Story Summary: Is it challenging to get inside House's head? Yes. Did I attempt it? Yes. Did I succeed? That's for you to decide. No slash actually occurs, but if you're not a Hilson fan then you probably won't like what goes on in House's head.

Disclaimer: I do not own House or any of the characters. If I did, you wouldn't be reading this on fanfiction, you'd be watching it on TV.

House's Musings

He's pretty. Everyone says Chase is the pretty one, but without brains you shouldn't even count. Chase is a pretty-boy, but Wilson's a boy who happens to be pretty. Who'd have thought I'd end up with a pretty one? Who'd have thought the face I can stroke any time I want to, the hair I can run my fingers through whenever I desire, would be so goddam pretty? Because that prettiness is mine. After all these years, others have possessed it, but it's really been mine all along. He's never loved any of them a fraction as much as he's loved me. Well, Amber maybe, but she was just a more fuckable version of me. She was pretty for him. I can't be pretty for him, but he doesn't care. He's crazy about me. He doesn't need me to be young, he doesn't need me to be pretty, he doesn't care I'm a cripple. He's fucking in love with me. He wants me as much as I want him.

But damn him, he won't do anything about it. He's not as confident as he thinks I am. He doesn't want to ruin what we have. He doesn't think I'll reciprocate. Maybe he is that stupid after all. He should know everything I do is just my fucked up way of flirting. He's never gonna make a move. If I'm ever gonna get him into my bed, I'll have to make the move.

So why don't I?

I'm not stupid, I know exactly how he feels about me. He's not gay, he's not even bi, he'd never do any other guy, but he'd do me. He'd do me in a second. It probably wouldn't even take that long. What we could have, it'd be better than anything he could ever have with anyone. He knows it. He's ready. He's willing. Even if there was any doubt in my mind, he bought me that fucking organ, and it's gone now. God, even I was speechless when I saw that. And I didn't think it was within me to be speechless. What was that ridiculous comment I made? "I like what this says about you, Wilson?" and I had that idiotic grin on my face. God, I embarrass myself sometimes. That caught me off guard. I'm never surprised, I never thought he had it in him to surprise me, but it turns out he did. God, I want him.

I can't make a move. It's not me. I don't openly show people how I feel. It would be so easy to just walk up to him and press him against the wall and fuck him right there, he'd take it. But it would compromise who I am. Would he love me less if I compromised myself to finally get us together? Or would he love me more, knowing I compromised for him?

I showed up for his surgery. I said I wouldn't, and I think he believed me, but I showed. Except that wasn't compromise. I'm there when it matters. For him, I'll be there when it matters. That should have been enough of a hint for him. If all my stupid pranks and my stalking aren't enough of a declaration of love, then being there was. He should have pulled me on that damn hospital bed and made me fuck him right there. Idiot.

Why'd he have to buy that damn organ? That was his move, and now it's my turn.

It's not that he's not confident enough for it. He's just screwing with me. This is just another game. This is just us messing with each other. He's just waiting for me to give in, which I'm never gonna do, and I'm just waiting for him to give in, which he's never gonna do. If I give in, he wins. He'll be triumphant. He'll be dominant. Now way. He's the woman, I'm the dominant one. He belongs to me, not the other way around.

Playing this stupid game is who we are, but it's counterproductive cause in the meantime neither of us is getting laid. Whose stupid idea was this?

I have to trick him into making a move on me. It has to be him that does it, but I gotta force him into it. He won't do it on his own.

So until I think of a way of tricking him into kissing me, he's there, tantalizingly in front of me. I can have him anytime I want, but I won't. Is he worth me caving? That's not even a question. But I can't let him think that.

Maybe I'm the idiot.