AN: This is for the winner of...well...me :) from the Support Stacie Auction. For the wonderful Mell! Please enjoy everyone! There are two parts and some fluff at the end :) BTW did you guys read my AN note in my story It Just Was? I totally called what Jesse did at the end of The Power of Madonna episode. I am a Glee God. That is all LOL


The Sex Detectives: Kurt and Mercedes

Case of the Mystery Man and the Lady In Red


Part I: The Case


Kurt awoke with a massive hangover and his head nestled in Mercedes' ample bosom the morning after Matt's graduation party. Funnily enough it wasn't the first time he had woken up like this and Kurt had a feeling it wouldn't be the last. Sophomore year Kurt would have screamed and freaked out but Senior year Kurt, freshly graduated from McKinley, just lay there comfortably. This wasn't the first time he had woken up beside Mercedes after a big night out; the first time was Junior year when they won Sectionals for the second time. Brittany's parents let them have a Glee party to celebrate and Kurt and Mercedes drank too much and passed out together on Brittany's couch. The morning after had not been pleasant after Kurt mistakenly thought that he and Mercedes had hooked up. The rest of the Glee club had spent a whole day convincing him that wasn't the case and he eventually stopped shrieking. Now waking up with Mercedes after a big night was the norm. Most of the time Matt was right there with them but he had stayed at his house last night. Mercedes grunted in her sleep then opened one eye to peer at Kurt, her brown eye exceptionally bloodshot.

"Morning brown sugar," Kurt greeted her lazily and Mercedes groaned and pressed a hand against her face. She was not a morning person.

"I need coffee, a lot of coffee," Mercedes grunted nudging him and Kurt checked his watch quickly sitting up with alarm when he noticed how late it was.

"No time darling, gotta meet the gang at the diner," Kurt poked her to wake up and Mercedes groaned again in protest but slipped out of bed obediently and padded into the bathroom to get ready for brunch.

This was their Glee tradition. Glee was a lot bigger now than when it was first started but the original twelve still met for 'Hangover Pancakes' at the local diner the morning after every big party and the day after the graduation party would be no exception. Only a couple of them were staying in Lima for the summer before heading to their respective colleges; Kurt, Tina, Mercedes, Puck, Finn, Rachel and Artie. Mike and Matt were headed to the same college and were going on a road trip for the Summer while Quinn, Brittany and Santana were heading to Mexico before going to their separate colleges. Still; they had all promised to meet at the diner today before leaving for their last 'Hangover Pancakes'.

Mercedes and Kurt, both wearing thick dark sunglasses, were the second to arrive behind Rachel and Quinn. Rachel and Quinn became close friends after Rachel took Quinn in when she had nowhere else to go after the BDD (Baby Daddy Drama) of Sophomore year. Quinn had the baby and after long deliberation with Puck they both agreed that giving the baby up for adoption would be the best thing for their daughter. They had an open adoption and received updates every couple of months. Quinn remained with the Berry's for the rest of her school years. She received an academic scholarship to Ohio State while Rachel was moving to New York to go to Julliard so this was the last time they would see each other till the next holidays and the two girls were sad that they were going to be apart. After living with someone for two years it was going to be kind of hard not seeing them every day. Kurt and Mercedes were surprised to see Puck seated with the two girls since he was usually the last to arrive but Rachel had been a good influence on him over the years. Kurt had no idea what Puck was doing now that high school was over, he never said and no one really asked because Puck never gave you a straight answer anyway. Kurt slid in beside Quinn and Mercedes squeezed in after him the four of them practically filling the cubicle as they stretched out; Mercedes then Kurt, Quinn then Rachel and Puck was left balancing precariously on the edge of his seat next to Rachel. He grunted to make his displeasure known but was ignored.

"Good morning ladies," Kurt greeted them slowly, making sure not to speak too loud so he didn't aggravate his hangover. Rachel and Quinn both grimaced, looking about as good as Kurt felt, which wasn't good at all. Puck looked surprisingly chipper as he flashed Kurt a grin. Kurt silently wished that something very bad would happen to him because no one should be allowed to be that happy the morning after the graduation party.

"How are you holding up after last night?" Quinn asked and Mercedes gave her a glare that could turn someone to ash while Kurt just groaned and rested his forehead on the table. Rachel leaned her head onto Quinn's shoulder and sighed deeply.

"Did you see what Ellie was wearing last night?" Kurt commented turning his head to the side so that he could talk to his three ladies while still lying on the table and Mercedes nodded in agreement while Puck mimed being so bored that they were putting him to sleep. Again, he was ignored.

"Oh God that was an abomination," Mercedes quipped shaking her head. Ellie joined Glee as a Freshman when they were all Junior's and they had nicknamed her Berry #2 because she was like Rachel; only doubly annoying. Rachel hated the comparison but even she had to admit that Ellie really got on her nerves.

"But I really did admire her choice of footwear," Rachel joined in the conversation politely and the other three made noises of agreement. The shoes had been Ellie's only redeeming item of clothing from the night before.

"When are the guys getting here? All this estrogen is going to make me grow lady parts," Puck grumbled under his breath and Rachel nudged him in the side grinning.

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy last night," Rachel joked with him and Puck flashed her a smile meant only for her.

Puck and Rachel were friends; Kurt and indeed the whole of Glee had been shocked when they first found that out but Puck and Rachel had been friends since the beginning of Junior year so now it was normal to see them so friendly with each other. They had even tried dating again end of Sophomore year before Rachel and Finn got together for the second time and just after she dated Jesse St James, the male lead of Vocal Adrenaline, but their second time dating ended as quickly as the first because Rachel still had feelings for Finn and Puck wanted to try and make things work with Quinn. Kurt gave the two mismatched friends a sad look; it was just never the right time for those two.

"Apart from the fruity masks you guys made us wear it was okay," Puck admitted reluctantly and Quinn and Rachel rolled their eyes in perfect unison. Kurt had to smirk at the pair; you could tell that they had spent a lot of time together, almost too much time. Mercedes turned her head and saw her boyfriend approaching the table grinning expectantly. Kurt gave a long suffering groan; he hated being single and having to watch couples be all 'couply' with each other.

"I loved the masks," Matt interrupted the conversation squishing in next to Mercedes and throwing an arm around her shoulders while pressing a kiss to her cheek lovingly.

"Kiss ass," Puck muttered in disgust watching Matt fawn over his girlfriend adoringly. Matt and Mercedes were sickeningly sweet together. They started dating beginning of Senior year and had planned to go to the same college; they were pretty serious and most of Glee were expecting they would get engaged in college sometime.

Matt had held the graduation party last night but he had given the Kurt and Mercedes control of the theme and they had in turn implemented a dress code; men in suits, girls in formal dresses and everyone wearing masks.

Puck felt sorry for his friend; Matt was so whipped and the masked graduation party had just been yet another example of this. Thanks to Matt giving Mercedes and Kurt full control of the party Puck spent the whole night stumbling around not knowing who anyone was except for a few people like Finn who stuck out like a sore thumb because of his height and Matt and Mike who were the best dancers on the dance floor. At least Puck had gotten to wear a fedora the whole night; he had felt like a gangster.

Finn entered the diner pushing Artie in front of him and Quinn practically crawled over Rachel and Puck to get to her boyfriend throwing herself into Artie's lap kissing him with gusto. Finn stood there staring at them awkwardly but he turned when he heard a loud squeal behind him. A grin came to his face when he saw Brittany come barreling towards him and she wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a big one on him which he was happy to receive. Santana came sauntering after Brittany and made a face at the kissing couple.

"Gag me," she sneered then turned to see Quinn and Artie making out as well and rolled her eyes pushing Artie out of the way and gesturing for Puck to move so she could sit down next to Rachel which he did sliding in to the booth next door. Matt vacated his spot next to Mercedes and joined Puck at the 'guy' booth and Finn and Artie managed to detach themselves from their girlfriend's to join them. Kurt decided to join the men today taking the seat that backed up onto the girl's booth behind Mercedes so that they could swap stories but still listen to conversations. Quinn and Brittany both squeezed into the booth giggling. Tina and Mike came into the diner looking a lot better than anyone else. The two lived on the same street and turned up everywhere together since they became good friend's midway through Junior year. They were heading to the same college and the rest of Glee were hoping the two would get over their shyness and start dating. Tina joined the girls while Mike joined the guys throwing each other shy smiles as they parted.

"What'll you have?" the waitress came over to ask the girls and there was a collective groan as they imagined eating.

"Just toast for me," Mercedes spoke up first not knowing if she could stomach any greasy food just now. Rachel didn't appear to have that problem as she perused the menu.

"Would you like to share pancakes Quinn?" Rachel asked though her voice was a lot quieter than it usually was and Quinn shrugged.

"Sure."

"I want pancakes too," Brittany chimed in excitedly practically bouncing in her seat.

"I could go an omelet," Tina piped up resting an elbow on the table and leaning her chin on her hand lazily.

"Two pancakes and two omelets as well thanks," Santana ordered for them all then cocked her head to one side, "And coffee, a lot of coffee."

"Amen sister," the girls all cheered loudly really looking forward to a nice cup of back coffee to sober them all up.

The waitress moved to the boy's booth and Santana turned to Rachel raising her eyebrows curiously. Rachel knew that look; she knew she was in for an interrogation.

"So who was that guy you were with last night Berry?" Santana spoke up, her face mischievous and the girls all murmured their agreement having seen Rachel with a mystery guy all night. The girls who were single; Rachel, Santana and Tina had made a pact to keep their identity a secret at the graduation party; for shits and giggles Santana liked to say. They hadn't even told the guys from Glee who they were and the girls who were part of a couple; Brittany, Quinn and Mercedes, refused to say.

"I have a secret," Rachel whispered shyly and the girls leaned all their heads in to the centre of the table to hear the secret. Rachel gave a dramatic pause.

"Well, spill," Tina prompted wiggling in her seat with excitement and Rachel blushed a little shyly.

"Don't think badly of me," Rachel began coyly twirling a lock of hair around her finger and Santana smirked poking Brittany in the side sensing there was something dirty about to be revealed. Santana just loved dirty secrets they were so…dirty.

"We would never," Quinn assured her, patting her friend on the back and Rachel took a deep breathe before revealing her secret.

"I slept with him," Rachel announced softly and the girls all squealed with excitement.

Whore, Mercedes thought while keeping a neutral look on her face.

"Where? All the rooms were taken," Quinn demanded looking skeptical and Rachel raised an eyebrow at her and Santana turned to Quinn a scandalized look on her face.

"How do you know that Q? Were you and Artie looking for somewhere to party?" Santana asked a grin playing on her lips and Quinn blushed heavily before looking over at Rachel desperate to take the attention away from her and back to Rachel.

"We're talking about Rachel," Quinn reminded them quickly and the attention shifted back to Rachel. Rachel bit her lip before replying.

"Against the wall, at the back of the house."

Double whore, Mercedes thought her eyes widening a little.


"What can I get you boys?"

Kurt shot the waitress a dirty look. Why was she speaking so loud? Couldn't she tell that they were all suffering from terrible, terrible hangovers? The other guys looked marginally better than Kurt felt, Mike was humming to himself and Matt was bopping his head along. Finn was staring over Puck's head at Brittany and Puck was perusing the menu eagerly. Artie's wheelchair was settled on the edge of the booth and he was leaning over Puck's shoulder and reading the menu as well.

"I'll take the works," Puck ordered first and the guys all looked at him in horror.

"How can you eat that after last night?" Matt asked in disbelief and Puck grinned wickedly nodding his head.

"I worked up an appetite last night," he replied his voice deepening with innuendo and Finn raised an eyebrow, a goofy grin coming to his face. The two repaired their friendship mid way through Junior year and while it wasn't exactly the same between them as it had been before the BDD, they still understood each other better than anyone else. And Finn understood that Puck was saying he got lucky at the graduation party.

"The lady in red?" Finn asked holding out his fist for confirmation and Puck bumped it with his own grinning widely to confirm.

"You know it."

"Who is the lady in red?" Kurt interrupted the conversation eagerly; sensing there was really great gossip to be heard and Puck chuckled gesturing for him to be silent as the waitress was still standing there waiting for their orders. The other guys made their requests and once the waitress was out of ear shot Puck spoke again.

"The lady in red is this girl I met last night, she let me take her up against the wall at the back of Matt's house," Puck told them all looking very satisfied and Matt and Mike made whistling noises of appreciation shaking their heads in disbelief.

"Dude," Matt chuckled still shaking his head and Mike grinned.

"Nice," Mike chuckled proudly and Puck nodded accepting the congratulations from around the table.

"Respect," Artie added his two cents in giving Puck a pat on the back and Kurt just folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes. Men were such pigs.


Mercedes leaned over and pinched Kurt on the thigh and he twisted his head to her still trying to listen in to Puck's conversation about his lady in red while talking with Mercedes at the same time.

"Kurt you need to get in on this gossip," Mercedes whispered urgently and Kurt was torn. Did Rachel really have something better than Puck's lady in red? Kurt shook his head, there was no way Rachel had something better than Puck.

"No way, this is juicier," Kurt replied in a harsh whisper and Mercedes squeezed his thigh again.

"Rachel slept with someone at graduation," Mercedes whispered back and Kurt gasped in shock. Okay, maybe Rachel's gossip was juicier; Puck sleeping with a girl was pretty much normal practice but Rachel sleeping with a guy; that was huge news. Not that she was a virgin or anything; she and Finn got together beginning of Junior year and dated for over a year before breaking up quarter of the way through Senior year so her V-card had been swiped by Finn. Finn got together with Brittany a couple of months after he and Rachel broke up while Rachel had remained single preferring to focus on completing high school, getting into Julliard and following her dreams.

The two divas exchanged a quick glance and then Kurt clapped his hands, "Swap seats, go."

Mercedes and Kurt quickly swapped seats and no one batted an eyelid because they were used to the two popping in and out of conversations.


"So who was he?" Quinn asked curiously getting into the story and Rachel shrugged looking a little remorseful.

"I don't know, he was wearing that mask and the hat and… I don't know I suppose that was part of the appeal, I didn't know who he was, he didn't know who I was, it was kind of exciting," Rachel gushed blushing a little and the other girls giggled.

Whore, Kurt thought trying to keep his face expressionless.

"So how was the sex?" Santana asked eagerly and Rachel gave a dreamy sigh.

"In a word; amazing."


"So who was she?" Matt asked leaning forward eagerly and Puck shrugged.

"I dunno, she was wearing the mask and shit, I don't know who she was," Puck scratched the back of his neck in bewilderment. Mike and Artie were grinning like idiots at the fact that Puck seemed a little nervous when asked exactly who his 'lady in red' was.

"Oooh mystery," Mercedes cooed getting more into the story and Puck did a double take finally realizing that Mercedes had taken Kurt's place before replying.

"She was amazing, the sex was hot but I actually had a conversation with this girl. I think because we were wearing the masks I was more honest with her than I have been with anyone in my entire life," Puck coughed a little awkwardly when Finn glared at him and Puck smirked at Finn, "No offence."

Finn just kept staring at Puck and then his face turned to one of a surprise as realization came over him.

"Holy shit you like her," Finn grinned at Puck like he was a proud father and Puck's face twisted in disgust at the thought that he actually like anyone but after thinking about it for a couple of moments Puck shrugged.

"But I don't know who she is," Puck reminded them and the boys fell silent.


Mercedes and Kurt turned to each other in horror mixed with amazement and put their heads together to have a quiet conversation between booths as they realized exactly what had happened last night at the graduation party.

"Puck and Rachel had sex with each other," Kurt squeezed Mercedes on the arm excitedly and Mercedes nodded, looking determined

"We should tell them."

Kurt felt like giggling with excitement but he restrained himself. He knew that they should probably make sure they were the right two people before he and Mercedes went around revealing their theories. If they were wrong it would be really embarrassing.

"We should make sure first, you go reconnaissance with Puck and I'll take Rachel," Kurt told her dismissively but Mercedes wasn't going to take that. She liked Puck and everything but; he could be all Puck-like and Rachel was just easier to talk with.

"Why do I get Puck?" Mercedes demanded folding her arms across her chest and she and Kurt had a staring contest that Kurt lost.

"Ugh, fine, I'll take Puck."


AN: Hope you enjoyed Part I; Part II coming right up!