A/N: long time since I updated this one….
Disclaimer: don't own.
When I saw her walk into the garage, I knew what I'd missed. I knew what'd happened. I knew it'd come eventually, but that didn't mean I had to like it. Because knowing something is different from accepting it.
She came in with her silence and she leaned against the hood of the car. "Kevin-"
"Don't worry about it," I said, cutting her off. I tried to keep that sharp edge out of my voice unsuccessfully.
"But I'm worrying about it, Kevin. I worry about you still. You're not stable," she said, staring at me with those intent earthen eyes. Julie's dark hair was shining in the garage's fluorescent lights. Looking at her only made it harder. "I know you need someone to lean on."
"And it doesn't have to be you, Jules." I looked down at her, taking her face in my hand. She pulled away quickly. "I can take care of myself."
"That's what you say when you're defensive." She stared at me hard. "I know you're upset Kevin."
On the inside, maybe a little. Would I let it show through? Not on my mother's life. I wouldn't let her know I was breaking down on the inside. I gave her a try. I let her lean on me and she let me hold her for a little to long. There was no true attachment. I already knew what was going on when she drove off with Ben. I knew that he knew and he was all to determined to fix it up with some stitches and wearing his heart on his sleeve.
Me, left in the dust. I just take it as a reminder that people leave and cars don't. And I guess I have to live with that fact of life. Still doesn't mean I have to like it. I never have to like it.
"Julie, I don't care."
"You always say 'I don't care' and 'Whatever'." She stared at me, eyes still solemn. "Please don't make me feel worse about this than I already do." I could see that she was sad. I could tell she hated disappointing people. I mean, it was Julie. I expected nothing less. It's the way she is. She always wants to make other people happy without even thinking of herself. That was one thing I liked about her. "Kevin, please just tell me your mad or something."
"Will that make you happy?" I asked, staring down at her with my face as emotionless as stone. I had to keep it that way. I couldn't let her get the best of me and whatever is on the outside is always going to be stronger on the inside. Especially when it shows.
Like when you cry, the pain hurts more. When you smile, you feel happier. When you're screaming, the rage feels like it can rip you apart. And if you don't show anything, you know it won't be there much longer. I didn't want the disappointment hanging around any longer than it should.
"Kevin," she whimpered, almost like a kicked dog. She sounded absolutely pitiful. I hated hearing it. I hated it. Julie being sad was like a death-blow to me.
"Will it make you happy?" I asked again, this time letting my voice take on that edge. Sounding harsh got a straight answer.
"Nothing will make me happy right now, Kevin. Nothing can. I'm losing you and Ben's still not going to be with me enough, but neither will you. No matter what I do, nothing is going to work for me. Nothing can work, alright? Maybe breaking this off easy will be the best you can do at this moment." Her eyes were now glaring at me. She was taking on that harsh tone now, knowing that she could use it against me.
I was stung. I'd messed up somewhere along the line. I always did. "Julie, I'm sorry."
And her face was overwhelmed with this slight look of shock.
I hated to admit that there was something that was always going to be there for Julie in me. I hated to admit that I didn't really want her to leave. I hated to admit that I'd have to go crawling back to Gwen like a groveling moron. And I hated to admit that it was my fault that we were ruined.
"Why?" came her voice, soft as feathers on stone. She sounded like she was about to cry. I couldn't see her cry. Because if she cried, I wouldn't make it through this. I'd be even more miserable with Gwen after that.
I cared about Gwen. But she didn't always treat me right. And it was like the weight was lifted when I was with Julie. But now...
"For not being good enough for you."
Julie looked at me sadly. Her eyes were sparkling and I knew the hurt would melt away. She'd be the same way for a while, guilt eating at her. But she just said, "I'm sorry that I came to you when I should've sorted my own things out first."
I shrugged and sighed, closing my eyes for a moment and hoping to relieve the pain that was splitting through my head. "Still friends?" I asked.
And without knowing what she was doing, I opened my eyes to find her arms around me in a hug and I just took a deep breath and hugged her back, not knowing what else to do.
But I knew I'd never look at her the same way again.
A/N: sucky end, but I didn't know what else to do really… but I luv the idea of Kevin and Julie. For this fic, it just didn't work out… please review! Thanks for reading everyone!