She hadn't told anyone. It was surprising. Normally, she'd have taken every opportunity to use this kind of thing to her advantage. To guilt trip Buffy and the others about what terrible people they were for leaving her. But every time she opened her mouth, the words disappeared. Images replaced them. Of his face, of those eyes, of his smile. So she hadn't told anyone.
She pretended everything was fine, acted normal. It was a one-time thing after all. But she had nightmares. Every night. Nightmares where he was there. Where he changed his mind on a whim. And she was helpless and he was coming closer and closer and she could see how she was going to die. She woke up panting and covered in a sheen of sweat every night.
But it was over. Just a bad memory that would grow fainter and fainter as time past. Soon those eyes would stop haunting her. And then she found out he could get in her car. She could feel her throat close up and the breath leave her. He could get in her car.
And then she found it. She'd left her car in the parking lot when she went into the library. And when she opened the driver's door there it was. An envelope with a drawing of her inside. She was laughing at something someone next to her was saying. The picture in her hands was shaking so hard she could barely see it. She burnt it that night. And she didn't tell anyone. The next night Buffy helped her dis-invite her car. And that was that.
And then Jenny was found, dead in Giles's apartment. And the first thought in her head was 'That could have been me' She could have been the one with the life-less, staring eyes, lying somewhere. But she wasn't, and she couldn't say why. She had seen Giles's face afterwards. She felt pain just by looking at him. He was empty. She wondered if Xander would have worn the same expression, if it had been her. Part of her doubted it.
She'd taken to carrying a stake. She hadn't seen him for weeks. Buffy was feeling sick so Willow and Xander had the brilliant idea they should patrol in her stead. So, like the good little girlfriend, Cordelia followed suit. It was cold so she wore a long sleeved shirt with a jacket, her hair out of her face. They'd been walking for awhile when they rounded a corner and Buffy leapt out at them, looking insane and not in a good way. They talked for a short while, and Cordelia put in her two cents, half-heartedly insulting Buffy.
And then she saw him. Across from her, a little ways away, smiling that smile of his that froze her immediately. She opened her mouth to warn the others but no sound came out. The words were gone. He said something she couldn't hear. And then he was running towards her. And she was frozen.
He collided with her, his hands grasping her arms and they toppled. She let out an involuntary grunt as her back collided with the ground painfully. She could feel his breath on her ear which surprised her because he didn't need to breathe. Terror seized her and she wanted to be gone from the moment. To disappear into the ground. And then he was pulled off of her and she got up and she was shaking. Buffy and Angel were fighting but it was all a blur and she couldn't catch her breath. She could still feel him, feel the weight of him on her.
And then he was gone and her shaking subsided and her mouth started to work again.