"Oh Emil! I love you too!" A shrill cry broke through the silence, followed by birds chirping their displeasure at the untimely disturbance. I crack my eyes open and will a turn of my head in their direction. Marta tackles my counterpart down to the ground, the rosy hue on his cheeks reddening by the second. I slowly prop myself up as the scenes from my nightmares unfold before my eyes.
~2 Months Ago~
"Ratatosk, there's something I need to ask you." I tilt my head in Emil's direction from my comfortable position on the lush grass. I sit up with a sigh and motion for him to have a seat. He sounds pretty serious to me, so I prepare for some deep discussion.
"What is it?" I ask him quietly while I prod the fire with a stick. The sparks fly up into the air and dance across the night sky. The engorged moon sits above our heads, its reflected light illuminating the land. Looking up at Emil, I see him gazing at the sleeping form of Marta. My heart cracks once more and I look away as he sits down next to me.
Yes, it's true. I'm in love with Emil Castagnier. I'll scream it to the heavens and I'll whisper it in hell, but these feelings won't ever change. I don't know when these emotions formed, but they're there. My heart yearns for him more than anything else in the world.
This love is completely one-sided though. I know my feelings will never be returned. Emil is infatuated with that fool of a girl named Marta. She clings to him like how a koala clings to a tree, and she's definitely eating him alive. It makes me sick, watching them blush and hold hands. What repulses me even more is what I felt when they argue. Emil comes running to me for advice whenever their picture perfect relationship suffers a bump in the road. When he does this, I feel empowered by the slightest slivers of happiness and hope. Happiness that he still needs me in his life. Hope that there is still a chance for me.
However, ever since their relationship started to strengthen and problems started resolving themselves, I've found it hard to get near either one of them. Keeping that ugly green monster away from sight has also become very difficult. Just watching from the sidelines as they carry on with their wonderful couple act is enough to make my blood boil. Do you know how I feel when I see you give everything to her? Do you know how I feel when you come to me for advice in your relationship? Why would I want you to make up with her? I want you to be with me! To listen to me! To laugh with me! To fight with me!
I want you to mend my broken heart.
Emil's gaze shifts back at me and he purses his lips for a moment. He's contemplating on his words, I just know it. He thinks I have feelings for Marta. Is he so blind that he can't see that I don't care for that woman? If that's what he thinks, there's no way he can figure out the way I feel about him. What a buffoon he is, the man I fell in love with.
"I love Marta." He finally speaks up, uttering the words I never wanted to hear from his mouth. I turn my head slowly and feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. I see it in his beautiful emerald eyes. He really does love her. I'm nothing more than a close companion in his mind; never a lover.
I stand up and start to walk away. "Wait! Ratatosk! Please listen to what I have to say!"
I turn around, and for once, I let him see. I let him see my tense shoulders and clenched fists. I let him see my hollow scarlet eyes. I let him see my pain.
"I think you've said enough."
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you Emil! Where are we going on our first date? Oh! I have to meet your parents first! Let's go tomorrow, okay?" Emil just chuckles lightly, a radiant smile adorning his face as he nods his head in agreement.
I can't take it anymore. My temper rises and my eyes darken. While I hold myself back and let my anger simmer within, I hear footsteps heading towards me.
"Ratatosk?" I hear her call my name. Don't say it. Don't say it! I don't want my name to come from your filthy lips!
She makes her way towards me. "What's wrong? You don't want to go?" she questions. She's right in front of me now, missing the way Emil turns his head away at her ignorant question. I could kill her right here, this weak human. My hand wraps around the hilt of my sword, my killing intent creating pressure all around me.
"Stop it! What are you doing?" Emil yells. He's up and over in a second, standing between that pathetic human and I. His eyes are determined, prepared for a confrontation. My resolve lowers and I drop my hand slightly. I look over his shoulder and see that girl fisting her hands in the back of his clothing, a cowardly frightened look on her face. My emotions flare once more and with a ferocious roar, I roughly push the two of them to the ground. A shriek pierces my ears and I scowl in distaste.
"You humans never fail to disgust me. While I was willing to give you a second chance, it seems that my hate for you useless creatures has re-emerged. I never want to see you in front of me again. Come near me, and I will destroy this whole planet along with your meaningless lives." My voice is as cold as steel; I barely recognize it. It seems that I've devolved back into a ruthless monster. The one who saved me has destroyed me yet again. How ironic.
"Ratatosk, what the hell are you doing? Apologize to Marta right now!" The human is angry. How amusing.
"E-Emil… I think we should just leave him alone…" The female human is scared. How typical.
With a pointed glare and a feral growl, I turn and run into the forest. The voices of the two are lost as the wind whips by my face. Branches scratch my face and blood flows from my cheeks. I scrape my arms against the tree trunks, my skin burning. I continue to run.
After twenty minutes or so, I come to a stop at a clearing. I'm exhausted. My breath comes out in puffs of hot air, condensing in the cool wind all around me. The smell of nature and beauty is all around me, my nose sending delightful tingles up to my brain. I look up and a raindrop hits my forehead. The shower begins, and the lightning starts to thunder down from the murky sky. It seems that the natural world is sharing my pain, rage and despair falling with the storm. I am not alone anymore, my life-long friend gracing me with his presence once again. I let my demeanour drop, my anger giving away to the feelings in my heart. My eyes blur as I continue to look up at my shattered dreams.
"Ah… It sure is raining hard."