A/N: Aloha!

Okay, let me just make it clear that I am writing this COMPLETELY on impulse. I got the idea, like right in the middle of re-reading some of my favorite parts of "Tutoring Arnold", from out of nowhere, and... well, here it is.

I just think it's funny. XD It's sort of a little gag thing. So I hope you enjoy. Also, in the beginning, I don't explicitely state who she's engaged to, but if you've read enough of my stuff, then I think it's rather obvious who it is. ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own this wonderful show! D: Why don't you just kill me now?! *Sobs*


Last Names and Stupid Nicknames

Helga emerged from her shared bedroom, and yawned, scratching her side as she descended the stairs of her new home.

She'd just gotten done with college about a year ago, and had moved in with her fiance' only about three months ago. The wedding was going to finally happen in less than a month, and the only peace she got was in the morning time, when she could sip her coffee and chat with her soon-to-be husband.

She walked down the old hallway, hearing some bickering coming from one of the rooms. She rolled her eyes upon hearing their voices. They always seemed to be arguing, even after giving birth to their newborn son, Oskar Junior. Even this early in the morning, the bickering raged on. It made Helga sick, and she knew that even her fiance' found it annoying.

She continued her tired trekk down the familiar hallway, stopping in front of the bathroom. It was pretty early, and her and her fiance' always got up extra early so they wouldn't have to deal with the tennants, so there was no line outside the door. She walked in tiredly, and went on with her usual business. Soon after a nice, hot shower, brushing her teeth, and combing out her damp hair, she walked down the stairs, feeling much more awake than she had before.

She walked into the kitchen, and the smell of blueberry muffins hit her. It almost made her laugh a little at how strange their relationship was. She knew that traditionally the woman would be making the breakfast, and not to say she didn't usually, but lately, since she'd been so tired from all the wedding planning, he'd been surprising her with breakfast almost every morning. Granted, she'd told him he didn't have to, but, him being him, he'd insisted. So there they were, fresh blueberry muffins sitting on a plate, on the table. She smiled, and sauntered over to the plate. She looked down at the muffins, and picked one up by the base. She held it up, observing the blue, slightly purple-ish chunks baked into the warm, brown muffin. She silently praised him for remembering her allergy to strawberries. She put it back down though, feeling that she needed to find the chef before eating.

She walked out from the room, and began her aimless search from room to room. She looked from the dining room to the bathroom, till finally making her way to the living room, to find him sitting on the couch, with his head laid back and his eyes closed.

She smiled softly, and quietly walked in, before settling in the seat beside him. "Hey," She greeted softly, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere. She silently admired his features, highlighted by the sunlight just beginning to creep in from the windows.

His eyelids opened to reveal light green eyes. He lifted his head up, and looked over at her, feeling a smile already tugging at his lips. "Good morning," He leaned over, and kissed her on the lips tenderly in greeting.

She sighed happily, and scooted closer to cuddle into his form.

He smiled softly at her actions, and wrapped his arms around her, burying his head into her damp hair. He inhaled her familiar scent of vanilla, and smiled, letting his eyes fall shut at the intoxicating smell.

She snuggled into him, her arms around his torso. "I saw that you made muffins." She told him softly, her head resting on his chest. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to."

She couldn't control the small giggle that escaped her throat, and she shook her head slightly. "Of course you did, Football Head."

Arnold rubbed small circles on her back with his hand, and lifted his head out of her hair to look at her through half-lidded eyes. "Well, you've just seemed so tired lately..." He blinked. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"

She looked up at him, a slightly amused look gleaming in her eyes. "What's your point?"

He shook his head, and lifted her up onto his lap. "My point is, get used to it." He smiled at her, and entwined his fingers behind her waist.

She laughed a little, and let her arms dangle around his neck carelessly. "Yeah, yeah. I get it. Soon I'll be Mrs. Arnold-..." She blinked, scrunching her eyebrows down a little. "What the heck is my new name gonna be?" The question had bolted from her lips before she could stop it.

He gawked at her a little. "Wait a minute... you don't know what my last name is?"

She blushed, and looked away from his stunned eyes, feeling a little embarrassed. "W-Well, it really never came up."

He stared at her in disbelief. "You stalk me for seven years of your life, dedicate some kind of shrine to me, write obsessive poetry about me, and date me for thirteen years... and you don't know what my last name is?" He blinked, and lifted a hand up to touch her flushed cheek in astonishment.

She met his eyes sheepishly, and smiled slightly. "Uh... like I said, it never came up. No one ever said it, you never mentioned what it was... it just..." She blushed even more, and shifted her eyes away from his.

He stared at her for a few moments, but after a few blinks, he just smiled warmly at her. "Well, since apparently it's such a mystery, you'll be one of the first to know what it is." He mused to her, resting his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes.

She blinked at him, but soon she couldn't control the smile that spread across her face. She lowered her eyelashes a little at him. "So... what is it?"

He smiled at her. "My full name is-"


"-Arnold Shortman to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Helga's answer was cut off when everyone suddenly erupted into a chatter, the words 'Shortman' and 'oh my gosh' meeting their ears more than anything. Gerald, who was standing right behind Arnold as he was the best man, tapped Arnold on the shoulder and grinned at him. "Your last name is Shortman?! Ha! Who knew that your grandpa's stupid nickname for you was actually your last name?!" He mused, laughing a little at the end.

"My nickname for Arnold isn't stupid!" Phil stood from his seat in the front row and yelled in defense, as his wife simply chuckled merrily in amusement.

The priest cleared his throat suddenly, drawing everyones' attention back to him. "We are a bit busy here..." He hinted, leaning a bit forward and gesturing to the bride and groom with his head.

They all blinked, and after a few seconds of silence, Harold hollered, "What does that mean?!"

"It means that I want to get married all ready so sit DOWN ya bozos!" Helga yelled to them all, scowling in annoyance as Arnold simply gave them all a slightly amused, albeit irritated look.

They all jolted back down immediately at her yells, as they all still had no doubt that she could beat them all to a pulp, wedding or not.

The priest sighed lightly, and looked back towards Helga for her answer.

She sighed also, and did her best to resume her joyful smile as she answered...

"I do."


A/N: Hahaha! XD Yeah, it occurred to me that Helga doesn't know Arnold's last name either, so I thought this would be funny.

And having Phil stand up from his seat in defense, was just my way of saying... PHIL WILL ALWAYS LIVE! Phil's doctor once said that Phil was so strong that he could live up to be 150! So I find it annoying sometimes when people write him out to die at like... 87 or something. It just doesn't seem canonical unless he, at the very least, dies at 91 like in the family curse or whatever. That was just my way of putting that out there. Phil rocks too hard to die! And if Gertie is able to do cartwheels and escape from prison through a toilet like she did in the Hey Arnold Movie, then it's pretty clear that she's pretty danged healthy too. XD

THEY WILL NEVER DIE!

...Well, at least in my fics they won't. :D

I hope you enjoyed this little piece of insanity from me! I think I'm going to go try and write something that actually matters now. :D

Chow babies! XD

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