"Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind. She's fallen behind. She can't find her place. She's losing her faith. She's fallen from grace. She's all over the place. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside."
-Avril Lavigne "Nobody's Home"
As soon as I walked in I swear I literally almost walked back out. Mrs. Ross wasn't there; and in here place there was a man with a white jacket on that immediately signaled he was a doctor. I had to bite my tongue to yell accusations to him about Mrs. Ross who had probably told everyone my problems a decided it was best to institutionalize me.
But I didn't, I only stood there silently watching him with wary eyes as he got up from his chair to shake hands with me. His hand was icy cold as though before meeting me he thought it would be nice to stick his hand in a bucket of ice. And his face was perfect, flawless and smooth—unnatural. Even his glasses made him look smart but not in any way dorky. Just his outfit he was wearing right now looked like it cost ten times what my wardrobe did. I didn't like him.
The plaque on his desk that replaced Mrs. Ross' read Dr. Cullen. I drew my hand back quickly from him and fought the urge to gag. Giving him an icy glare just as cold as his hands I stepped away and asked where Mrs. Ross was.
"When I applied for the job here they thought I might be more…adequate and Mrs. Ross never objected." He told. I rolled my eyes of course she wouldn't object, she couldn't wait to get rid of me. He gestured for me to sit in the couch opposite his 'therapist chair' and began the session. There wasn't much introductions just that he and his family moved, since Forks high was so miniscule I was bound to have one of his kids in my class, etc. eventually he brought the conversation back to me and began to probe with questions.
"What d you think was the thing that pushed you into trying to commit suicide?" Everything.
"Do you feel depressed often?" Always.
"On a scale of one very good to ten very bad how do you feel now?" Eleven.
"You have to answer these questions eventually, Bella." Never.
"I am." He gave an exaggerated sigh, put down his notepad—a big important action I learned from Mrs. Ross—and leaned toward me as if to tell me a secret.
"Bella, I want to help you get through this." He said in a very sincere voice, but I didn't buy it one bit. They were all liars they only want money and to everyone what they do is just a job they have to work at until retirement.
"No you don't!" I snapped suddenly furious.
"Yes I do, Bella. Please calm down." He tried to reason with me but my my had gone into a fuzzy mess again.
"NO YOU DON'T! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" I yelled, standing up knock over some porcelain lamp, it fell to the hard ground smashed into a million pieces. Nurses and doctors rushed inside the room and can to restrain me trying to sit me back down. I began to fight; I kicked and punched, getting in a few good hits on a couple but I was only one girl there were five.
"NO!" I screamed, "YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING!"
"Bella calm down." Dr. Cullen came over to me and grabbed my wrists forcing me to sit down but I was still kicking. A stream of filthy profanities spilled from my lips directed at them all, along with a punch that I'm pretty sure knocked some teeth out. My suspicions were confirmed when my fist came back with blood.
"STOP IT! LET ME GO! YOU CAN'T SAVE ME!" Shrieking at the top of my lungs a crazed, mad panic took over me. I couldn't think, I couldn't see, I could barely even breathe, and we Dr. Cullen showed me how again I was hyperventilating. That's when he came in. A confused and curious expression on his face wondering what all the commotion was about. His face when he saw it was me was a mix of relief but horror at the same time.
"IT'S YOU!" Everyone turned from me to face him, standing awkwardly in the doorway. "TELL THEM! TELL THEM I'M NOT CRAZY! THAT I DIDN'T JUMP OFF THE CLIFF!" We waited for his answer, I wasn't breathing again, his words could change my life again, and he could get me out of here.
"I…I…" His velvet voice unsure and wavering, "I don't know what you're talking about." He finally said. When the effect of his words dawn on me I began to scream again and cry at the same time. I knew that he knew it was me, I just knew it but I didn't know why he wasn't telling everyone. I really wasn't suicidal. I felt so hopeless now that there was no more proof of it left.
The nurses and doctors turned back to me looking down at some poor messed up stupid girl. I bet they even had doubts about me ever reaching the help they thought I so desperately needed. Tears streamed at a dangerously fast pace down my cheeks, flowing like a river. Dr. Cullen stared sadly at me and for just a second I thought I did see honest worry—only for a second.
"YOU'RE A LIAR! YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" I cried begging him to tell them. He shook head gazing at me with mixed emotions in his eyes, those golden eyes. The opposite of the eyes in my nightmares—in my reality that no one knew but him.
"PLEASE!" I tried to touch him but they were still restraining me.
"YOU BLIND FUCKING ASSHOLES!" I didn't have any control over what came out of my mouth, only unseeing emotion controlled it.
They began leading me out of the room dragging me away. Some other girl had run in, a small tiny girl which an expression opposite of his unsure one. At first she was staring at me just like Dr. Cullen was and kind of sympathetic but then she gazed far off into the distance looking at something I couldn't pinpoint and her eyebrows drew together slightly in fear and dread. It made me scared, everything was too overwhelming. All around me doctors and nurses were bringing me too a room with white walls and suddenly something sharp like a pinprick pierced my skin. It was stopped, the faces blurred together, the voices and my own screaming became quiet, and my eyes slid shut.
I was just coming to see Carlisle for a visit, just to see his new job atmosphere. I guess you can say I was pretty shocked when I turned the corner on the way to his office and heard screaming. The doors were flung open and girl was fighting off an army of doctors and nurses trying to sedate her. At first her screams were unintelligible but after a second I got the gist of what she was trying to say. She said something about them being stupid and was cussing up a storm. The scent of blood made everything go fuzzy for a moment before I regained my senses and realized it was the girl I had pulled from the water.
When Alice walked in her thoughts were just as startled as mine. But the moment her amber eyes locked on Bella's face the vision came. Very unexpected to come from a normal human—then again Bella was no normal human.
The eyes that had always haunted her were now her own, those blood-red eyes. The thirst was something she knew she could've fought if she wanted to. But she didn't, she wanted to be powerful and strong for once. She wanted to indulge and destroy, no longer the weakling that she never wanted to be again. Her ruby red lips curled up into a devilish smile, exposing her dangerously sharp teeth, when he was dragged in the room on his knees. Grime covered his face, beautiful hair disheveled, and clothes torn to pieces, hardly covering him enough to be decent. Despair was the expression on his face, helpless despair. Hope flitted across his flawless face for a moment when he saw her but when he registered what she had become despair took over. Shoulders slumped in defeat, he knew that although she could stop his death if she wanted to, but she wouldn't.
A peal of delighted bell-like laughter fell from her mouth as she sauntered toward him. The clumsy stumble gone from her step, now replaced by smooth grace. Cascading waves of long silky locks fell to her waist, the color darkened from her light chestnut brown to almost an inky black that framed her deathly-pale face. The face that allured all the men she killed. That she killed with joy. Her eyes sparkled with the excitement of the oncoming kill. The one she'd been waiting for, for so long.
"Oh, Edward! I cannot believe you had the nerve to show your face here! But look where you are now!" Bella clapped her hands in delight. "I must say I have been waiting positively forever for this wonderful day!" She knelt down beside him tucking her feet under her and cupped his face, inspecting his face by turning it left and then right rememorizing every detail.
"Don't do this Bella. You don't even know what you're doing." He pleaded. Savage anger flashed through her eyes as she stood up abruptly slapping his face so hard he fell down on his stomach cradling his cheek.
"I know everything Edward Cullen! Everything you neglected to tell me! How dare you tell me I don't know what I'm doing!" Bella snarled, wanting to take him out right there and then. But she hesitated when the old love she felt for him sparked as she saw him in pain. She stooped down once more and helped him up.
In a much softer voice she whispered, "Why didn't you give me the choice? Everything could've been so much different."
As though just remembering there were many other vampire in the room she looked around then command everyone to leave. Her voice rang with enough finality and power to rival royalty. A murmur of shocked whispers flitted throughout the crowd but was immediately silenced by her icy glare.
"But Bella it is not safe for you to be alone with him…" Aro touched her back gently, as though one of a fathers.
"Don't tell me what is safe and what is not, Aro. I can handle him by myself. Please leave now." If another vampire had said this to him they would be killed instantly, but this was Bella. To Aro she was like his favorite child, making sure she always got her way. Nodding he left and everyone else scrambled to follow him, the large doors shut with a loud bang before Bella turned her keen gaze back to him.
Edward looked at her expectantly, still knowing it was just a matter of time before his old lover left him and was replaced by the bloodthirsty monster. It was inevitable that he would be killed. He reached out and stroked her soft hair bringing her head closer to his with no resistance from her at all. Right now Bella was all too willing. She eyed his lips craving to know if they still tasted like she remembered. The ice-queen vanished for a moment replaced by what was almost a human-like Bella.
"Kiss me." She begged. And Edward was helpless against the temptation of her lips. Yet the second their lips brushed she pulled back sharply, a poisonous look in her eyes. The monster was back.
Alice and I exchanged horrified looks. Darting over to my side in a speed that she shouldn't have done, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a corner. Not that it was necessary, all attention was on Bella. They had just shot her up with something and dragged her into a room. A familiar but old instinct in me wanted to go over there and take her away from them. To keep her safe from harm.
"Leave, Edward; you can't stay here. You can't be with her." Alice commanded, holding my face in a way that forced me to look directly at her. I tried to break free but when Alice was determined she was unstoppable.
"You know I can't do that. I need her." It was wrong. I should leave her alone and never come back into her life but I couldn't stop myself. I was addicted to her.
"Listen to me! You'll be killed! You saw what will happen!" Alice's other hand twitched with the urge to slap sense into me.
"The future isn't set in stone." I reminded her of her own words. Fixing me with a death glare she looked like an evil pixie.
"I'm not going to lose you to something that can be avoided. Edward! You don't even know her!" She nearly shouted at me.
"I do though! I know the risks, but I don't care." I wrestled my face from her griped and crossed my arms over my chest staring back at her just as stubbornly.
"Death is not a risk we should be taking." Alice growled, but when I added that we're already dead she threatened to go tell Carlisle and Esme about her vision.
"It's not going to stop me; it's just going to make everything harder on everyone." I didn't let her respond, I just left her standing by herself. And she knew I was right about that one thing, she wouldn't go to them, she'd want to keep everyone that she could out of this. Angry thoughts aimed at me filled my head from her, like Alice was my conscience, my good angel opposite the devil on my shoulder, my overprotective sister.
Waiting for everyone to eventually disperse from Bella's room I managed to convince everyone of not pressing charge—with the help of Carlisle—and after the discovery of her new hidden scars Carlisle made Billy keep Bella overnight at the hospital. That's when I planned to officially meet her.
okay I lied I didn't update very fast and I'm really sorry! I praise all high school writers out there who find time to update very week, to me right now it seems next to impossible! Anyway my confidence on this story is waning because not many people are reviewing but I promise if you stick with it, it will get very good soon. And that promise I can keep, just review