Title: iAm Who I Am
Challenge: Put your iPod/mp3 on shuffle and write to what you hear
Song: #08 – Who I Am by Nick Jonas
Word Count: 314
Summary: Sam is well aware that she's not the most likeable, or loveable, character and she's okay with that.
iAm Who I Am
Sam is well aware that she's not the most likeable, or loveable, character. But then again, she doesn't care. In her world, this is her and she's not changing. She's not going to become someone else; she went through it once and knew there was no point. So yes, she looks at Carly and thinks it might be easier if she were like her, and she sees how Freddie stares, how he wants and hopes and even drools.
But Sam wants someone to love her for who she is. She might be crazy and weird and uncontrollable but she loves every bit of it. So she accepts that heartbreak is inevitable, even when it happens every day, even it her chest aches as he pretends not to see or care about how Freddie fawns, how he looks at Carly and never really her.
And there's a moment, a fraction of time, where she almost does it. She almost dawns a skirt and leaves the ham in the fridge and holds her tongue instead of letting it loose, just to get one of those looks. Just to see the adoration he directs at Carly turned instead to her. It's breaking her heart, he's breaking her heart. And she's almost worried she's not strong enough.
But then they fight and maybe it's not love or adoration, maybe it's even hate, but there's a fire there, there's life. And she knows she can't and won't change. He may not love her now, hell he might not love her ever. But one day, someone will. They'll love all of her; the ham, the random, the juvie record and the desire to constantly be in the middle of mayhem.
If she hopes it's him, is that so bad? She just wants him to love her, to need her. For all of her. Yes, every part of who she is.