Finale for the Fifth Season

Disclaimer: I do not own Bones. In so many ways, Bones owns me.

Author's note: There are no spoilers for the finale here. Simply puckish wonderment and rampant speculation. And a revolt.

On the forensic platform, one forensic anthropologist, her hair up in a loose bun is staring intently at a femur, her outward appearance calm and clinical, but inwardly (because we will see this in her expressive face) she is hurting from the distance that has grown up between herself and the man who is leaning laconically against the railing of the platform. She glances at him and we see the pain, the fear, the confusion that seem to be her best friends these days. She hasn't felt so, so emotionally unstable since her parents and Russ left. Outwardly he seems to be almost bored by what she is doing. Inwardly, (because we are psychic or have just analyzed his behavior of the last several weeks) he is still stung by rejection, still warring with himself and with her.

Both parties on the platform are so caught up in their own misery that they barely hear the commotion at the main doors. But if they had, they would have seen a mob of people mostly dressed in T-shirts and jeans, not designer clothes, silently surrounding the platform. They are led by one woman, definitely dressed in designer clothes and another dressed in BoHo chic which she pulls off well.

When they finally hear the noise that hundreds of people cannot disguise despite their attempt at silence, it is too late. Booth, whose sharp Ranger instincts have been dulled by his broken heart and convenient stage directions, looks up first. Brennan, her childhood trauma mostly forgotten when she's got a bone in hand (please keep your thoughts with the Holy Spirit) is the last to know. But this is a cultural revolution well past the Industrial Revolution so we forgive her ignorance because she is really, really smart otherwise and well, she's so dang cute. Even when she's pulling a Brennan.

"Enough with the 'won't-they' part of the TV formula," cries a voice from the crowd. There are murmurs of assent that sound almost like a single voice. A small woman somehow emerges from the mass and pulls a taller man behind. The size differential between them is so great that if you were to stack one on the other, they would look a lot like an exclamation point. But, the story digresses.

"What?" says Booth. "I don't understand," says Brennan.

"Yes you do," says Cam, one hand on her -- how can anyone really work at a place like that and look like that-- hip. "C'mon, Sweeties," says the other woman. "As good as you guys are at the angst and puppy dog looks, there will be no Emmys."

Another voice just cuts to the chase. "This is the last show of the season and we need some hope."

"A kiss! Kiss her!"

"Been there, done that," comes a stronger voice. "We need a commitment."

Booth and Brennan look perplexed, the mob too many for Booth to shoot and Brennan, despite her genius, really isn't a genius when it comes to fighting large crowds. Serial killers, gang leaders, one-on-one confrontations, she can handle. Not so much this. Finally, when they look at each other, Booth and Brennan are really looking at each other. The current that somehow runs between them runs and there is a murmur of approval through the crowd.

"No, no, no," comes a sharp voice. "We need more than the smoldering looks and that spiritual connection."

"I don't want to be labeled a liar," comes another cry from the crowd and a petite woman with long whitish blonde hair emerges. "I said all this will work out in the end and I want to be able to come back next season. The second time a guest appears is always a meatier role."

The man and woman earlier described as an exclamation point take the platform and Cam and Angela arrange Booth and Brennan so they are facing each other. The man opens up a book. "Dearly beloved. . . ."

"Wait!" cries Booth. "Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves?"

"I wish Zack were here," murmurs Brennan, "so he can say that he has absolutely no idea what is going on. It always cracked me up."

"On the inside."

"Yes, Booth, on the inside." Brennan resets herself. "This is a fan revolt?"

"How'd you get there?" asks Booth.

She gives him a look and somehow he knows. Despite the crappy way they have been feeling of late and the crappy way they have been treating one another, they still have that connection.

"Finale. Logical progression." Booth is checking off the stuff that's known. "I'm thinking a tearful goodbye. Bones here tells me that she feels something for me. We kiss. There's more tears." He pulls up. "What? What do you mean, no Emmys?"

Brennan sighs and pats his arm. He forgets to be stung by her very touch. "A wedding would be illogical at this point in time. We're barely talking and we're running out of time. Re-connecting with one another is about the best we can do at this point, but they want something more substantial."

"So," she says, pointing at the Justice of the Peace, "they, the fans, want a wedding."

"That's not in the script," whispers Booth. "Where's Hart? Stephen said we couldn't even have sex."

"Even though my character development has just accepted love this season and I've usually pretty adamant about outdated social rituals?" Brennan is thinking. "Although I did say that I didn't have a reason for marriage when my sister, uh, cousin showed up."

"Even I know it is not logical," says Booth. "I was just kind of holding out for a hopeful finale. Good bye. Really sorry. I want to jump your bones."

"Stephen said no sex this season." Brennan gives him the look. "Tears. I love yous without really saying it. The door is still open and maybe I want to be able to step through it but I don't think that would be a good idea because I will screw everything up as evidenced by a rejection that screwed everything up."

"Do you even know what screwed up means?" asks Booth.

"She's got a pretty steep learning curve," says Cam, "although sometimes she forgets what she's learned."

"People!" Angela has now taken over and the fans are less agitated. "We're going to have to do a wedding before we can go on hiatus. So you people, take your positions."

Somehow, the ceremony progresses. Booth and Brennan give the appropriate looks of longing and hot sexual vibes and oh-my-God-we're-going-to-have-new-stories-to-play-next-season when they reach the critical moment.

"I do," says Booth. The look on his face is goofy, loving then smoldering as he holds her hand to his heart. A ring is passed from the crowd to him and he places it on Brennan's finger.

"And you, Temperance I-have-three-doctorates Brennan, do you take Agent Seeley Joseph. . . ."

The words are cut off as the lights go out.