"What Voldemort wants is the prophecy Sybill Trelawney made for Harry and him."
"To find out how to kill him, Tonks."
Living in the Order of the Phoenix's new headquarters, along with Remus, was easy to me to meet the new members. Though I think the 1980 members won't be replaced ever, the rebellion has to continue.
I'd never thought I'd return to that dark and creepy area of London, not after I heard my mum scream that she was going to take me out of the family's tapestry, just like Aunt Druella did with Andromeda, but I was mistaken. Miserable and feeling like a prisoner again, I let Dumbledore use the Grimmauld Place, hoping to have some company in that private prison I was. In the first meeting I met Andromeda's daughter, Nymphadora. She has her mother spirit, and I think she found Remus "cute", because she couldn't take her eyes off him. I met Emmeline again. She has changed. I hadn't seen her since the time she used to hang around with Lily and Marlene at Hogwarts. She's still beautiful, though serious. "See what time has done to us, Sirius." She said when she saw me. I grinned. Breathing the danger air that the Order had was for little, and I felt very good in being one of them.
I never wanted to die in Azkaban. Like James, my biggest desire is to die with a wand in my hand and the blood boiling inside me. Sounds poetic, but when you're in an organization that fights evil, everything sounds poetic.
Soon I realized that living at the Order's headquarters wasn't like I expected. Few people passed there in normal days, not even to have a talk. My only joy among Kretcher's mutters (who became mad when He heard I was coming back) and my mum portrait's screams, among other more undesirable things where the meetings, because the house was full of people.
But also there were times that even the meeting disappointed me. Being a runaway from the ministry I couldn't get out and help in more dangerous missions, having to stay home and try to make it suitable to human beings. Let's just say that after almost thirty years of abandonment it was more a house, looked more like a cave which was too big.
"Night, Sirius." Arthur complimented as he arrived at the Grimmauld Place. "The meeting is half past seven, right?"
"Yes." He answered miserable. That night would be the meeting to define the wizard guard who would scout Harry from the Durlsey's house and take him to the Order's headquarters. Dumbledore had decided that, after the dementors attack against him and his cousin is was better that he was under the Order's care.
Not that Sirius was sad with the boy there, but he was perfectly aware he couldn't go get him. And once more he'd have to sit down and wait for others to do the job. What, of course, Snape kept noticing every time he had an opportunity.
"Be sure I won't enter the house with my muddy shoes, Black. I wouldn't dare to ruin your… cleaning." He said almost every time he knocked the door and Sirius showed up, grumpy.
"Who wants to candidate to Harry Potter's guard?" Dumbledore asked, but wuickly added "No, Sirius, not this time."
"I know, I wasn't going to say a thing."
He gave me a kind smile. Damn, how I wanted to kick this kind smile. Many people raised their hands, including Remus, who whispered to me right after:
"I'm doing this for you and James."
"Oh, thanks, I can barely express how happy I am." I said in a really sarcastic voice.
When Harry arrived he didn't see his godson enter, not even go upstairs. He was in a meeting, then in his parents' bedroom. That's when he heard:
"MOB! SCUM! CHILDREN OF SQUALOR AND MADNESS! HALD BLOODS, MUTANTS, MONTERS, GET OUT OF HERE! HOW DARE YOU IMACULATE MY ANCESTRIES' HOME…"
He rolled his eyes, got down the stairs two in two steps until he reached the curtain.
"Shut up, stupid witch, SHUT UP!"
"YOOOOOU! Traitor of your own blood, abomination, shame of my flesh!"
"I – TOLD – YOU – TO SHUT – UP!"
That's when I looked at the stairs. Harry was staring at the portrait. I felt anger. Only I had this king of family.
"Hey, Harry, I see you just met my mother."
"Yes, my old and good mum. For almost a month we've been trying to get her out of there, but as It seems she put a Permanent Sticking Charm behind it. Let's go, before the others awake."
"But what your mother's portrait is doing here?"
"Nobody told you?" I asked. Why would they. "This was my family's house. As I'm the last Black alive, it's mine. I offered Dumbledore to use it as headquarters. I guess this was the only useful thing I've done till now.
I didn't mean to, but this sounded like a confession. I looked away and we went to dinner. I had to warn Mundungus that the meeting was already over, because he was still in the time I said that Voldemort could try to torture us to get some information about Harry and that's why it wasn't good to divulge many things.
The food was good. I liked when Molly cocked, because gave the impression I was home.
"So, vacations were good?" I asked Harry, sort of guessing the answer.
"No, not at all."
What is he talking about? At least he could smell something else than dirt. Ungrateful kid. James would… No. He's Harry, not James. I need to remend that. Igrinned to show irony.
"I don't know why you're complaining."
"What?" he was incredulous. As it seemed his perfect vacations would be a month of fun with the Weasley. Poor kid, he's not used to wars, I couldn't make a hard time with him.
"Personally I'd receive gladly a dementors' attack. A dreadful fight for my soul would've broken the monotony easily. You think your summer sucked. At least you could get out, walk, and get into fights… I was locked here the whole summer."
"Because the Ministry is still hunting me. By this time Voldemort also knows I'm an animagus, so my cover is over. There's not much I can do for the Order… At least Dumbledore thinks that."
"Well, you at least knew what was going on…"
"Oh, of course, hearing Snape's reports, standing his irony of who's risking his neck out there while I'm here… Asking how's the cleaning…"
"We're trying to make this house habitable for humans. No one lives here for ten years, or since my mother died. The house elf that lives here also doesn't clean a thing."
Silence, and the dinner proceeded. I was almost hit by a knife, too (Fred and George are finding the wonders of magic outside Hogwarts)
"James, darling, please…" James' mother said in my last Christmas at his house. She looked quite ill, but yet treated James and I as good as always. "Stop making things fly through the house, it's not polite to use magic without precaution."
"Mum, relax, I'm not killing anyone." He said making all the family's silverware fly from the dinner salon to the kitchen, where the elves were waiting for the dishes.
When Molly told them to sleep, the diffidence intruded.
"Not yet, Molly." I looked at Harry "Well, I'm surprised with you. I thought the first thing you'd ask when you arrived was about Voldemort."
"I asked Ron and Hermione, but they said we couldn't know anything about the Order…"
"And they're right." Molly interrupted. "You are too Young."
I felt sorry for Harry, reminding him "at least you knew what was going on…" so I said:
"And since when you have to be part of the Order to ask questions? Harry was stuck in that muggle house the whole summer, he has the right…"
"Hand on!" George said.
'How come Harry gets his questions answered? We've been trying to get stuff out of you for a month and y du haven't told us a single stinking thing!' Fred continued
'"You're too young; you're not in the Order, and Harry's not even of age!"
'It's not my fault you haven't been told what the Order's doing, that's your parents' decision. Harry, on the other hand -'
'It's not down to you to decide what's good for Harry!'
How come it's not down to me to decide what's good for him?
'You haven't forgotten what Dumbledore said, I sup pose?'
I started to get pissed off with her presumption.
"The bit about not telling Harry more than he needs to know,'
BUT I DIDN'T TELL HIM ANYTHING!
'I don't intend to tell him more than he needs to know, Molly, but as he was the one who saw Voldemort come back, he has more the right than most to-"
'He's not a member of the Order of the Phoenix! He's only fifteen and -'
'And he's dealt with as much as most in the Order, and more than some.'
'No one's denying what he's done!' Molly cried back to me "But still-"
I rolled eyes.
'He's not a child!'
'He's not an adult either! He's not James, Sirius!"
Oh, no. She shouldn't have said that.
'I'm perfectly clear who he is, thanks, Molly,'
'I'm not sure you are! Sometimes, the way you talk about him, it's as though you think you've got your best friend back!'
I'm gonna hit her. Who does she think she is to talk about James?
'What's wrong with that?' Harry cut off.
My affection for this boy grew after that.
'What's wrong, Harry, is that you are not your father, however much you might look like him! You are still at school and adults responsible for you should not forget it!'
My hand started to shake.
'Meaning I'm an irresponsible godfather?'
'Meaning you have been known to act rashly, Sirius, which is why Dumbledore keeps reminding you to stay at home and -'
'We'll leave my instructions from Dumbledore out of this, if you please!'
"Arthur!" as it seems she had lost her arguments "Arthur, back me up!"
'Dumbledore knows the position has changed, Molly. He accepts that Harry will have to be filled in, to a certain extent, now that he is staying at Headquarters.'
'Yes, but there's a difference between that and inviting him to ask whatever he likes!'
'Personally,' started Moony "'I think it better that Harry gets the facts - 'not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture - from us, rather than a garbled version from . . . others.'
'Well, well . . . I can see I' going to be overruled. I'll just say this: Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and speaking as someone who has Harry's best interests at heart -'
That strange feeling of absence I felt when I've seen him for the first time seized me again, as if I lost many things in the time I was away.
"He's not your son.
'He's as good as, who else has he got?
When she said that, I felt stupidly like crying. Damn, this woman is ridiculous and pissing.
"He's got me!"
"Yes, the thing is, it's been rather difficult for you to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?'
I was leaving, I swear I was. My patience was vanishing. If I continued to argue with her I would either attack her of cry, and both of them were bad. I rose. If she thinks I spent some vacations in Azkaban and left Harry in my will, she can think. I don't care.
'Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry,' said Remus sharply. 'Sirius, sit down.'
I sat again, still gazing at her. I felt pale and shaky, but faced everyone with dignity.
'I think Harry ought to be allowed a say in this, he's old enough to decide for himself.'
He gazed at Molly. Well, I thought, already tired and sad enough. She took care of him in the latest years. She wasn't arrested as he grew up.
In a bad mood, Molly sent Ginny to bed.
'OK, Harry . . . what do you want to know?'
I explained him all he wanted, and would tell everything. Who cares?
The other days were monotonous like the rest of Harry stay at the house. He found the old tapestry and was funny to tell him how my family wasn't worth. Just funny. When he went away, and consequently the rest of the order, I walked lonely to my parents' room, where I was sleeping.
I woke up in the middle of the night. Like a sleepwalker I coursed to my old bedroom. Harry's face seized my brain, but I thought that was too personal. I sat in my old bed, what made a thick lay of dust fly, but I didn't care. I leaned back on the headboard, hugging my knees. Emme was right, what life had done to me?
Looking around I saw the muggle posters I've put over the walls to offend my parents, but my sight really stopped at the Marauder's picture. Laughing, we hugged each other. It made no sense, at least for me, why were we so happy. It had a war, people were dying, James' parents were ill, and yet he smiled.
Just then I really realized, that picture worth nothing, or better, was worth as the rest of that old dirty house. Peter's smile was fake. The friendship in that picture was fake. I rose and looked at the mirror, just then noticing I was crying. Tears ran down my face as I opened the doors of my wardrobe. That was left of my life. Memories, letters and picture albums;
O opened the first box. There was the two faces mirror me and James were used to use at school. I laughed among the tears remembering about how we used to close our bed's curtains and talk all night long about all the girls we've seen that day. I decided to give Harry the mirror. He deserved it, and we could speak when he was at Hogwarts.
In the same box there were some old girlfriend's letters. Painful was too reckon some of the names, who later appeared in the Daily Prophet's obituary. I opened the next box. The marauder's letters.
Hey, Padfoot! How are you? I hope fine. I already got three letters from Joanna looking for you. Please come here and get them before I tell her that truly you don't wanna talk to her. You were in France for a mission, so I couldn't tell you: LILY'S PREGNANT! PREGNANT! MY SON, SIRIUS! Really, I almost fainted when I found the exam among her things. Haha, the result of that night came. I'm so happy I can barely breathe. Come here as soon as possible.
A hug and a kick, James.
And there were others
How are you, Sirius? James is sending a hug, before I forget (how could I, with him jumping beside me, but whatever). How are things over there? I feel really sorry for your brothers, though I know you and him didn't get along very well. James is laughing here by my side and I'll stop for a moment so I can punch his nose till I break his glasses.
Hi again! James' in the kitchen now, doing the dishes (I got his wand). Well, Marlene's been here. It's better you talk to her, she wanted to tell you something. Maybe I'm seeing a new couple? Keep on touch, because if something happens we can do your wedding with Harry's baptizing!
All my love, Lily.
I smiled. Lily well done handwriting was a little stained with my tears. I remember what Marlene wanted to talk about with me, and regretted having said I'd rather stay free with no commitment. Our kids would've been wonderful. She was astonishing. But I would've been arrested. In the last album there was a very curious picture. It was our graduation party. James hugged Lily, Remus held Peter on his back (almost dying with the work, I must say) I hugged Marlene, who had her arms up, enlacing my neck. I kept the picture in my pocket. It was just how it should be. Always. I found other letters, dirty. Cried a lot.
"Sirius?" I heard Remus calling in a reluctant voice. I didn't answer, hoping he'd leave me alone. Maybe my sobs called his attention or anything, but he came up and saw me. Staring at the old graduation picture, crying, leaning in the corner of my bed. Pathetic. But he didn't say a thing. He sat on the bed and gazed at me.
"You really miss them."
I nodded. Remus smiled.
"Me too. Can I?" He pointed at the picture. When he saw her, his eyes filled with tears.
"I'd like to bring back the dead." And sighed.
We gazed at each other. Had been tears that the marauders' hugged for the last time. As I hugged Remus, I thought about James, who'd always stop my arguments with Remus.
"Oh, Remus, just because you think you know everything, the beautiful and right prefect, you think you get all doesn't mean that-"
"Great, Sirius, you want to spent the rest of your live living like a complete stray that thinks about-"
"SHUT UP!" James yelled, looking like mad to us. "SHUT. UP!"
After this afternoon at the Grimmauld Place, the time till the end of the year was quick. Christmas was always a sad time for me (except for the year I spent it at James' house, whose parents liked me more than mine)
I was expecting to spent it alone, maybe fighting with Kretcher, maybe eat something (IF Molly is not angry at me). But everything changed when Arthur was attacked, so the boys came.
The best part of my year.
Harry was worried. I did my godfather part. Handled him the mirror. But Snape showed up at the end of the party. I Said to him, He bothers Harry a little in this Oclumency classes Dumbledore wants him to have, I'll kill him.
The year went though. I didn't do anything useful at all, so I won't tell more details about them.
Harry built an army against Umbridge, I'm proud of him.
The summer started and with him the bad news. I was all alone in the house (besides Kretcher, if you can call him a company) and got to know Harry went to the ministry and broke into the Department of Mysteries, looking for me. Of course, Voldemort planted a fake memory, forcing Harry to run to there.
I had promised to myself nothing would happen to him. Remus even tried to forbid me, argument. I flew to there.
The ministry battle. Harry was a good dueler. I had the slightly impression of calling him James once, but I couldn't help it. They were so alike. The last think I remember was having heard an Avada Kedavra, but the veil consumed me fully.
And in my last breathe of conscience I may have seen a light, along with the faces of James, Lily and Marlene calling me back, but this could've been a dream.