Hello. Long time no postieeee!!! =D internet's really, really bad this month and I have a lot going on at school. Another oneshot. This was actually posted up in my class blog and since not many of them know Bleach that well, (Hell, some don't even know them! shame, isn't it?) I had made this without actually using the characters' names (Well, some) and tried to put in as little dialogue as possible (Because it was meant to be creative writing and I was in-charge of the writing part.)
Also, I had to tweak a lot of stuff to make it seem unrelated to Bleach so that people will understand what I'm writing about. But if you're Bleach fans, of COURSE you'll understand what this oneshot is all about. =D
If I ever leave, know that I will always remember you.
Those were the words I had said to him and how I wished I could've taken them back. Take back every single thing I had ever said to him. Comforting words, every kick, punch, hugs and kisses I had ever given to him I wish I could take back.
Because every gesture I had ever showed to him meant little by little that I was staying.
Which I wasn't going to do. He and I are of different worlds. We should have never met, should have never stuck together like we were then. We should have never been anything more than strangers or, to the very least; friends.
But we were more than that since the first time we had set eyes upon each other. When I had stealthily snuck in his bedroom to chase the creature that was nearby, I hadn't known then that he was gifted; truly gifted when he could see me... even touch me – by kicking me on the butt.
I should have stopped there. I should have stopped the moment he had made eye contact with me. The moment that he had stared into my deep azure eyes and I had bore into his warm amber ones I knew I was a goner.
As who I am, I shouldn't feel these things. I shouldn't have emotions at all because what I do requires me to be as apathetic as I could truly get. But meeting him had ruined my strong facade that I had perfected in this hundred and fifty years' worth of living. And he had destroyed it... in just eighteen months.
Curse him then. Curse him and his idiotic manner, his brash ways, abrasive and somehow slightly intimidating personality he carried with him. Damn him.
Damn his ridiculously strong will, his over-overprotective persona, his kind heart, his warm smile that he rarely ever shows but shows all of it when he does and damn his wonderful insistence when it comes down to issues of rights and hints of subtle gentlemanliness actions. (Though he rarely admits, he really wishes he could do everything for us. I wouldn't want to imply this act to me alone as he had showed similar behaviour to our friend too.)
Sometimes I chuckle at the prospect of him being a lover. How could he, a person with a scowl for a trademark, be romantic and caring towards those of the opposite sex?
The farthest he could do was to sputter and stutter and later on scowl at the idea of having a valentine... not that he hadn't received numerous invitations but he just chose to decline the bunch of chattering girls politely.
He explained to me what Valentine's Day was when I had asked him why the group of girls he had just talked to glared at me with slits while ripping off pink pieces of papers. So I asked him why he didn't accept and he shrugged me off.
I had a feeling that he was saving up that spot for someone else. Who?
I glanced over the redhead sitting behind me and smiled at her. Of course he would have asked her. They were best friends. They were so perfect for each other.
And me, also being their best friend would also understand and completely be unsurprised if he waltzed – no, scratch that – walked over to her and asked her to be his valentine.
But he didn't and disappointment washed over me and as far as I could see, her too.
I stopped abruptly when we were heading home and he spun, his wild mass of spiky hair swishing slightly.
He had asked me what was bothering me and my eyes narrowed. How could he be so blind? Couldn't he see that she loved him? She had always loved him; that much I could see. Since I had arrived here, the first obvious emotion I had received was the way she stared at him... with those longing gray eyes and so much love in her face...
I smacked him; a virtual habit of mine, and I told him what a fool he was. He was startled and then he scowled at me, thinking that I was being the temperamental bitch I was.
I sighed and asked him who he was going to ask to be his valentine's this year instead. He snorted and gave me a look. "Valentine's pointless." He muttered and continued walking. I chuckled and told him how typical he was being and he replied with a cheeky comment that resulted in a near-death blow on his stomach.
But that night, he knocked on my room door and dropped a small red pouch in my hands, a slight pink tinge on his cheeks. "Just for the record, it's tradition." He muttered and closed the door.
Startled by the gesture, I opened the pouch and a solid chocolate heart with the words 'b my valentine?' written with pink icing on it dropped in my palms.
The next morning I had teased him about being a romantic softie and he took back his offer. I laughed and wrapped my slender arms around his waist. I knew he wasn't used to these gestures; especially if it came from me. Hell, we only hugged only a number of times and that was a lot, considering the fact that we'd known each other for quite a while.
One thing led to another.
I remembered that day like it was just yesterday and it brought a smile on my face. I remembered his face as I had climbed on his bed and levelled with him just to give him a swift kiss. He was shocked, to say the least. Actually, he had covered his mouth and scrambled backwards, as if his mouth had been burned. I sighed and folded my arms, crossed.
"Well?" I asked and as if some understanding had closed in, he carefully advanced towards me and our eyes met.
We were always good in communicating this way. We never needed words when we wanted to tell each other something. It was always in our eyes. No one could comprehend how we knew each other so well in such a short matter of time and as a matter of fact, neither could we.
He took hold of my folded arms and pried them apart. I rolled my eyes and he scowled. He told me to get a grip; it wasn't like he was used to these kinds of things and that statement really made my heart swell.
I laughed. How could a healthy sixteen year old guy not know how to kiss a girl?
But then again, I was much older than him and this had to be only my second kiss in my entire life. I cursed under my breath and he snorted, understanding exactly what I had been thinking. I tried for another insult but I couldn't because at the moment, his mouth was expertly kneading mine, kissing, rubbing, nibbling tenderly at the soft spots on my lips. My arms had snaked around his neck and I had pulled him towards me deeper and I clutched him tightly, never wanting to let go; ever.
Bliss. Sweet bliss; that was what I had felt at that moment and I wished for it to never end.
Like I said; I never considered him to be a lover. Never... and he wasn't. But he was just someone special to me and he had once said that...
That I was a very important person to him.
And quite frankly, that was all that I had needed to hear from him and when we had looked into each other's eyes that night when the stars were shining brightly and me nestled nicely in his arms, I knew he had meant so much more than that.
And like I said... we never needed words to understand each other.
I never thought that I would fall in love with him. But it was the truth. No matter now cliché that word may be, it described how I felt in a very apt way and it came to me as a surprise as it was the only word in the whole wide world that had reflected my feelings for him accurately and hit it dead centre.
But there comes a time... when you have to remember and accept the fact that life is full of downs as it is full of ups. I used all my ups and now... the downs are coming towards me, crashing onto me like waves of despair.
I was forced to leave with reasons beyond protestation. It had come from a much higher power and who was I to question it?
I had chosen to tell him one night when we had just finished rounding a bunch of those 'creatures' and sent them back where they belonged.
His expression was nowhere near happy. "If this is a joke..."
"It's not." I told him, clearly and boldly. I willed not to cry. I had forced myself to take an oath to not cry when I told him this. His expression turned bleak. He asked how long and my breath hitched. Why? Why did he have to ask that?
"Forever, maybe." I whispered and his warm amber eyes widened. He didn't break into a tantrum but it wasn't like I expected him to....
All he did was nod weakly and walked towards me, his mouth set in a grim line.
He had lowered his head. He told me our friends will be furious.
"Chad will miss you." He said loudly. I heard thunder roaring and saw the dark clouds rolling in. It was about to rain and I knew how much he hated the rain.
"He'll be fine." I said, so far my voice hadn't wavered. But it was proving to be difficult to maintain.
"Ishida will be furious." He muttered, still walking towards me. I could feel the air around him thicken.
"He'll find someone else he could be on par with." I whispered, trying to force the lump in my throat to disappear.
"Inoue will probably faint." He said huskily, standing so close in front of me that I could feel his hands bumping mine.
"She'll be okay with Tatsuki." I managed to say before my breath hitched.
Things went quiet for a while... I heard the rumble of thunder and saw that the heavy clouds pregnant with the rain was about to burst any moment now.
"And what about me?" he asked. I looked up and begged him silently not to make it harder than it already is. But he kept repeating the same question.
What about me?
I tried to look for a solution. I tried to think of a pain-free way for him to let me go but I couldn't. So I had moved to my old tactics and elbowed his ribs, successful in knocking the air out of him. He yelled and cursed and I decided – as the rain started to fall – that this was the best time for me to let the tears that I had failed to hold... out.
My tears blended nicely with the heavy downpour that was soaking us to the bone and I gave him a weak smile. I told him to get a grip on himself and asked him since when he had become such a softie. He scowled at me and I thanked heavens he was back to his normal state.
I told him it wouldn't be forever. We could see each other again if he decided to pay me a visit. He knew where I was going... but he also knew he couldn't go there.
Not always. Hell, not even once a month. On several occasions – I enlightened him – there would be possibilities that he would have to go there for a bit of work but it didn't perk him up.
In the end... well, we just ended up in each other's arms, not bothering to say anything because unsaid things were better left at that state. I fisted my hands on the fabric on his chest and his arms around my back tightened. He never heard my sobs but I was pretty sure he could feel my trembling body and if possible, without hurting me, he tightened his hold on me even more.
We were soaking wet but that didn't stop us from having just one more kiss. Just one more.
And after that... I had told him to never ever forget me to which he replied wryly that there was no forgetting me. I smiled and told him there and then... how proud I was of him and how I was thankful of all people I had to 'accidentally' meet, I was glad it was him; very glad.
But now... reflecting over the memories... I sometimes wished I could take back all those things.
I knew he wasn't an idiot. I knew he wasn't going to do something stupid like blow his life away just for the sake of waiting for me to come back. He was way smarter than that.
But I wished that he would forget about me. Just forget about the person who had made his whole life turn upside down, ruined his chances of ever becoming a normal teenager and put him in constant danger. I wished he could forget about that horrible person.
But he didn't. Every night I could see him winding up his bedroom window ever so slightly and stare at the moon with a bittersweet smile on his face.
Life sure wasn't fair, huh?
Yes, my dear... life is far from fair. But so is death.
But one of these days... those two will do us justice. When you finally pass, I'll finally live again and we'll finally meet each other for the second time in another lifetime. But until then, just hang in there... and live your life by my words.
And everything will be alright.
A/N: Well? can you make it out? It's from Rukia's POV, of course. :) tell me what you think. I really hope it's not too OOC. also, check out Life's Oddities, please. it's lacking reviews. :( It's a collection of Oneshots. all fluff, angst and other shyz.