The Conner's Halloweens have always been the greatest . . .


Tricks and Treats from the Past

It's Halloween, and Dan and Roseanne square off in a showdown of homemade horror. It turns into a contest for the whole family to see who can create the scariest, most frightful costume and pull off the ultimate Halloween prank. In the midst of all the chaos, Dan is anxiously awating news on a job prospect. The Conner's convert their home into the "Tunnel of Terror" and invite trick or treaters in for a good scare. Roseanne pulls and impromptu prank on Dan when his prospective employer shows up to the house on Halloween night. Though Dan is expecting a discussion on blue prints, Roseanne talks the boss into having a little fun, and the two give Dan the scare of his life!

Roseanne shows up dressed as a bearded lumberjack to a Halloween Party at the Lobo Lounge and spends the night "in character" as well as in costume.

The episode begins with Dan and Roseanne screaming. It sounds like Dan is in pain. Kathy Bowman comes walking up to the door very hesitantly. She enters the house and all is quiet. She comes into the kitchen and finds Dan murdered on the table with his guts hanging out. Kathy screams and turns, finding Roseanne covered in blood and holding a bloody knife. She backs Kathy up into Dan, who offers her liver. Kathy is furious with the two of them.

Roseanne photographs Dan and Fred in bed together after a party at The Lunchbox.

. . . This time The Conners, the Harris', The Healys, and friends will receive a letter, and Roseanne's Halloween proves to be very different from the past.

"DAN!" Roseanne yelled up the stairs. "Dan, we have to decorate the rest of the house, let's go!" She screamed. The phone began to ring. She walked over to it. "Hello!" She said, less than patient. "Oh my, I'm sorry I must have the wrong number." She rolled her eyes at the strange voice. "Yeah, okay pal, take it easy." She hung up the phone not waiting for an answer. She opened her mouth to scream for Dan some more when the phone rang again. "DAMN IT!" She screamed out of frustration. She picked up the phone again. "HELLO!" she said, sounding very angry. "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number." She rolled her eyes and switched ears. "Okay then, there is no reason for us to become phone lovers, bye bye!" She said sarcastically. Before she could hang up the phone the stranger spoke again. "If you hang up this phone I'll gut you like a fish!" The man on the other end screamed. Roseanne, obviously not taking this seriously smirked. "Okay Mister Gordon's Fisherman, what can I do for you?" She said with a big smile. "I just want to talk to you, Brownie!" He said. Roseanne hung up the phone faster than the speed of light. All the lights in the house went out. "Dan." She said faintly. She looked around for a second and ran to the door. When she opened it, she was greeted by a stranger in the scream costume with a big kitchen knife in his hand. Roseanne screamed as the stranger lunged for her. As she ran to the back door she was greeted again by another Scream masked stranger, she let out another shrill blast from her throat. As she opened her bedroom door another person was waiting, she screamed again in terror. As she ran into the living room she was surrounded by the masked strangers. She screamed continuously as the lights flickered on again. Then each person took their masks off revealing a hysterical Dan, Darlene, Jackie, Fred, Mark, and David. Roseanne stood completely shocked with a bewildered look on her face as Becky and DJ strolled into the room. "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number." Becky said into the voice changer followed by a huge laugh. "Ha yeah. 'I'll gut you like a fish!'" DJ said, equally amused. "Yeah we really got you Roseanne!." Jackie said, as the bell rang "No you didn't, I was putting on a show." Roseanne said as she walked to the door. She opened it revealing Leon and Nancy. Roseanne screamed shrilly in terror. "Okay Roseanne. Very funny. Your mother is parking the car." Dan Screamed as shrilly as Roseanne at the last statement. She, in turn, laughed at Dan's yelp. Beverly busted through the door. "Happy Halloween all!" She screamed. Roseanne and Dan screamed in unison. "Roseanne, you hurt me." Bev said as she closed the door. "Hey wait a minute!" DJ said as he ran to the door. He opened it and closed it just as fast. "Can I open it?" He said. Showing a letter. "Well, who's it addressed to?" DJ looked at the letter. "The Conners, The Healys, The Harris', and friends." He said, looking up confused. Roseanne looked at Dan confused. "Yeah, okay." She said. DJ ripped open the envelope and stared at the paper." Everyone stood watching DJ. "Out loud, DJ!." Roseanne yelled. "Okay God!" He said as he held the letter up. "Okay, it says, 'Dear, Roseanne, you and your family, Dan, Jackie, Fred, Nancy, Leon, Darlene, David, Becky, Mark, Beverly and DJ, have been formally invited to joins at 12-21 baker road for the party of a lifetime. So please arrive at 8 O'clock, a car will be waiting. Sincerely, the Smiths." Everyone looked at each other. "Well, what time is it?" Becky asked. "8" DJ answered. "Oh look, there is a limo outside!" Bev yelled. "So! Can we go!?" Darlene yelled excitedly, everyone looked at her strangely as this was very out of character for her. "Of course, you would get excited about something weird." David said. Darlene hissed at him and laughed. "Well, I want to talk to the driver first, and inspect the car for murder weapons and cheap wine." She said as she walked out the door. Everyone was less than amused at her joke. After five minutes she walked back in. "Okay it's safe!" She said. "How do you know?" Dan asked. Roseanne smiled a giant smile. "Oh Driver!" She yelled. Booker walked through the door. "He said someone left the limo outside his house with directions on the window!" Booker smiled. "Let's hit it!" Booker said. Jackie fainted as Fred stood and stared down. "Oh no." He said monotoned as he realized that Booker must have been one of Jackie's old Boos.

Roseanne opened the sliding window separating Booker from the rest of the group. "So Booker, any idea who the 'Smiths' are?" Roseanne asked. "No, I just went out to get beer and this was parked in the driveway, and uh…" He reached down. The car swerved slightly but no one really noticed…"This letter." He said handing it back to Roseanne. She read aloud. "Dear Booker Brooks, You have been cordially invited to join us at 12-21 Baker Road for the part of a lifetime. All we ask is that you pick up a few of our other guests. Directions for the pick up and the party are attached. See you there! Sincerely, the Smiths." Well that pretty much what we got, isn't it Dan?" Roseanne asked. "Yeah, that's it." He said. The car slowed "No ours had more names on it." Mark said. Roseanne stared at him for a moment. "Okay, this is it." Booker said. Lightning flashed. It was the perfect accompaniment to the very creepy giant building with a little man waiting outside..

"Hey buddy what's going on?" Dan said to the man. He seemed very nervous and a little sweaty. He held up his letter that was very familiar to this group. "Okay." Dan said. The building had to be twenty stories or more. Everyone was lined up in front as the door creaked open. "That's not creepy." Darlene said with a smile. "It is, no. Yes it is." David said all jittery. All of a sunned a man who appeared to be a butler showed up at the door. "Please, come in." And he walked away. Everyone filed into the house and there was no trace of the butler. "I don't like this." Jackie said. Fred Looked at her. "Do you like him?" He said pointing at Booker. "Fred, don't be ridiculous." She answered. "You did like me though Jackie, She did like me." Booker said budding into the conversation. "Oh shut up Booker." Jackie said. "Can we all shut up!" Roseanne yelled. "I'm freaked out!" She yelled. Everyone's attention was turned to the grand staircase as a different Man dressed in white made his way closer to us. "Who are you people?" He asked. "Well, I'm Watson." The little man from outside said. Roseanne took out her letter and handed it to him. "I'm Roseanne and this is my family." His expression became more and more confused. "I didn't send this letter." He said looking confused. "I mean I sent this letter, but not to you people." He looked up. Another person appeared on the stairs, a woman. "Great Stephen, you ruined my party. Who are they Stephen?" She asked. "Well, Evelyn, I did in fact SCREW with your guest list, but I didn't invite these people. Ah well, I guess we should still continue with the festivities." He said. "Do what you want Stephen, I'm just going to bed." She said. "Oh Evelyn, your quite the party pooper." Stephen said. "I'd set you on fire Stephen, but I don't want to do the jail time ." She walked over to a casket in the middle of the room and opened it. She fished out a smaller casket and opened it, taking out the gun inside. "Oh my god, what's going on here?" Leon yelled. "Oh this place knocks my Chakras out of whack." Nancy said. Everyone looked at her. "Okay Evelyn, you cold haggy bitch, since you've already revealed one of the aspects, I suppose I'll explain. Everyone gets a gun. Who ever survives until morning will receive a check for $1 million. The checks are good, so please step up and choose your weapon." He said pointing to the guns. "Survives" Booker said with a laugh. "No." Watson said. "What?" Stephen said. "No, none of us will survive! You said you didn't invite us here, well the house did, that house is alive and it will kill us all! We have to get out of here, NOW!" he yelled. "Oh even I don't believe that shit." Evelyn said as she made her way to the stairs. "No this is serious!" Watson continued. Before he could finish, the security had been tripped in the house locking every exit and windows with thick steal. Watson swore. "Evelyn, you witch, what did you do!" He said. "I'd love to take credit, but it wasn't me." She answered. "Of course it wasn't her! It was the god damn house!" Watson yelled. "Okay this is going too far, what is this, where the hell are we!" Dan yelled. Everyone was silent until Watson spoke. "Vannacutt Psychiatric Institute for the Criminally Insane". . .