WHAT WAS LOST

I probably broke her.

I didn't mean to. Didn't even know how she'd react. I was panicking and newly sober; I needed to flee at that moment. Flee, and try and wash the disgust off me. I crawled into the shower that morning and sat there for over an hour, trying to get boiling hot water to wipe away every last hint of Veronica. But I couldn't get it to work, at least partially because I didn't want it to. I needed her. It was disgusting and awful; but she was still Veronica and I never stopped loving her. I felt loved and I felt hopeless and I felt sick and I just felt period.

So I cried a little. No-one would come in wondering what was wrong. I cried until I remembered what I had done to her; abandoned her on Shelley's bed. She didn't know why, she couldn't ever know why; God, what would she think? What would she think if she knew the truth.

I didn't try explaining when I saw her at school. I couldn't. What was there to say? I couldn't lie and I couldn't tell the truth and I just couldn't. So I ran. Avoided her whenever I could, and tried not to get obsessed.

But I saw her change. She cut off her long, fairy-tale blond hair; she responded to Logan's taunting with barbs of her own now. Of all the things that happened to her, I was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was the one who had taken what was left of her innocence.

And she wouldn't go away.

We started to talk again. Friends, right? She even seemed okay, if uncomfortable, when I started dating Meg. Who I loved. I was over Veronica by now, right?

But probably not, because Meg couldn't get through to me. Couldn't break through my anesthesia; no-one could except Veronica. The only time I ever felt anything was when I was...

Yes, I was monumentally fucked up, what of it?

Then she showed up, screaming and crying about that party. About what I 'did' to her; she thought I raped her? I felt sick that she could possibly consider me capable of that, but then again she had recently accused me of killing my own sister, so I shouldn't have been surprised. She looked so tiny, so vulnerable, and it was so hard not to just hold her in my arms and promise nothing would ever happen to her again. But she wouldn't never let me and if I did that, I'd never be able to stop. She I told her the truth. Screamed who she was out to the heavens and it felt like a weight had been lifted. She ran off in tears and I collapsed.

Time went on; Aaron Echolls was found. Veronica told me we weren't siblings, and I decided the whole thing had been completely unfair. Veronica and I were broken over something that wasn't even true.

Now, there's a fortune cookie lying on the table as I leave. I'm nervous. This probably won't work; she probably got over me – Troy, Leo, Logan – months ago. But I can't help it; I need her. She's running up to me and jumping into my arms, we're both grinning. We kiss.

I was probably the one who broke her.

But that's not the point; it was an accident. I love her and she loves me, and that's really enough.