A/N: Twilight is SM!

OK FOLKS! This is the last new story I'm putting out for awhile. No more, I promise. This time around Jasper is VERY dark. He's not the sweet emotion feeler we all know. If you are not over 18 please do not read this. Its gonna be more mysterious, and slower paced. I like to keep you guys guessing! If anyone can figure out who I'm talking about in Jasper's past or what might have happened let me know! A shout out to the people who guess right!!!

Please R/R! THANKS!

JPOV

"Jasper, please." she begged, clinging to his hand.

"I can't. Its my life."

"I love you."

"I love you too. But I can't give it up. Its all I ever wanted."

"You were almost killed."

"Its happens all the time."

"Jasper, please. For me. I don't want to lose you. You're my everything. I love you so much."

"I love you with all my soul, but I can't. Don't ask me too. I'll be more careful, I promise. I swear. Let me get out of the hospital and we'll talk."

Her face was etched with pain as the tears ran down her cheeks.

"Jasper, what happens to us if you were to be careful and still die the next time you ride?"

He froze, mouth slack, "Us?"

She looked down at her hand, which was cupping her stomach. "I'm pregnant, Jasper. I found out yesterday. I was going to tell you, but then you had the accident on the track. I was to worried about losing you to remember."

He sat silent, mute, unable to process what she'd just told him.

"I love you, and I'll love our baby, but I can't give it up. We have to have money to take care of a baby. How are we going to do that if I stop working? I don't have any other skills. I've been doing this since I was 12."

"I could go back to work, posing clothes."

He adamantly shook his head no, "No, not while you're pregnant. You could slip and lose the baby or hurt yourself."

"What about you?" she demanded, now standing beside his bed. "What am I going to do if you die? Do you think the stress is good for the baby, when I worried about you? How do you think our child will feel if their daddy dies one day at work?"

All of the questions gathered in his head as he tried to figure out what to say. He came up with nothing, just staring up at the only woman he'd ever loved. The only child he'd ever wanted laying softly inside her womb.

I bolted upright, screaming, from a dead sleep. I looked around the room, then grabbed hold of my hair as I gasped for air. When were these going to stop?

I couldn't take it anymore. It had been 3 years since then, why couldn't they go away and leave me alone. I was in torment enough every time I went out. They were everywhere.

Reminders of what I lost.

Reminders of what I killed.

Why couldn't it have been me? I would have given my life for them. Fate was cruel. Life wasn't fair.

I had everything, money, fame, a beautiful girl and a baby on the way. I didn't do drugs, I didn't drink or mess around. But I still lost them.

It took a few minutes to get my cool back, then I looked at the clock.

7:45

Shit, I was gonna be late for work, again. Ali was going to kill me.

I pulled myself out of bed, hoped into the shower, then ran for my closet. Jeans and a sweater, with boots. The usual. I pulled the sweater over my head and winced as it ran down my arms.

They hurt so bad. But in a good way. I needed them to feel pain, to feel anything anymore. It made me alive as I walked around the world dead inside.

I was just walking out the front door when my cell phone rang.

"Morning, Ali, I swear I'm on my way."

"Another nightmare, bubba?"

I paused mid step to swallow back the tears, before getting into my truck and pulling out onto the road.

"Yeah, Ali. They just keep coming. They never stop. What am I suppose to do?"

"You'll get threw them, bubba, I promise. I'm here for you. Mom and daddy are here for you. You know what the doctors said, it will take some time."

"Its been 3 years! I can't handle them anymore!" I cried, slamming my hand on the wheel, flinching cause it hurt like hell. "Ali, I just want to die. I just want to be with them."

"BUBBA! NO! You can't. It wasn't your fault. She did that by herself. You can't keep blaming yourself for what happen. We love you. We need you. You can't leave the family, bubba. What would we do without you? You're my favorite brother."

That was the only thing that got me to smile, "I'm your only brother, small stuff."

"And because you are, I'll let the small comment slide. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll be there in 5 minutes."

"OK Bye."

We hung up at the same time. I tried to focus on the road as I drove but it was hard. At night I didn't get much sleep which meant my days were hell. I woke up in a depressed mode which turned angry during the day when people kept messing with me. You'd think working at a bookstore stocking would be easy.

You'd be wrong. People would complain about the stupidest shit.

When they'd start getting loud, I wanted to jump out of my skin and hide under the book case. I can't handle the noise level.

Hell, I can't handle anything, anymore.

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