April 15, 2010
Wow, exciting, I'm posting my first fic to the site! Technically though, this isn't my first fic, this just happens to be the one that I feel is halfway presentable, as well as being the 'first fic' which I'm posting to the internet in general. Hope y'all like it.
I did love my wife. There is no plausible doubt over that. While yes, our marriage was arranged – in the style of the times – by our friend's and families' expectations, I did find her interesting, attractive. With the time leading to our marriage, I grew to have a suitable amount of affection for her. She was no doubt a friend, and to live my life with her would not stress my soul nor tax my spirit.
As we lived this life together, the affection I had for her grew to a love that was, what I believe, quite fitting for a man and woman married. She was my confidant, and I hers.
There were times however, few and far in between, when I was feeling ponderous over some nonsensical and most unrealistic what ifs that I would remember. Recall, more like, the moments I had with my other. That one person, who I have come to realize, will always share my heart – actively or dormant, no matter who else arrives. And to my dismay, or at least without the whole of my willingness, those recollected moments would transfer, into my present.
Fantasies are not a regular occurrence for my person, but that one which holds on me, those feelings that will always measure my being, would become questions for the time I spent.
How it might…
If not questions, then they were simply musings, and those moments I speak of with a mild regret, for truly, there is no active guilt necessary for the situations I refer to; it was not a conscious choice.
These moments would contain alternatives: In those flashing thoughts and musings, she was my confidant, and I hers.
But if I were to pause for the truth of my mind and heart; those moments were precious to me.
And she is as well.