah, sorry, I'm Edward Cullen, Dr. Cullen's son." He walked over for the chair in the corner and brought it so that he was sitting right next to me,"you're Isabella, right? Isabella Swan." I cringed at the sound of my full name. I never liked it.
"Yes, but call me Bella, if anything please," I begged him. The last thing I needed now was my full name on a daily basis.
"Okay, so Bella it is," he smiled up at me. "So why are you here? You don't seem like you have both legs broken or something," he wondered.
Why should I tell him, even if I were ready to tell? That's the first thing, I wasn't ready. That's for sure. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what had happened, let alone to talk about it. It brought physical pain inside of me, inside of my heart, just to think about this. I simply couldn't.
I probably started to shake again, maybe even cry, because he suddenly stood and leaned over me, to see me clearly.
"You don't have to tell me, if it makes you this uncomfortable," he said, his face expressionless. "I don't know anything about what happened to you, so …" he trailed off.
"I can't even think about it, let alone talk," I murmured, meeting his eyes.
"Do you want me to go away?" he asked, reaching for my hand. I flinched this time. He was too close to me, and I didn't want him this close."What…" he started to question when the bright light hit my eyes.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" growled rather angry voice. The man who entered was tall and probably mid-aged, had blonde hair and blue piercing eyes which were now focused on Edward.
"What the fuck dad? You just scared the crap outta me! I just gave her the meds, for crying out loud," said Edward angrily.
"Go get to my office, now," the tension in doctor's voice palpable. Edward turned to me once more, giving me an apologetic smile and exited the room.
"I'm sorry I sent him to give you the pills, Bella. I thought he would go right back. Are you okay?" Dr. Cullen asked.
"Yeah, I'm good," I asked, stunned. Why shouldn't I be?
"I suppose I've never met you personally. I'm Carlisle Cullen, one of your doctors," he said politely. "You don't have any visual damage, beside the bruises, but you'll have to go for a therapy, that's sure," I gulped.
"Therapy? Like talking about what happened?" I asked in a small voice.
"Yes Bella, the sooner you get this out of you the sooner you can live the normal life again," he stated calmly. As if I had the normal life anymore. "You're going home tomorrow, because the hospital is out of capacity these days," I took a sharp intake of breath.
"I don't have exactly where to go right now," I whispered in a trembling voice.
"Oh, you have honey, you have a new small apartment that was purchased for you," he claimed.
"What?" I was shocked.
"Someone told me they have an apartment for you, you can be there until the case is solved," how he could be this calm about it? Didn't he realize I don't wanna be alone now? "Are you okay with it, right?" he sounded hopeful.
"Sure I am," I lied "thank you."
"Okay, so that's it. I'll send someone to check on you, now try to sleep," he ordered.
He went out and closed the door behind him. But I didn't sleep. I was thinking about the fact, that tomorrow I would be leaving the hospital. I would end up alone in an apartment I'd never been to. Awesome. I really loved my life more each day.
I clutched my eyes tightly together. I wanted to scream so fucking much. I wanted to be free of this suffering. I would give anything for the life I'd used to have in high school. I wasn't anyone special, not at all. The very opposite, I might add. I was sitting alone on the most of my classes, but I didn't care. I'd had my books, my family and my only friend Jake and I was totally content. Now I had nothing.
Ugh, back up girl!
My inner voice woke up finally. Yes, I knew I couldn't think about that right now. But what should I do now? I couldn't just go on living like I'd used to, that was impossible when the only people you were ever bonded to, were all dead! Oh my god! I was really going to get insane over here! I needed to cry this out, I needed to scream this out! Whatever, I just needed that release. And desperately.
Then cry. What's stopping you?
I scowled the voice. Was I going to break down just like that? Did I even have a choice?
The tears became forming under my closed eyelids. I knew they were inevitable. So I opened my eyes and let the tears moist my cheeks. I was beginning to sob and whine, but I couldn't stop once I started. I couldn't think of anything I'd done to be thrown into such a situation. And I was becoming hysteric now. I began to hit the sheets with my hands. There was a sharp pain in my chest, which just wouldn't go away! Ugh! No!
I felt I was growing weaker every time I hit the bed. I let out an agonized breath and my hands, too heavy to hold them by my will, fell along my sides. I felt the meds starting to do things with my body. I was too weak now to think straight, my vision was far too cloudy. And then I drifted off into the deepest sleep I'd ever had.
"Bella! Bella! Hell, wake up!" a frantic voice screamed and I felt someone's hand shaking me awake. I opened my eyes and saw Edward, his eyes full of horror.
"What's going on?" I asked startled, shielding away from him.
"What? You were screaming as if someone tortured you to death for god's sake!" he threw his arms up in frustration.
"What.." I said, trying to remember what was going on with me last few hours. I'd fallen asleep and then ….he woke me up. There was nothing in between.
"You don't remember having a nightmare?" he asked stunned.
I thought back what I'd been dreaming of. There was… I couldn't remember. I remembered falling asleep rather quickly, and then just waking up. I didn't know I'd had a nightmare.
"No," I said hoarsely.
"Well, I guess that's good for you," he said "because you were screaming really loud. It could have been a bad nightmare."
"What're you doing here?" I asked, because he had no reason to be here now, aside from waking me from the nightmare I didn't remember having.
"I heard you screaming when I passed by," he told me.
He took the chair and sit on it right beside my bed. He was too close, but I didn't feel the need to pull away. So I let him be near me. As long as he didn't touch me, I would be okay.
"What's the time?" I asked. The room was still just in a dim light so it was probably just early morning.
"It's three in the morning, why?" he sounded unsure.
"Shouldn't I be the one who's asking why?"
"Yeah, I guess. What do you wanna know?" he frowned.
"Mainly why are you here. It's three in the morning, as you said, doesn't sleeping sound better to you?" I wondered.
"Do you mind having me here?"
"You can't answer a question with another question," I complained.
"I was with my dad, cos he's on shift and I study medical university, so I gladly take every opportunity I have to experience this in real," he's going to be a doctor? Hmm…
"You're going to be a doctor?" I asked.
"Yes, I like what my father does and so I want to try to do the same thing," he said.
"That's nice. I'm not able to stomach any blood so –" I stopped suddenly, as I remembered my lastest experience with blood. I had to be really pale now, because I was cold of all sudden. My eyes welled up with tears and I started shaking. I rolled on my side and brought my legs to my chest, hugging them tightly.
He watched me intently, but I couldn't bring myself to care at the moment.
"Bella?" he said warily. I didn't respond, I wasn't able to. Tears were streaming down my cheeks on the pillow, soaking it wet.
One moment I was lying on my bed, hugging my legs, and the next moment I was carried by a pair of strong arms. That very instant as I realized I was being carried, my whole body tensed up. I swallowed hard, and pressed my eyelids tightly together. My breath started to escape my lungs much more often, my breathing shallow.
He must have noticed how much I tensed at his gesture, but he remained in place, still enveloping my entire body in his embrace. He shifted me and sat down on the bed, rocking me slightly in his arms. I would have been more like a carving than a moving being, if there wasn't for my violent shaking. I felt the places where our skin touched and I felt a weird nudging feeling. I didn't know really what that feeling was, but I was certain I'd never felt it before.
I let it go for a moment, just trying to grasp the fact he wasn't letting me go, so I'd probably have to explain this whole thing to him, which I wasn't looking forward to.
I felt his fingertips on my face and this was my undoing. My eyes blinked wide opened, looking at him with pleading eyes.
"Please…just put me down," I whispered shakily.
"How long have you been having panic attacks?" he asked, still holding me.
"Um, I've never had one," I was puzzled.
"Yes, you've had one. Right now, you had a panic attack,"
"Okay, I may not be a doctor, but I've got no reason for such a thing," it wasn't true at all, but I was not going to tell him. Not now anyway.
Not now anyway? Where the hell did that come from?
"Bella you just went through a panic attack, so now you do know about it, and try not to think about stuff that frustrates or bothers you in any way," he was not my doctor right?
"As far as I'm concerned, you're not my doctor and I'm perfectly fine, so if you would be that nice and put me down now, I would really appreciate it," that sounded sharper than I meant it to.
"Would you listen to me now? I had to hum and rock you to calm you down, so please don't kick me outta here now," he said firmly.
He hummed me?! I really didn't get the punch line of my funny life sometimes. And how was that I didn't hear him sing? Was I really that lost? Had I had really a panic attack? Suddenly it occurred to me he held me, but I wasn't trembling the slightest. Worse thing was though, I didn't really know what I could think of it. Why I wasn't jumping out of my skin now?
"Okay, I won't kick you outta here. Happy?" it sounded cracked a bit.
He didn't speak. Instead he just stared at me, as if I were some difficult problem he needed to solve. His eyes were radiant green, which left me dazzled and speechless. I saw a little sparkle in his eyes, something I'd never seen in anyone. His intense stare made me melt in his arms, letting me fall limply into his lap. Out of nowhere my lids grew heavy and I knew I won't be able to fight them for long.
"Edward, I'm really tired," I said quietly.
"It's okay I'll let you sleep now," he smiled down at me. He lifted me off of him and got up, placing me back under the covers. I felt the cold matters beneath me, and had to admit his body felt definitely better.
He held out one finger, "one moment, I'll be right back." He dashed from the room and was back before I had a chance to comprehend it.
"Here," he said, holding a piece of paper to me. "It's my phone number and please remember I'm just a phone call away," he leaned over the bed and brushed his warm fingers over my cheek gently, looking me deep in the eyes, smiling.
"Okay," I said softly, "and thank you," I added.
"You're welcome," he gave me one last beaming smile and left me to myself.
I lied back down and stretched on the bed and stared at the white ceiling. Why wasn't I panicking around him now? I knew I had to find answers even for these questions. But I just couldn't afford the luxury of thinking about him now, when I had my life on the verge of breaking down. I had to think of tomorrow first. I had to keep my responsibility, that was something my mom would have wanted me to do.
The thought of my mom brought back the memories and I curled up in a small ball and cried myself to sleep.
This is really my very first FF so take it easy on me, please! I wanna update probably once a week. Depends on my free time.
Let me know what do you think about this. :)
If you have any questions, ask me here http://twitter(dot)com/MissTBK