He hadn't meant to come out like that. And now it's much worse than he anticipated. The Vongola family might have been understanding at the very beginning, but now it's much more complicated. [onesided 5927]
Warning- this fic isn't suitable for those who don't like slash. There is also a lot of implied stuff, but it's not graphic.
It was impossible for him to pinpoint the moment his feelings changed from those of a subordinate who dutifully followed his master to... well, whatever you could call him now. A totally inapporopriate guardian? A seriously messed-up loner? An obsessed, horny teenager? Hah. He was a joke. There was no way he could be a decent right-hand-man, not when he felt like... that. No way in hell.
For a while now, he'd been pretending to himself that if he ignored what his body was telling him, everything might be okay. After all, he wasn't sure on what the Tenth's reactions might be, or- and this was even more terrifying- the reactions of the rest of the Vongola. After all, the first generation might have been understanding and probably kind of helpful. But now? No. After the First retired, acceptance had faded and the Family was rigid in its beliefs. Better to just hide those feelings. Noone had to know. Noone could know.
Sometimes, when he had time, he'd just sit back and think about where this had gone wrong. He'd despised girls when he was tiny- like all the other little Vongola boys. Bianchi's poison cooking hadn't helped, either. But then they grew up, and most of his childhood friends were dating and discussing in depth which Vongola girls were hottest. Honestly, Hayato had no idea where to begin. And that was okay- not having any interest in relationships or sex was actually preferred in most Mafia families- less inappropriate decisions were made, less blackmail could be used. Besides, relationships were dangerous. In the Mafia, people died all the time. You couldn't tell when the next target might be your husband or wife, girlfriend or boyfriend. And then there were the rumours of what would be done to those who defied the 'natural' status quo.
So when Yamamoto dragged the truth from his lips that one afternoon, Hayato couldn't believe what he'd just confessed to. That night was spent lying awake in bed, wishing fervently that the day had never happened. His life was over.
"Hey, why do you follow Tsuna the way you do?" The dark-haired boy looked at him, questioningly. It was a strange question, from out of the blue. Inside Hayato's head, alarm bells rang, and panic welled up. One thought kept blaring away inside his skull: He can't know. No way.
"What do you mean?" he asked, managing to keep a blank expression.
"Well, I'm playing this game for him 'cause he saved me. It's the least I can do, you know? If it wasn't for him, I'd be dead by now. And... I guess I'm just curious to know why you follow him so devotedly. It's just a game, right?"
"I guess... I just really want to win. And I'd hate it if Tsuna got hurt, that's all." That would have been enough for most people. Not Yamamoto.
"Yeah..." Yamamoto was silent for a couple of seconds. "But why? You haven't told me anything. Did Tsuna do something for you? Are you related? Family friend?"
As Yamamoto kept talking, asking questions, prying, Hayato couldn't help but mull over the past few months. The fluttering in his chest whenever Tsuna said something to him. The way his thoughts seemed to gravitate towards the Tenth, no matter what he did.
"Come on. Talk to me. I really want to know more about you- if we're going to be guardians together, we should be friends, right?"
The surprise and horror at the way his body began responding to even the presence of the Tenth. The fantasies that seemed to just... appear in his head, the ones that always ended with him gasping for breath, sticky from sweat, desperately wiping away his own fluids and praying that his father would never find out what-- who he'd been thinking of during the past few frantic minutes.
"If you're not going to tell me, I'm going to guess. Are you childhood friends? Distant relatives?"
It got so much worse after their trip to the future. His older self had evidently held the same feelings for the Tenth that he did- the fact that he was still by the coffin, the photos of the Guardians and their boss held in his older self's briefcase. Most of the photos showed the Boss, though. And after the visions and apparitions of the First Vongola, Hayato suddenly realised how much Tsuna resembled his ancestor. Of couse, he'd seen the old, dusty paintings before- all members of the Vongola had.
And that just made the incredibly detailed, amazingly erotic dreams all the worse. Set in the future, the First and Tenth blurring into one person, passionate kissing and hushed proclamations of love until they became the most shameful fantasies he'd ever had. His imaginary boss looked at him with pure lust and Hayato found himself being brought to the height of pleasure by careful licks, gentle caresses; deep, slow suc--
"... in love with him, are you?" Yamamoto was grinning again, this time chuckling. Hayato's blood ran cold.
"...What?" Hayato gazes into Yamamoto's eyes, terrified that his life might be over.
"Huh? Oh, you weren't responding to anything else I was saying, so I decided to try more... outlandish suggestions, I guess. Hey, but you actually responded." Yamamoto's grin turned mischevious. "So I guess this means you're secretly in love with Tsuna, huh?" His tone was simple teasing, friendly mockery. But it was suddenly too much for Hayato. He never fully understood why he snapped. Or why he snapped so violently.
"Yes! Yes, that's exactly how it is!" Hayato exploded at his comrade. He shoved Yamamoto against a nearby wall. "You're right! I am in love with him!" He punched the other boy hard, and Yamamoto didn't try to defend himself. He just stared at Hayato in pure shock, as Hayato raged at him and started mixing his native tongue into the already garbled, painful mess. As Hayato realised what he'd just said, confessed to, he stopped, hands shaking. Yamamoto slid down the wall, the beginnings of a black eye forming and his nose bloody.
There was nothing to say as Hayato took a step backwards, suddenly horrified by what he'd just done. One thought kept echoing through his mind as Yamamoto looked at him in fear and stood, trying to wipe away the blood on his face with one hand.
What have I done? Tsuna will never forgive me for this.
"S-sorry. I'm so sorry!" Hayato manages to blurt out, and retreats, soon running to the safety of home. Later, he starts texting Yamamoto.
can we forget wht hppned?
im beggn u, pls dnt tell ny1.
im so srry, pls dnt say a word.
Yamamoto wasn't signed into any internet site, as far as Hayato could tell. He wasn't on instant messenger or any chat rooms. Not picking up his phone; mobile, home or sushi shop. He reached Yamamoto's dad, though, and manages to blurt out a quick 'I'm sorry about what happened' message to be given to Yamamoto ASAP.
The rest of the night, he doesn't know what to do and lies awake, berating himself for his stupidity.
His life is well and truly over.
Not finished yet, don't you worry. It would be awesome to know what you think of it, though. So drop off a review, I don't care if it's just a few words long- even a 'it was alright' would be awesome.