A.N

I know I said fifty chapters but I'm wrapping this up now. Sorry guys but I can't see it going much further.

On the other hand I'm proud of myself, this is the longest thing I've ever written in one go. I hope it makes sense. It does in my head xD

I will be shipping more MxM so stick around :)

Reviews would be loved ^^


Matt's P.O.V

He looked genuinely concerned, his eyes softening from icy glare reserved for everyone else but me. I remained silent directing my gaze anywhere but his face. He waited for all of two seconds before he began to badger me again, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to see the look in his eye when he found out that I had found the book. That I had turned him in. That he was going to be imprisoned or most likely killed because he wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Matt for fuck sake will you answer me! You're killing me here!" He growled. His choice of words made my mind splutter pathetically to a stop. Of course I'd killed him. Maybe not now but sooner or later my stupidity would catch up with me and Mello would be the one taking the fall.

It took everything I had to look him in the eye. "I found what you'd hidden..." I murmured, quickly diverting my eyes once more. His hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing tightly until my T-shirt bunched under his grasp.
"What did you find Matt." Mello whispered, his voice dangerously low. If words were liquid his would be poison, venom was practically rolling from his tongue and running down my throat, closing it up. I couldn't talk, I could barely breathe. His shook me gently forcing me to answer.
"A book." I whispered. "Then I saw that fucking thing behind you."
Mello took a deep breath releasing my shoulders. "And what did you do after?"
"What do you think I did? I did the only thing that made sense to me."
"You went to L."
I trembled slightly, nodding he closed his eyes desperately trying to keep his anger under wraps.

I'd never seen him this angry before. I'd seen him butcher innocents, rob banks, assassinate officials, bomb peaceful establishments and shoot his own men without a second thought. But he'd never lost control like this.
"...What did he say?"
"H-he said you had to come to him or he'd shoot you. You know as well as I do that he's serious."

My heart stopped as Mello's fist connected with my cheek, the force pushing me to the floor.
"You fucking idiot!" He yelled, clenching his fists tightly again. "How the fuck could you do that to me?"
I could feel the sudden flush to my face from where he'd punched me. A deep red mark blossoming on my pale skin, I forced myself to stand. "I don't know..." I murmured, running my cool fingers over the new mark, wincing as I prodded a tender spot.

Mello's P.O.V

I could see the tears welling in his eyes as he turned and ran. I saw red. No one ever runs from me. Ever. Because they never get further then a few feet without falling to the ground in pain.

I would make sure he belonged to no one but me. Make sure he never left me for someone else.

I grabbed the scrap of paper I had made sure to carry, followed by a thin pen.

I scrawled the name I knew by heart across the cream paper, looping the 'L' in his first name and finishing his 'S' with a flourish on his last.

Forty seconds and he would never look at anyone else.

Thirty eight seconds and I would be the last thing on his mind.

Twenty six seconds and he would be thinking how to apologize.

Ten seconds and I would be written into his mind forever.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

I could see him in the distance, his face contorted in pain as he grabbed his chest trying to free the heart that attempting to leap from his chest. His legs gave out, he fell to his knees and then his back in one graceful movement. His breath shuddered to a halt.

I waited for the sense of relief to come. The sense that he was forever mine.

My eyes widened as a crippling pain shot into my stomach, hitting me with so much force that I collapsed to my knees. Silent tears streaked my face as the feeling tore apart my very being. How could've I...What had I...

The answers I wanted weren't coming through. Nothing made sense, my stomach throbbed in agony and my head felt as if it was going to burst. Of course Matt wasn't dead, I spelt his name wrong . I spelt his name wrong. Oh god please let me have spelt his name wrong. I waited for Matt to pop back up again he'd obviously just tripped over. Fallen and was taking a nap on the pavement.

My fault.

Flipping the paper over I scribbled the only thing I could. Screwing the paper tightly in my fist, I sat back and waited.

I must've fallen asleep and the notebook must've done it's job because when I awoke I was here. It's all white, as far as the eye can see. No matter how far I trek it makes no difference. The scenery will always remain the same. Sometimes I see other. But they never seem to see me. They are perfectly content to wander in circles, muttering to themselves at a hundred miles an hour. Insanity claims you fast here unless you resist. I can't say how long I've been sat in this spot nor can I tell you how many seconds it has been since I made the biggest mistake of my life.

That's why I sit and write. Over and over so I don't forget. I don't want to forget anything about Matt. The Matt I was supposed to stick with until I got shot on a mission. I hope he got inside the pearly gates because he sure as hell doesn't deserve the land of fire and brimstone. I'm not sure how many times I've scribbled every word he ever uttered to me, every kiss he saved for me and every time I let him down. But it's there, etched into the floor until I start again. I will not give into the madness creeping into my vision. I will not turn into a cowering heap on the floor trying to desperately cling onto the last morsel of common sense.

I'll keep writing until I find a way out.

I'll keep imagining everything I hope he thought.

I'll keep reminding myself that I love him.

"Matt for fuck sake!"
I raised my goggled eyes from the mirrored screen on my gameboy, the dying screams of the monster filled the tiny apartment for a brief moment. The blonde hurricane stormed into the room, anger etched into every single feature on his face.
"Yeah?"
"Don't 'yeah' me! Where the fuck is my chocolate, you said you would get more while I was out!"
I bit my lip for a moment, trying to recall the moment when Mello had asked me to leave my comfy position on the couch to brave daylight. The thought alone made an involuntary shudder ripple down my spine. I flickered my eyes back to the game, his icy blue stare making me uncomfortable.
"I forgot Mells, go and get it yourself if you're worried."
I swear, if Mello could still scream he would've. Instead he stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The loud bang echoing around the room...


A.N

If you didn't understand the ending, it's just him writing it out all over again :)

I got very depressed writing this. Who wants to kill Matt and Mello?

I hope you guys enjoyed it because I'll be writing more (Other fics) soon.