YES this is a different message: Underneath the A/N I wrote a few days ago is Chapter 3 of LDM. Everyone who reviewed and PM'd me, thankyou. It helped a lot that you took the time to let me know your feelings and I agree that if this person had taken the time to analyze what they had read (not to mention bothering to finish at least the first chapter) like a person who supposedly studies literature would have, I doubt they would have written such a mean spirited 'review'. Trying to mask a flame as constructive critisim is wrong. I don't care how you intend to justify it to yourselves, but there are guidlines to maintain. In all honesty, I was not only upset about what this 'reviewer' said, I was also pissed off. Someone telling me that I ruin my own writing? That's not constructive in the least. I'm all for suggestions, but they better be worded nicely. I have never left a review that basically told the author that they ruin their writing and plot lines because they added something I did not like. Guess what, like one reviewer reminded me, I write for no one but myself. Now, you can skip past the A/N, there is a line seperation, and I hope that you enjoy chapter three. -Lovefremione
To those of you have this on alert, I apologize. This is not an update. I realize that I am being entirely too cliché and hypocritical, but I cannot help it. In all the times I've seen an author post a note like the one I am writing, I have always written back to tell that person that, "this is your story and don't let one person make you believe that it is anything other than what you have envisioned. You shouldn't allow someone to affect you to the point where just decide to give up."
Again, hypocritical of me when I've done just that. A person is allowed to have an opinion, and has the right to have that opinion heard. NEVER doubt that. What I cannot begin to understand is why someone not only decides that their voice needs to be heard above all others, but chooses to voice it before retaining all the pertinent details.
Yes Harry is a 17 year-old wizard in the beginning of this story. He is a loving, caring, and very magically powerful individual. But he is also an abused boy. A boy that never had any friends until he was 11 years old, a boy who never had parental figures until he was 13, and a boy who has been idolized and used as a weapon from the first moment he learned he was a wizard. I'm in no way stereotyping, but I envision this type of person as someone, though being very magically powerful in his own right, to constantly be seeking approval from others. When the person who 'rescued' you from the type of home that Harry came from, tells you must go back (for the greater good of course), you go back. Not because you aren't of age (at least in the wizarding world), not because you can't do magic legally, not because you don't have some other place to go or the means to do so, but because this is the person that rescued you, this is the person that has been your savior, your idol, your mentor, and this is the person you seek approval from above all others, so you go.
The cycle of abuse is just that, a cycle. In all of Harry's Hogwarts years he has been nothing other than a weapon (well to most people that is). He was never just Harry. It's hard to come to terms with child hood abuse when no one has ever taken the time to talk with you about it, to try and heal the damage done to the child's heart and mind. Would you be able to end the cycle by just forgetting it ever happened? Would you be able to come to terms with it by sweeping it under the rug? On what level do you think your self esteem would be if you went from being an abused child to an abused weapon? Because that is what my Harry is. He is still a child that for all intents and purposes went from one abusive home to another; and the other didn't hurt near as much as the former therefore it must be ok.
How many of you have ever heard of a battered spouse or boy/girlfriend? Was that person fully capable of walking out of that house and relationship? Did they have people to turn to? Did some of them have the monetary means to leave? Most likely yes; so why didn't they? Most cases, and believe me I did the research, that have that person staying, do so not because they don't have the ability to leave, but because in their mind they cannot or should not. Perhaps if they had just done better than they wouldn't have been hit or screamed at, if they try harder it won't happen again and this other person will finally tell them, "Well done, I'm proud of you." Or perhaps they feel that they deserve this. It was their fault that, in the case of Harry here, all those people died.
Why then in the case of this story did Harry yearn for his 18th birthday to leave? Because Dumbledore, the person who had first rescued him, the person who he looked to as a grandfather, the person he looks to for approval above all others, told Harry that he only had to stay until then. Harry didn't use magic against his Uncle because he couldn't, but because not only did he think he deserved punishment in return for all the lives that were lost, but because Dumbledore would be disappointed in him if he did retaliate even if only defensively. Most behaviors and responses are dictated at a subconscious level, so an abused individual knows this is wrong, but feels that they deserve it, their subconscious has deemed it so as with other types of disorders.
I am not an abused person, but I did do the research before I consented to this plot line. Like I said before, there is absolutely no doubt that Harry is a very magically strong individual, but he is also a victim of abuse; abuse which has never been dealt with.
I had planned on this information coming out as Harry healed at St. Mungo's. Sirius and Remus both asked why he didn't just leave or at the very least tell someone. I have reams of notes and a lot of research that the mind healer was going to talk with them about that would explain what was going on in Harry's head.
So why this authors note you ask? It has everything to do with a review. This person stated over and over again that their review was in no way meant to be taken as a flame, but rather as constructive criticism. However from my point of view, it certainly sounded like a flame. It appears that this person (and it says quite clearly that did) stopped reading half way through the first chapter. I know I hadn't posted the chapter which has the information that I provided above, but it still hurts that someone would chose to throw fire over a story when they haven't, at the very least, read the entirety of what has been published or at least taken the time to analyze the direction the author might have been coming from or heading to.
So I ask you to see this from the perspective that I had envisioned. Harry is a thoughtful, intelligent, gentle, caring, and very loving individual who deserved so much more than he had received his first 18 years of life. The mind healer was, with help of a certain red head and perhaps someone else, going to show Harry that he NEVER deserved the type torture and punishment that was dealt him. Things like this take time, and Harry was going to learn he has control. He doesn't need the approval of others; he only needs the approval of himself.
So I'm sorry, but at this point in time, I have lost heart…
Love's Desperate Measures, Chapter Three:
Harry lay in his hospital bed thinking hard. He had been in his private room for a week now having been moved from the ICU. Healer Greenwood had told him that he was physically as fit as could be, or would be once he started physical therapy to work his muscles back into shape. Sirius, Remus, and Severus had been coming every single day and the four talked about nothing in particular. Harry hoped that after physical therapy he would be able to leave and get away. He just needed time to think.
Healer Greenwood had sent a mind-healer to Harry on his second day out of ICU. Harry could admit that he wasn't very forthcoming, and just sat and listened to the Healer Rheil talk about herself. Harry answered few questions hoping that Healer Rheil would get the point and leave him alone, but alas it hadn't worked out that way. The mind-healer had told him in no uncertain terms that they would continue to have little chats until Harry trusted her enough to talk to her.
"I understand from your godfather Lord Black that you at one time wanted to be an Auror, what happened that changed your mind?"
Harry shrugged, "I only really wanted that in the first place because my dad was an auror; and because Dolores Umbridge said that the ministry would never hire a liar like me."
"Did you believe Ms. Umbridge when she told you that?"
"No," Harry answered, "I knew that she would eat her words."
Healer Rheil chuckled, "Do you know what you would like to do now?"
"Hadn't really thought about it," Harry looked away to stare out the window of his hospital room.
Healer Rheil cocked her head to the side, "I would ask why that is, but I already know the answer."
Harry glanced at the woman from the corner of his eye, "I didn't think that I would live through the final battle."
The healer nodded. "I doubt that most looked beyond the final battle. How is your physical therapy going," she asked changing the subject.
"They've got me walking with the parallel bars."
"That's wonderful Harry, I'm sure your godfathers are very proud of you."
Harry nodded mutely.
Tabitha Rheil sighed, "Well I can see you're tired, so I think we'll just end here today. Is that ok with you Harry?"
"Yes thank you," Harry mumbled.
"Alright then," the healer got to her feet, "I'll just see you tomorrow."
Harry nodded once before the mind-healer slipped from his room. He hated talking to people.
"How is our cub doing," Sirius asked Harry's mind-healer.
"Like most patient's he refuses to talk about the trauma. I'm afraid it's going to take awhile to get him to a) talk about it, and b) believe that what happened wasn't his fault. This kind of trauma is very deep seated."
"Please call me Tabitha," the healer interrupted.
"Tabitha," Remus started again, "what I don't understand is why he stayed. He's an of age wizard with a wand."
"That is actually the crux of Harry's problem, and if the abuse from his childhood years had ever been addressed, then I doubt very much he would be here in the hospital today," Tabitha explained. "Albus Dumbledore was Harry's first real adult contact with the wizarding world, correct?"
"Yes I believe he was. I know that Harry met Hagrid first and interacted somewhat with Minerva, but Dumbledore was really the first adult wizard Harry interacted with beyond a student/ teacher relationship." Remus agreed.
"Dumbledore is the one who spoke to Harry the most about his parents including sending Harry something of his fathers, he is the one that gave Minerva McGonagall permission for Harry as a first year to join his house quidditch team, and he is the one that instilled in Harry from the very beginning that Harry was the only one who could defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Combined with the 'grandfatherly' persona he portrayed, he had Harry firmly convinced that the greater good must be taken into account more than any one person's individual needs," Tabitha explained. "Albus Dumbledore most likely made sure at the beginning of each school term that Harry knew it was he, Albus, who rescued him from his relatives. Having this pounded into his skull year after year will leave impressions on most. Harry coming from an environment where he was told day after day that he was nothing, then going to a place where this person told him he was the only hope of the wizarding world compounded the existing problem. Dumbledore is seen as an idol, and Harry looked to him not only as a mentor, but as family."
Sirius looked down at his fingers frowning while the mind-healer spoke. "So our cub stayed because Dumbledore told him to?"
Tabitha nodded, "It's a little more complicated than that, but in essence yes, that is exactly why Harry despite being of age and carrying a wand stayed in that house when he had the ability to leave. I haven't really been able to get him to talk about it, but I'm sure that Harry on some level decided that he needed to be punished. If I had to guess, it's because he feels guilty."
"What does he have to feel guilty about," Remus asked bewildered.
"His parents death for one, his fellow champion from his fourth year, the blood ritual that allowed You-Know-Who to return in a corporeal form, as well as all those other people who died. He most likely holds himself responsible for the entire war."
"But none of that was his fault," Sirius exclaimed.
"He knows that, consciously; but subconsciously Harry holds himself responsible and therefore deserves to be punished," Tabitha smiled gently.
"I, I just don't understand I guess," Sirius mumbled looking away.
"This type of self loathing is very complex. The fact that it stems from his childhood will make it even harder for him to overcome. What Harry needs is your love and support. He will talk to you when he's ready, so I ask you not to push him," Tabitha explained gently. "I will do the pushing, I don't care if he ends up resenting me for it; he will come to understand eventually that he needed to talk, that it wasn't his fault, and that his friends and family can love him as more than just the Boy-Who-Lived."
Sirius and Remus stood, nodding at the healer. "I think we understand a little bit more than before," Remus said moving towards the door, "Thank you for helping our cub."
Tabitha smiled. These men loved Harry very much and that's just what the teen needed. "You're welcome."
Sirius smiled briefly before closing the door behind him. "He'll be fine Moony. Harry's tough, I know he will work through this and be happy."
Remus gripped his 'brothers' shoulder, "I know."
Remus, Sirius, and Severus were sitting the hospital cafeteria eating a quick lunch while Harry was in therapy when a swarm of red heads appeared.
"Professor Snape," Fred said shocked to see his former dour potions professor sitting with the two remaining marauders.
"Mr. Weasley," Severus inclined his head. "Molly, Arthur," he greeted the couple.
"Severus, Sirius, and Remus," Molly said blinking, "whatever are you doing here?"
The men exchanged a brief look before Remus answered, "Harry had a bit of an accident. He's been here for almost two weeks now and is in physical therapy."
"Oh my," Molly put her hand to her mouth looking worried, "Please tell me he's alright?"
"He'll be fine Molly," Sirius soothed, "Just banged up a bit, broom accident."
Fred and George had been standing off to the side while their parent's talked to their former professors and Sirius. They knew for a fact that Harry would never have had a broom accident. Their littlest brother was born on a broom which meant the three men were lying; now to find out about what. The twins checked to make sure that their parents were occupied and they slipped from the cafeteria.
"Harry had a broom accident," Fred murmured.
"Not likely," George finished.
The twins approached the main help desk, "Can you please tell us which room Harry Potter is in?"
The receptionist looked down her list, "I'm sorry, I don't have his name listed here."
"Oh," George said. "Sorry to bother you."
Fred and George stepped away, "Probably has a different last name listed to keep the reporters at bay," Fred said.
"Who has a different name listed," a voice asked from behind them.
The twins jumped and whirled, "Don't do that Charlie," George yelled.
Charlie just laughed, "Sorry," he didn't sound very contrite. "Now who has a different last name?"
"Harry," Fred explained.
"We saw his godfathers and Professor Snape," George continued.
"In the cafeteria, and they said," Fred added.
And George continued, "That Harry had had a flying accident."
"And has been here for two weeks," Fred finished.
"And the last name bit," Charlie asked.
"We asked at reception and the lady said that there was no Harry Potter listed," George explained.
"We think he's probably listed under a different last name; you know to keep the reporters and fan-girls at bay," Fred added.
"Ah," the dragon handler said. "What last name do you think he would be listed under?"
"Either Black or Lupin," Fred shrugged.
"Well then, let's ask again."
Sure enough, reception had a Harry Black listed as staying in room 312 of the Potter wing.
"The Potter wing," Fred laughed, "Well that's ironic."
George laughed as well. "How's Bill and Fleur," he asked their older brother.
"I think that Bill is going to be lucky if he comes out of this with his wand hand intact," Charlie chuckled. "The OB said Fleur is progressing nicely and we should have a new niece before the day is up."
The twins laughed along with Charlie. "Well here we are Potter Wing room 312."
The three red heads quietly opened the door and stepped in. They were staring in shock as Harry, who had his back to them, tried to walk while holding himself up on the parallel bars.
"Oh Merlin, Harry," Fred exclaimed.
"What the bloody hell happened little brother," George asked still in shock.
Harry had tried to whirl around at the voices, but his legs were still too weak to hold him up and he hit the floor with a thud. "What are you doing here," Harry asked from the floor.
The twins and Charlie rushed forward to help, "Stop it," Harry bit out, "I can get up on my own."
Fred and George stepped back immediately, but Charlie just stayed crouching down look Harry in the eye. "Are you supposed to be doing this without a healer present?"
"I don't need a healer to supervise me," Harry spat. "I can do this; and the healer just left a few minutes ago anyway."
Charlie nodded, "Will you at least let me help you back into a sitting position?"
Harry turned his head to the side; he didn't want them to see him crying. "Please," he whispered ashamed.
Charlie adjusted his position so he was kneeling next to the prone body and grasping Harry's forearms helped him to pull up into a sitting position. From there Harry was able to grasp the bars, and with a heave managed to lever himself up, Charlie standing behind him in case he didn't have enough arm strength.
"Now will you three tell me why you're here," Harry asked as he 'walked' himself back towards his bed with the aid of the bars.
"Fleur went into labor," Charlie explained as he followed the raven haired teen.
Harry made it back to his bed and gingerly sat down before pulling himself backwards towards the pillows with his arms. He still didn't have the leg muscles to pull them up, so he braced himself and grabbed his pant legs to heave them onto the bed one at a time. Harry was completely exhausted after all this and lent back into the pillows and closed his eyes.
"That's nice," the emerald eyed teen said. "I bet Molly's over the moon; first grandchild and all."
The three redheads conjured chairs and sat around Harry's bed, "She's gone barmy," George laughed.
Harry's lips twitched in his approximation of a smile nowadays. "How is everyone?"
"Well, Ron's in auror training; he was really disappointed when you decided not to join. Bill and Fleur are still in Shell Cottage, and Bill has decided to make the transfer to the Diagon Alley Gringotts permanent. George and I are opening another branch of WWW in Hogsmeade, we bought out Zonko's. And Charlie here," Fred continued slapping Charlie on the back, "has decided to move home as well. He's going to be head of a new dragon reserve in Scotland."
Harry nodded, "and Ginny is back in school I assume?"
Fred and George exchanged glances, "Yes," George said slowly. "I think she's a might upset at you though mate."
"What," Harry asked shocked, "What did I do?"
"Never mind that now," Charlie interrupted. "What happened Harry?"
The teen in the bed looked away, "I had an accident."
"What kind of accident," Fred pushed.
Harry flushed embarrassed, "Nothing that concerns you," he snapped. "Sorry…" Harry whispered right away feeling bad about yelling at the red heads..
"It's alright mate," Fred said concernedly.
Before the four could get to talking again, Harry's mind-healer walked in.
"Oh," Tabitha exclaimed stopping short, "You aren't the usual three."
"Nope," George said hoping to his feet and bowing low, "George Weasley at your service miss, and this is Fred and Charlie."
Tabitha giggled a little at the red head's antics, "Pleased to meet you," she replied. "Unfortunately I'm going to have to ask you to leave, Harry and I have a few things to discuss."
"Certainly miss, "Charlie said standing up.
"Fair thee well my fair maiden," Fred said bowing dramatically before Charlie could sweep him out the door.
"We'll be back to visit again Harry," Charlie smiled softly at the raven.
Harry nodded briefly before turning back to the window.
"Good afternoon Harry," Tabitha greeted the teen once they were alone. "I'm thrilled to see you had visitors other than your godfathers. Those twins are funny," she smiled.
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Fred and George Weasley, they own the WWW joke shop in Diagon Alley."
"Really," Tabitha exclaimed, "that's my little brother's favorite shop!"
"Are they close to you?"
"Ron, Fred, and George are like my brothers. We went to school together."
Tabitha smiled, "Why is this the first time they came to see you, didn't they know you were here?"
"No," Harry said. "I didn't want anybody to know. I don't want anyone to see me like this," tears gathered in his eyes and dripped down his cheeks.
"Harry," Tabitha said getting up to hand the young man a tissue, "None of this is your fault."
"It is," Harry yelled, "It is my fault. For Merlin's sake, I'm of age, I have a wand and I still let him…"
Tabitha watched as the emerald eye boy finally started coming to terms with what had happened. "You're still a teenager Harry," Tabitha gently explained. "You may have been of age, but that doesn't mean anything. A trusted adult that you looked up to told you to go back, right?"
Harry nodded miserably.
"So this trusted individual, is he someone you looked up to?"
"I always thought of him as my grandfather I guess. Siri and Remy couldn't be around that much, they wrote all the time, and Professor Dumbledore would call me up to his office just to have tea. I had to go back to my relatives before because of the blood wards. They protected me."
"Did you tell Professor Dumbledore what was happening?"
"Yes," Harry whispered. "He told me just to hang on, that keeping me safe from death eaters was more important. I needed to stay alive for the greater good."
"Did every explanation end with, 'for the greater good'?" Tabitha asked curiously.
"Yes because it was. He was right; I needed the protection of the blood wards. I couldn't have defeated Voldemort if I had been killed simply because I wanted to stay somewhere else." Harry replied defensively.
"I have another question for you Harry, and then we will stop for the day. Is there any reason you can think of that would have prevented Professor Dumbledore from stopping your relatives?"
Harry blinked, and wiped the tears from his face, "I don't know."
Tabitha nodded, "I think you do Harry. I want you to think about it for me and we'll talk about it again tomorrow. Now I think I hear your godfathers coming down the hall, so I'll just slip out. Have good day Harry."
Sure enough not two minutes after Healer Rheil left, two marauders and a potions master wandered in.
This Chapter Written By: Lovefremione