After a long hiatus, I'm glad to be back. Of course, I don't know how long my return will be, but this idea came to me today and I thought, I need to get a fanfic out no matter if that meant leaving the others behind for a little while. This fic definitely won't be long. Maybe 3 chapters, but it'll be littered with things I hope you enjoy. Anyway, enjoy the interaction between our favorite girls. ;)
As of late, I found myself in the lab as much as Sara used to when she headed straight for burn out territory. I couldn't believe my daughter got into college when it seemed like only yesterday I still needed to make sure she didn't run into the street to retrieve a ball without looking both ways first. It felt like my life had escaped me and now all I had left were the cases of slaughtered, maliciously beaten, perfectly normal, formerly happy, murder victims.
I needed a cold one.
"Hey," Sara smiled upon entrance. She lightly walked across the layout room and made herself comfortable standing next to me as I remained unmoving on my lab stool.
"Hey," I softly replied.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're pulling a Sara," she held her smile.
I smiled back.
"I guess I am. ...What are you still doing here? I thought you'd want to be at home, video chatting with your hubby," I forced a smile through the entire sentence. I was happy for her, and for him, but Grissom got way too lucky in scoring the brunette bombshell before me. I wished almost every night that I could enjoy the feel of my bed, but all it did was make me depressed to know the one person I definitely wouldn't mind sharing it with was joyously living her perfect life with the world's greatest bug lover.
"I probably would have...if he wasn't traveling right now," her smile started to disappear.
"Oh, um, is that a...problem," I wondered.
"Oh, no. I expected it. He was supposed to leave out for Italy last week, but things got delayed when he found the most amazing pet."
"What's he got this time," I half laughed.
"A Koala bear." She pulled out her new, touch screen cell phone and tapped it a few times before she showed the crystal clear screen to me. "It's so adorable if I do say so myself, but...he's gonna be high maintenance."
"Of course," my smile and laugh faded.
"Are you okay," she asked with concern written all over her face as she pocketed her cell.
"Yeah, sure," I absent mindedly answered. Truth was, I didn't know how to answer that question anymore.
"Catherine, I know when people are okay and when they're obviously waiting for their time to come long before it should," she gently slapped a hand on my shoulder.
I looked up at her.
"Trust me," she said with intense eyes that made me wish whatever she'd learned in life wouldn't have taken such a toll on the ten year junior to me woman.
"Thanks," I said after a beat. "So...um...did you come here to work or..." I trailed off as I looked back at the case files and photographs.
She smiled again.
"I got a call from a concerned colleague," she half laughed.
I could see Greg on the other side of the glass wall with a look that screamed deer caught in headlights and he took off down the hall like a bat out of hell. I incredulously shook my head, but with a wide smile spread far across my face.
"He doesn't need to worry."
"Are you sure about that? He tells me this is the fifth time this week you've worked yourself well into a third shift. You oversee a bunch of cases as supervisor. That's more overkill than what I put myself through a while back."
"So...came to save me, did you," I grinned as I turned to face her. I felt lit up like a Christmas tree and thought better to play with her. It always made me smile somehow. "I'm not sure your husband would like to hear about this."
She smiled back and shook her head.
"I think he'd understand. ...I really like to play the heroine now."
"Well...maybe I can make the same turn around after I hit rock bottom."
She bit her lip.
"Come on. Let's go grab a drink," she pulled at my shirt sleeve.
"I can't. I'm still working."
She blew out a sigh.
"Catherine," she warningly stated. "You need a drink. I can tell."
"Sara, I'm serious. I'm working."
"No, you're not," she blatantly stated. She grabbed my arm and lifted me from the stool. I half willingly, half unwillingly, followed her through the doorway of the room and headed down the hall to the front doors of the lab.
We ran into a fellow CSI and Sara stopped him short of his destination.
"Can you go to the layout room and gather all the stuff from the case file in there for me?"
"Um, sure," he nervously answered.
"Thanks. Just tell Greg Sanders to put it back in evidence when you're done. The receptionist will be able to help you with who he is," she sweetly smiled.
The CSI gulped and I wondered if he had a crush on Sara. It wouldn't be the first time someone fell for her around here. First, David the assistant coroner, then Greg, and let's not forget former grave shift supervisor Gil Grissom, her husband.
"Of course," he dutifully nodded. He looked me over as Sara tugged on my sleeve again and we began to move forward. I'm sure he tried to assess what we were to each other. Lord knew the entire lab had caught word of our legendary arguments yet meticulous and incredible work together. He sure had to be confused. I knew I was.
When we reached the parking lot, I relaxed my eyes shut and allowed Sara to continue to drag me to her car.
"Is this really necessary? I'm too tired to go out for a drink," I further fought the authority she decided to take over me.
"Fine, then we'll just have to enjoy some wine at my place."
"How come it has to be your place? Why can't you take me home," I started to whine.
"Is Lindsey home?"
"She should be. If she isn't, she's dead when she does choose to come home."
"Then she's most likely sleeping and I don't want to wake her."
"Please, she's usually still up by the time I get in."
"All nighters? You let her pull all nighters? I never thought you'd be that lenient."
"There's a lot I'm sure you don't know about me."
"Then let me learn. Come on, Cat. You need to let up on your work life. All it'll get you is stress and isolation. You don't want to become a zombie to all your coworkers, do you?"
I furrowed a brow.
"I know I didn't," she admitted with a defeated look directed at the pavement. She took a moment to collect herself and came back to me. "Get in the car."
I didn't know whether I liked that side of her or not, but I'm sure it'd get annoying as the evening carried on.
Soft music filled the car as well as the need for conversation. So I patiently sat in the passenger's seat and stared out the window as I watched the scenery pass on our way to her apartment. I didn't know what to expect. She'd left the country, she'd had to have sold her place. But what about Grissom's townhouse? When he left, did he sell it? Or is that where she stayed?
In a second, I realized I knew a lot less about Sara since she came back to Vegas. She returned a completely, rehabilitated person. That made her much easier to talk to, but I didn't quite know what that meant in relation to her social life. She seemed to have one now, but I guess it got confused in all the things she's doing with Grissom via video chat. They had a lot to plan and look forward to...and what did I have? A daughter who wouldn't be around as much anymore, not that she made more than cameo appearance at home anyway, and people to order around at work while I did what all I could to put bad guys away. I'd officially lost things to live for other than to see Lindsey start a family of her own, but she'd probably get as far away from me as possible to do that and then what would I do? I'd have absolutely nothing to turn to, not even a hobby to preoccupy me. What was I supposed to do for retirement? I'd sit at home and pray that some God awful disease would blind side me into death. Now that said a lot about what kind of person I'd become. I didn't know what scared me more, the fact that I thought about things like that or the fact that I still couldn't admit aloud that I needed help.
"Catherine," Sara tried to snap me back to reality.
I blinked a few times and cleared the fog of dark and dreary thoughts from my mind.
"I lost you there for a while. ...We're here."
"Oh," I softly said in a tone so low I thought no human would even attempt to hear me.
We got out of her car and I stared at the place. It was much nicer than I'd thought, and of course, it wasn't Grissom's townhouse or Sara's old apartment. It was new and it was cozy from what I saw on the outside. God only knew what I'd find on the inside.
"Wow," I accidentally let slip.
I heard Sara lightly laugh beside me.
"Yeah, I figured I'd be here a while and since Gil and I kept moving on to other places in Europe so often, this is where we'd most likely end up if he ever decided to come back to the states. But we've still got options. We've even talked about Colorado or Missouri."
"Wow," I unintentionally repeated.
She laughed again, that time louder than the first.
She placed her hand on the small of my back with such feather like qualities I really had to focus on the touch to know she'd even touched me at all. She guided me to the front door and the first thing I saw after she turned the key in the lock was a beautiful hallway that lead straight to the backyard. The double doors that brought me inside the house had glass windows as did the ones that lead to the fair sized pool out back.
"I never saw you as the type of person to have a pool in their backyard," I inwardly laughed and outwardly smiled.
She smiled back.
"It gets hot here. Plus, I never had one growing up so...I just figured I'd see what I missed out on. But like I said, it's not that great a pool. I usually go in when I want to get out of the house but not go into public. I step in, walk around, get my hair wet and relax. There's a jacuzzi attached, but that's usually for the evening when I want to hear the planes and feel the somewhat cool air breeze by."
I got shivers at the thought of an evening in the jacuzzi. The quiet nightlife sounded like the perfect way to let go.
"You wouldn't mind if maybe I enjoyed that tonight, would you?"
Again, she smiled. I felt worlds better when I saw that smile.
"Got for it. I'll get you some dry clothes to put on afterward."
She headed upstairs and I looked out at the pool and jacuzzi. I smiled and felt my heart soar. Finally, a break.
I opened the back door and stepped out onto the textured ground. I took a deep breath and peeled off my shirt before I lost my jeans. I left them at the door and sauntered toward the awaiting hot tub. The bubbles weren't going, but I had one of my own, so I knew how to work the switches on the side of the house.
After a successful flip of a switch, I smiled yet again and took a second to calm myself before I slipped into the relaxing, warm water. I didn't consider how my bra and panties would turn out after and at that point I didn't much care.
I took in the sound of the wind rustle around through the dead night, tilted my head back and drank in the heavenly sight of a pitch black sky, minus the part that happened to be directly above the strip. As alone as I was, I'd never felt anything like it. I felt complete. I felt like I had something to live for. I felt like having an orgasm at the simplicity of peace. And I felt I would never admit that again.
"Happy yet," Sara giggled from the pool side, shorts and a shirt in her hand.
"Mm, this is amazing," I hunkered down further into the water and closed my eyes with a sigh.
"I'm glad you like it."
"Maybe I could convince Grissom to let me live here with you."
"That'd be a problem because I don't want to end up on the couch."
That got my attention. I snapped my head up and stared at her with a bit of angered bewilderment on my face.
"Are you saying there's no guest room?"
"Yeah. I didn't think I'd have guests. In fact, you're the only one at the lab who knows where I live."
Damn, that had been hot to know. So...if she'd screamed my name in ecstasy, no one we knew would hear? I had to shake that out of my head. I wasn't permitted to think thoughts like that. She'd married myfriend no less! I had to get a grip and fast.
"Did I lose you again," she giggled. God, what a great giggle she had, so smile-worthy.
"Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot, don't I?"
"Yeah, you do...but I don't mind. ...So," she raised her hand with the clothes in them. "I think these will fit you. Don't ask where I got the shorts. I've never worn them before and they're way too short for my skinny ass legs to look good in, but...I think they'll look great on you. You can even take them home with you. And the shirt too. I have more like it."
"Is the shirt plain or something?"
"No, it's from Costa Rica. Grissom and I made a ton and kept a few. The others we gave to the kids in the neighborhood."
"Neighborhood? I'm sorry, but didn't you two camp out somewhere?"
"Yeah, there were plenty of kids close by where we set up and this nice woman from the village taught us how to make the shirts. I don't normally wear them unless I want to be lazy and not get dressed for the day, if I'm going to do house work, or I'm going to sleep."
She laughed and shook her head.
"I'll leave them here for when you're done," she set them down on a lounge chair beside the back door.
"Wait," I called out only seconds before she almost reentered the house.
She swung around and waited for me to say something and then I'd realized I just wanted her company instead of actually asking or telling her anything.
"Are you sure? You look like you've got something on your mind."
"No, I'm fine. ...Um, but, would it be too much to ask for a glass of wine?"
"Not at all. White or red?"
"Coming right up," she smiled.
After she ducked back inside, I'd felt like the bubbles rose higher than before on my body. I didn't know how to interpret that, but I knew I'd wanted to spend the night. Was I a bad person for wanting to wear out my welcome, especially after I'd heard about the lack of a guest room? Man, I'd really needed to get laid. Too bad I didn't make good on my silent promise about boinking the detective I'd worked undercover with who'd even dared to steal a kiss from me. Damn his handsomeness and good heart. Not to mention that he'd opened up to me about his son. That was...I didn't even know what to say about that. But it didn't matter now. I'd missed an opportunity and now I'd be doomed to desire Sara's hands over me, her fingers inside me, her mouth to cover every inch of my body, and I'd never be satisfied outside that little fantasy.
Damn my fantasies. They never came true, did they? First Warrick, then Sara, and of course I'd thought about Kepler a few times. But then he took a bullet for me and got himself killed. And we all knew the tragedy that struck with Warrick's demise, and Sara...well, she was a story still in progress. She'd always been like that, since the day I met her.
God she'd been so cute with her award winning smile complete with a gap between her two front teeth, the adorable look written across her as she stood like a nervous geek in the doorway. How did I ever find that attractive? I'd always gone for the edgy guys, not the self reserved women. But that all changed when the young brunette stood her ground against me. We hadn't known each other for more than a mere thirty seconds before she had to defend herself and prove she could take me on any day of the week.
I'd been cruel, but that day I learned the most about her than I think I'd learned collectively over the years. She and I were different together now, but I'd like to think we kept the intensity.
Wow, could I talk volumes about her. I'd surely gotten into trouble with the gracefully sexy Sara Sidle. I'd never said so much, or thought so much, about a single person until now. She'd captivated me and I couldn't explain any of the reasons I felt all those things about another woman. In plain English, I was screwed.
That time she'd been standing next to me with two glasses of white wine in her hands.
"Oh, sorry. I blanked again."
"A lot on your mind?"
If only you knew, I thought.
"Uh, yeah, I guess."
I took the glass she'd offered me and chugged about half of it, still in the hot tub.
"Whoa, slow down there, Tiger," she worriedly warned as she placed a hand under the glass as if to spot me when things went wrong.
"I'm okay. Just thirsty."
"Okay," she disbelievingly stated. "Maybe I should get you a soft drink if you're that thirsty."
"No, I'm good," I tried to reassure her. And I think it might've worked if I hadn't chugged the remaining half of the drink.
"Okay, I'm gonna have to cut you off. Talk to me," she said as she removed the now empty glass from my hand.
"It's deeper than girl-talk-fixable."
I wanted to try her, but not in the way she thought. I'd really felt sorry for myself then.
"Okay," I sighed before I'd started. "Have you ever fallen in love with someone who couldn't possibly love you back?"
She lightly laughed.
"I thought the thing with Grissom would answer any questions like that."
"Yeah, but ultimately you married him!"
"Catherine...what's this really about? Don't separate yourself from the problem. Just start talking," she chuckled.
I took a deep breath and thought I'd try to roll with punches I'd known would follow.
"I'm in love with a woman I can't ever have and it's killing me. On top of that, my daughter is at that stage in her life where she doesn't need me and she'll probably never talk to me again. And even more than that, I'm crazy involved in work because I'm so depressed I can't stay at home for fear I might actually slit my wrists."
I'd almost said all that in one breath and once it was out in the open, I'd felt good and scared. I'd confessed to thoughts about suicide and blurted my love for her without saying who I'd tripped head over heels for in less than a minute.
The expression on her face terrified me. All she did was blink with a dropped jaw. I took her glass of wine and tipped it back like a shot. She still didn't move.
I put the glass on the edge of the pool and snapped my fingers in front of her face.
"Sara, are you okay?"
No response. Great, I'd forced her into an emotional coma.
"Wow," she said. Her eyes came back into focus and she looked down at me. "What happened to my wine?"
"You drank it all in a matter of seconds," I lied.
"Oh," she said, obviously still in shock. "Okay...so...you've got a lot on your plate right now."
"I told you it was deeper than girl talk."
"Right...well...next time...I'll believe you."
"Wait, there's going to be a next time?"
That snapped her completely out of shock and back to concerned.
"Of course there's going to be a next time. I wouldn't have dragged you home with me if I didn't plan on calling you my friend."
That blew me out of the water.
"Yeah. What'd you think, Catherine? I'd get scared off by all the things you brought up just now?"
"Well, I would've thought for sure you'd back away after hearing about me falling for a woman."
She tilted her head back and laughed.
"You've got to be kidding, right?"
I'd looked like a child that didn't know whether they should feel embarrassed or to keep their ass covered because they were still in trouble. So, without knowing what else to do, I shook my head in answer to her question.
Her laugh died down and she cleared her throat.
"Cat, you know I've been with women before, right? Well, I guess it's obvious you didn't and who could blame you, really? I've never talked about it with anyone so why would I expect you to know? Anyway...I've had my fair share of dates that didn't involve a penis."
I'd cracked up at the way she explained it. The word "penis" was the killer. I couldn't believe she'd put it that way. I'd never heard anyone put it that way.
After a moment, I'd thought about it and remembered I had to ask something.
"Wait, does Grissom know?"
"Why would he? I married him, not one of my female partners."
"Right. So...does that mean...you like Playboy and stuff like that?"
She laughed even louder that time.
"Neither do I. I think it's trashy. I like a woman I can actually touch. A woman who feels uncomfortable taking her clothes off in public."
Of course she didn't like that because I'd been a stripper. I had no problem with public indecency. Now my life had made perfect sense. The one thing that gave me an interesting perspective on people was one thing that turned off the love of my life.
"In other words, you wouldn't look for someone like me."
"What? Where's this coming from?"
It took her a few beats to catch on as I'd stared at the ground and wished to be anywhere else. Of course, it didn't help I'd only been clothed in underwear. I couldn't go anywhere else.
"Oh...o-oh. You...me? You...fell for m-me?"
I bit my lip. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to look like a blubbering fool.
"Oh, wow, Cat. I-I didn't know that's what... I'm sorry."
"Sorry," I'd asked as I'd picked up my head. "For what? You're not at fault for my feelings?"
"No, I mean...hell, I don't know what I mean. I guess I just automatically make everything my fault."
"Well, you shouldn't."
"Listen...I know this probably isn't the time, but...I didn't drink any of my wine...did I?"
I knitted my brows for a second. Then I couldn't contain my laughter.
"No, you didn't," I smiled.
Sara returned the smile and seemed almost unaffected by everything that had happened.
"Come on," she held out her hand. "Let's get you dried off and inside."
"How are you so cool about all this?"
She smiled, forced my hand in hers, and pulled me out of the water. She looked me up and down and I instinctively tried to cover myself.
"No, don't," she protested as she grabbed my arms and pulled them away from my body. She let go all the same when she thought she could trust me to keep my hands at my sides and curled the corners of her mouth toward the sky. "See, you are the kind of woman I look for."
She'd had a point. I didn't want her to see me. I'd been shy to expose myself to her. Maybe my feelings should have been expressed sooner. Maybe then I wouldn't have had a dark cloud over my head that told me to tug at my hair and scream into oblivion.
She'd laced her fingers with mine and pulled me toward the clothes she'd set out for me. She'd tore them away from the lounge chair and continued to pull me toward the doors. I'd felt childish, like a school girl with a crush as she held my hand. I didn't know what it meant, but I'd assumed it only showed she cared. I didn't expect anything from it, didn't think it would escalate. I'd guessed it'd be okay to at least have her take my hand like she did even though it was only as friends. It was better than wishing for contact like that and never being granted that particular luxury.
My mind had drifted far enough for me to wind up on the second floor with Sara. I didn't remember how I'd gotten there, but I knew it had to be Sara that brought me up every last stair.
"There's a bathroom right here," she pointed across the hall. "And there's a master bath in my room. It's not that master like, but it gets the job done."
"Um, okay," I tried to take it all in. There was so much to the house, I didn't know what I was seeing. The colors complimented my personality in so many ways and yet, Sara slept there. She ate there, did dishes there, watched TV there. How could she and I seem so much alike and not have gotten along all these years?
"This place is..."
"Amazing," she finished my sentence for me.
"Was it that obvious what I was going to say," I warily asked.
"Sort of. You've said that word once or twice before in reference to this place, so...I kind of figured you'd say it again."
I'd noted the blush and smart ass look written in permanent marker all across her face. I decided to play with her again, have a little more fun before I changed.
"Oh, so now you wanna get smart with me? Fine. Sleep with one eye open tonight because I'll make sure to get you back."
She caught my raised eyebrow and bit her lip. Again, her eyes glanced over my figure and I got slightly uncomfortable for some reason.
"I'm sorry," she said when she saw me tense up under her gaze.
"Oh, it's, uh, okay. I just...don't like games. I mean, I'll tease you like that thing about sleeping with one eye open, but..."
"You don't want me to confuse you with my stares because you like me and I'm taken."
"Well," she sighed. "You know where the bathrooms up here are."
"Mhmm. Uh, could I ask you for some panties?"
She headed to her dresser, pulled open the second drawer, and grabbed a pair of panties almost at random.
"Um, I'm gonna have to apologize. I haven't done the laundry so...this is all I have."
I saw the black thong hang from her index finger and raised an eyebrow.
"Rarely." She laughed. "One time it freaked Gil out when I wore one."
That got a laugh out of me.
"Why? I think they're sexy."
She laughed again.
"Yeah, but it caught him off guard. I swear he almost had a heart attack, which I know isn't all that funny because he seriously could have one, but...his health isn't bad so...I don't see one in the near future."
"Pfft, I can't believe we're talking about heart attacks and thongs right now. What the hell happened before you came back to Vegas?"
She smiled and looked at the floor for a bit. She then looked up at me.
I scrunched up my face in confusion and she felt she had to explain.
"Grissom was great, but...I kept thinking I needed to learn how to be more like you and still stay me at the same time. And...I guess it worked."
I'd shared her latest smile and waved my clothes around for a split second.
"I think I'm gonna change."
"Right," she nervously smiled and handed over her thong.
I'd walked into her master bath and locked the door behind me. I didn't lock it to keep her out, but to keep me in. I'd wanted to wear the thong for her, show her how it really looked, get her to think about the fact she'd once worn it and then I'd gone and put it on. Unfortunately, the gray haired, almost completely white haired, man she called her husband, my friend, was the one reason I knew I couldn't very well wear any type of lingerie or sexy underwear for her.
I'd quickly stripped and slipped the thong on. Oh, God it was incredibly intoxicating. It was as close as Sara and I would get. The simply orgasmic thought had me at a loss for words. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I stood in front of the mirror in nothing but the thong and couldn't fight off the urge to lower my hand and run it over the front of the material. I'd bit my lip and hoped Sara wouldn't wonder what took me so long. In case she did though, I needed a good defense.
As I'd felt myself up, I'd searched the room, but couldn't focus as a sweet aroma hit my nose. Actually, more like it slapped me in the nose. The serenading scent of Sara Sidle filled the room and I'd felt my knees go weak as they almost buckled under me. I could feel a build up between my thighs when Sara's voice pushed through the white, French double doors.
"Is everything okay in there?"
My eyes had popped right open and I knew I couldn't continue my actions. I was, after all, in her thong. If I'd ruined it, I'd have to fess up or come up with an equally embarrassing explanation.
"Uh, yeah. I just, uh," I hurriedly to find an excuse. "Was admiring the shower."
Well, that couldn't have sounded any more lame or pretentious.
"Um, yeah. It's, uh, great," she awkwardly said through the door. "Hardly anything to write home about, but...I guess if it suits you."
I'd mentally slapped the heel of my palm against my forehead over and over again until my face went numb.
I'd threw on the shirt and yanked on the short pair of shorts. I'd rushed to pull the door open and forced a smile.
"Sorry. Yeah, the shower is...well, I just...never mind."
I'd wanted to tell her I didn't get so easier invested in showers, but that meant coming up with something better to draw her away from my attempt at masturbation.
"Uh huh," she furrowed a brow.
"You wanna watch a movie or something? I kinda don't wanna go home?"
She cleared her throat.
"Well, after what you told me out there, about the wrist slitting, I don't plan on taking you home. So...what movie did you have in mind?"
"Hmm, something funny. I could use some comedy."
"Well...we could watch...the Wedding Crashers."
I'd contemplated it and thought better to let it go.
"Nah, well...no. It's better we not get into that," I nervously laughed.
She raised a brow.
"Mkay, well, if there's one thing you might want to get into...we could always watch this girl on girl porno I picked up," she devilishly grinned.
I'd blushed and stared at her with owl eyes.
I saw the cover and I knew for sure she wasn't kidding.
"Don't read into it. One of my friends from San Francisco sent it to me for my birthday as a gag gift."
"H-have you...seen it?"
She turned the cover toward her to give it a good look.
"No, but I'm thinking it would be fun to watch."
"Uh, I'm thinking it'd be awkward."
"Ah, that's only if you make it awkward," her grin returned.
I bit my lip harder than I ever had in my entire life and prayed I didn't get turned on or feel too guilty about watching porn with Grissom's wife.
"Okay," I caved with a heavy, insecure sigh.
If I get 15 reviews on this first chapter, I promise to write the second and the next chapter for Little Life within 48 hours. At least, I'll try to do that. :) AT LEAST 15 REVIEWS and I'll be your wish granter. ;)