A bitter thought
I had it all

Kat paced back and forth in Jared's trailer. She looked at him but he shook his head. He held the timer out to her and showed her that there was still two minutes left. She sat down and looked at him and wished that when she did she didn't think of Sam. It had been two months since she had sent the Winchesters back home and she still felt that loss every day. Especially now. She told herself over and over that she was losing her mind, imagining the fact that she might be pregnant. She was just late... A month late but late nonetheless. She looked at Jared when the timer went off. He stood up and smiled at her. He had become her best friend since she had lost Dean. She had tried to gain back what her and Jensen use to have but just looking at him could bring her to tears and she just couldn't handle it. She had been toying with the idea of quitting when the writer's strike had started. Now they only had another week of work on one more script and that was it until the strike was over. She was hoping that that break would help her get over Dean; however now that seemed impossible if she was carrying his child.

"Want me to go check?" Jared asked looking into her grey eyes wishing they weren't constantly filled with pain and sadness now.

"If I say yes, does that make me a pussy?" Kat asked raking a hand though her hair.

"No, that just makes you... You."

"Thanks, I think."

"I'll go check."

Kat sat and stared at her hands. She took deep breaths. She felt her cell phone vibrate against her leg. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the id screen. It was Jensen calling her. She wanted to answer the phone but didn't. She shoved it back in her pocket and looked up when Jared walked out of the washroom holding the pregnancy test. He walked over to her and sat beside her. He showed her the test. She looked at it and stopped breathing. It held a blue plus sign, which meant according to the box, she was pregnant. Tears came to her eyes.

"Oh God, this isn't happening," she whispered softly.

"Yes, it is Kitty Kat. You're going to have a baby."

"You can't tell anyone, Jared. Promise me."

"They are going to figure it out in a few months anyway, Kat. You can't hide a baby, you know."

"Rikki Lake use to do these shows about teenage girls who hid their pregnancies from their parents up to nine months."

"Katerina, I don't care how many layers of clothes you wear; with your body people are going to notice. Believe me."

Jared watched as Kat buried her face in her hands. He reached out and stroked her back for her. He looked at the pregnancy test and didn't want to say anything but he was happy for Kat. He hoped that maybe now having this baby would give her something to be happy about. And Jared was a sucker for babies; he secretly couldn't wait to start his own family.

"Please, Jared just don't tell anyone," Kat asked again.

"Kat, you're... You're going to keep the baby, right?" Jared asked not wanting to judge her or the decision she might make.

"Yes. It's... It's the only connection I'll ever have to Dean. I just... I just don't want anyone to know until... Until I figure some shit out."

"You know, you got me to help you figure shit out."

"Thanks Jared. By the way, you do realize that I peed on that, right?" Kat asked pointing to the pregnancy test. She saw Jared make a face and he dropped the test on the floor of the trailer. She laughed a little.

"Ewww, that's... Yeah, excuse me while I go sanitize my hands a hundred times," he said walking back to the bathroom.

Kat watched him go. She reached down and picked up the test. She looked at it again then leaned back on the couch. She looked at her stomach and placed her hand on it. Inside her right at that moment, was the child her and Dean had created. She felt more tears come to her eyes. She sighed.

"Hey baby, this is your mommy, I just... I wanted you to know that your daddy.... Your daddy is a great... Great man. He's a hero," she said softly letting out a tiny sob.

Jared stood in the doorway and listened as Kat told her baby about Dean. Jared shook his head. Maybe this wasn't a good thing for Kat, maybe it was too much and she couldn't handle it. Jared closed his eyes and hoped that she would be able to deal better in time. It was all he could do for her since she wouldn't allow him to do much else.