Honey, Our Kids Are Nonexistent

A HariPo oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. More Scorrose. Read, review, and enjoy!

- ^-^3



This was a difficult time for Rose Weasley and her boyfriend, Scorpius Malfoy. Yes, things had never been perfectly swimmingly with them all the time in the seven years they'd known each other, but this coming weekend was going to be the biggest obstacle they'd ever faced.

"I'm not going to go easy on you," Rose growled as they had their little face-off outside in the hallway. They weren't going to get in trouble for not being in class. Both had a free period at the moment.

"I would never expect you to," Scorpius answered nonchalantly. "But I'm not going to just let you push me out of the way. You've got to work for it."

"Typical Scorpius," Lily Luna Potter grumbled to her cousin, Rose.

"Rivalry's a healthy thing, Lils," her big brother, Albus Severus, remarked from beside his best friend, Scorpius.

"It's only healthy when you win," Rose quipped with her ever-sharp tongue.

Scorpius rolled his eyes a little bit at that. "One would think that you'd understand the importance of losing is just as valuable as the meaning behind winning."

"Yes, Scorpius, there is the importance…of being earnest in your effort to win." Rose stepped up to him so they were almost nose-to-nose. She could tell he was fighting back the desire to kiss her on the spot, but she was not going to let him. She was only focused on one thing. "I will win the Quidditch Cup. You'll see."

"Rose, either Gryffindor or Slytherin could win. I'll see to it that Slytherin does."

"Gryffindor's the better House, hands down!" Lily retorted.

"Slytherin is the House for the cleverest. We win, hands down and tied behind our backs, Lils!" Al argued.



"Enough!" Rose stopped them and shot her boyfriend one last glare. "It'll all be decided tomorrow, anyway." She sized him up before she and Lily left. "Break a leg, Malfoy. No, really—break a leg." With that, she and Lily sauntered off to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Scorpius whistled as he and Al entered the Slytherin dungeons. "I thought guys were supposed to be the ones all hot-and-bothered by sports."

All Al could do was shrug. As Rose had said, it would all be decided tomorrow, anyway.

- ^-^3


The noise was deafening on all sides. The crowd was merely a sea of maroon, yellow, cobalt, and green. The banners whipped around on this particularly breezy summer day, making for more slightly challenging flying conditions.

On one side of the Quidditch pitch, the Gryffindor team arrived. Rose, the team Seeker and Captain, led her team out. Her teammates consisted of Lily, one of her Chasers; Rana Thomas and Wallace Bell, the Beaters; John Corner, the Keeper; and Paul Longbottom and Kip Spinnet, the other two Chasers.

Rose walked out to the middle of the field and waited with her team members by Madam Hooch. The Slytherin team was coming out now.

Scorpius led his team out. He was Captain and Seeker, like Rose. Unlike Rose, he didn't have any closely-related family on his team. Only a few were distantly related. There was Joshua Goyle, the Keeper; Carmine Parkinson and Jodie Bletchley, the Beaters; and Taylor Higgs, Hawley Montague, and Erica Pucey, the Chasers. Out of all of them, the only ones Scorpius liked were Jodie, Taylor, and Hawley. Goyle and Parkinson seemed to disapprove of him since he wasn't a pureblood maniac like them and much of his distant family members, and Pucey was a little too much in love with herself. However, they all came together as one of the most excellent Quidditch teams Hogwarts had seen in years.

Unfortunately, so did the Gryffindor players.

Madam Hooch glared at all of them. "I know you all understand that I always want a clean game," she spat, eying Goyle, Parkinson, and Corner especially, "so I'll be watching you with my hawk's eye." She motioned for them to mount their brooms. "This is the match for the Cup, so play hard." She tossed the Quaffle up—and the game began.

Lily was the first to score some points. Higgs and Montague were on her tail, though, and Bletchley sent a Bludger her way. Despite that, Thomas and Bell defended her well, so there was no injury.

Rose, meanwhile, was flying at breakneck speed alongside her Scorpius. She smirked at him.

"We're off to a nice start thanks to Lils," Rose threw at her boyfriend.

"My Beaters can handle her. They'll take her out," Scorpius assured her.

She glowered at him. "Malfoy, so help me Merlin, if anything happens to my cousin, I will murder you myself."

He bit his tongue before he said anything else stupid. On one hand, he could win, have the fame and glory and the awe of his House and many of his classmates. On the other, he could still have the love of his life and his kind of friend (Lily wasn't so bad, after all). Also, Al probably would kill him if he sent the Beaters after his little sister.

Rose sped up and passed him. He watched her survey the field up ahead. No, neither of them had spotted the Snitch yet, but Rose was keeping an eye on her players.

Scorpius looked at his own team. Things were almost even. His Chasers had been racking up points, but the opposing team was just too good. Lily really was an exceptional player.

That thought occurred to Rose, too. She was glad that Teddy had taught Lily to fly when she was tiny. She was even happier that Uncle Harry, Aunt Ginny, and Aunt Angelina had worked with Lily and made Quidditch really fun for her (though Rose was sure Teddy being around was nothing to shrug off, either).

Rose looked around her and squinted. She couldn't see any flash of flitting gold. She looked above and below and around all the banner towers. But the Snitch wasn't hiding near any of the parapets. She cursed under her breath—a bad habit she'd inherited from her father of which her mother strongly disapproved. But that didn't matter.

Without the Snitch, the game would go on forever. And Rose had a feeling that this was going to be a very long game.

At one point, Spinnet scored a high goal, much to Goyle's dismay. Longbottom was taken out by a Bludger right after, though, so Slytherin was getting plenty of time to close the point gap.

Rose had to find that bloody Snitch.

Way off behind her, Scorpius was watching Pucey score another goal when something zoomed by out of the corner of his eye. Instinctively, he knew it was the Snitch, but when his line of sight followed it, he wanted to smack himself. It was hiding behind Rose's head!

He flew to her regardless. He hoped that maybe distracting her would keep her from noticing that he would grab it from behind her. That, and maybe if he distracted her then she wouldn't listen to the emcee that the Snitch had been spotted. Well, since it was so hard to see the bloody thing, if Scorpius played his cards right, no one would know that the Snitch had been found at all. Yes, he decided to opt for that scenario.

"Oi, Weasley!" he yelled at her. He gasped when she turned her head, but the Snitch was being very playful today. It remained behind her head the whole time.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" she spat. She was, of course, glaring at him. "I've a game to win." She flew off, so he followed, and they made several rounds of the pitch's perimeter.

"You mean I've got a game to win," he corrected.

"This is our last school Quidditch game, Scorpius. This is almost the end of our seventh year here at Hogwarts. I'll go down in history as making one of the best catches in one of the best games this school has ever seen."

"No, that'll be me."

"Don't start again, Malfoy! I'm going to win!" She sharply inhaled when he drew up so close to her that they almost kissed. She burned as red as her hair. "I-I told you to knock it off!" she squealed, shoving him.

Scorpius tipped backwards and both were surprised when he tumbled off his broom. He shot out his hands, but Rose could only watch as the tails of his green Quidditch robes went over the broom's handle with him.

He only fell a few meters when his broom came zooming down and caught him. He grinned, despite the slight penalty Hooch was giving Rose for shoving him. He knew it had been a reflex of Rose's, but that didn't matter now. He flew up high and waved his arms.

In his hand was the Snitch.

Falling off his broom had been so worth it.

But when he turned to find Rose, she was not there.

It was deafening silence he heard amidst the crowd's roars and cheers.

- ^-^3

He caught up with her when she was trying to head into the locker-room. "Rose, wait up! Please, just stop!" He left all the congratulators behind him. He wanted only her.

She halted and he jogged to her side. However, she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Rose… Please look at me…"

Rose hung her head. "Dammit all, I just wanted that win… That one win…"

Though she was looking down, he knew she was crying. It broke his heart to have her cry. "Rose, I—"

"No, don't!" She pushed him, but she left her hands on his chest. "Just don't…"

"Rose, the winner had to be one of us. We can't both win."

Well, that was the wrong thing to say. Rose snapped her head up and snarled at him. "Then we'll both be losers!" Without giving him time to comment, she swung her leg right between both of his. And, uh, she still had her shin guard on, so ouch.

Scorpius squeaked like a little girl and crumpled up on the ground while Rose walked off. A moment later, Al appeared at Scorpius' side and helped him up.

"That effing hurt…!" Scor gasped.

Albus sighed. "You know how proud Rose is, Scor." He looked at the pitiful form of his best mate and sighed again. "Well, looks qs though that happily-ever-after with her's out. I take it she kicked you hard enough?"

Scorpius nodded. "I won't be having kids anytime soon…!"

- ^-^3

Despite that, though, Scorpius went looking for Rose the next day. It was a beautiful Sunday, and he really wanted to share it with her. And he didn't want her to be mad at him still.

He looked all over the school and campus for her. However, she was nowhere to be found. He really hated this. He did not want her to just disappear after they had such a big fight.

Scorpius passed Rana Thomas in the hall. Apparently, his worry was written all over his face. "She's reminiscing on the pitch, but you didn't hear it from me."

He thanked her and ran to the Quidditch pitch, faster than he believed he ever had before in his whole life. And Rana was right. Standing in the middle of the field was Rose, barefoot in the sand. He stopped a few meters away from her, not wanting to anger her further or startle her.

"I knew you'd find me," she mumbled, but his sharp ears could easily pick it up. She turned and faced him. Her eyes briefly dropped down. "…sorry 'bout that. You're okay?"

Scorpius nodded, and he couldn't help the momentary wince at the memory. "Yeah. Still stings a bit, but I'm fine." He looked at her, frowning. "Are you fine?"

She heaved a large sigh. "Oh, I'll get over it. I was just acting childish. I just wanted to be number one for our last game."

He walked up to her and rubbed her tan arms. "Rose, we're too evenly matched. Our win–lose records are the same because we're both so good."

Rose sniffed. "But I wanted this game."

"Rose, you're number one in everything else."

"I try to be."

"But you barely have to try!" Scorpius tilted her chin up and Rose's heart fluttered a bit—not that she would admit it. "You're the top of our class! You're the top of all the classes you've ever taken—even Divination, which your mother hated and didn't completely succeed! You're easily the most beautiful girl in the school—no, in the universe!"

She pursed her lips. "Um, you're laying it on a little thick." But she did like where he was going.

"Rosie, it was a stroke of luck that I caught it and you didn't. You really are the best at everything in life, though. You're always number one." He kissed her then, hard and fervently. "You're always number one in my heart," he breathed huskily after he broke away.

The apples of her cheeks flushed with a very healthy color at that. "So, if I'm number one in the heart of the winner, then doesn't that mean I won the game, in a way?"

He chuckled at her logic. "Vicariously, yes. You're the real winner, Rosebud."

She smiled at her nickname. "Merlin—whoever said we can't both be winners?"

- ^-^3

I really do love writing for the 2nd generation. There's so much to do with them because we only have a little bit on which we can base things. And I love that I keep creating name-dropping OCs—doing that's a lot of fun! You even see some repeats here-and-there (cookies to the peeps who remembers where they saw Rana before!)

Thanks for reading, and please review!

-mew-tsubaki XD

Thanks, as usual, to Morghen for beta'ing. :3

2016 note: I've written so many stories since this was published in 2010, so sometimes it's hard for me to recall how a story goes/ends, but I quite like this, especially since I've not really written Quidditch!Rose and Lily much (if at all) since this fic. Ah, Scor… I do have a soft spot for him. Also, I like a more Ron-like Rose. :O