The presence that was the memory of Tom Riddle stirred. He had been waiting for a long time for the diary to be opened but it now seemed like his enforced hiding was at an end. He felt a thrill of triumph; his eyes still dark at that point might have flashed with a fleeting crimson glow, had he been visible. Instead the energy that made him up shifted darkly, redistributing itself through the pages, and uncoiling itself like the basilisk would again at his command.

It had been long, tedious years, but that was over now. He had felt, with the instinct of a predator, the moment when the Diary had fallen into such innocent hands. And he knew well enough the compulsion it would offer; it might not be straight away, but eventually the need to write something would overtake his newest victim. And then...The presence that was Tom Riddle surged, black intentions pulsing like the blood which had once run through his veins. Then the heir of Slytherin would be freed.

As it was the writing came sooner than expected. This victim, he thought smugly, must be even more weak willed than your average teenage girl. Still the opening words were somewhat surprising.

'Hi Tom.' His nameless victim had written. What? Could it be that his victim was aware of what he was? An unaccustomed fear coursed through him. What if he had been found out; that idiot Malfoy; he should have known better than to leave the man in charge of anything so important!

Who was this nameless girl who knew so much; and if she did know then why had she taken the risk of opening the diary herself rather than running to the interfering fool Dumbledore. It was this curiosity that drove him to respond.

'Since you seem to already know my name, perhaps you could give me the honour of knowing yours. After all I cannot possibly greet you politely without knowing who I speak with.' There, that sounded good. Well a bit long winded, but you know, he had been under stress. And hopefully the answer would shed some light on this business.

'Meh. Took your time. I was starting to wonder if you know, I had got the wrong diary. LOL.' After his third reading, when the undecipherable gibberish had not resolved into anything clearer he decided to try again. Perhaps there was something wrong with the Diary's processing.

'Hello. My name is Tom Riddle. I am a memory preserved in a Diary. How did you know about me?'

'Duh. Your name was like written on the cover. It was like, so obvious, which BTW if you were planning on hiding an evil dark horcrux, you could have maybe used a fake name..I mean all it takes is like one teenager who pays attention in history, and bam, basilisk venom. I should probably discuss that with you actually. I have so many ideas that could benefit you, I mean with my experience of alternate reality fanfiction and your limited planning don't you think we'd be incredible ? '

This slur on his evil brilliance initially passed Tom Riddle by, due to the surge of horror that had gone through him at her casual mention of the term horcrux. Even when he had made his plan they had been almost impossible to learn about; no ordinary teenager should be aware of their existence. And to have them mentioned so...easily...almost in passing...how had she known??

'I don't know what you are talking about. I am certainly not a Dark Lord of any description.' There. Lying. That was sneaky. Soon she would fall for it hook line and sinker and he could get back to possessing her.

'Well not a very good one. But I can change that. Together we would make such a perfect team, don't you think? People keep trying to pair you with Ginny but I think thats illogical. I mean you were just using her, to sacrifice her and regain your body but you would never dream of sacrificing me. After all we are soul mates!'

The last words had been written forcefully as if they contained a deep significance. Tom chose to ignore this for the moment, and focus on more important things. Such as the fact that despite of the writers misinformed certainty he was forming a very real desire to sacrifice this irritating uninformative child RIGHT NOW. Still her apparent knowledge was beginning to make sense, and if he could just test the theory...

'Your intelligence is astounding for one of your age, and I am quite convinced that you must be from one of the oldest, pureblood families.' There that should get the brat to talk.

'Well of course I am a pureblood, Tom. I am also somehow related to ALL of the four founders, and Merlin and Circe, and I am of course stunningly beautiful.' Tom resolved to up the process of possessing her; after all the Chamber didn't REALLY need to get opened so many times, and the sooner he was able to kill her...Still despite her apparent vapidness it was actually much harder to get a grip on her mind than he had anticipated.

'It is clear that only the best of the noble families could have produced an incredible girl like you...' well from the amount of LIES she had just spewed it seemed a fair enough assumption that she would at the very least be in slytherin...And that would actually fit his theory. 'Your last name wouldn't be Malfoy would it?' It was a desperate question he knew but asking directly seemed to be the only chance of getting a straight answer, and he needed to know. After all if Malfoy had produced a daughter...But her response straight away shattered his illusions.

'Of course not. Although EVERY member of that family is obsessed with me, and Draco keeps asking me to marry him. But I would never do that to you Tom. After all only the best is good enough for me, and we are destined to be together forever...' Tom felt an unfamiliar sensation stirring through him; was this...fear? his time trapped in a diary had limited his emotional range but he felt now something uncomfortable and ominous, as if something really bad had started and he, despite his genius, had no way to control it.

'Ah I see, a family even greater than the Malfoys...' Belatedly he tried to run the names of most of his Deatheaters through his mind but none of them fit.

'Of course. Although my last name doesn't really matter as we are soon to be married – why don't you call me Mary?' Mary? Wasn't that a muggle name? Before he could enquire further he was startled by her continuing.

'Although of course when we get married I will expect to take the name Riddle. Voldemort is, well I have to be honest as we are soul mates and it is fairly infantile. It's one of those many mistakes that I will be helping you bypass as we scheme to control the world.'

'The name of Lord Voldemort makes the wizarding world tremble in fear.' If irritation could be conveyed by hand writing alone she would be trembling. But of course Mary whoever she was seemed pretty much undaunted. In fact he wasn't sure that she had heard him because she had already carried on.

'After all the anagram thing is pretty obvious isn't it. I mean especially if you were thinking of writing your real name on the horcrux. After all I am a genius as well as a metamorphagus, who is part vampire, part veela and I also speak parseltongue. I solved it when I was only four years old.'

Not sure what to say to that Riddle paused. This seemed to be a mistake as she took advantage of it to write more.

'And about that image. I get that you have been busy with your poorly thought out schemes but seriously couldn't you have thought of hiring a PR representative? I don't know who told you that noseless was becoming fashionable, but you should probably consider crucio-ing them. And as for slitty red eyes – well they've seen their time.'

For the first time in fifty years the memory of Lord Voldemort was more or less speechless..

'But. I. You. I AM THE GREATEST WIZARD IN THE WORLD. MY APPEARANCE IS TERRIBLE IN ITS GREATNESS AND STRIKES FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF MY ENEMIES!!!!'

'But Tommy...when was the last time you had a girlfriend?'

'DO NOT CALL ME TOMMY!!! AND THE DARK LORD NEEDS NO GIRLFRIEND!!!'

'Ow thats just the bitter darkness in you because my love hasn't redeemed your eternal soul yet.'

'You....my...what?' he was unable to entirely keep the panic out of his writing.

'I am going to redeem your soul of course Tommo. You are so silly sometimes. I can do that because I can control phoenixes and unicorns.'

'Your name isn't Lovegood is it?' he asked somewhat wistfully.

Her writing conveyed a giggle, and he saw that she had written both of their initials surrounded by a love heart. Was this some curse that would bind them together? Did she work for Dumbledore after all, and this was some subtle way of undermining him? But that made no sense, Dumbledore would surely have destroyed him on sight, and she clearly knew what he was. Still it was worth testing something.

'You wouldn't happen to know a boy called Harry Potter, would you?' an innocent enough question considering she already seemed to know EVERYTHING about him. Still he was a bit thrown by the immediacy of her reply.

'O Tommo you GUESSED! I am so HAPPY. You see Harry has been my boyfriend for years- we even had our anniversary down in the Chamber of Secrets. It was SO romantic. But then we decided that it wasn't enough to just date like normal people so we thought if I wrote in the diary we could free you and all live together!.'

Together?

'Together?' he asked, unable to really muster much in the name of fury at this point. 'Like together..together..?' Honestly it was bad enough she thought she was in love with him but to expect him to get cosy with the boy who had defeated him?

'Of course together Tommo. After all you need to loosen up. Even Dumbledore is at least bi these days you know...' Dumbledore was what? While interesting to know potential blackmailing information about his old rival to tell the truth the idea of someone that old getting with...well anything, was downright disgusting. He was about to tell her this when someone with different, more masculine writing joined his tormentor.

'Yo, Voldy. Improved that ability to outwit a one year old thing yet? ' POTTER. It was the last straw. The very last. With a traumatised sigh, that Potter's former potions master would totally have sympathised with, the spirit of the former dark lord departed the diary, embracing its final death in order to escape this torment.

Sitting in a room both Ginny and Harry collapsed into almost hysterical laughter. 'That was amazing!'

'Wasn't it? And when he asked if you were Lovegood!'

'The related to the four founder thing was gold though. Wish I could have seen his face.'

'This was the best anniversary EVER. It was so lucky that Tom Riddle made that backup diary...'

'I know. He didn't know WHAT hit him!'

'The only question is what to do NEXT year!'

'I was thinking Draco looked depressed. Maybe he could use some attention – like anonymous love letters...with clues to the identity of the sender...that lead to Hagrid!'